Seeking Input from Moms of One Child Families

It may be hard at first but you will get the hang of two kids after awhile. I have two kids myself. They are 3 and 10 months. I wanted another baby after my first son turned 2. I just did not know it was going to happen being that i was on birth control. But i love it as a mom. My 2 year old does not seem so lonely now that he has a baby brother. I think if you do want another one than you should do it. But all is up to you and your husband. Good luck with what ever you may choose.

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I always thought about just having one child, then I had my second, I now can't imagine not having 2 kids. they both are an enjoyment. if you think you can keep up with 2 active kids go for it. it's worth all the time and patience.

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Hi N.,

I have 1 child and I absolutely love it. I do love children, I have a lot of nieces and nephews so I constantly have kids around me. My son is 11, and I'm 43 years old, so at this point in my life I don't want any more kids. A factor for me was my busy schedule. I'm a single mom and work 2 jobs and that played a major factor in my decision. I think since your son is 2 and you have your husband to help you out, it would be a good idea to have a another child. My son even today at 11 always asks for a brother or sister so he can have a sibling that lives with him.

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Wow! I have noticed a lot of negativity about having only one child. I have only one child. My son is 7 yrs old and he is a wonderful, well adjusted, polite, happy child. I feel that the benefits of having only one child is that I am able to do so much more with him. He is able to be involved in many different activities. I make it to everyone of his school functions without having to divide my time between him and another child. I make sure that my son has many connections to our extended family as well as many peer connections through sports, school activities, play groups, etc. When we are home alone, it is a great time for he and I to reflect on the day and talk to each other. I am able to spend quality one on one time with him without having to worry about if I am making another child feel left out. Granted, I am definitely biased, since I know that this will be my only child. But I wanted to let everyone know that there are lots of upsides to having an only child. And....hey....no sibling rivalry!

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HI, N.,
I am having my 2nd child in a matter of a couple of weeks. We somewhat debated this, too, because my husband started feeling like having more than one would be too expensive. My argument was that our child needed a sibling. Then he argued that he didn't necessarily "need" another sibling. Then I pointed out that I was not talking about NOW, but about his entire adult life. It would be really lonely for him to be an only child as an adult and not have the friendships that one can cultivate with adult siblings. My husband has 6 siblings and I have 3. We all have a great time when we get together, and we all also have comfort that we will still have each other after our parents pass away one day. I hope you make the best decision for your family. Best of luck!

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This response if from a mom who was an only child. I had a great childhood but always wished I had an older brother. As I grew it didnt really matter. But now.... I am 42 years old and a mom of 3 and both of my parents have passed away. I now wished I have had siblings because I have no one to talk about my childhood with. Nobody to share my memories with of Christmas, family vacations and first day of school...ect Nobody to say remember when "mom did this" or "when dad said that". I also dont have the extra family support of Aunts and Uncles for my children.
After my first child was born I knew she couldnt be left alone and she had to have a sib. We were good with two until our little suprise was born Nov 06. Now we (I) have a family and we have crazy fun togeter. Holidays are fun and I am working hard to make great memories for them to carry in their hearts the rest of their lives.
I didnt grow up selfish as an only child and learned how to enjoy spending time alone.
So if your family includes one child they can be well rounded and happy. I am. But I do have to say after lots of tears about unexpected pregnancy and the birth of our "little peanut" ..... the more the merrier... Good luck ...:)

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I was very lonely as an only child. I was also the only grandchild so I was really by my self. My best friend was also an only child and she doesn't understand why I hated it so much. I know that doesn't really help much but I just thought I would let you know that it goes both ways.

Good luck. I'm sure what ever you decide it will be the right choice for your family.

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I had an only child for 7 years before we had another, and her growth has been amazing. She was pretty cool to begin with but having a brother has really matured her. Siblings are great!

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I was a middle child and love the fact that I have a brother and a sister. I too only have 1 but want to have another. I think that she should get to experience what I had...two loving siblings that I could talk to about anything, they always have my back. Why not give that to someone else. My problem is deciding when to have a second one.

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Hi N.,

My name is C. and I am an only child. I just wanted to give you input from a "child's" perspective. Eventually, parents pass and I've always wished I had someone to turn to and say "Remember when Mom and Dad..." without needing further explanation.

Hope that helps.

C.

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I have a two-year old daughter. My personal feeling is that the stigma of the "only child" is on its way out the door. As long as your son has an active childhood, lots of playmates, and friends that are super-close, then if you're happy with one child, so be it. I had'nt intended on having any children, or on only adopting, but when I met my husband, I knew he was the one and wanted to have one child with him. He knows I don't want anymore and I've gone so far as to tell him he should get a vascectomy. Yep, I'm that serious! If we do have any more kids, they'll be adopted - too many babes out there with no one to love them... That's my (less than) two cents...
K. in EC

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Hi - we were a one child family for 5 years! I always thought I'd have two children two years apart and they would be best play pals. Little did my husband and I know the toll just one child (beautiful and bright and kind and amazing by the way) would have on our relationship. She was/is amazing!! it was just us that couldn't get a grip - our parenting styles and personalities and ways of going about things were very different. Frankly and hard to admit, we had a lot of recovery to go through in our own relationship before even considering another baby! After hard times and joyful and finally through learning and new understanding we were able to consider a 2nd. To make matters more complicated though we were a one income family living in a two bedroom flat in San Francisco, renters with no hope of ever touching the real estate market. At times I was in such despair and thought that I would have to choose between a 2nd child (which I always dreamed of) and a house - a 2nd child would mean my staying out of work longer. To make a long and exhausting story short, ignoring all our worries, our daughter having just turned 4, throwing caution to the wind, we went for it! Our beautiful son arrived as our daughter turned 5 1/2! After a pregnancy full of worry about whether we were doing the right thing - (if you have another child please savor every minute of your pregnancy)on the day of his birth I had never felt such an immediate peace wash over me! Years of questioning and fretting were over and our family was/is complete and though tough at times we are utterly happy! I don't mean to tell you my story to confuse you or make it any harder for you, but just to say that if it's really really what you want then don't let outside concerns like downtime etc deter you. A very good family friend now a grandma herself once said that the greatest gift you could ever give a child is a sibling. My daughter's life is all the richer for it.

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From an only childs perspective, I hated it. I know some kids that were only's that enjoyed it, but I never had a playmate, let alone anyone to blame things on ;) growing up.

I use to cry and beg my mother for a sibling up until I was about 6 or 7 when my aunt explained to me that my mother had her tubes tied after I was born. I was so disapointed and was angry at my mother for being so selfish (like I said I was young).

I suppose I understand her reasoning now, however it's not the choice I made for my family. Every family's different and I'm sure you'll know what will work best for you. :)

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I am so glad you posted this question because my husband and I have been struggling with the same question - Should we have another child? The difference is that HE wants another one and I do not. His argument is that one day our daughter will not have anyone left in her immediate family once my husband and I are gone. I counter that with the fact that she is very close to her first cousin (they're 18 months apart) and that we have a very large extended family that she can rely on in the future.

My point against having another child (actually, there are many points)is that after having our daughter, I felt like I was losing my mind as a stay-at-home mom. It was the hardest job EVER and if we were to have another one, daycare would be so expensive for two, it may be "expected" that I stay home again. I just got back into the work world after being gone for three years and I absolutely love my job and being among adults. I think going back to work full-time has actually helped me be a better mom, as I now have some time to myself and am not so stressed and spazzed out when I spend time with my daughter. Also, my husband works a very erratic schedule and cannot guarantee that if we were to have another child that he would cut back on work. In fact, since it would be more expensive to have two children, he may work even more! Part of my insanity as a stay-at-home mom before was that I felt like I was raising our daughter alone, since he was always at work. Of course, I didn't have to worry so about making money for our provisions, but I certainly didn't have the in-person support I needed from my husband. I have told him that at this point if we had another child and his schedule remained the same, meaning he could not be there for us on a regular basis, I would probably grow to resent him and think our marriage would suffer.

I do see my husband's point though, but for my own sanity I think this is the better option. I'm not writing off having another child in the future, but it would take A LOT for me to consider it. In order to fill our daughter's time and keep her socialized, I schedule LOTS of playdates on a regular basis, so that she has others to play with besides Mom and Dad, and that seems to keep her happy and balanced.

Good luck to you!

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