Seeking Moms Who Have Helped Grieving Child; Grandparents' Dog Died

Grief is not a bad thing and fear of death is natural. Usually people use religious beliefs about the after-life and being with them later or that they still live in our heart and memories. The latter (hearts and memories) is humanist and works for most people's beliefs. We are all mortal and have to deal with mortality. The first way we usually deal with it is with a pet and if he's never had to deal with mortality until now, he is lucky to not have lost a loved one.

If I were you, here's what I'd do: I'd share my feelings - "I miss him, too". If I buried the dog on my property (which I have done with my cats), we would go there together and say nice words - how we miss him/her, what we remember - I would ask if he didn't automatically share. Can you create a memorial? There are memorials that can be created on the burial site if he was buried in your back yard (we use a stone with writing on it, but outdoor toys belonging to the pet can be put there or anything the child feels is appropriate). There are memorials created on bookshelves or small table & can include photos, toys, leash, etc. Or a memory book can be created. There are now even memorial web sites. Poems and reading used during memorial services for people can also be used for pets (and adapted a little bit). Here's one I like:

Let us be honest with death.
Let us not pretend that it is less than it is.
It is separation. It is sorrow. It is grief.
But let us neither pretend that death is more than it is.
It is not annihilation.
As long as memory endures, his influence will be felt. It is not an end to love –
humanity's need for love from each of us is boundless.
It is not an end to joy and laughter --
nothing would less honor one so vibrant
than to make our lives drab in counterfeit respect!
Let us be honest with death, for in that honesty
we will understand him better
and ourselves more deeply.

Though that might be more for you and adults than kids. There are books in the library to help kids with death. Your place of religion might also have a special library.

- J.
Mother, grandmother, & award-winning day care provider & religious educator http://www.joycedowling.com/
Developer, Prince Georgians Care http://www.pgcares.com/

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Hi L.,

I too am a grandmother and had to deal with grief with my grandson. He was 3 when our Golden Retriever died. It was a terrible loss and all of us were devastated as the pet died unexpectedly from Silent tumors which I had never heard of until then. That was in March 2005. In August 2005 we lost my mother, his great grandmother. I can't say it was unexpected since she was 91, but she was in good health and she too died suddenly. All this unexpected loss gave us no time to talk with our grandson and prepare him. What we did was to talk openly with him about loss of loved ones. He knows about God so he believes that our pet and "Grandmommie" went to be angels. We spend time looking for her in the clouds and talking about what they are doing. When it starts to rain he says Grandmommie is watering her flowers. Butterflies became our messengers to take news and our expressions of love. Everytime he sees butterflies he whispers secrets to them to carry to them. We participate in this as well. We have simply tried to make a sweet memory and story out of the loss. He has continued to talk about all of this and is very content now. We have since gotten a new dog and his parents have as well.
You might also want to check out Barnes and Noble Book Store. They have a childrens book on dealing with grief. I can't remember the name of it but anyone there can help you.
I hope this gives you some ideas that help. Just don't try to avoid the issue, talk to him..

1 mom found this helpful

Morning L.!

Well, I think what I would do is have him pray to God (if you believe in that sort of thing). It always brings me comfort. He could ask Him to take care of his dog and I would explain to him that the world is a better place there. That his dog won't be in pain anymore and our Father will take good care of him. After all, the dog is one of God's creatures.

I would then maybe have him draw a picture of the dog in Heaven and what he thinks the dog would be doing there if he was happy!

I haven't had this experience, but that's the approach I would take if I had to!!

Hope this helps!
K. C

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A friend's counselor advised her to get a stuffed animal that looked like the dog. We did this with my 12 year old nephew when he lost his dog and it was very helpful. He helped pick it out online (stores are too hit or miss to get the right breed) and that seemed to help too. He named the stuffed dog the same as the dog he misses. Also, there is a book called Dog Heaven that draws on the Rainbow Bridge quoted below. Overall, just talking with my nephew and acknowledging his feelings was helpful, but the stuffed animal seemed to really help him.

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I have always relied upon books, age appropriate, when dealing with death. I Suggest:What's Heaven by Maria Shriver, For Every Dog an Angel by Christine Davis.

GO to Amazon.com and put "death of pet" in the search box. you will come up with a long list.

Based on my experience with my own kids, the death of a pet is the best opportunity to deal with the subject and prepare them for future loss of family and friends. This could turn out to be a very valuable experience. Good luck. S.

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I know this may sound strange but it worked with my 8 year old nephew who lost his dog. His mommy got him something to replace it....a goldfish. Surprisingly it worked. I guess it was just a little something to fill up the void of something else that was missing. I don't know if that was the "right" thing to do or if he missed out on a "valuable" lesson, but he's not sad anymore. :-)

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Our Dog, Niko Died the same week my husband deployed. Niko was our 3 year old Daughter Mackenzie's best friend. It was really hard but I explained that God needed a dog just like Niko because he was lonely and he called me and asked if Niko could go live with him. I told her that God had a big yard, lots of toys and That God made Niko all better. I also bought her a stuffed dog that looked like Niko and she sleeps with it and she likes the fact that I told her she can talk to God and Niko when ever she wanted to, she just had to talk and they would listen. She was afraid that Daddy went away and he wasn't going to come back. In your case with the other dog being old too, you may want to prepare him for the inevitable. One thing you can do to ease the pain is and to help prepare your Grandson is to let him have time with the dog and take a lot of pictures. We still have pictures of Niko all over our house, along with our other dogs. We just bought a new puppy, but it wasn't to replace Niko for my daughter. Our other 2 dogs were females and there were alot of territory issues and we had to get a male to even things out. Let him know it is okay to be sad and talking about the deceased dog will actually help him. Talk about how he would play with the dog and some things the dog liked to do

1 mom found this helpful

Just has same situation with my cat who died- Kids did well with books from the library -one I liked was "I'll always love you" which tells the story of a boy and his dog who gets old and fat but he never forgets to tell the dog how much he loves him and will always remember the happy times they spent together-
Local librarians in the kids section can also help select some-
Google "pet dying" and a mass of the come up
Our sympathies for your furry family member

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I don't know if this will help, but the story of the Rainbow Bridge is lovely:

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together…

– Author Unknown

Good luck!

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L.

I am really sorry to hear about your dog and the grief of your grandson. I have a four year old granddaughter and we had to put our dog to sleep just last year. She had known our dog for her entire life and misses him still today.
One thing that we did was to create a "ceremony" for the dog. We had her cremated and wanted to dispose of the ashes on our own. My granddaughter's mother bought a beautiful cherry tree where we put the ashes below it and had a ceremony around the tree saying that we loved our dog and that we will miss her but we know that she will always be close in our hearts.
We always had a picture of our dog done and gave this to our granddaughter. So whenever she asks about the dog, we can look at the picture and the tree and talk about the good memories we had.
I understand that your grandson is older, but finding a way to talk about the dog and to "commemorate" in some way will help him open up and express his feelings about this. I am very glad to hear that he felt comfortable to see a counselor. If he learns to deal with this loss, he will be better equiped to open up and deal with future ones.
I believe that we must learn to deal at any age with the realities of life by finding the rights tools to help us.

Good luck

C. C.
Life Coach
www.coachingsteps.com

1 mom found this helpful

Because I believe God accepts our pets into Heaven as they make us happy, I told my girls about the Rainbow Bridge (story is below).

I also told them that our pets that pass always live in our hearts, and in time when we think of them, they will bring smiles to our face. So we talked about things that could help us 'remember' and decided upon a memory garden and that each pet that passes will have a special statue in the garden.

So that's what we started. It began with internet searches for statues that reminded us of our passed pet - a statue that seemed to reflect some part of its personality. I added a St Francis of Assisi to watch over our pets when they're not with us (Wikipedia story at bottom), and the girls chose a rabbit with it's ears perked up for Thumper; since then we've added a cat that's laying in a position similar to Luigi in life.

The garden is outside the front door - which we use every day and the statues face us as we exit the door. And while we waited for the statues to arrive, I planted some shrubs around the 'back' of the garden so when we leave home the little garden looks protected, and the street doesn't see it. This seems to give the memory garden more privacy and makes it more inviting. I've added a bird bath and bird feeder, so there's always animal/bird activity near the statues.

On special days that the children decide on (their birthday, a day in which they've had special memories of that pet, ...)
they go outside and put some special food by the statues for the living creatures - peanuts, corn cobs, sunflower seeds - whatever's in the house they think the creatures would like.

The girls also make sure the statues are clean and go outside with a bucket and soapy water and wash them down. This helps to give them pride in the garden, continues it as theirs, and I think may bring in some nurturing feelings they had for the pets in life.

B.

http://petloss.com/
Rainbow Bridge
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Wikipedia: Saint Francis of Assisi (September 26, 1181 or 1182 – October 3, 1226) was a Roman Catholic friar and the founder of the Order of Friars Minor, more commonly known as the Franciscans.

He is known as the patron saint of animals, birds, and the environment, and it is customary for Catholic churches to hold ceremonies honoring animals around his feast day of October 4.

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First, let me say that I am sorry for the loss of your dog. Dogs become part of your family and when they are gone, many people don't respect the fact that it feels like a member of the family is gone. My best advice is to be honest with him. He's old enough to understand what is going on - and he seems to have the right ideas going, so rather than trying to tell him that his dog will be alright, remind him that it is a cycle of life. Dogs have shorter life spans than people. It is a fact of life - death isn't easy for anyone to accept, but at this point, maybe this is the best time to explain to him your beliefs about life and death (heaven, an afterlife, etc.). It is NEVER easy at any age - just do your best to keep lines of communication open and let him talk, cry, scream, whatever helps him cope. Life is not a guarantee, no one is promised tomorrow. Hugs to you all.

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