Seeking Moms with Child or Children with Learning Problems

First i would like to say that i am a mother but not in the same situation as you. Last year i was contacted to do some private tutoring, i am a certified teacher, for a child who was autistic, with delayed learning abilities. The young girl was due to graduate 8th grade last year but was barely on a 5th grade level. Her mom decided to keep her retained another year and sought outside help, from me, to assist her daughter in homework and some challenging work. Maybe your child was also benefit from a priveate tutor. Sometimes it is beneficial to bring in someone from the outside because when you are so close to the child sometimes you can become stressed and overwhelmed. I hope you receives some helpful advice and wish you luck and success.
A.

Hi A.,
If you are concerned that she has a learning disability, I think you should talk to your pediatrician about having her tested and evaluated so you can get information about her specific disability and then find out what programs and treatments are available to help her.
Talk to your other kids about people with disabilities and why they need to have compassion and understanding for people who are different. Explain that all people have differences and some people who excel in one thing are often average or below average in other activities. Discuss strengths and weaknesses. I think it is nearly always the case that when a child has ANY kind of disability or difficulty, the mother is the most important factor in treatment. Moms are so involved with their kids! The great thing is that beig informed yourself, you will be able to help your daughter the most to be the absolute best that she can be. You have the best sense of her strengths and weaknesses. Good luck to you!

Hi A.
I am a 41yr old mother of 4 kids. My third child just turned 13 last week, and she is in the 7th grade now. She is high functioning autistic. She has many learning problems, and must be taught at a slower pace, in a much smaller group setting. She went from losing all speech just before her 2nd birthday to now being on the honor roll. I can tell you this, it is a constant uphill battle that you will always have to fight on your daughters behalf. Try to stay completely on top of what is happening with her teachers in the middle school. Our teachers are very receptive to receiving emails. I make sure to stay in constant contact. Also, we attend a very large middle school in southern Pennsylvania....our team of teachers post their homework assignments and upcoming test/quizes on our school website. Find out if your new teachers next Sept. do that as well? it is a great way to keep on top of her work. My daughter really does receive a lot of support help in school from her teachers. If you do have an IEP for her...make sure you push for any additional servcies that you can get from your school system. Talk to your guidance counselor as soon as the school year starts and find out about any extra help that she could receive while still in school (like tutoring during a study hall time?) Just hang in there and keep pushing and being very assertive when it comes to your daughters education. I know it is a big leap....a hard adjustment sending her off to middle school, but I'm sure she will be just fine as long as you stand right behind her along the way. As far as the other children being so hard on her? I have that also...only it is the two older siblings who are doing it. I really try to put my foot down when I catch them saying something nasty or making fun of her in any way. I try to pull them aside and speak to them alone and explain how mean they come across and how they are not perfect either, and how would they feel if the tables were turned? I don't always mean to, but I tend to threaten them in such a way....that if they don't stop being nasty or making fun of her....there will be unpleasant consequences for them(losing computer or playstation..some type of punishement)....it's just unacceptable to me to be so hurtful to your sibling. Hang in there....I'm told it gets easier! :-)
T.

Hi A. my oldest son who is now 18 has a learning disability and was born with developemntal Dsypraxia (low muscle tone) so I have a double wammie, 18 yrs ago people would just say oh he's lazy he's stupid, no he's not my first tip to you is have every medical test possible if you haven't already, once we found out the problem we were able to cope my son when diagnosed was about 18 months behind he hasn't caught up fully but with his IEP at school since the 4th grade he has came a long way always encourage your child no matter what she does if she gets a C on a test make it like its an A encouragemnt goes a long way check your school districts web site they always have help for parents of Special education children, as for the siblings, thats tough Jim is my oldest I also have two step-children one was 1 yr older and could do everything better so instead of yelling I made it a game and had him help Jim and rewarded him for that, it worked for me they are now 18 and 19 and a side from being brothers they are great friends. I hope this helps it still is a struggle for me Jim is a jr in high school and wants to go to college just another bridge for us to cross

I have a non-school related suggestion. Everyone is good at something. I suggest you find something she is good at (a sport, music, drama, art, something). Get her involved in that activity & praise her for it in front of your other children. Make it her activity. Don't allow you other kids to do that same activity (unless you are certain she will be better than them). This will give her a great deal of confidence about herself. It will also help the other kids respect her. They will see she is good at other things. My brother was bad at school & therefore hated it. After graduating HS he started taking classes to be a car mechanic, he was awesome at it. His whole personality changed. He was happy & confident all the time.
Good luck.

Although I do not have a child with a learning disability, your story makes me think of the book, "Liberated Parents, Liberated Children" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. They also wrote a book called "Siblings without Rivalry". The book deals with feelings, being true to yourself and treating each child uniquely (because each is special for their own reasons). The sibling book may help you to guide your children to appreciate each other strengths. It must break your heart to see your kids do that to their sister. Best of luck!
L. G.

hi your story like reading my own story. my son is also 13 he is in the six grade, and is in learning surport glasses my struggle from the time he went to school first if your school has not done a e vowel on your daughter then express to the school you worried how she is learning .then just keep after then until you feel she getting what she needs in school .my son when he got to 5 grade last year I thought he was reading on the 3rd grade reading level to just find out he was barley reading at a 1st grade level i went to the school for a meeting and express what i want to see in my son I had to tell them if i did not see any improvement with him i would get a lawyer who help me by the end of 5grade he was reading on a 3rd to 4th grade now ho almost up to 5 grade so do not give up there is hope i hope this answer your question if i can be any help to you feel free to email at ____@____.com

My 12 year old step-daughter has learning disorders. She will be going to middle school next year also. The advice I have has to do with the siblings picking on her. My husband and I had this same problem and decided to go about it creatively. We started making a point to notice when our daughter was doing something better than her twin brother (who seemed to make the most comments to his sis). For instance, we would point out how she does better in softball then he does and used this to teach them that everyone has there own talents. Now they will try to help each other out when they see the other struggling. There not perfect and still need reminded from time to time but it helped. I hope this helps and I will be looking at the other responsesfor advice as well.

Does your child had an IEP for school?
Discussing this with the school district and getting a doctor/psych eval in important to figure out where she fits into the whole process. The IEP will only benefit her.

My son is in 2nd grade and is currently reading at a 1st grade level. I asked the school to test him last year when I noticed a problem. They now have him on a IEP (individualized education program). They have modified his school program based on the results of the testing. This year he is doing much better. Before time, we expect him to be on track with the rest of his class. I would suggest asking the school to test her and if she doesn't currently have a IEP suggest that they give her one. Also I've found that the website Starfall.com is wonderful for children her age. It's very educational and has helped my son a great deal.

Be patient and praise her for the work that she is doing. Don't under estimate the power of positive reinforcement. You don't want her to get discouraged about school so tell her how proud you are of her every day for trying her best.

If you would like to chat feel free to email me.

I have personal experience with a pracitioner treating children with this learning problems. Her name is Elaine Hardy, and her website is www.holisticfamilyhealthcarepc.com She is wonderful and very understanding. She might be able to help your child by finding some deficiencies within her body. It's really worth a try, you've got nothing to lose!!

Your daughter will always have her own way and time to do things, despite the challenges, she can be happy, I don't know about her condition, I hope you get many valuable suggestions. The main reason I am writing is to address the point that your other two children put her down. Thank you for being honest and mentioning it. You have to come down extremely hard on them and absolutely forbid this. In addition to making them understand how cruel it is and how they would not like to be treated that way with lessons about how fragile human hearts are, you need to enforce strict punishments when this occurs. Not only is it extremely hurtful to your daughter, and could permanently damage her self esteem, but your other two children will feel bad about themselves one day when they understand what they did. Don't let this happen! Your daughter needs support and love from your whole family.
Best Wishes!
a m y

Do you have an IEP with the school? They should be able to help her with the school work. All my school age kids have a learining proublem. They are in 3grade and some of the test have them at differenet levels. I To went threw school with learning issues. It was harder the older that i got when it came to school. But i had the support of my mom and made it threw. Just let her know that you are there for her.

Keep in touch with her teachers and make sure that they are working with her.

I have a 16 year old daughter that had struggled all though grade school with a leaning disability. Do not let it go. Go to the school and insist on getting help. My daughter started in learning support in 7th garde and it has done wonders for her. The program is very good. My daughter is now as junior and has a grade point of 3.3. There is help out there you just have to go after it.

A.
I assume that she is getting learning support in school, see if they are able to assist in deciding what you should do. My 14 year old has been in learning support since kindergarten and she has been in two different school districts. My daughter also qualifies for after school tutoring in two subjects. She is almost been completely mainstreamed into "regular" classes. She also is involved in extracurricular activity of her choosing and must keep her grades above a "C" in order to continue. So far it has worked for my daughter. Hope this helps.

I know your concern is for your child, but it is important you also take care of yourself when you are dealing with a child with Special Needs. Check out prideandjoycoaching.com and sign up for the free newsletter. The newsletter is aimed at the parents of children with special needs and is a great source of comfort and information.

you can go online and check on different websites about the different types of learning disabilities, i have a ten year old son who is adhd. I can give you some different ones if you would like them.

Dear A.,
By now you've read several responses. #1 ~ if she hasn't already request an evaluation through LIU immediately. #2 ~ when going for IEP conferences ~ This is a COLLABORATIVE process. That means that this is NOT a meeting where everyone shows up and they hand you some papers to sign. It DOES mean that you meet with a learning support teacher or representative and several other people. As a TEAM you decide what goal to set for your child. BTW, she should be in on this as well. If she's already got an IEP make sure that you keep them to compare from year to year. My step-son got virtually the same goals two or three years in a row until I finally put my foot down. #3 IEP's are supposed to come with a "progress report" quarterly. That means that every time she gets a report card, an IEP progress report for how she's progressing on the goals should accompany it. If it doesn't, ask why, and let them know that they have two weeks to have it to you. You will probably have to remind them that you EXPECT to see EACH GOAL's progress, not just a generic overview. At this point, that's probably the best advice that I can give. Oh, one other thing, you can also request an advocate for your daughter if you think that her needs are not being met by the school or the LIU/IEP team. Remember, you know her best, so don't be afraid just b/c the teachers have a degree. BTW, if you have a friend or know someone with an education degree that you trust, feel free to let the IEP/LIU team know that he/she will be attending with you. You have the right to bring just about anyone you want with you, within reason. You also have the right to request a further conference or further evaluations if you feel that your daughter needs it. If your daughter is able, let her speak at the meetings. Allow her the opportunity to communicate to those present what/how she feels, and what SHE thinks she needs help with. In my step-son's case he SAID that he didn't think he needed help, but his actions showed otherwise. Also, the "system" allowed him to be lazy, not do assignments, projects, etc. and still be passed b/c of his disability. Good luck and God bless. Feel free to e-mail me back if you want to know more.

Hi,

I can relate totally. I have 4 kids and my 14 yr old stepdaughter has been struggling for years. She has two older siblings who are overachievers (one is on a full national merit scholarship in college now) and was always in their shadow. I knew she was just as intelligent but didn't learn the same way. I don't learn her way either so it frustrated me as well because I really couldn't help her. (she wanted me to home school her and I cautioned her that someone might die! ha!) I finally got her tested privately (the schools are useless at this)for dyslexia/disorientation disorder. (Go ONLY to a Davis counselor for this) Guess what? She fit it. We saved for the tuition (an intense one week program) and found a Davis instructor and had her take the training a few weeks ago. She is like an entirely different kid! The training tools are amazing and when she is "on point" as they call it she can do anything and is excelling in school! You would not believe the difference. I urge you to look for a Davis instructor in your area and get her tested! She loved the program and still does all the things at home. Not being of that learning form myself I cannot understand how her mind works, but believe me, I no longer care because as long as she understands it now and knows how to use the tools to help herself it is awesome! If you need help I believe there is a website and the books are called "The Gift of Dyslexia" and "The gift of learning"--read them and see if you don't see your daughter in them. My husband said he even saw some of himself in them. If you need help finding an instructor near you let me know as I am sure ours would be willing to find you one. I'm telling you this makes all the difference from learning to attitude to everyday life situations. Feel free to contact me at ____@____.com and I can tell you more. I cannot say enough about this program and how it has turned our daughter around. I also want to mention that her teachers and entire school system is so impressed with what they have seen in only two weeks since she has completed this program that they are all asking us how they can find out more about the program and if they can incorporate it into the IEP programs, etc.. My husband jokingly retorts that we will provide them with a full seminar for what it cost us to put her through the program. I had been after the school guidance dept and IEP evaluators for three years now and they did nothing. It is amazing when parents do this on their own and at their own expense how interested they get when they see the great results! Believe me, it was worth every dime we spent to see the outcome. Students like Debbie slip through the cracks every day and if you don't catch it no one will. I just got a call from her math teacher yesterday (her worst subject) and he is so impressed he told me he will do anything at all she needs and will work with her in any way to let her learn her way and is so impressed with this whole thing. As far as the siblings go...believe me they look at her in a totally different light now as she can shine where she needs to...just having her come home the FIRST night of training and ask if her parent or sibling knows what sesquipedalian means and can we spell it both frontwards and backwards as she now could?????? Shuts people up real quick! I would be happy to help all that I can.
N.

I don't have any advice on the learning problems but.......one minute you said your kids "are nice to everyone" and in the very next sentence you said that the younger ones put the older one down about her learning disability. You should not yell at them about that rather just look straight at them and say, "that's not very nice". After a few times of that being your only reaction, I'm sure they will stop. No screaming or yelling, that won't solve anything.

One other suggestion I have is to never, and I mean never, compare them. They are all individuals and all different. never even say things like, "why can't you eat all your dinner like your sister"? That just creates animosity between them. Only recognize the good behavior, "good job, Sallie you ate all your vegetables" and say nothing to the others. The others will want to do the same to get your praise and will probably eat their veggies too.
Hope this helps.

G.