Seeking Mothers of 3 or More Children

Having children is a very personal decision. You should be sharing your feeling with your husband. It is not a competition and if you are very stressed about having a third it is going to show in your routines with your children. After talking to each other you may find you need more time or that yes you can handle it. It is difficult to contemplate a third when there are days that you probably struggle with the two that you have. I see they are fairly close together in age. You should enjoy being a mother and know that your job is extremely important but only you know what you can handle. Try and seperate the feelings of fear and evaluate what you can really handle. Again communication is important.

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I'm a mom of three, but then we differ. I would love to be a mom of about SEVEN! But it's not gonna happen. You have two, and you don't seem to want three. It seems like you are being pressured into this. If you resent the prospect already, imagine how you'll feel when the baby is, well... a baby.

They are messy, clingly, get up at all hours, require attention, discipline and your love. Hoping for one gender over the other seems silly to me. Give me an EASY kid, I don't care what gender!

As for my third. My Sam is a joy, a delight, a true ray of sunlight in my life. The other two help out, and I wouldn't trade him for anything! Three has its challenges, but.. duh, it's three!

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Hi T. ...

I have three children who are now 17, 15 and almost 13 (next month). The third is a charm! It does make for a busy house, but the joy is worth it. Mine were fairly close together as yours are and it's wonderful to watch them grow up together. I would be more concerned about your husband's preference for a boy. You know him better than anyone so really talk to him and see if he'll be disappointed. My bet is that once he sees and holds the baby, he won't care!

Best Wishes!
L.

We've got 4-2 are his from a previous marriage & 2 I gave birth to. I seriously believe in even numbers of kids. Right now we've got 3 of our 4 living with us & I've started to see some "middle child" issues with our 8 YO. Part of his problem, I'm sure, is that he was the "oldest in the house" for most of his life & he's also got ADHD which adds it's own issues (good & bad). But I think if you're honestly not sure you want another right now, you need to tell hubby that. Maybe you can revisit the idea in a year or two. Don't have a baby that one of you isn't absolutely sure about having though-who knows what kind of issues that could bring up in the future. Maybe once your two very busy little people are a bit older, you'll want one more to finish off your family, but it doesn't sound like now is the right time.

We have four kids, and with each new baby, the work quadrupled--particularly the laundry. For me, the first two kids are 2 yrs apart, which was overwhelming basically having two babies at the same time, so we waited a few years before adding the third (5 year space). It was so pleasant having a baby with older children, so we did it again 3 1/2 years later! I think largely this is a personality choice. I have friends who are okay with children close together. For me, I have more patience with one baby at a time, when the other kids are a bit more self sufficient in some ways. Good luck with your decision!

I can honestly say that jumping to three was a big promotion to me (love the way you put that). I had to get a bigger car because I could not fit all the car seats in mine. I have to run more, pick up more, buy more. I do feel overwhelmed a bit, before just one or the other could be in a bad mood but now I can have two in a bad mood or misbehaving at once. It is a lot! Funny thing is, I have a couple of friends say that three is a hard transition but going to four and beyond just falls into line. I would say if you are not all for it, don't do it! You would hate to feel burdened by your babies. Ya know.

In terms of going from 2 to 3 feeling like a lot, it seems to depend. For my sister, going from 2 to 3 WAS a lot. She did fine adding a second, but struggled to adjust with the 3rd. For me, I was overwhelmed adding a second- but adding a third was a breeze! Everyone seems to have a 'number' that is tough, and once passed that it is far easier. It probably has to do with timing, age gap, etc. (My 1st 2 were 19 months apart, and then there was a 4 year gap.) Either way you do ultimately adjust, and can't imagine your life without that child! That being said, you really do want to feel like you're on board before embarking on having a third. Hopefully you guys can come up with an answer that you're both ok with. Good luck!

There's no easy answer to this. A lot of it depends on where you're coming from.

I had 9 children in my family when I was growing up and so a bigger number is normal to me. But I could recognize quickly as I started having children, that I didn't have the same capacity as my mother to handle that.

I have 4 kids (and that's all we'll be having) and I'm sure that seems like a lot, but it seems small to me. Any number presents challenges. You learn coping mechanisms, but there really is a limit for everyone and everyone is different. Do what's right for you.

T.,

We are in the opposite situation... I would have more children in a heartbeat!! (We have 4 - 22yrs, 20yrs, 8yrs and 5yrs) However, my husband says we are done at 4. He agrees with the gal who wrote earlier - why rock the boat and tempt fate. We have healthy, happy children. They are now at a good age where we can go places and not worry about them every second (like the pool and the park).

I don't want more babies.. but we have talked about adopting a child (not a baby) to add to our family. My husband likes that idea, but still doesn't think we should "mess with a good thing"! :)

It's really a decision you need to make together. I'm a stay at home Mom too, and I love it - wouldn't want it any differently, but I will say that the two we still have at home can, on occasion, make me crazy! LOL. :)

Good luck and God bless-
C.

Going from two to three kids was a real kicker for me, but I'm sure you wouldn't regret it! What's more important that family! I can't imagine our family without her!!!! Mom of three great girls!

I have also heard how hard it was to go from 2 to 3 since you and your husband are now officially out numbered.
For me it was not that big of an adjustment.
I have had 3 kids in 4 years so yes, the house is messy (not dirty). Laundry is not put away in a timely manner-but it is clean; toys are not picked up before bed. My husband works on call 24/7 and can go to work for a shift or it maybe a couple of days before he is home; so in since I am a single parent when it comes to the routine care of the kids. We do not have any family or close friends in state. At night once I get the kids to bed it is my only time I get alone time I will do dishes and vacuum or wash a load of diapers but everything else can wait until tomorrow.
Currently the only thing that we need extra help with is the house so we have been able to agree that the kids, keeping them busy with activities (crafts, games, play, helping with everything cooking, cleaning etc..) is more important then putting them in front of the tv so I can clean. We were able to find a gal that is thrilled to make some money and help out once a month by doing the deep cleaning at the same time my kids helping me clean. (As my husband says, our kids are so helpful you could just scream).
My advice would be to have a daily schedule. Make a plan talk with your husband and set realistic goals on what priorities are- with the kids, condition of the house, along with what are your personal needs and pet peeves. For my husband he wants to have the dish drainer to be empty. For me I want to not have piles of sorted laundry on the floor (in the walk way- we have a narrow half bath/ laundry room). He used to sort the clothing then do one load and the rest would sit for a couple of days. (he know does just his laundry and I do everything else- plus he never put the kids stuff away just piled it on to our bed until I could put it away)

Hello T.!

I have 3 girls ages 4,7, and 9. I always tell people that going from 2 to 3 was easier for me than going from 1 to 2. I am not even sure why...it just was. I enjoyed my third way more for some reason. Maybe I was less stressed out because I had been multitasking for 3 years already, so what was one more. It was nice to have a portable tiny baby again. It was entertaining for my other girls...we had lots of fun with a new baby! When I went from 1 to 2, my first one was only 2 and was grumpy that there was a screaming baby. They had opposite schedules so I was tired. I pretty much had two babies to care for. The youngest was too young for the older on to play with, until the youngest was about one year old. By the time I had my third, my older ones were 3 and 5 so they played together and were also little helpers. In fact, 2 to 3 was so easy that I wouldn't mind having number 4 (can't, but would really enjoy it). So 2 to 3 was not a big change for our family. Just get yourself a hotsling and everything will be ok!

I have three sons, 3 to 3 1/2 years apart and I love it, love it, love it. They are 7, almost 4 and almost 1.
I am an only child and worried a lot about my ability to manage a larger household. I'm doin' it. The house does not look like a Pottery Barn catalog most days, sometimes brothers wrestle until someone gets a bonk, and I spend quite a bit on food, but we're having a really good time.
I was really worried about going from two children to three, but I think going from one to two is more challenging. Here's what I've noticed that makes this time so enjoyable to me: The older kids get older, and they are bigger whenever a new baby comes. So, having a six-year-old and a three-year-old when the third baby came was great! My oldest can reach the crackers, read a story, hand me a diaper, click a seat belt. He has recently started running loads of laundry. He is so, so helpful. And my three-year-old is close behind in helpfulness. He can do a silly dance to make the baby laugh or give him a toy. He can carry laundry baskets and use a Lysol wipe like a pro.
I guess what I'm saying is yes, there is always a lot of work. But I try to keep my expectations for productivity low and my expectations for helping high. Teaching my kids how to do helpful chores is some of the most sanity-saving time I've ever spent with them.
Having babies 20 months apart is really having two babies in the house. Only you can know what is right for your family, but don't sell yourself short on your perceptions of capability if you think you'd like another child, and don't hesitate to allow yourself to put off that decision for another year and re-evaluate then.
BTW, I often get comments about having three boys, and questions about if I'd like to try for a girl. I would love more children generally, and I admit hair ribbons are very cute, but I could not be disappointed if I end up with a houseful of boys. I agree with the previous poster that every child deserves an enthusiastic welcome, and you should feel very confident before conception that your enthusiastic welcome does not depend on a certain gender. . . .
Best wishes!

Congrats on your 2 busy little people. I am a SAHM of three kids- a 6 year old girl, a 3 year old girl and an almost 2 year old boy. I know how hectic it can be with two little ones so close in age (my youngest two are 18 months apart). My story is kind of funny with my son because my husband and I had discussed both wanting 3 kids when we had both the girls, but our plan was to have a third in a few years after I was done with school and had started my teaching career and I was nursing and on birth control (I had not gotten my period back). One day, I threw up and took a test and low and behold, I was 3 1/2 months pregnant (I always joke that I missed the first trimester). We had been living in a 2 bedroom apartment and I was driving a Corolla- neither of those would be big enough for our growing family. Other than the lifestyle changes with our housing and the car, I felt that going from 2-3 was an easier adjustment than from 1-2- the older two are a huge help with the baby and the cleaning. They also play well together if I need to spend more time with the baby. While my son was a surprise, I wouldn't trade him for the world or change when I have him- I couldn't imagine my life without him. Our biggest struggle, which we've so far have been able to work out, has been trying to find time for one on one time with each of the kids. That's been my experience.

It sounds like you and your husband are on different pages with the number of kids you want. If you don't truly feel that you want a third, if you have one, it might cause resentment on your part. On the other hand, if you don't have another one and he truly wants one (which it sounds like he does), it might cause resentment on his part. Maybe you can sit down with him and talk about this; he can tell you why he wants to try for another (if it's just that he wants another boy, you can also point out to him that there's only a 50% chance of it being a boy and ask him if he would be okay with a girl or would he want to keep trying, etc.) and you can talk to him about why you are reluctant to have another one, especially since it will ultimately be you who will be affected most by this decision. It sounds to me that part of your reluctance is you are worried you will be overwhelmed; this is a very credible worry with adding any number of children to your family. For example, if you are nervous that you won't be able to keep up with the house work or something, tell him that. This can help him see how a third child can affect you and he can come up with something to help relieve your worries (ex: "ok, you are worried that you won't be able to keep up with the housework with another one. How about this...I will spend more time helping you after I get home from work with what you weren't able to get done or pick up an extra chore so that you won't have to do as much.") I don't know if this will help you, but I find it easier to write down what I'm going to say- make a list of what concerns you may have about having another baby so that you can share it with your husband and talk through your concerns and desires. My husband and I have been in sort of the same predicament except I have been feeling that I might want one more and he's saying he doesn't (usually this is when one of them is crying or acting out, so I don't know if he's serious or just frustrated at the moment). Right now, I'm going to wait a few years and see how we both feel then (unless we have another surprise). Having a baby is a huge life decision and you both need to be on the same page. I really hope this helps you and good luck! :-)

I am the mother of three wonderful boys (ages 6, 4, and almost 8 months). After our second son was born, my husband pretty much said "that's it". To that, I said, "let's wait awhile and then talk about it". So we gave it about two years and then had the conversation. I'm not sure how I changed his mind, but finally he was on board to add to the family. My second and third kids are 3 1/2 years apart. I love the age difference because the big brothers are such a big help with little brother. They love him sooooo much! From day one of telling them we were going to have another baby, they were excited and couldn't wait for him to arrive. I really wanted to have a girl, and have to admit there was a little disappointment when I found out we were having another boy, but that only lasted a couple of days.
I didn't notice too much of a difference adding a third kid to the mix. We were blessed with such an easy-going baby! That has changed a little now that he's on the move - we have our hands full!! Every day is hectic and has an overwhelming moment or two, but every night I thank God for my wondeful family! As the others posted, a third kid adds more laundry, dirty floors, crumbs, food to buy, a bigger car, more toys, etc. So, you have to prepare for that. But, now that my first two kids are attending school (1st grade and pre-K), it's nice to have a little break and spend some one-on-one time with the baby.
I think the most important thing is to be on the same page with your spouse on whether or not to add to the family. You don't want to regret anything or resent the other person, or the baby, if both of you aren't ready for a third. If you can't both agree, then table the subject and come back to it at a later date. Good luck with your decision!!!

there are fun parts about having 3 and difficult parts. i enjoy how my baby is happy to just sit in her brothers' room playing with toys and basically entertained and happy to be in their company while i do housework. on the down side, i'm less willing to go places with all the kids on my own. getting them all in the car when my 3 yr old was in a wandering stage was very stressful. there are more dishes and laundry, but we manage. i cannot do the laundry all in one day anymore. meals take longer and the dining room is more crowded. we know we will eventually need to move out of our 2 bedroom apartment, but for now we're ok with the baby (10 months) in our room and moving the high chair in and out of the corner when we need it. my second and 3rd are 3 yrs apart and i think if they were closer it would have been much harder on me-- ie: more jealousy, more diapers/pullups, more intervening in their play because the older brother is too rough, etc. i love having 3 kids and my boys adore having a little sister. someday i hope to convince my husband of #4, but not right away because i have a lot on my plate right now.

I have 4 kids. Adding #3 was easy for me. Everyone told me it was their most difficult, so I don't know if I mentally planned for it, but It was my easiest. My kids are all spaced about 3-3 1/2 years apart (this may have something to do with it), but then when I had #4 I was blown away with how hard the transition has been. I think some of it has to do with the medical issues he has, but I was also on bed rest the longest with him, in and out of the hospital every other week with him...it was the longest nine months of my life! But getting him here and everything has been a "holy cow" moment for me. My kids (being 3 years apart) when he came where 10, 7, 3 so they were a great help, but a combination of sleepless nights and early mornings I was sunk from the beginning! He is now 2 and I'm still not on top of things around the house, but it's coming.

So I think every one is different. But like others have said, make sure you are ready for it! My husband and I have gone back and forth for about 6-12 months before we got pregnant with each of our kids and when we both feel like it was time, then we would try for the next. We deemed done at #4, as I have complications and bed rest for most of the pregnancy and it's not worth the stress on the kids we do have, so we have stopped (though we always wanted more than 4) and are looking forward to the next faze in our lives!

I am a SAHM of six. My biggest transition was the 2 to 3 just because with 2 you have a one on one when both parents are home, with 3 you have to switch to a man. Once I had the next one to get 4 I was alright because I had learned how to deal with more children on my own. I remember vividly when we brought #4 home that one was a big one for me. I have a picture of all the kids on the couch and I remember thinking to myself---I have 4 children, over and over and almost going into shock from the realization that I had 4 kids. Now it isn't a big deal for me to say that I have 6 kids and not bat an eye. As a matter of fact my husband is wanting another boy, and IF I could ensure that the next one would be a boy, I could be pregnant and it would be a sealed deal. As it is, I wouldn't mind being pregnant again and having another baby, I just hope that he won't be diappointed if it is another girl. Our track record of boys to girls is against us in this case--4 girls and 2 boys. Just make sure that this is something that YOU want and not just your hubby. And I wouldn't recommned going along just because you want to keep him happy.....it has to be for both of you. Good luck.
J.--SAHM of 6

Brings back memories. I (who grew up in a two-child family) had four children within 5-1/2 years, and yes, it keeps you busy. And tired, too. (Now I'm a grandmother.)

However, in my experience it was more difficult making the adjustment from one to two children than from two to more than two. You already know how to manage a plural number of children! It's actually not such a big leap after that.

To raise a larger family, it seems to me you need two things especially if you can get them. One is a good system of organization, which you will fine-tune along the way. The other is a supportive, uncritical husband.

When I was in the having-the-children department of life, it was quite looked down upon to have a large family. No woman was supposed to have, or *want*, more than one or two (if that), and I was not always treated with respect by others. Now many of the young families I know have several children - both through birth and through adoption - and it's nice to see. These families manage quite well, too.

I am so thankful for all my kids! I have never regretted having any and all of them, and wouldn't have minded more. But please - you're not in competition, really, with your relatives or friends! And you don't even know if another child will come. Refuse to be pressured; stop and breathe - take a nap - take your time and think it through. Any child, boy or girl, whether in your family now or to come, deserves to receive open arms and some degree of confidence.

You are the one caring for the kids. You are the one who has to be pregnant with 2 kids, birth with 2 kids and deal with a newborn and infant with 2 kids. If it seems like a lot, it's because it is. Know your own limits. GL!

I strongly believe that all children should be truly wanted and that your desire to have another child should be based on truly wanting another child and not a specific sex, because there are no guarantees.

We have four children oldest to youngest less than three and a half years. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I love the chaos, I love the noise but everytime you add a person it is more work and more expense. Mine are older now the oldest being 13 and the sports, food, clothes etc are really much more of an expense. I know it is not forever and embrace everything about the now.

3's a charm, and you wont be disappointed! I have three and my first two came 2 years apart, then the third came 4 years later. It is great to have three as the dimention of the relationships change so much. I know many friends that have one of each and it just doesnt seem to go as smoothly. The boy/girl relationship seems to be so competitive, love/hate, and if you throw one more into the pot the relationships change. Do IT!

It didn't feel like a big adjustment to me. Going from one to two was a bigger adjustment, in my opinion. I always have to think about how I'm going to do things though, like which child do I NOW take out of the car first? That sort of thing. Don't get me wrong, having three is still a juggling act, but the age difference between my first and second child is three and a half years, which works well for me.

I come from a family of six-five girls and one boy, so yes it's a big family, but there is always something fun going on and there is plenty of advice to go around! If my family stopped at three I wouldn't be here, so I'm glad my mom decided to continue to have more kids. It's not for everyone, but I don't think it's a bad thing either if you want to have a big family. My parents both worked so they could afford it.

I didn't want to be pregnant with my third, but I was wrong about when I could get pregnant and so I decided to take responsibility for my actions and take care of the little guy. He is a beautiful baby and is very happy and is usually in a good mood. I couldn't be happier that I had him. Life definitely wouldn't be the same without him. Life is hard but meaningful (modern conviences make it a lot easier!). I had children so that I could have someone, besides my husband, who would love me unconditionally and whom I could love unconditionally in return. I have never been let down by my babies!

I am the mother of twin boys and a girl. The twins were conceived via in-vitro and my daughter was a total surprise. (They are 18 mos apart in age.) I was an only child and would have been very content with one child. Unfortunately our daughter, also conceived via fertility, passed away after 37 days from complications from congenital heart defects. I am so lucky to have 3 beautiful healthy children, but it is challenging. You said you have two now, I'm assuming they are healthy (you are so lucky). They are close in age, can play together, etc. You really have to ask yourself if this is what you want - to add another child to your already busy household, especially if as it sound, you are the main caregiver. I think sometimes people devote all their thinking to what they don't have, and not on what they do have - happy, healthy children. I'm not telling you what to do, but it does sound like you have a very happy and healthy household at this time. Most people would be envious. Best of luck to you,

The standard rule of thumb when spouses disagree on whether to have another child is NOT to have one. This has a lot to do with respecting the spouse who has the "no" vote, and of course, not to bring a baby into a negative or ambivalent situation.

I can't say that having three ever felt overwhelming--I find them delightful and adorable, pretty much at all times--but I will say this: if I'd had ANY idea how much cleaning would be involved with having a family of five, it would have scared the heck out of me and possibly prevented me from having some or any kids. I've been a mom for 14 years, and the cleaning is completely overwhelming--I hate it every day--and I look forward to the day when I'm alone and cleaning is inconsequential. (I don't want them gone, it's just THAT'S HOW OVERWHELMING and HATEFUIL I find all the cleaning.)