Seeking Help on Sons Behavior!!!!!!

The signs of ADHD will sometimes go unnoticed for a while. Some kids don't show the symptoms until they're as old as 3rd or 4th grade...some older. Mine displayed the symptoms much earlier. It's hard to say without actually observing him if it would be adhd or behavior that he's picking up off the other kids. At home try this...say he's jumping on the couch and you don't want him to...walk up to him, no expression on your face, calm even voice and say "one"...if he does it again say "two"...if he does it again say "three" and one more time you point in the direction of his room and say "go". Before doing this for the first time you should explaine to him how it's supposed to work so he knows what the one, two , three, go mean. If he doesn't go, you pick him up and carry him to his room put him down, shut his door and walk out. It's called 1-2-3 magic. It's actually designed for kids with adhd. Now people say that you should leave the kid in time out for one minute per year of the child's age. Sometimes that's enough (like if they're attention seeking) other times it's not enough. I have a thing with my kids where I tell them to go and how long they stay in their room is up to them. They stay how ever long it takes to regain their self control. And if they come out to early (they're still acting a fool) I just send them right back. At first he may give you issues about going to his room...give him a choice...either go to your room on your own or I will carry you...but if I have to carry you, then I'm going to shut your door.

2 moms found this helpful

My son is 4 going on 5 in a few months. He is an only child and I am a single mom. I am having the same issues with him at his daycare. He is very active and likes the attention. Much like his dad who is not around as much as he is needed to help because my son listens to him. I'm just the mom ya know. I have a 13yr old brother who is active in school sports and has taught my son alot. After wrestling with his "partner in crime" at the daycare and putting a choke hold on him which they did not find funny, my grandma suggested an all natural type of solution. Instead of prescribed medicine which I don't think he needs, we are giving him a 1/2 teaspoon of peach flavored Cod Liver Oil. I know it sounds bad and it makes me cringe everytime I say it but he likes it and I will let you know in a few weeks if it helps. He will be going to Kindergarden this year and am hoping this will help him focus more. He doesn't have much of an attention span.lol I guess most don't at this age.

1 mom found this helpful

Hello M.,

I have been there myself with my 6 yr old son. He is a very smart little boy, and he loves talking and talking. He is very social and likes friends!
At the beginning of the school year, he had the very same problem that yours. The school works with the flipping card system to discipline the children in which green is excellent, yellow is good, orange means problems, red bad behavior and blue the worst. My son were coming with red cards most of the time just for talking. It was very sad and frustrating at the beginning. My son did not want to go to school when he used to love going to school in K.
Some people suggested about the adhd and other problems, I never felt that was the problem with him, but I checked it anyway, and the results were that he is just fine and he is a very normal and smart boy.
Finally, I talked to the teacher (after many suggestions received in here and friends)and explained to her what was happening with my son. I did it in a very polite way and trying to be objective. Since then, we are working as a team and she keeps me informed about my son behavior which got a lot better. He is getting more green cards and learning more things about being in an environment totally different from home.

I do not think I am giving you any answer to your problem, but I want you to feel that you are not alone M.. If you feel that his teacher is not being fair, just talk to her and try to make a plan; otherwise go to the principal. Some kids smarter or better prepared than others get really bored in class and need other things to do to keep themselves focused, quiet and still..that's all. You have to talk to your little guy EVERYDAY about being respectful and considerate with his classmates and teacher. It is what I and my husband do everyday. Reward your kid every time he does OK and behaves the way is supposed to do, and do not exaggerate and talk every minute about school, just let him vent and "be free" at home and then let him talk and cry if he wants. This still happens with my kid. There are still some things that make me feel upset and I let my kid's teacher know about it. Today for example, my son was given a red card because he forgot the tray in the lunch line which is totally unfair...and so on..
In summary, my kid is trying really hard to meet his teacher's expectations,even when they are not very realistic sometimes for a 6 yr old boy. He is doing really good though and I am proud of him, and he knows it!..

Good luck and be there all the time and talk to his teacher...

A.

A.

1 mom found this helpful

M.

i have been there,,,,the teachers said my son needritalin, and all this other stuff...i refused to put him on things, and the test that give to determine if your child is ADHD, i couldnt even pass, and i was 32 at the time...i told the teachers that...and they just laghed...i wasnt very happy...

i agree with one of the other moms, reward him...if he goes a day with out getting in trouble at home or school...put a penny or somthing in a jar, if he is bad, you take one out, and twhen the jar is full, take it to one of the coinsters, and let him spend the money on what ever he wants...i work fulltime in health care too, where do you work, if you dont mind me asking.

L.

1 mom found this helpful

go with your gut instinct and what your doctor says - Medication is not always the answer for everything - My sons teacher also said within the first few weeks of school that he needed medication and was adhd. However she soon found out from his former teacher what the deal was and has not brought it up again. He is your child and you have to just let what his teacher says go out the ear because it is so not needed.
My neighbor had the same problem when her son got into first grade and she just inforced that there are times to talk and times to listen and do work. she might have given him insentives to not talk like a treat at the end of the week or time with mom - it seems to be working!! Good luck

1 mom found this helpful

First of all, in my opinion, you need to tell the school to back off. You are the parent and they need to respect that. How are your sons grades? I ask this because I wonder if he is bored. I have come across children who catch on to things really fast in school so they get bored with it quickly. Or they already know it, and have no desire to go through it again. Have you tried a reward system? Get a jar and a bunch of marbles. Every day that he gets a "good job" put x amount of marbles in the jar. I don't mean just in school, but at home with manners, homework, chores, etc. But on the other hand, take the marbles out when he isn't so good. When the jar is full, he gets a reward (a movie, a night out for pizza, a special something that he wants). This way he can see his progress and let him be the one to put the marbles in and take them out. This lets him be responsible for his behavior. Good luck!

M.

1 mom found this helpful

My brother had problems talking in class and being the class clown. The school wanted him put on meds. He ended up on probation by the time he was in the 4th grade. His problem with school was that it wasn't challenging enough. There were only certain teachers that understood this and gave him extra, more challenging work. It seemed to work. So I would suggest that you evaluate his work and see if he needs advanced placement or envolvement in sports to help. All children are 'hyper active' they're supposed to be. The body is built to move and play which is why we tend to be restless in winter.

1 mom found this helpful

I had the same exact problem with my now 13 year old daughter. It all started when she was the same age as your son. I even took her and had her tested for ADD/ADHD. She doesn't have it! She's just a sociable kid! She was always good at home and rarely got in trouble. In school, she would just talk out, chatter with friends or fidget in her seat. I think teachers and/or doctors are too quick to diagnose ADD these days. I kept in close contact with her teacher. We devised a behavior folder that she brought home every day that stated how she did and how well (or not) she behaved. Every Friday, if she had a good week, with no strikes against her, then I rewarded her. I think the key is persistence and consistancy. Your son could be bored. Maybe he's advanced for his age and just needs more to do? I would say just keep in touch with his teacher and tell keep working with him as best as you can. It will just take time!

1 mom found this helpful

Unfortunatly i had the same thing here i took my daughter and had her put on drugs, This in turn made the teachers life a lot easyer cause she didn't have to "deal" with my daughter. but in turn this made my daughter a veggitable she didn't want o do anything.
I took her off the druggs and Just started talking with her about things and now i give the teachers a grain of salt. with what they say. I feel that they are tooo fast to jump on the medication band waggon. It is sad when they just don't realize what a child is brought into this world for.
The same happend with my brother as well the teachers would thro a fit cause he would Squirm in his seat and move about
he was a hyper active child. When medicated he acted like a Zombie in the class room.
It finaly came down to his reportcrd being all f's
mom took my brother off the drugs and ask the teacher when she whent in the class room if he squirm in his seat the next year. Teacher said yes she said ok he is learning you leave him alone.

IF your son is not hurting anyone and is just talking alot tell the teacher that you will help her figure out a way to fix this but drugs are out of the question. Than the process of getting one lil boy to relize that there is a right time for talking and than there is a Quite time

1 mom found this helpful

Being a first grade teacher myself, they do not have the right to suggest medication. Teachers can suggest testing... that's the extent of it. If you feel you want him tested (to prove the teacher wrong) then request it. If parents request testing, schools must provide it. Otherwise, tell the teacher medication is not an option so you would appreciate him/her not mentioning it again. However, siding with the teacher as well, try to get a handle on his talking, it really can be a disturbance... and not just to the teacher, but to the other students as well and it's not fair to them either. I hope you understand where I'm coming from! :)

1 mom found this helpful

M.,
First off I want you to know that any teacher who suggests/insists that your son needs medication is practicing medicine without a license...(that's illegeal). I am a RN and have 4 children with a reading disability. I have been told by teachers that they CANNOT suggest to parents to place their children on medication. That this teacher is refusing to listen to you says alot about her. Is she also NOT listening to your son when he is in class?

Go to the principal and state your objections as to how this teacher is communicating with you, her insistance on placing your son on medication when there is NO medical reason for it, the doctor's and the therapist's findings that there is NO MEDICAL BASES for placing your son on medication and the teacher's refusal to listen to you. Ask that you son be evaluated...it costs the school system alot of money to throughly test these kids..maybe he is advanced and is bored, maybe he has a learning disability and he doesn't understand something in class, maybe he is alittle bit imuture and just needs to grow up...see if the principal feels that there is a need to test your son. Have a consquence at home when he brings home a negative report. Then disuss with him the proper times when he can talk and when he can't also what he can do insead of talking.
Ask the principal for another meeting with the teacher and the principal so that you can discuss a plan for your son to be a success in school.
Good Luck

1 mom found this helpful

Oh I would be SO mad!!

I absolutely CRINGE at the number of not only teachers, but parents, who just happily go along with the idea that just because a kid social, talkative outgoing and high energy they all the sudden have to have ADD or ADHD and be on medication. Talk about the most over diagnosed illness in children! Maybe some of those kids need more discipline, maybe a more creative outlet for their energy, and as other moms have said, maybe your son is just very intelligent and needs a bigger challenge!

I would certainly take it up with the prinicpal. The teacher has no right insinuating your child has ADD, she is not a doctor. As for your son's new behavior in thinking there is something wrong with him, I would probably step up on that and make sure he doesn't start to use that as a cop out on why he isn't doing well in other areas. I'm sure the insinuations can hurt his self esteem, but encourge him that he is very bright, and has nothing wrong with him and you will not accept that as a reason to not do well. And make sure he knows even if he did have something wrong with him, you still expect his personal best...

1 mom found this helpful

My sister-in-law had this problem a couple of years ago. She got her peditrician to reccomend a psychiratrist (sp?) and took her son to him for evaluations. The result? Of course he didn't have ADD or ADHD. She a copy of the evaluation to the principal and told her that if they didn't stop insisting that her son needed medication she was suing. I know that sounds extreme, but that's what it took for her to get her point across.

Your son's probably bored in class. Are the assignments challanging enough? Tell the teacher to keep him busy and keep him thinking. He can't act up if he's consumed in a book, math games, science games, or anything like that.

1 mom found this helpful

My son, who is now 8, was exactly the same when he was in first grade. He was, at the time, an only child too, and he, because of being an only child, wanted to socialize more at school because I think he missed that interaction at home. Although I would schedule play dates, they were few and far between as I was, at the time, a full time working mother as well. We also had a teacher make a comment to us about his "extra energy" and wanted to know what the doctor said about that. I was furious about that. Just because a child is social and active does not mean they need medication. We never even went so far as to take him to a therapis because we were confident that there were no issues. We did, however, have him moved to a different class room. We felt that the teacher did not want to assist us to keep him from wanting to talk and socialize during class. He was getting his work done, often times, before the other children. We asked that other activities be given to him, reading or otherwise, to make him consentrate and leave the others to finish their work. She did not want to do that. The class he was moved into, that was totally fine and he started relaxing and the socializing did decrease quite a bit. Now, at 8, he had really grown out of that. I am sure that your son will as well. I think the more they are able to socialize outside of school, obviously, the better. I remember my son's behavior changing a bit at home during all of this too and that was, for the most part, due to the hastle he was receiving from his teacher at school.

1 mom found this helpful

Is there an option to maybe have him moved to a diff. class with a diff. teacher? Puttin a child that young on meds isn't called for. Most of the time the meds make them like a zombie anyways. My lil sister who is now 20, married and has a baby was on it when she was 10-12 and it made her not want to eat and she wanted to sleep all the time. I'm sure that isn't what you want for your child. You could also take a report into the teacher from the ther. and ped. and let her know in a nice way that you are in no shape, form or fashion going to put your son on medication neither dr. says he needs. If she keeps up let the school superintendent know about it and let them deal with the teacher. Your son sounds like a normal 7 yr old child to me. I also have a daughter who is 7 and one that is 5, they've both had the same problem with talkin in class. That's just the way kids are sometimes.

1 mom found this helpful

He is your son. You know him best above anyone else. If you feel that he does not need medicine, and you don't want to put him on meds, then stand your ground. You may need to sit down with him and explain to him what he is doing and what his actions are leading to. Then sit down with the teacher and your son and try and work out a solution. I'm sure it's not going to be easy, but it will be worth it. For you and your son. He will thank you for it later! :) Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

M., I have had and am still having the same issue with my son who is 7 going on 8. Since kindergarten they have (schools) been trying to tell me that my child is ADHD. So I took him to the Peditritian and she said he absoultly does not have this. The only way they can accurately diagnois this is by doing a CT scan of the brain(which most doctors don't tell you) People tend to think just because a child has a little more energy than thier peers automatically something is wrong with them. I agree with the other comments posted. My child just has a stronger personality than some of the other kids around him. Hes not afraid of saying whats on his mind. He is just like his father(who we say has never met a stranger) So my advice is do what you feel is right. You know your child better than anyone else does. I look at the bright side of this. These are the children that grow up to make a difference in the world because they are not afraid of following thier dreams. They feel there is nothing to hold them back.

I would suggest just try talking to your son about the talking. Don't listen to those teachers about the meds. My son was treated the same way and I was told he needed meds. I talked to the Dr. he did put my son on meds but it made him alot worse than he was it turned him into someone I didn't know. He does have adhd but he has been of the meds for over 3 yrs now and is doing fine he just needs alittle more quideance. Just be patience with your son. The teachers in my eyes just want them on the meds so it makes their job easier no matter what it does to the childern.

Dear M.,I don't believe that your son needs medication to stop his behavior. The teacher isn't wanting to deal with him and thats why they do that. Maybe the thing to do with your son is to teach him how to listen and how not to be so excited when around other children. He is really only interacting with other children. Just try to work with the teacher and ask can we work together on helping him not punishing him. It sounds like he is just excited really they grow and change every year.....