Seeking Help with My 10 Month Old Daughter's Sleep Issues.

Both of my children went through this. I think that it is anxiety. I read a book and i found that this worked for both of my children. Lay her down just like you normally would. If she wakes up go into her room, and let her know that you are there by saying something like, "it is time for you to go sleep now. I will be right outside if you need me." Then cover her back up and leave the room. If she still cries, wait 3 to 4 minutes, go back in and let her see you. Say nothing, but cover her back up, and leave the room. Do that for awhile, and she will eventually go to sleep. My son was harder than my daughter, but when I added some music he was sleeping in no time. It may take a week, but she will get the since that she is safe, but you do not have to be right there beside her to be okay.

A.

I would try laying her down and letting her cry just like you're doing. But instead of picking her back up, I would go back in and have her lay down so you can rub her back, legs, head . . . whatever she prefers, to calm her down. If she cries again go back and massage less and less each time. We had to do this with my son for a while. Sometimes even regular children need the comfort of that sensory input to help them organize what they are feeling inside and calm down. After a couple of weeks/days/whatever, you can gradually ween her from this. Hope this helps.

I know exactly what you are going through. I was you about two weeks ago!! My son was exactly the same way. He fell asleep by himself as a littly baby, but at 9 1/2 months it all changed to the same problem you are having. He was teething for a little while, so that was a problem. But, las week I got the book "The Sleep Easy Solution" by Jennifer Waldburger and Jill Spivak. It has worked so great!! WIthin 2 nights Landon was putting himself to sleep at night and for naptime. It has a method they call the "the Least Cry Approach". It is a middle of the road between letting them cry it out and the no cry method. I love it. If you are interested, I will tell you more about it! I would suggest you get the book...it has help for sleeping all the way through age 5. Feel free to contact me if you want to know more. Good luck!!!

Is she teething? We had major sleep problems about 10 months too and our son was getting in 5 teeth at once. He was waking up all the time and refusing the nap. After about three weeks things got back to normal for the most part. We had to go through teaching him how to nap all over again. We did cry it out for night time and the 5, 10, 15 minute method for naps. Although I didn't think I'd do this, we did give him motrin to help with the teething pain and it helped us all.

The best thing is routine, routine, routine.

Let her know that it is almost bedtime, and then star getting ready. Put on PJ's, have a snack, a little bottle (sippy cup),brush teeth, a story or two, and then "bed time". Do your round of bed time kisses to everyone. Then go to the crib. Kiss good night and that is it.

With my girl (14mo) I have done this since 10/07, after my girls got there own rooms. She will cry every now and then, but when you go it to comfort or lay her down say "Good Night" and then leave. Next time you go in, just lay her down (no talking). You set the time limit of how long she cries (15 min's) is a good span.

The best thing is a good routine, and try to keep things the same. My daughter still like to have her bed time milk in her sippy cup and that snuggle time. That wind down time might just help.

I hope that this helps you. Keep me posted.

I don't know if this will help, and you may have already tried this. Have you tried not picking her up when you go into her room? When my daughter would fight me with going to sleep (I always just layed her down and left the room) I would let her cry for 5 minutes, and then go into the room and lie her back down and then walk out. I would repeat this every 5 minutes until she quit crying. By not engaging with her, she wasn't getting what she wanted and eventually figured out that her method was not working. I work in a daycare nursery, and this is what we do with the children there, too. Since we have 8 babies, we can not physically rock them all to sleep. So when they start crying, we walk over and gently lie them down and walk away. I also agree with the others, that a routine is very helpful. My daughter ALWAYS got a bath and then a bedtime story. It helped her to anticipate what was next. I would also, and still do, tell her things like, "bedtime is in 5 minutes" and then "2 more minutes to bedtime". Even though she didn't have a concept of time yet, she still knew it was coming. Now when I say, "bedtime in 15 minutes" she knows that she needs to go potty, brush her teeth, and pick out her story. (She's 3 1/2) Hang in there! I hope you figure out something that works for your situation!

Hi I have two children one who is almost 7 and one that is almost 4 and my advice to you is that if you don't stop giving in to her now and just let her cry it out a little then you are going to have this problem for a long time....As long as nothing is wrong wht her her crying and screaming for a little while is OK I know it sounds cruel, but sometimes you just have to let go she will go to sleep you just have to show her who is boss or you are going to have a long road ahead of you.....

A.

My older daughter now 4 did this. We wold do the routine bath, books, and then rocking with a bottle. Then we would say goodnight. We then just let her cry it out. It was so hard for us, but in the long run it helped for when she was older. She goes to bed so well now. I tried to go in to comfort her but then she would just get hysterical again. So it was just better to wait the 45 min or how ever long it took. If you do it for a few days you will see she is not crying as long. At one point she will stop crying at all and just sleep. If you do go in just don't touch her only talk to her then walk out. Its hard I know. I had a friend just tell me she would go take a long shower so she would not have to hear the crying. Because she always wanted to go in. Just do what you feel is best for your daughter. Every baby is different and you just have to find out what works for her.

My 9 month old boy just did the same thing...it was making me crazy! I finally had luck with laying him down and (this sounds horrible, but I was gentle!) putting pressure on his back just enough so he couldn't push up on his hands and knees. Then I just patted him and he'd fuss for a bit, but fall asleep. He's back to napping well and sleeping through the night after a week.

I know this is hard but you HAVE to let her cry it out. She has learned that Mommy will come get me if I cry long enough. Some little ones are very bull headed and will cry for a couple of hours. You have to decide to do it and stick to your guns. The earlier you break her the better off you'll be. If you go in to check on her DO NOT pick her up, tell her it is time to go to sleep. If she dirties her diaper take her out, change her and put her back in (it helps to not make eye contact). I know this is hard but it is better for everyone in the long run.

How long has it been? Have you talked to your doctor about it? If you haven't you might want to start there to make sure there isn't something wrong. Whenever one of my children started having issues, they always had an ear infection or were teething. For me I would give them tylenol and that always seemed to work because it was a comfort thing. Also, we always played a soothing song for the kids when they were having a hard time settling down. I also used the rule of checking in first after 2 min of crying, then, 5 min, 10 min, 15 etc. For me I never had to do it after the 10 minute check, so I hope something works for you.

I have had the exact same issue w/ one of my girls. I turn on some soft music and shut the door. I know that the screaming bothers us all. If you decide to try the crying it out method again try two things w/ that, one don't go back in and get her because she will learn how to get you to come in when ever she wants you and 2 turn music on. It has worked like a charm for me. Good luck!

I totally feel for ya!

My experience with my son (now 3) was that even though he was a very good sleeper, he went through several periods or phases of not sleeping or not wanting to be alone. I suspect your baby's turn of events is related to her realization that you still exist even when you are not in her eye sight: a development that is typical at her age. She is also learning that when she behaves a certain way, she can control her environment.

What I would do is continue to put her in her bed while still awake but drowsy and sit in a chair next to the bed. If she cries, soothe her with your voice but DO NOT pick her up or touch her. Maybe sing her a song. Stay until she falls asleep. The next night do the same thing, but put the chair further away from the bed and interact less. After another night, further away, interact even less, etc. Eventually sit just outside the door of her room where she can hear you but not see you. After that if she cries, do not go in right away. Give her a few minutes to see if she can settle herself back down by herself. If she can't, just peak in the room and reasure her but NEVER pick her up.

I know it is hard to resist your baby when she cries for you, but you both will get better sleep and be happier the next day.

J.
www.MindBodyBabyStL.com

I recommend the book, "Good Night, Sleep Tight", by Kim West. I never wanted to let my kids cry it out by themsleves either. The book offers a really gentle way of getting your child to put herself to sleep at night and stay asleep. The author hits on every age range up to 5 years old. I use this sleep tecnique with my boys and it has worked beautifully! The author is known as "the sleep lady". She also has a website, www.sleeplady.com I hope this helps!

Whatever you decide to do, stick with it. If you decide to let her cry it out, of course she is going to get upset and scream and cry. You will have to tough it out and deal with it. However, what you are already doing sounds like pick up/put down, a method recommended by Tracy Hogg, the Babywhisperer. Check out the message boards at www.babywhisperer.com for more info. It can be used as a sleep training method to help her learn to sleep through the night again.

If there is a lot going on & she feels like she needs "mommy" time, it might help to get a bed-time routine going. (finger play, song, prayer) that is followed each evening & maybe rock her for 1 minute to give her the comfort & connection she may be needing w. mommy. Then let her cry. That's what I do & it seems to be helping. When things are busy, my daughter/son need a little more of that comfort time & when they are slowed down, they often will go to bed by themselves, or my daughter (now 18 mo) points to the bed & will go down easily by herself. I also play quiet music so that they know its bedtime & are more easily relaxed. Good Luck! :)

from J. t to J. l.
it is really frustrating. my son took forever before he was sleeping through the night. it really was my fault for having him in the bed with me for the first 4 months. but what can you do? you should realize that your daughter is exerting her control. she is learning how to manipulate her environment, you namely and that is a good sign that your daughter is smart. you can appreciate that but also make it clear that her behavior is an unacceptable. you might not think that she will understand but you have to lay the disciplinary groundwork now. start a routine at the same time every night (really stick to it the first week) explain that bed time is at such 'n such. you talking to her will really help, it sounds silly but the more explaining you do maybe the calmer you will be and the more justified you will feel in asserting your control. you are simply setting the example: "i see daughter, you are asserting your control, now look here is how mommy does it." if you scream and cry you are only showing her that is what we do as humans, scream and cry until we can't any more!?
try the routine: baby bath time, story time, hugs and kisses time and tuck in and go to sleep time.

my son was a terror at bedtime around 16 months (besides the no sleeping through the nights too) once i did this routine, and stuck to it for a good solid week the next week it was a piece of cake. and now he is three and he adores story time and that is where i punish him. he only gets one story or none depending on how ridiculous he is being when he acts crazy about bedtime. now since he is three he's really testing me and i am grateful that i set the groundwork for the bedtime in stone before the 'terrible 2's' which are actually easy compared to 3's.

I also went through this situation with my daughter. Unfortunately what worked for us was letting her "cry it out" even if she was getting to that hysterical point. Our daughter had figured out how to "play the game" even at a young age. Your daughter probably nows that if she continues to cry she will eventually be picked up and held. We started the process by laying on the floor in our daughter's room with her. We did not respond to her crying unless it was warranted and she eventually did fall to sleep on her own. The first night - it took three hours for her to settle herself down and go to sleep. The next night 45 minutes until within a week she was going to sleep within 5-10 minutes on her own. Then, we started the process of standing in the doorway or in eye's sight. And finally we ended up just leaving the room. She was successfully settling herself to sleep within a couple weeks. It is not the easiest sleep method for a parent to try - but it does work.

I actually think that letting her cry it out is NOT the best solution. I just wanted to offer another approach for you to explore. There's a book called the No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley (her website is http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/). I found it at my library and it is full of wonderful, gentle ways to help your baby get to sleep and stay asleep, without the hysterical crying!

Hi J.,

Well I have a few thoughts.
* Make sure she is eating enough throughout the day and then give her a snack right before she goes to bed. I have found they tend to wake up during the night because they are hungry and it may cause them diffuculty to fall asleep.
* Make sure she isn't cutting more teeth. It could be this and it hurts to lay down at night. Give her some of those Highlands Teething tablets before bed and/or Tylenol/motrin.
* Make sure she isn't to hot or to cold. Mayeb she needs an extra layer at night or maybe remove a layer at night.
* Put a radio in her room at night for white noise.
* Make sure she isn't over tired. That she has gotten a good nap in the afternoon. My 15 month old has went down to only taking 1 nap a day, she started this when she was about 12 months old. I don't know if this is possible and maybe she needs a morning or still a morning nap.

Once you have all of these established or ruled out then start a bed time routine. I like to say the 4 B's: Bath, Bottle, Book, Bed. Lay her down and tell her night night.
Lay her down and walk out. If she starts to cry walk in there and lay her down and tell her no no it's bed time and walk out again. The other way to do this is hold her tell she is asleep but before you lay her down do the arm test. The arm test is when you pick up her arm and then let it go if it drops straight to her side she is out. If it slowly drops then she is almost there but not quite. Hope this helps, W.

I have four children, and have done the same thing with each of them to help them learn to fall asleep on their own. I did this around 8 months, although 10 months isn't too late. I start by reading them a book in the rocker in their room. I then turn off the light, rock them while I sing them a song for a few minutes, then lay them down. I get in the habit of saying "time for night-night" so they will get used to it. As hard as it is to leave letting them cry, you have to just do it. I close the door on my way out. Let her fuss for 5 minutes, then go in and without picking her up, comfort her and give her a hug. Do not stay for more than a few seconds though. Walk out of the room, and expect that she will probably cry even harder. Wait 10 minutes this time, then go back in and comfort her. Continue this by increasing by 5 minutes each time you wait. It may take quite a long time the first night or two, but I bet that after about 4 or 5 days, she won't even cry when you lay her down. I tried to keep myself busy with dishes or something so that I wouldn't have to listen to the crying. I know it's hard knowing they're upset, but you really are doing her and yourselves a favor by teaching her to fall asleep on her own. Make sure you do this method at naptimes also. I did this with my twin boys who are 16 months old now, and they are great sleepers, so if I can do it with them, I know you can do it! Hang in there!

I know it is hard, but I did the 'cry it out' method, and it worked. I had to call my mom the first three nights for her support while my son screamed and cried for forty minutes the first night, twenty the second, and about ten the third. After that, he knew it was bedtime. He wimpers a litte now and then, and still will have a fit for a few minutes from time to time, but mostly he goes right to sleep. It helps to have a 'bedtime routine' that is the same every night. Bath, story, nurse, sing "Twinkle Twinkle," rock, brush teeth, pray, sleep. Maybe bath, massage lotion, quiet music, story, bed. Whatever you are comfortable with. I have also heard turning off the TV 2 hours before trying to go to bed helps wind down. Something about it keeps children awake. Routines help children to know what to expect, builds trust and comfort, and makes life easier for all involved, children, parents, caregivers, etc. Hope that helps!