D.H. asks from Bear, DE on June 16, 2009
Seeking Moms Who Are Quick Thinkers/ Seeking Advice About Kids' Friends
First off, my almost 11 year old does not take care of his teeth. I've been getting him several different products designed for kids, hoping to inspire him to want to more. Now I think he uses them only for the flavors. He has lots of adult teeth in there,but has already had two cavities. May be normal for a kid, but I don't like that. They are in his adult teeth, and now he must live with the fillings. Moving right along, his teeth now are really bad-looking, to put it mildly. I care about him and want his teeth taken care of, since they must last him the rest of his life. Somehow I don't think he really understands that so well. If we brush his teeth for him, like his dentist suggested, he backs away and resists as much as possible, like he thinks he's being goofy. If we can floss for him he freaks out at the blood which results from unhealthy gums. We have told him that he must brush with the door open,but he still runs to hide. I can't take him to the dentist everyday for THEM to clean his teeth. I'm just concerned because I want his teeth taken care of while he's young to save him all kinds of dental problems and resulting health when he is older. It can lead to heart disease,etc., you know.
He always hides his mouth when I talk about his teeth. Please don't anyone tell me it's just a stage kids go through; this has health and future consequences to it. Do we deny him any allowance and tell him we're using it to save up so the dentist can clean his teeth since he won't? He doesn't realize how disgusting it looks, and tells me he can't taste that it's filthy. He needs a reason to WANT to. He currently acts like it's too much of a bother out of his busy day to take time to brush. I'd love to take care of his teeth while he's sleeping, but I know that wouldn't work, as he would turn and resist then too. Does anybody have any ideas? Cartoon toothbrushes, etc. haven't helped.
Another little thing I'll try to make briefer is: what's a parent supposed to think when her kid always wants to invite the same kids to birthday parties, year after year, but they don't get invited to most of THEIRS? Some come each time,but I don't see why they don't invite ours to THEIR parties. Yes, it may save on the expense of a gift, but it's the social part that bothers me. I feel like a true friend will return the favor, and I feel stupid inviting them when they don't-like we as a family are trying too hard, but my kids insist on it--they don't even seem to notice that they never get invited to the others'. I do notice and it hurts me for my kids.
More Answers
K.K. answers from Erie on June 17, 2009
ok Brushing is important, BUT there are other ways to promote dental health. Mainly Diet, If you have pop/sports drinks/ koolaid in your house and allow him to drink it, then you are harming his teeth just as much. I'd tell him, either he brushes or it's Water only.
Apples, celery those sorts of things are great for helping to take care of teeth.
I'd be tough, either he brushes or there is nothing sweet and sticky to eat or drink.
Ask your dentist where to get the purple tablets that show were he missed brushing. I think drugstores have them.
The party thing is tough, We don't have a party each year, but if you do know the other kids are having one and just aren't inviting our kids then it does hurt. I guess i would do what i could to help your kids each make one special friend who would invite them in return. focusing on true friends instead of just inviting everyone you know.
1 mom found this helpful
A.L. answers from Scranton on June 18, 2009
D., I am a couple of days late into your question. First - You should not be brushing his teeth if he can do it himself!!! At 11, kids are old enough to be held accountable for his action or inaction. If they do not take care of certain basic hygiene issues, chores around the house, etc. then they do not receive the benefits other family members receive. Beyond allowance, this can include t.v.; cell phone, computer time, game time, outside time - basically whatever is important to him that will motivate him to correct the issue.
It does not hurt to scare children by telling them the reality that they only have 1 set of teeth and the consequences of their actions. The dental hygenist can tell them this.
S.F. answers from Philadelphia on June 19, 2009
(this was when my son was a littl younger maybe 8 or 9) i would stand in the bathroom with my son at the sink and watch him brush his teeth, (i still watch him but only because he likes to brush teeth while i brush mine.) i would make him stand there until he brushed appropriately. at first it was hard but now he knows that neither of us are going anywhere until he does it right. i'm calm and patient. he figured out really quickly that i wasn't kidding. it was a long time at the sink the first time.
all kids are different. even now my 11 year old just doesn't want to take the time to do it, there's always something else he can be doing. and it's still a struggle sometimes, i hope someday i won't have to remind him everytime, but for now at least i don't have to fight him...
Good luck...
S.
T.M. answers from Philadelphia on June 19, 2009
My 12 year old is the same way, i am seriously debating showing her a nasty toothed picture on the internet...maybe we have to show them the reality of rotten teeth :)
D.S. answers from Allentown on June 17, 2009
Hi D.,
Number 1: stop having birthday parties. What have your children done for you or the household to warrant a birthday party?
Number 2: Ask your son, "What is keeping him from brushing and flossing his teeth?"
Let him explain his point of view.
Let him make a poster board about healthy teeth and gums.
How to keep them healthy.
Consequences of not taking care of this teeth.
What have you learned?
Good luck. D.
A.B. answers from Pittsburgh on June 17, 2009
I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself. I would try the reverse psychology trick with the teeth brushing. Act like you don't care, he's obviously getting you worked up over it. When he sees he's not getting so much attention over it, hopefully he'll eventually just do it. At 11 I would think he's able to understand why he needs to take care of his teeth.
As for the birthday party question, do you know that the other kids are actually having a birthday party? If you know that they are having a party and not inviting your kid, then I'd probably quit inviting them. Also, they may have so many other people in their family, they simply may not have the money to invite all the friends.
You are probably a great mom, don't worry so much!!!
J.D. answers from Philadelphia on June 19, 2009
Some parties are really expensive, so maybe their friends are only inviting a handful? Or maybe they aren't even having parties at all, you know? i don't remember having birthday parties after 6th grade.
if they are showing up to your son's parties, then I wouldn't worry about it. If they were making up silly excuses, AND not inviting him, then maybe there is a problem, know what I mean?
L.T. answers from Pittsburgh on June 17, 2009
As far as the dental issues, withholding allowance for noncompliance is an option, in my opinion. Add it to his chore list and maybe offer extra incentive if he brushes his teeth everytime he is supposed to. If you haven't done so, maybe have him do some research on the internet regarding what happens when you don't take care of your teeth. He may be surprised to know that poor dental hygiene affects not only your teeth, but can lead to other health issues (such as infections that spread throughout the body). Perhaps his dentist or a dental specialist can talk to him from their point of view. An idea that is a little "out of the box" is to have him volunteer at a soup kitchen or maybe a nursing home where there is likely to meet people who didn't or don't have access to appropriate medical/dental care. He may get a glimpse of what lies ahead for him.
Regarding the birthday party issue, what if you start a new tradition in which you do away with the "friend" birthday parties and instead do something special with your family - a dinner out, a movie, mini-golf, or some activity of their choosing. If you think it is appropriate the birthday child can invite one friend. You can explain this change however you want - new household rule, kid parties too expensive, at a certain age the kid parties stop, etc.
Good luck to you.
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