Seeking Other Moms' Experience with 6-7 Week Old Baby

A.,

Don't worry, things get better. My first born was a January baby and I was stuck inside, feeling life was at a standstill. Your feeling are totally normal. Once the weather gets a bit warmer, you can take walks, get out to the mall and just start doing things again. You'll be amazed at how many moms you'll meet once you start getting out. You should also look into a mommy and me classes, some start for babies at 3 mos. Good Luck.

I have a 7 month old and definately felt the way you did for the first several months, as my son would cry the second I put him down. He also screamed in stores, and I could not go anywhere with him, but now he loves them. All I did was obsess on all the things I need to get done. All babies time schedules are differnt, but things definately improved for me by four months and have been much better since five months. He is less needy in the morning so that is when I get most of my chores done. good luck and remember things get better.

Hello A.

I know how you feel and i think it is normal. I have a 3 1/2 year old boy and a new baby girl...well not so new...she was born October 25th 2007 but the trans from one child to 2 has been hard. seems all I do is laundry and cook and have no time for myself. hubby works all the time and i seem to never get out of the house unless im going food shopping. i dont have many people to talk to either. my mom ...thats about it. I have a best friend but she doesnt have any kids and has been trying to have a baby for a long time so i dont feel right talking to her.
anyway....write me back !! :-) D.

what you are feeling is all normal, but you may want to speak to your OBGYN about post-partum depression. i have 3 children all under 3 years of age and it is a daily struggle to get things done. i endearingly call my house a "sesspool of filth" it is not that bad, but i don't dust as often as i should and large tasks take forever to complete and things get cluttered quickly. cut yourself some slack and if it is in the budget, hire someone to come and clean. focus on your baby, she is your priority now! good luck.

Hi A.. Congrats on your new baby! What you're going through is very normal after having a baby - especially your first. To make your life easier, you should set a routine for the baby and incorporate things tha tyou enjoy with it. Your own life is not over now that you've had the baby. You have to learn how to balance your needs and the baby's needs with your own. Also, don't be afraid to ask hubby, friends & family for help. If you can carve out an hour a day for yourself, all things will seem manageable and less overwhelming. When I had my first 7 years ago, it was the first time that I was ever home and I almost went stir crazy until I realized that I could take him wherever I wanted to take him. It helped that he was a great baby but I just packed him up and away we went!

Good luck!

If you ever need an ear - ____@____.com

this is called the Baby Blues. lots of new mothers go through this. I did, i felt like i was lost in this bubble and couldnt get out. but i think that if you recognize that you feel this way it will be easy to overcome. the trick is to take some time for yourself, just yourself. no cleaning, no laundry, or chores. take a walk a long bath, go shopping for yourself. the everyday nonstop chaos that comes with having a new baby(laundry,cleaning,dishes) isnt as important as your own health. if needbe go see your doctor and talk to him or her about putting you on something to help you get through this rough patch.

Welcome to motherhood! The first year feels like boot camp, with schedules, feeds, naps, getting your own rest and always feeling pressured to EAT if you are breastfeeding! (I never thought I would resent having to eat so much!)
Take heart--by the time her 1st birthday comes around you will be wondering how the time flies so fast, what the heck you did for 12 months--did you have time to get a haircut yet?--and yet, you will feel like you can start looking around you at the world again. Sounds like a long way away, but as my friend who is mother of 6 month old twins says--"I have to go back to work soon and I'm not ready." Try to enjoy each minute because, blink, you'll be looking at home movies and sobbing over how adorable she was and wishing you could just smell the top of her soft, warm head one more time.

Do you work/have a career? If not, you can start daydreaming about what you would like to do when she/they? grow up, and one day you can get started on it. If you do work, you might call a co-worker to just feel like you are still connected.

To find other moms, check out La Leche for groups in your area. I met some women who were also breastfeeding that way and made new friends. Even if you don't nurse, you could still hook up with other moms that way. I felt very isolated until I did that because I was 45, in a new community that was primarily young religious moms (20--23 year olds) or older religious moms who just had their 8th or 9th child.
I used to take walks with my son in the stroller trying to find someone to talk to and felt so lonely. This too shall pass--too quickly. You might also check for other moms at your place of worship, local community centers. Maybe even the woman sitting near you in the pediatrician's office with her baby...
Meanwhile, sniff that little head again. It's worth it for now.

It is soooo normal to feel that way. I am the mother of 3, so I have been there, but it's never the same as with the first. I really remember feeling like things will never be "back to normal", and the truth is, it won't BUT normal will take on a whole new meaning. The best thing about having second and third kids is that you realize that the stages that seem to take forever the first time through just fly by. I have told many friends that I remeber when my first started crawling that I was at a loss because it seemed that I would never again be able to put a glass of water on the coffee table. I assure you, you will be able to take a shower again in relative peace, brushing your teeth will someday come before making a bottle, etc. It all settles in to "normal" eventually, just not the normal you remember pre-baby. I joined a mom's group from the hospital where I had my baby, and it was truly a life saver some weeks. Sharing your feelings, and questions with other moms in the same stages can really make a difference. Good luck, and I hope this is helpful for you.

Congrats on your little bundle of joy! Don't worry, you are not the only mommy to ever feel this way, when I had my first as wonderful as it was it was also lonely...none of my friends had kids and my husbands life didn't seem to change that much...he still went to work and out with the guys and well I had my son and Bob Barker to keep me company...It's hard to meet other mommies when your baby is so young and the weather isn't so great but here are some ideas...go to your local library...lots of them have mommy and child groups and mine even has baby massage and new mommy classes...and they're free so if you are adjusting to one income it's not a budget buster, you can also contact the hospital where you gave birth they may have a parents group and if not they probably have parenting classes and that's a great place to meet new parents! You can also check out Barnes and Noble, Borders Books and Pottery Barn Kids they all have free story hour once or more a week...Also try to make time for yourself, once a week or once a month go do something for you...out of the house, let daddy bond with baby...go to lunch, shop, scrapbook...whatever it is...and remember you're not alone! Best of luck and enjoy!

hi A. - congratulations! of course all of your feelings are totally normal. my son is almost 9 months and it took me a few months before i felt somewhat halfway normal....i am 37 and was very set in my ways and along comes baby and WHOA! Here is a great website you can join to make friends with other mommies... www.cafemom.com my profile is Delshoney if you want to check it out and we can always chat more! I remember feeling like i was livingon an island of my own when my son was first born..just cuddle and snuggle and love your little one! they grow up sooo fast!

Hi A.
I have a daughter who just turned 8 weeks on Tuesday... It's been a huge adjustment. For me I would say the most difficult part is sleeping (or lack thereof). I also feel like every time I have her asleep and I try to accomplish something (even if it's going to the bathroom) she starts bawling....Feeling like there is never enough time, then also feeling guilty if I get annoyed that she is acting up. I have also been stressed because my dad is in the hospital. Although he will be fine, it's just a lot to take care of her during the day then go see him at night. Then come home exhausted and not know when I will be able to go to sleep.
While my daughter overall would probably be considered a "good baby", ie, she hasnt been sick, doesnt cry that much etc, I definitely feel the adjustment, sometimes more than others. I really dont have any friends who have kids, let alone a baby this age (everyone I know from work has kids who are probably my age).
Feel free to keep in touch so we at least know ONE other person with a baby this age (actually, they're pretty much the EXACT same age). Take care. A.

Yes, your feelings are perfectly normal and they will pass. I used to describe this stage for me like someone cut my right arm and expected me to do everything normally. Your life gets turned upside down and it is hard to let go of your ways. I wanted my house to be super clean and not being able to do it drove me crazy and depressed me. Now I don't even care, I pick up when I can and I am looking for someone to come and clean. I also agree with the other moms that right now your baby is just there not giving you much in terms of interaction but I assure you once she starts doing things for you and responding to your stimulus you won't be able to contain yourself, it is such a gratifying experience. I always tell my friends that motherhood is full of excitement and yes! frustration but it is worth every second. Luckily enough I have a husband that helps me out a lot but he also used to get worn out so I started to cheat a little bit to sneak in some me time, actually I still do :o). If I am home what I do is I tell him to take care of the baby b/c I need to get the bathroom food must have been bad adn then I take a good book or magazine with me and spend at least and hr there just reading. Also I tell him I have to run to the supermarket and just walked the aisles to then come home with just a gallon of milk. Get creative and don't feel bad about wanting time for yourself it is no reflection on how much you love your daughter or how good a mother you are. You have needs and it is only fair you take care of them whenever possible. The happier you are with yourselve then better you can take care of your gorgeous daughter and your family. Good luck and congrats!!!

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
It is sooooo hard to get adjusted to being a new mom, managing it all and giving your body time to recover. It was so hard for me too. Sleep when you can. You will find life much more manageable with more sleep. When the baby is sleeping, you sleep. The dishes can stay dirty... the clothes unfolded... I wish I had slept more, it would have made my life easier.

Call the local library and go to one of the children's sessions- there may be a mom there who has a small baby too-- or they bring their toddler in for the children's program but have another little one home. The big bookstores- Borders, Barnes and Nobel all have childrens programs weekly too. Great place to meet moms. The local YMCA too has programs. Do you have a church or synogog that you could visit?

I will be thinking of you. In the meantime, use the site to share, vent, ask, and always remember that you are not alone.

A., it is normal what you're going through. I don't know where you are located, but there is Healthy Kids program in Rensselaer County. There is a woman from that program who will come to your house and "interview" you to see what help you may need out there. I have three boys and I wanted someone to come to my house and talk with me because I was not sure if it'll be harder to take care of my third with two active boys running around. If you want to check it out, I can discuss this person and see what other counties they have a similar program. I found out about it through paperwoek from the OB office. It's great because what she'll do is help you if you have questions about budgeting, or have dvds about how to massage and relax your baby, etc. and she'll do questionaires that relate to your baby to make sure she's doing things she should be doing based on her age and if she's not doing some things, this person will help you get phys. therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy. They help you all the way up til the baby is 5 years old. I look forward to her coming every week. She also will help you by doing questionaires to make sure you are not being overwhelmed or getting stressed out. Another thing, at my church in Loundonville, NY they have a MOMs (Mornings out for Mothers) program and also, MOMs Bible Study if you're interested. To help us MOMs to get together with other moms. Let me know and I'll help you in any way I can.

HI A.,
I'm a 32 year old mother of a fantastic 16 month old little boy. I felt the same way, it dose get better, You will eventually get a routine down and things will be alright. Something that might help with organization is getting expandable folders for all important papers (ie: bills, immunization records, other important papers). As for cleaning, just do quick surface cleaning if baby is awake. Then when baby is asleep do more extensive cleaning. Also Maybe you can ask one of your friends over to help with the baby while you clean and/or take care of personal things. Also if you can try a baby bjorn or sling carrier while doing light cleaning. Some items if you don't already have them that help with quick cleanups are swiffer wet jet, clorox wipes, and microfiber cleaning cloths. Hope this helps you, Good luck. Also don't feel bad if you sneek in a nap here or there, you will need them,:)Especially if your breastfeeding.

Hi A.,

I read your message and just wanted to give you a hug. YES! It's absolutely normal to feel this way at this age of the baby and it does pass. I would say around 3-4 months, it starts to feel better. This early on, you are doing something for the baby constantly. They feed non-stop, especially if you are breastfeeding. I remember feeling exactly the same way when our daughter was born (I was 32 when I had her, she is now 2 1/2).
My mom gave me probably the best advice of all the advice I got: You will feel like life will never go back to normal. You will feel like you'll never read a book again, you'll never drink your coffee hot again, you'll never get to shower again and take care of yourself, your house will be in total chaos. All of it is normal and all of it will return to normal.
And it really does. At 8 weeks, I was going to bookstores with my daughter napping and me reading and sipping coffee.

So hang in there and enjoy this complete submersion in all things baby, because it'll pass by before you know it.

I have been feeling the same way. My duaghter is the same age and I am feeling very overwelmed. I don't get the chance to do any cleaning (my house is over run by her). We both worked and my husband is doing alot of over time. Her room still isn't done and we just don't have the time. I try to do the work myself but she is staying up more during the day. It will be even harder when I go back to work. I work the midnight shift. I do get help from my mother. She takes her when she gets the chance so that I can get somethings done or just get the much needed rest that I am lacking. So if you can get someone (parent, sibling or friend to just watch her for a couple of hours you will find that you can get things done. Or try to put her in another room where you won't bother her while you are sleeping or cleaning so not to disturb her. I hope that this helps since I am in the same boat. Best of luck!

Hi, I can totally relate to how you feel. I am a first time mom to a boy who is now almost four months old. I think in the beginning, it takes time to adjust to your role as a mom, so it seems like you are getting nothing else done. You will begin to find ways to incorporate her into things you like to do. She is very portable at this age. Since he was a winter baby, I would bundle him up and take him to the mall on a weekday when it wasn't crowded. You meet moms there often. Also, if you breast feed, La Leche League is great for meeting other new moms like yourself. It helps to talk to other moms because it gives you the support you need right now as well as the encouragement that you are doing everything okay. If you don't breastfeed, then I would suggest researching moms clubs online and then attend one of the meetings. Godd luck,
S.

I case you haven't already heard, you are perfectly normal. When it will change depends on the type of person you are and your ability to get your child on a schedule. The important thing is to remember that it is ok to let things go for a little while and not to get to upset with yourself over it. Your baby wants a happy mommy more than a clean and organized house. Good luck!

I think the feelings you are having are completely normal especially at this time in your life. Your baby just came home and now life as you once knew it is no longer. Five years ago I made the decision to stay home with my daughter and become a full time stay at home mom. I didn't really know what I was getting myself into. It was a frustrating time trying to figure out what to do with myself. Once you find the routine that best works for you your days will move more smoothly and you'll feel more satisfied. It's easier to say than do I realize that. Try and fit some things in your day for you. It's easy to get lost in the daily chores a home and children require. When that happens you may feel you've lost yourself, so by including something in your day just for you hopefully those moments will be far and few between. I think it's great your asking for advise now, sometimes just talking something out or in this case writing it out can make you feel so much better or at least give you hope that things will be ok. And believe me if you just hang there things will change. Don't be discouraged we've all been there. Being Mom isn't always fun but there are many many good things to come, you'll see.

I was 32 when I had my first and 36 with my 2nd. I didnt sleep for about 6 yrs, was a walking zombie. I found myself reading to my older one and falling asleep. I really had nobody to talk to about any of this, so I armed myself with reading about child development. My husband at the time was useless to me, but I will tell you, just go with your gut feeling on what is right and things will turn out alright. My older one just got her masters, my younger one is almost done with college and looking into grad schools. I tried to raise them the way I was raised and they never had any problems, both are intelligent, and make right choices. Just love your baby, it will be ok, just hard in the beginning as you go through shots, colic, not sleeping, etc, but then you hear their first word, see their firt step and it is all worthwhile. I would love to be a new mom again, babies are the biggest blessing even though there are times you want to walk away. Thats just from stress and no sleep and it all fixes itself in the end, just enjoy the warmth, cuddling, listening to their breaths, and try to go deaf when they cry, lol

A.- Congrats on your little one!! My son is now 5 mo. old, and I still get overwhelmed sometimes! I know you've receieved many responses, but I had to respond too! I had visions of being able to do everything I did before the baby and be a great mom too (and lose all the baby weight right away), but that was not the case...You and your little girl are the first priority, so be sure that you are eating well, drinking lots of water, and just enjoying every single moment of your days with your daughter. When she naps, rest too or read or anything else that relaxes you (try not to do housework). I also read to my little one everyday-they like everything if you read it in an animated voice!! I cannot believe how big my son is already, so try to remember that they only will be little for such a short time:)
Let me pass this on--my husband gave me some great advice and words when he came home to me, crying out of frustration: you are doing the most amazing job of all in taking care of your sweet child--if you feel like you must get some things done around the house, try to do 1 a day (and if not-remember your first priority is raising your little sweetie:)! I know I've rambled on and on, but a couple other things that my husband and I do is prepare some meals on his day off and freeze them -and- make a list of things to do and have your hubby tackle them or watch the baby while you get one done! I wish you lots of love and luck-you'll be a pro soon enough!! Please drop me a message if you'd like to chat more (I can ramble, huh?).
H.

A., congratulations on your baby girl! I have two girls, 14 and 19 and it has been a crazy wonderful ride! I do know exactly how you feel, as I'm sure most new moms would. I remember telling my husband after being with my daughter all day long.......your head is so big!!! Obviously because I was staring at the baby's tiny head all day! hahaha

I also felt like his daily life continued, he went to work, etc. but I felt like I lost my identity (so cliche right?) but that's how I felt. None of my friends were married yet, or had kids, so I was truly alone. So it is so normal,don't worry about that. But I do suggest you get out, go for walks with the baby. When she gets a little older, seek out groups with other moms in your situation....library, mommy and me classes are very popular now. It is the hardest transition a woman goes through...reach out like you are doing now, we can be email buddies, hahaha. And get ready for the ride of your life...kids change our lives forever! Again, congratulations. N.

I can understand where you are coming from. My daughter just turned 6 weeks and between her and my four year old I too have had similar feelings. I think it's pretty normal and I have found that this website helps with the lack of parenting friends part. I know some of mine is the fact that I have always worked full time and although I love being at home with my kids, I am need of some adult conversation! I know mine will soon change a bit when I go back to work ( I am a nurse in a busy urban ER). I think logging on was a great first step and I know in my area there are many different programs for things like mommy & me...this allow moms to seek out other moms with kids of similar age and not only can it be great for the children as they get older but it's nice for moms too. Good luck and remember, you are definitely not alone!

Hello My name is C.
I was also 31 when I had my little girl. She is turning 3.
It feel like yesterday. Yes ALOT gets put on hold and you can't get to things as quickly as you would like, but little by little when you have the energy and she is napping you prioritize what needs to get done and you get to them. You may not be able to finish but it gets done. It does get easier when they are able to play and entertain themselves, even if you have to keep checking on them. If you have a significant other you have to ask for help and figure who will do what as well. I still have pictures to put away from a year ago, but they are finally organized and will get done. As for yourself well, that is tough too. They say you have to make time but I find that hard. It just depends on how much you want to do for yourself i.e excersise, pampering etc. It is all about the kids right now and one day it will become easier, just keep pressing on your doing great!!

Hi A.,

At this stage with a newborn, your life does focus primarily around the baby and your new role as a mother. I remember when I had my first baby and made this list of all of the projects at home that I was going to accomplish during my eight week maternity leave. Hahahahaha. Don't expect too much from yourself or put so much pressure on yourself. A baby doesn't just fit into a tidy little compartment in the life that you were living - keep your baby as your top priority and work around the rest of it. Parenting takes a lot of time and there have to be adjustments in the rest of your life to allow for this.

Good luck and enjoy your precious baby.

It is normal to feel that lots of the things you used to do are not happening anymore, because with a new baby, they're probably not! Yes, it will change--that's the thing with babies--everything changes, usually just when you've gotten used to it...
I would recommend checking with your local library or recreation group, or with your hospital, for info about Mommy & Me groups or baby storytimes. It can be great for getting out of the house and comparing notes with other moms. Its worth the hassle. With spring on its way, check out your local parks for other moms--go for walks with a baby carrier or stroller--the fresh air is great for both of you, and the exercise will lift your spirits and let you feel like you got something done! Don't worry about your everyday chores--they will always be there. And I'm sure you've heard this, but sleep when your baby sleeps--your body has worked very hard and needs the rest! Take care, A.--and good luck. Your request brought back memories of my first days with my babies--now 7, 9 and 11 years old!

Hi A.,

Don't worry, it gets better! It's such a big adjustment. One great thing you can look into right now is your town's Newcomer's group. They have organized playgroups by age (as well as couples activities, ladies' nights out, etc); you will meet local moms with babies the same age, and your kids will know this group of kids from infancy through school. It doesn't matter if you're new to town or not. Your local paper may have contact information. Your town hall definitely does. Such a group is invaluable for conversation, relatability, advice and sanity.
Good luck with it, and enjoy this time. It really is an incredibly special moment in both your lives that passes far too quickly.

Hi A.,

taking care of a newborn on little sleep can get monotonous. Try to get out as much as you can, if your ped says it's ok. My daughter was a preemie so we weren't allowed to go out for awhile. I don't where you live but I find a lot of moms at Barnes and Noble as well as Whole Foods. Do you have a public library you can go to? They usually have programs for babies and your baby may seem too little to participate but it's good for you to go. It's definitely hard in the beginning but it just keeps getting better and better. Look for Mom and baby yoga classes, it's prefect for little babies and you should be able to do yoga soon.

Hello A.! COngrats on your new baby girl! The way you are feeling is "normal"!!! I am 32 & have a 5 year old & a 1 year old...& live over an hour away from family/friends...in addition my friends are not married & don't have children so it is hard for them to relate. I guess that is why I belong to Mamasource :) It is a great way to talk about things & find Mom's that can relate to how I feel & what I am going through.

A....life will never be the same now that you are a Mommy. It takes time to get to know your "new life"!!! Embrace the changes & talk about your feelings with loved ones & your Mamasource friends :) We are here for ya!

A.,
My name is D., I am 26 years old wife and mother to a 13 month old. I know how you are feeling, its makes things harder when there is no friends going through the same things as you. Things will change, it takes a few months to get a routine down, and to really feel comfy as a new mom. It really is just taking things one day at a time, dont try to over due cleaning, organizing, start small one room or area at a time. It workded for me, and i didnt feel like I had to get my whole house done at once. If you need someone to talk to, im here. I dont have many friends where I live so it would be nice to have someone to talk to as well.

Congratulations on your new arrival. All the emotions you are feeling right now are very normal. Dont worry each day things will improve. Always keep the positive look on things. Remember first and foremost DONT SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF!!!!! The cleaning and organinzing can wait your bundle of joy will only be little once and you can never get back today!! Take small mommy breaks while the baby is resting.
Good Luck!! Feel free to write again I live in the Oak Ridge area too.

Hi A.
Yes, I know where you're coming from, thinking life is at a stand-still. I am almost 29 and am the mother to two darling daughters, ages 7 & 4. Yes, I became a mother at a very young age. I also went through post-partum depression. And that is not fun. But it is very important to realize that you and baby are most important right now and the rest will follow. A dirty house or dirty dishes, oh well life does go on. If you would like to chat as a friend feel free to contact me. May God bless you and your new baby.
Best Wishes,
L.
www.youngliving.org/lenawolfe

Hi A., Is this your first child? If so, having a child is a major change in your lifestyle and how it "use to be" although they are god's blessings they do change your life dramatically. You have the baby blue's more than likely. You did not mention a support system. I will assume thta your husband is around to help out as well as inlaws and perhaps some family members of your own. If so, get their help to watch you baby so you can take a shower and get some TLC of your own. Remember if you're feeling down about yourself your baby will also sense it as well. So it is VITAL that you take care of yourself physically, mentally and emotionally. It will pass and you will get into a routine eventually. We all do. My daughter is now 2.5 yrs. (my first one so far) and I cannot believe how fast time has flown by.. Enjoy every milestone. But remember to take care of yourself for if you cannot take care of yourself you will be able to give your 100% to your baby girl. God Bless..

It's normal. It gets better, but it is hard and dads just don't really understand. Enjoy your sweet little baby as much as you can because it goes very quickly. People say that to me every day and I have experienced it to be true. But also, try to get out of the house as much as possible. Go to a La Leche League meeting, a (lapsit) storytime program at the library, bookstore, or Pottery Barn Kids, get in the pool with your baby at the YMCA, walk the mall, take a mommy and me music, yoga, or exercise class, walk outside, go to a park...anything to get out of the house and around other people. It's good that you have Mamasource as a forum for connecting with other moms.

Absolutely it is normal!!! I felt the same way, and do sometimes. For me, it wore off mostly when she was about 2-3 months. By then, I felt like my life had settled into my new routine and I was much better and figuring out how to get it all done, or knowing that I couldn't and being okay with that. Just give yourself time, and make sure you are not trying to do too much at once.

Hi A.. My "experience" is rather dated (like 24 years ago), but you just got my attention when I read 31 years old and a 7 week old. That was me. Yes, it does change, one day at a time. It's very overwhelming at first. My advice would be to put yourself first. That might sound harsh, but think about it, if you were on a plane and there was an emergency, who would you put the air mask on first? You or the baby? You of course, so you could then put the other mask on the baby. Make sure you get in the shower first while your husband is home to watch the baby for a few minutes, or when she naps, set a timer for 15 minutes, decide on which room to clean up in, and do it. You don't have to do it all. Take each task in manageable chunks of time and celebrate each success. You'll be fine!

Hi, A.. First of all, congratulations on becoming a mommy! It's the best job in the world. :oD

Yep, what you're experiencing is perfectly normal. I haven't met a 1st-time mom yet who hasn't felt a little off-balance when juggling her roles. It will change, but there's no magic date when that will happen. Actually, the changes will probably occur so slowly that you won't notice at first. As your daughter grows and you find routines that work for both you & her, you'll be able to work in more time for yourself.

I have 3 children, ages 5 1/2, 4, and 3 months. It's taken me until this last child to actual enjoy this "stand still." Before, I let it bother me *so* much (you don't sound like you're bothered, btw, just curious) that I didn't enjoy the first months with my children the way I could have. This time around, I truly realize how fast they grow, and I understand that I need to squeeze every drop of joy from babyhood while it lasts. I've come to view these first months as the calm before the storm; your life will really pick up speed soon, I promise!

Best wishes,
C.

I remember that time like it was yesterday. I have a 6 year old and a 3 year old. The first child, and the first 12 weeks are the hardest. Your life IS on standstill, but it does get better! I don't know its as if they get easier and more independent the older they get, or you learn to fit those things in around them. But hang in there, this time was the hardest for me but when you look back on it, it is very short-lived. The only advise I can give is thatwhen they are sleeping do something for yourself, like watch a movie or talk on the phone, or read, jsut those little things that you miss. I would clean, organize when the baby is up, just either carry her in a baby bjorn or put her in the bouncy seat next to you. Then when she is sleeping, you can relax and not worry about what you HAVE to do!! Good luck!

Hi A.. Congratulations on your sweet baby girl! I am the mom of a 9 month old girl and a 2.5 year old boy. I read your email and wanted to respond by saying that YES your feelings are very normal and it will get better. I read the other advice in your responses and they were all very helpful. I agree, getting enough sleep makes a big difference. When you are tired and zapped of energy it makes it difficult to function. Also, your baby is still so little. Once they hit the 4 month age or so and they start really reacting and responding to you the reward is such a natural high that it helps balance those feelings of losing your freedom, missing your down-time, and always feeling super-busy. It gets very difficult to make time for other things when you are constantly working hard to make sure their needs are met while still taking care of your house and finances etc. Somehow taking care of oneself always starts to take a back seat. Do what you can to have family or partner help out as much as possible to get some time for yourself for pampering, chores, or just alone time. Wanting alone time is absolutely NO REFLECTION on your quality of parenting. You can be a wonderful parent even if you give yourself a break from your baby. Until you are able to schedule some personal time for yourself, make sure you get lots of rest when you can. Try to seek help from family or friends. In just a couple of months when that baby starts to give you smiles and coos you will really look forward to picking them up from their naps, changing their diapers and giving them baths. Even though it is important to do things for yourself once in a while, all those mom-bonding moments will really make you want to spend more time with your baby rather than cleaning or organiznig or shopping etc. Hang in there and you will feel the rewards multiply!

regards,
R.

A. the best advice I can give you is just take it day by day. Don't put any added pressure on yourself to be the "Perfect" mom. Feel free to contact me anytime if you have questions or just need someone to talk to.
H. mom of 3 with #4 on the way.

yes its normal but it will pass. if you told me your life didnt change one bit, i would be concerned. your entire time goes to the baby, and the result is you and the house are being pushed to the side. when i had my first daughter i was 27, and none of my friends had kids. its hard as you always talk to your friends about life issues and now there isnt anyone to understand.
i remember with my first not being able to get anything done. she only slep 20-45 minutes and that was after i fought with her to go to sleep for another 20 mins. it was like as soon as she was asleep, she was awake again. i just couldnt get anything done and felt like every minute was taken with caring for the baby, not leaving any time for anything else(let alone myself).
i would say to make a list of everything you are lacking to do and decide what you really could do. i think the top priority should be taking care of yourself. unless you are incredibly lucky, you still have the baby weight. it will go away, but may take time. it will be warmer soon, and the easiest thing to do is go and take a walk with the baby. it will help you exercise, but still do something with the baby, and not interupt any schedule. i would also make sure you do something silly everyday so you can always feel like you did SOMETHING. i started to make sure i took a shower, did my hair and makeup(minimally but so i looked put together), get dressed, and did all the dishes, and made sure the kitchen was clean. it made me feel good about myself, but also made me feel like one room was done. as each week passes, you will get more sleep and more confidence which will result in your ability to accomplish more in a day. remember one day at a time. dont look at everything at once, just each individual task on its own(dont say do the laundry- say wash, dry, fold, put away the clothes) otherwise if dont get to one step, you can still know you accomplished most of it, kwim.
maybe someone can come over and either watch the baby or help you get everything cleaned and organized all at once. it may just be tough since you are looking at everything at once, but once its all done, it may be easier to keep it up.
if you are having deeper sadness, i would try to talk to someone. maybe a counselor, or join a mother's group, a family member, someone. try and get yourself a support line of people you can talk to. maybe even join an active online forum on parenting where you can talk or ask about things. it will help you find others to talk to about every aspect of parenting there is.
if your feelings dont lessen as time goes on, or become worse, i would also go see someone. becoming a mother is the biggest change a woman can go thru. its a huge amount of responsibilty we are given. so here we are trying to care for the baby even though we dont really know how to, plus keep up everything we did before the baby. its alot of pressure and is 24 hours a day, but i promise you it will get easier. having my 2nd child is a completely different experience. i feel confident and dont feel like my life has changed that much in comparison to my first where i felt our whole world turned upside down. it will get better.