Seeking Help Organizing Daily Responsibilites for My Three Kids for the Summer

I'm always glad to see parents want to get their kids working and helping out at home. I always had to help out at home and had my kids do so as well, but unforunately too many parents just don't want to do the work that is necessary to make it happen -- and it is work, but its worth it in the long run. It teaches the children self discipline; how to organize their time; good self-care habits and hygiene and gives them a sense of accomplishment and also teaches them they can accomplish difficult tasks if they stick to it.

First off, make sure you have your husband backing you up. Even though he's probably gone all day, he will assist you in being the enforcer for the rules you will set down.

Secondly, some of the chores that you establish now can be carried over into the school year as well, so that there isn't a lag - but that the kids learn that basic living responsibilities are not a part-time thing.

There are a few different ways you can organize the chore divisions -- you can divide them and have certain chores permanently assigned or you can have a random pick out of the hat type of thing. The problem with the random choosing is that its harder for you to match the skill level to the kid.

My parents were the perfect drill masters, as I was a single parent it was harder for me to follow their example, but I'll use them as an example.

My brother and I, during the summer, were mandated to perform a certain number of hours on summer mornings everyday. My step-mother would assign the chores, usually organizing them the night before, or probably picking up ideas as she went along.

On weekends year-round, we were expected to perform a certain number of mandatory chores. We had a big house, my brother and I each our own bathroom and lots of rooms, so there was plenty to do. We had to clean our rooms completely top to bottom, clean up our bathrooms top to bottom, tend to cat boxes, vacuum the stair wells and/or hallways that were carpeted and dust common rooms as assigned.

Also during the week all year round we rotated dinner chores. My brother and I rotated either doing the dishes after dinner or helping to setup the table before dinner.

We were given a weekly allowance that was withdrawn if chores weren't done, as we got older and more stubborn (and I found this with my kids as well) we were also doled out punishment for refusing to do our work (no going out, grounding, etc.).

We always had the option on summer days and/or weekends to ask for more work for pay. We got paid a certain amount per hour to do extra work. I usually worked at home most of the summer to earn extra money for the week until I was old enough to get my own job.

I tried this routine with my kids but since I don't believe in corporal punishment, the level of obedience wasn't the same as when I was a kid. I encouraged more feedback -- within limits and also doled out punishment more consistently for refusal to do chores.

Also, the kids will try to rebel by dragging out the chores all day. Set limits. If Tommy doesn't get his room cleaned by 2pm on whatever day, Tommy doesn't go out and loses TV privileges (best to make this a real event to lose -- like renting a movie for the rest of the family to watch together or some other special event -- he'll remember next time).

Whatever you plan to do here are some solid rules to follow:

1. Consistency. The kids will probably get bored soon enough and try to whine for leniency or a change in responsibilities. Stick to your guns. Set a time limit in which they are expected to get things done in and a set day or time of day that is regular and unchanged. Kids need consistency and consistency breeds habit much faster, for you and them. Try not to change too much the way things get done, have them pick up a way of accomplishing the task and stick with it, make changes slowly. Kids, especially the little ones can get easily overwhelmed and frustrated if overloaded or if expectations seem to be a moving target.

2. Try to assign chores to their maturity/skill level. If they need some guidance, see if you can get an older sibling to help out or you step in and help out, but make it clear that they must do the work themselves -- not manipulate so that they sit on the bed while someone else picks up for them in order to just finish. This will instill poor work habits and also reinforces poor sense of self (I can't do anything/this without help).

3. Set up a chart, but keep it simple. You will be tempted to be elaborate if you're anything like me and you'll end up driving yourself nuts. You'll have enough on your hands being the onsite manager as it is. A simply chart showing the chores and who does them and a wipe off board or better yet, the tried and true stick-on stars so that the kids can track their achievements/finishing. They will enjoy seeing that affirmation of their good work all week believe me. My kids went nuts about the old stick-on stars on a chart that I put on the fridge.

4. Expect some crying and whining at first, afterall, they will be blown away that all of a sudden mama isn't gonna do for them anymore. It takes about six weeks of steady daily performance for a habit to set in and personally, my brother and I never really took to doing our summer chore time with any amount of glee. But I can tell you that the self discipline it taught us both has been worth its weight in gold now that we're adults!

Consider having some regular chores that they are expected to perform all year round, such as keeping the room clean everyday (bed made, pick up clothes off floor), larger weekend responsibilities and night-time dinner help out. When they grow up no one will be there to pick up after them at anytime, better they learn now than later.

Also, consider as well that some chores might be an opportunity for you and your husband to spend some constructive time with you kids.

I used to get paid extra to do yard work and oftentimes I worked with my dad on the weekends. It was about the only time I got to be with my dad alone and when he wasn't a screaming, stressed out lunatic. I'll always treasure those times and I know he did too. He used to want me to get up early on summer mornings to have breakfast with him to review the day's yard chores. How I wish I had done this! But he started too late for me to form that habit.

For my kids as well, chore time has sometimes been a hassle but oftentimes it has given me a chance to further teaching my kids and to spend some constructive time with them. Very important.

Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

Hi S.,

I feel your pain. First of all don't let them turn on that tv. Often we think the television keeps the children occupied so that we can get your chores out of the way; but in reality the tv noise itself creates an atmosphere of chaos and the children rarely sit there quietly, they are usually playfully wrestling which ultimately leads to someone getting hurt or they're fighting over what channel to watch.

I have recently declared war on tv and I have been very happy with the results. When I wake up usually I make a cup of tea and check my email. Shortly thereafter my girls wake up. They usually lay on the couch and chat with me while I check my email. Their waking up fully usually takes 20-30 minutes. They are not usually ready for breakfast, so I usually have my older daughter read for about 30 minutes (a book of her choice) While I work on the math book I ordered from their school with the younger child.

After the schoolwork the girls are usually ready for breakfast so we eat and chat a little more. Then we begin chores. The girls can help with a lot of chores. They make their bed, take the clothes from the dryer and put it in my room to be folded. They take any clothes that may be in the washer and put it in the dryer (they're very good about shaking them out so they do not go in one big lump) they put in a dryer sheet, clean the lint filter and start it up. They then start the washer for another load add in the detergent and then the next load (which I have separated for them) The girls also fill the dog dish and water bowl and they walk the dog. (we live in a small cottage like area with a dirt road which essentially circles our house) they walk the dog around this circle three times stopping at home after each circle (each walk takes about 5 minutes) they take turns holding the lease or the plastic bag to pick up after the dog. And Yes, they do pick up after the dog, happily. Other chores the girls help with include taking out the trash, bringing in groceries, getting the mail etc. They also help out with preparing meals and setting/clearing the table but they enjoy those too much to call those chores.

After the dog walk it is time for my younger daughter to do her reading (her reading skills are still emerging, not yet strong) she likes the Bisquit or Henry and Mudge books. My older daughter will sit with her sister on the couch and listen to her little sister read and help when needed. My older daughter loves this and her sister hasn't even questioned having her older sister in this authority role. This is a win, win, situation. The younger one gets the reading practice she needs and her bigs sister gets her skills reinforced while introducing responsibility and sharing.

I used to do most of these little tasky things myself thinking I would get through it faster and then maybe we would have time to do something fun. One day while the girls were fighting, the tv was blaring, the dog was lying around getting fat and I was running around in the middle of the chaos getting grouchier and grouchier. I shut off the t.v. and enlisted the girls help and to my surprise they were not only were very capable, but they also enjoyed helping out and were very proud of their work. They would say things like "we really help you out a lot, huh ma?" We end up spending much more time together talking, the chores get done and we do find time to go out to the library or park.

The reading part came a little slower, I had to be sure my daughter was in a comfortable, well lit area with no other distractions. I let her pick out a book of her choice, within reason. (she likes the Ramona books, the Magic School Bus chapter books and the Judy Mooney books) They are entertaining while still be challenging. I tell her she has to read for 15 minutes, but I set the timer for 20 minutes (so far she hasn't noticed) I check on her at about 15 minutes and if she looks like she has gotten absorped in the book I reset the timer for a total of 30 minutes which she easily accomplishes. I find if I tell her a 1/2 hour she feels overwhelmed, but it usually takes 10 minutes for her to really become absorped in the book. She also has a math book which we bought from the school and she usually does about two pages in the math book after her reading with me very nearby for assistance.

I know these things seem small and too easy, but I promise you the environment in my house has been so much more tranquil since I banished the tv. (we do watch an hour or so in the evening, Often a family movie which choose at the library) If your children are anything like mine they do not keep themselves occupied even when surrounded by toys, by assigning them chores they are too busy to fight. Oh yeah, children are also very good at watering and weeding gardens!

Best Wishes, Have a great Summer!

J. L.
Married, part time nurse, full time mom of two daughters, ages 7 and 8.

1 mom found this helpful

S., I would try a chore board. this is easy to do and won't take that much time. On the top, right out all the chores that you need help with. Down the left hand side right out your children's, your husbands (if he helps around the house!) and your name. Divide up the chores making sure you alternate who gets what so there is no boredom issue. Have the child put a sticker in the box once the chore is done. At the end of the day reward the children with a fun activity. Their choice! At the end of the week, if everyone has stuck to the routine plan a fun family outing for everyone.

Make sure they know at the begining of the week what they are working towards. For example, explain to them all that if they stick to getting all their chores done everyday not only can they have an extra hour of wii when they are done, but on Sun they can all go to six flags.(or something like that)

Try to make the chore time fun too. Play upbeat music really loud and be silly. Like if your oldest is sweeping act like he's going to catch your feet. or if they are putting clothes in the drawer pretend the drawer is a hungry mouth. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi S.!
Something else that I always found helpful was to set a timer when asking my kids to do chores. Most of the chores we assign to our kids take very little time to do but they seem to drag it out because they don't want to do them. I would have my kids "race the timer" to do their chores basically to show them that it doesn't take a long time to do what's asked of them...they just need to do it. We also had a NO TV rule until chores were done.

Something else that came to mind while reading the other responses was that I have a friend who's fondest childhood memory is of Saturday mornings when it was "cleaning day" and her parents used to blast Van Morrison while they all cleaned. Hearing a Van Morrison song always brings back those memories for her.

1 mom found this helpful

This question comes up a lot and I always get frustrated by some of the responses. I really do not think it is necessary to reward your children with money or toys for doing chores. Chores should be something that is expected as a family member. One person should not be responsible for all the household chores, it should be the responsibility of everyone who lives in the household. Children should learn a sense of stewardship and know that doing things that help out the community they live in does not always get rewarded with materialistic things, but with a sense of self worth. As adults we do not get paid for household chores and we should not be setting our children up for disappointment by giving our children money for their household chores. If your children want to earn money they need to work for it, (mowing a neighbors lawn, helping an elderly person with their gardening, etc.)
When I was about 9 or 10 my parents sat me down and talked with me about what it meant to be part of a household and a community. They explained that I was going to begin helping them out around the house and I was going to volunteer some of my time towards my community. Chores like...dusting, watering the plants, weeding and watering our veggie garden, folding laundry, picking up etc. I was allowed to watch TV for an hour in the morning when I woke up, then I ate breakfast, I did my chores and then I was sent outside to play or we went and did something as a family. I was not allowed to watch TV all day and we did not have any video games. I was allowed an hour in the morning and an hour after dinner and my parents monitored everything I watched, including movies that they had to preview before I watched it. I feel parents that constantly reward their children with materialistic things for everything they do are setting their children up for disappointment and failure, this is not the way the world works. Creating unrealistic expectations for them will not help them as adults. Verbal and physical rewards are what children respond best to, "Great job" and a big hug or a high five makes your kids feel like they accomplished something and like someone noticed them, that is all they need. Children do not learn stewardship on their own, it is taught to them. Start having your children do some volunteering with you, like reading books to children at the local library or visiting some elderly people in your community, just to give them some company and someone to talk to. Elderly people get very lonely and having young ones around makes them so happy. I used to play games with "Mrs. B" once a week when I was a child, it made her feel good and it made me feel good too. When I arrived at her house she always had warm cookies and milk for us to munch on while we played board games for hours or she would put together a fancy tea party and she would call my mother and tell her to put a fancy dress on me. She was alone and just needed someone to talk to and I loved listening to her stories of her late husband and growing up. It made me feel really good inside. Do kids get that now a days??? I do not think so, they expect a toy or money when they do something good. Raise your kids to be good stewards and start now, you will be proud when they become good citizens of their community.
I was an only child so my parents did not use a chart, but since you have three kids a chart would be useful. Give each child a chore each day of the week and use the chart just to keep track of it, stickers not necessary! Sorry about the rambling on, but I just had to get that off my chest!

1 mom found this helpful

No help here. . interested in seeing what they responses are. I'm in a similar boat with 2 young active children (ages 5.5 years and 15 months).

I totally understand! I have 12 and 10 year olds and we struggle with the chores and daily activities, too. I typed up a chore chart and hung it on the fridge with a few daily things (rinse dishes, unload and load dishwasher, care of dog, make beds, etc) and a few weekly chores (take out trash, clean room, etc). When they finish a chore, they mark it off for that day. If they don't, it gets taken out of their allowance so that when payout comes, if they haven't done all the chores, they get less money. It helps them take more responsibility. I also typed up a summer schedule that includes 30 minutes for chores each day. If they finish early, they do a homework sheet, practice instrument, or read. I usually let them watch 30 minutes of t.v. right when they get up to "wake up". Then, we exercise (usually they ride their bikes while I run or we bike ride together). Then, we do chores. One more idea: When I was growing up, my mom wrote a list every Saturday (she worked during the week) of all the chores that needed to be done. My brother and I took turns choosing which chores we'd do (flipped a coin to determine who'd go first). No T.V. or playdates til chores were done. I HATED it, but the work got done. Kids are not naturally going to enjoy work but they have to learn that it's part of life.

I'm with everyone that said a chore chart! My boys are 5 & 6 and every morning when they wake up they are expected to get dressed and make their beds & put any dirty clothes in the hamper. The TV does not go on until these things are done, in addition to having breakfast and clearing their plates. After lunch we spend 1/2 hour doing summer lessons in a workbook. It's all about the schedule. They actually say to me "are we going to do our school work". They love it and it will keep their minds sharp throughout the summer.

I have a chart hanging on my fridge w/ a list of chores for my 6 yr old. He gets a sticker on the chart for each thing he does then at the end of the week we add up the amount of stickers and he gets a quarter for each sticker.

A chore chart is DEFINITELY the way to go! I started my son on one when he was 2-3 and it had little magnetic cut outs he could stick on the board himself, which made him feel like he was more involved instead of me just telling him what to do. Now that he's 17, he obviously doesn't need the chart anymore but he does know that his chores must be done before anything else - TV, skateboarding, etc. Also, even though he has a job that doesn't mean he gets out of his chores.

I have to agree with Lorrain - I never paid my son or gave him a "reward" for helping out around the house. It was HIS contribution as part of the family. The only time he got paid for chores was if he went to a family member's house and helped them out.

I think it's important to let the kids feel like they are involved with the scheduling. I used to sit down on Sunday and plan out the week with my son. And change things up - don't make one child do the same chore all the time. Try to make it as fun as possible.

Summer ooooooooooy, i have 3 also but they are much older and messier

With that said

Go out and purchase 3 clip boards and write up chores that you want done each week. have your kiddo's check off after they have done each chore... is it one chore a week that needs to get done or a dailey chore?? make sure you specify!!!
Do they need to all make their bed and clean up after breakfast before they are able to watch a morning cartoon, specify it.
Now i am in the 3 teen stage so things are much messier, i get chores out of them by holding the mom transport at bay. And being the 2nd week of summer, i have instilled my charts again also, they know i mean business when those clip boards come out.
Enjoy you summer, you will have some resistance at first but all in all its getting everyone in the same routine as you..
I think there should be a reward at the end of the week and stickers at your kids ages for a job well done.
I have been treating on sundays at the local ice cream shoppe and allowing one trip to the mall a week unless there is an invite from a friend to come over, again stress the chores that need to be done first before they go out or have friends in.
good luck to you

Chore chart!!!
break it down so they earn small things each day and a large thing at the end of the week
the oldest one might like to earn $!!! give them chores that they are able to do and some that are challenging... make it happen so they feel responsible and good about themselves

Figure out what daily chores need to get done. Have each child pick something they think they can handle then have them own it. You should create some kind of poster board/chore chart or dry erase board so you all can keep track. Have some "rewards/activities" planned for each day once it's all done so you are all not stuck in front of the TV. Each child I bet has to do summer reading so I would encourage you to go to the library and incorporate that once a week. Have one day during the week where there are no chores and just fun. Like make Wednesday's the day you go to the beach, get everyone up and out of the house early enough so they are not in front of the TV. I have 3 myself but I work full time and my oldest is 13 so I have to really figure out her schedule so I don't burn her out.

Hi S.!
Have you introduced chores into your routine before? If not start with something small. The 11 year old can help with the dishes after every meal. The 8 and 6 year old can clean up the toys and put them away. Don't expect them to go into the right spots right away but at least getting them back in the room is a good start. Always encourage them and thank them even if they do something wrong or put something in the wrong spot. Give this a few days and then maybe introduce a chore chart. What ever you do don't expect miracles at first and don't expect every thing done right. With lots of "thank yous" and "you're such a big help" you can get your children (and maybe husband) to help with the chores!! Good luck!!

oh S. I feel your pain! I have 2 kids and am pregnant with the 3rd. I work about 30 hrs a week and my husband works fulltime. We have no routine and every few weeks one of us freaks out about it. The things we have talked about doing but have never really put into action are: chore charts, cleaning 1 room a day, laundry away daily etc.
Good luck

I think the easiest way is a chore chart. No TV or other "benefits" until their "job" is or are for the 11 year old is done. Pick and choose what they do best. I have a ten year old and he is responsible for his room and bathroom trash everyday, he takes care of the cat and fish, he loads and unloads the dishwasher and processes the recycles. He is also good about task things like getting the mail or watering the garden. I would say the 6 year old could help dust or pick up, the 8 year old can clean or fold laundry and the 11 year old can do a lot to help you just have to orchestrate it. Good Luck