Seeking Medical Advice

I try to put myself in your situation before answering. I feel very sad that you are in this situation. Every pregnancy should be a welcome and joyful event. However, maternal death is a very real concern... You don't want to leave your husband widowed and your girls orphaned. Ultimately, you have a duty to stick around for your girls.

There are so many aspects for you and your husband to consider. Religion is only one aspect. You will get a lot of religious messages from your post... It is for you and your husband to decide whether you believe in a God that purposefully puts you in this situation or purposefully creates sick and dying children. I personally do not believe in a religion that says God intentionally creates sick and suffering children.

If you go forward with the pregnancy, there will be hospital bills should you be admitted to the pre-partum wing for an extended duration of your pregnancy. And if your child is born too early or with complications, there are hospital costs to plan for in that scenario. I know one family whose newborn son used up the $1 million lifetime health insurance benefit while he was in NICU (for 8 months after birth); it cost $3,000+ each day for his medical care without health insurance. They had to declare bankruptcy in order to keep their house and cars. (He did survive although at age 2 he still has a feeding tube and has special care needs, although not expected to be mentally or physically disabled.)

Another aspect to consider if that, if your child is born premature, there are certain lifetime diseases and complications that you and your husband may need to plan for in regard to the care of that child.

There would be childcare needs for your girls if you are admitted to the hospital during your pregnancy and your husband's job doesn't allow him to stay home. And there might be more childcare costs in case you have a long recovery afterwards.

There is the possibility that your health might not never recover to what it was pre-pregnancy.

One of my closest girl friends developed HEELPS at 24 weeks. These were the various scenarios she was given by her doctors:
1.) Mother and child survive and are "fine".
2.) Mother and child survive; child is born premature and has lifetime complications.
3.) Mother survives; child dies.
4.) Mother dies; child survives (with or without complications).
5.) Both Mother and child die.

In her case, she survived and their son did not. Their insurance covered 3 weeks of hospital bills. They were out of pocket a couple thousand dollars.

If I was in your situation, I would discuss the reality of maternal death or premanent health risks (to you) with your doctor *immediately*, especially if you are sensing chest pains now. If you decide to move move forward with the pregnancy, I would also seek a financial advisor to help strategize on the management of hospital bills and longterm recovery bills for you and/or the child. And if you are currently sensing any chest pains, I would NOT take any medications (for anything!) without medical supervision, as it could elevate your blood pressure or cause heart stress, etc.

Lastly, please consider permanent birth control options for YOU (not your husband). You should make sure you aren't put in danger again.

Best of luck.

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Hi W.-

The only advice I can offer to you is to find the best doctor for your condition that you can and the best high risk pregnancy OB that you can and educate yourself about the situation. Make sure you know all of the risks and all of the possibilities and make an educated decision.

I would hope that even the most staunch pro-life advocate would understand your situation and would not judge you harshly for any decision you might make. This decision is not just about the life of this new baby but it's your life and the life of the two beautiful girls that you have already. They need you around to take care of them.

I wish you and your family the best with this difficult time,
K.

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Hi W.,
I. very sorry for your situation. Let me start off by saying that I. VERY pro-life, but I also believe that to mean pro-life for the mother as well. I would advise you to discuss the risk and reality of your death and/or your baby's death with your doctor and any specialist as necessary. Then have a discussion this with your husband and get his input because he needs to understand the gravity of the situation so that he can support you in whatever decision you ultimately make. That said, I do believe in miracles and know first hand that doctors can be wrong. Whatever you decide, I wish you and your family the best.

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Okay W....So...I did some research on your condition. IF...you and your husband choose to try and have this baby, I HIGHLY suggest you make an IMMEDIATE appointment with an OBGYN who specializes in high risk pregnancies. It will be your safest course in this as your thyroid and your baby are both going to need constant monitoring and as you are experiencing chest pains currently, I would have that checked out RIGHT AWAY!!!! I am linking a few high risk OBGYN's in your area. some come with reviews from satisfied patients even. I hope this helps and wish you and your family the very best no matter what your choice. Please realize that whichever choice you make for you and your family, NO ONE has the right to judge you for it!!!

Good Luck and Best wishes!!! ;-)

http://houston.citysearch.com/review/9874913

http://obg.med.uth.tmc.edu/divisions/maternal-fetal/

http://local.thenestbaby.com/ListingView.aspx?lid=525410

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Hi W.,
I'm not a big fan of any type of abortion, however talk to your doctor and see what he/she says! This may turn out to be your greatest blessing. I say pray about it and speak with your doctors! God knows what is best for you both! I will keep you in my prayers,
K.

W.,

What does your OB Gyn say? How about the cardiologist? I see that you are prolife by your message. Get the medical facts and then you and your husband can pray about it and talk to your pastor. God will lead you down the right path. I will keep you in my prayers.

Peace,
C.

This has got to be tough hon. I hurt for you having to make a decision like this.

You have to make the decision based on the family you already have. Adoption is out of the question since it's the pregnancy, not the child you are worried about. And it could cost you YOUR life if you have the baby.

I've heard horror stories about abortions (never had one myself). My best friend of six years had one recently, said it was the worst experience of her life. I think your best bet is to see your doctor. Tell him you cannot have another baby..because of your health, not because you "cant."

I wish you the best of luck. I can't imagine being in your shoes. Keep your chin up.

I can't believe the situation you're in and the range of emotions you must be going through. But, here's my opinion: You're already pregnant. I wouldn't terminate the pregnancy unless you know that your life is for sure threatened. Once that is established with no doubt and you will die if you proceed, then I would choose life for myself in order to be there for my young children. It would be one of the most difficult decisions to make, but I would have to choose to be there for my children. But, since you are already pregnant, and you know it will be difficult, but your life isn't threatened right now, I personally would not terminate the pregnancy. You know your situation better than anyone and you will have to make the decision. Just do so without regrets. Make the best decision based on the best information at your disposal. Pray hard for wisdom and peace and live well. Make sure your husband is on board as well. This will affect him as well. After it all -- spend the money to get permanent birth control so you will never have to face this decision again! I hope for the best for you.

W.--
you may already have made your decision, but i wanted to add my 2 cents. there are a lot of posts from folks saying they are "pro-life except..." that's not pro-life, it is pro-CHOICE. being pro-life means being anti-abortion. one cannot be pro-life for everyone else & be pro-choice for herself. that is NOT fair to other women who may find themselves in just your shoes someday, or similar ones. we are not the ones to judge what someone else is doing, that is God's job.

you are the one to make this choice. i agree with the posters who said that you need to think about the 2 girls you already have. what would happen to them & your husband if you gave your life for this baby? how is that fair to the family you already have, and who depend on you? think about the bigger picture here.

whether you continue the pregnancy or not, you definitely need to think down the road about a very reliable form of birth control. an IUD or an Implanon would be perfect.

also, you need to be seen IMMEDIATELY if you are having chest pain. this is true for anyone but even more so when you have a compounding diagnosis, like Graves disease.

good luck. whatever decision you make will be the right one for you.

You should talk to your doctor about this and to your minister/pastor if you have one.

It may mean that being prolife for you is choosing to save your own life which may be at risk. You should also talk to your doctor about convenient birthcontrol like the IUD or something that is appropriate for the long-term if present and future pregnancies are going to prove to be life threatening for you.

Good luck with your decision and I wish you good health and happiness whatever you choose to do.

The best advice I can give you is the same I gave a close friend recently who was told she would die if she had another child. She is now 6 months pregnant and doing well.

Contact Dr. Brian Kirshon at the Houston Perinatal Association. He specializes in high risk pregnancies. He is amazing. Do some research on him. I had 3 extremely high risk pregnancies and did not discover him until the third. I would never go to another doctor if I could go to him. My third child would not be alive today if it wasn't for him.

My prayers go out to you, your family and your unborn child.

Hi W. R,

I feel for you and I know that is a very hard decision to make. You should speak with people who can help you make the right decision.
My sister-in-law works for the Catholic Diocese of Austin Life Center. They help pregnant women with their pregnancies, and new mothers to get baby items. They also sponsor several maternity shelters.
They have counselors on hand to speak with women thinking about abortion and what their options are.
The phone number is ###-###-####.

God Bless,
W. B.

Hi W.,

I am sorry you are dealing with this. Have you talked to your doc about the chest pain?

My recommendation would be to see a maternal fetal medicine specialist (specializing in high risk pregnancies) http://www.smfm.org/ and perhaps a cardiologist. They should be able to give you better info on what your risks are based on your personal situation. And how frequently you should be monitored during pregnancy.

You don't give a lot of detail about your previous pregnancies, but if you had preeclampsia due to hyperthyroidism, keeping your thyroid levels well controlled before and during early pregnancy should lower your risk of preeclampsia greatly.

I don't know what kind of heart damage you have sustained, but talking to a specialist should give you a better idea of what your risks are. And more information could help you make a better educated decision. The doctors are there to help you with info & recommendations, but the final decision is still up to you.

My parting advice is to pray about your concerns. Good luck and God bless.

ETA: If you are hypothyroid as a result of treatment for Graves disease, you will probably need your thyroid dose increased by roughly 30-50% due to pregnancy. If you are on any type of anti hypertensive or blood pressure medication that will probably need to be increased due to pregnancy as well (or your doc may have you switch types). Please see your regular doc ASAP if you haven't already.

I sympathize and empathize with you in so many ways. It sounds like you already understand your medical condition. The choices you must make will relate to your values and beliefs. If you decide to keep the pregnancy, please make arrangements for the care of your two girls in case you become incapacitated. Knowing what options you have in the worst-case scenario may help guide you to a decision that you and your family can stand behind.

I would definitely consider all your options. It sounds to me like another pregnancy could be life threatening to you and baby. You have two other girls to worry about and you wouldn't want to miss out on them growing up or have them growing up without mom. I tend to be more pro-life also, but feel that there are certain exceptions.

Sweetheart, you are in a tough spot. What are the drs suggesting based on your past pregnancies? Are there any procedures, therapies, or meds that can be taken/done? Basically, what are all the options?
Does you husband know? What do you both feel and want?
If you chose to end the pregnancy will you both be good with that?
You have to do what is best for you and your family. Others judgement of your choice should not choose for you. Take advice and think about it. Then decide what will work for you, what you can live, and die, with. Keep strong and true to your heart.
You and your family are in my prayers.

I understand your concerns and I feel for you, but I think the situation is managable.

First of all, I suggest that you NOT terminate this pregnancy. However, you need to get your Doctor's opinion, only he/she will know the severity of your condition and the risks you face.

After discussing it with your doctor, GET SOME HELP. If you are going to make this work, you need to have someone come live with you, hire a college student, or get a friend, or a relative. You will need to be under the constant care of a physician, and will likely end up on bedrest for most if not all of your pregnancy (that's why you need the help). You should also get a heart monitor.

Finally, you should have your husband reconsider his position physically, or move to where he is, because you will need a lot of help. If you do these things, I believe you will be able to have a healthy pregnancy. Good luck and my God Bless you and your family, our prayers are with you.

go see Dr. Kirshon in the medical center Houston. He is a high risk specialist. I believe his first name is Brian...I think.

SEE YOUR DR. NOW. Your husband and the Dr. need to be in on this you may be prolife so am I but if it would leave you two other children with-out a parent what is taking you so long to make this decision.

W., I don't have much experience and your situation seems quite difficult. I do know that at 39 my mother with very high blood pressure was told that if she had another baby she would probably die and then shortly after did become pregnant. My sister is now 16 and my mother is going strong. Her situation is not close to yours at all but I do know that the Lord has a plan for everyone. He put that baby inside you for a reason. There's a plan. I'll pray for you.

Trust and pray to the lord, your health is important yes but the life growing inside of you deserves a chance. I would suggest holding up and getting the best medical advice possible. Good Luck.

Hi W.,

Does your husband know that you are pregnant? If you can contact him get him to come home. You need him near you right now. Also go and see a specialist that can help with your medical problems. There are always people that are experts with the things that we need.
Good luck. Pregnancy is a very stressful time. It was for me anyway.

W.

My heart goes out to you. I have never been in this situation so I have no advice, but follow your heart:)

Hi W.,

I've never been in your shoes, and bless you. Tell your husband you are pregnant, and get in to see your doctors ASAP, especially your OB/GYN, your regular doc, and your heart doc--if you don't have a cardiac specialist, you need to see one now, especially if you've had chest pain for 2 weeks! Why have you waited so long to get this checked out? What would you tell your husband to do if he had chest pain--wait two weeks?

I believe you are putting yourself at risk and worrying about everyone else, when your primary focus should be to take care of your health so you can take proper care of yourself and the family you already have. If you are not healthy enough to withstand a pregnancy, then your are putting more than 5 people at risk--you, your husband, your two daughters, a baby... and the medical staff who might be delivering your baby. Do you think that is a good/fair idea?

And, you said it-- your husband is out of town most of the time, so it's unfair to him for you to knowingly put yourself and your girls in a position where he cannot help you or them.

If you already have Grave's disease and you are considered high risk for pregnancy, will your insurance pay for prenatal care, delivery, and postnatal care if this is a pre-existing condition?

I cannot help but wonder why, after your history, you put yourself in a position to be able to get pregnant. Do you think this is responsible? If your daughter was grown and she did this, what would you tell her?

If you have a mother, and a mother-in-law, call them and see what they say--AFTER you tell your husband and make appointments with your doctors.

Bless you all and good luck! J.

Talk to your doctor. That can't be stressed enough. I'm sorry that you are having to face this decision, and I wish that you could have the simplicity of someone making it for you. I, too, have known a miscarriage to take place when this life was not to be; we've also seen cases where the mother did not survive childbirth. Sometimes "prolife" means "pro YOUR life". "Pro choice" means just that--you get to choose, and no answer is right or wrong.

W., I see your concerns about your babies as weel as your husband. I myself am Pro-Life. There are several factors that need to be considered. Your family, you, your unborn child, and your religous beliefs. If you are a christian woman, talk to you pastor if you feel comfortable and pray about the situation.

follow your heart on this one. god chose you to be a mommy to two beautiful little girls. maybe you are supposed to be mommy to three..just watch your health closely. urge your hubby to relocate his job. he should be home helping you and spending time wi/ you and his children before its too late. life is too short to be unhappy or let one day go unfulfilled.

You need to talk to your doctor to see what can be done at this point. Also find out about having your tubes tied or some other form of permanent birth control.