23 answers

Seeking Help on Dealing with Teenage Girl Relationship with Boys

I have a 12 year old daughter who has been on the internet pretending to be older than what she really is. she uses graphic language to describe how she will interact sexually with boys who she communicates with. she has few friends who are girls but always talk to boys. I believe she is a virgin still but she pretends that she is not. Her father and I are divorced, but she still continues to have a good relationship with both of us. she also has very suggestive pictures of herself on the internet. Can someone out there provide advice on how to handle this situation?

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What can I do next?

Featured Answers

This is scary...get help from the local authorites. Take her down to the local police station and ask for a female officer to talk to her. What she is doing is very, very dangerous. Sit down and have a frank discussion about Sex. Let her know you are there for her. Good Luck!!

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I met a man in chicago who owned a company that had a product that allowed parents to track all interenet activity. I agree sinister reasons need to be investigated but in these days graphic sex is EVERYWHERE so it may be as benign as too much media time. good luck!

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Run, don't walk, to a counselor. In addition to the suggestions to take away and monitor computer access, which I agree with, there has to be something else going on for her to engage in some of these behaviors. Your daughter needs to see someone to talk about what's going on with her, and you and her dad should participate in whatever ways the counselor or therapist suggests. There is an element of respect and privileges, etc. for your daughter, but most 12 year old girls are not behaving this way. I'm not naive enough to believe that some kids don't behave this way, but really, it's not the norm. Good luck to you and your daughter. She needs your love and support, along with limits, and consequences.

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Hi M.,
i can relate to your daughter in a lot of ways. I'am now 20 and live with regret of the things that i have done in the past. i want to tell you my story so that hopefully you can find a way to do things differently then my mother did for me and find away that will bring your daughters confidence in herself up. so here it goes, Now im not saying that this happen to your daughter but it could have beacuse it was a reason for my actions, but it could also be the exposer to our children as in the image that the world porstarys to them that they have to be sickly skinny and dress like there harlets ect. but pretty much all my life i was malested by family and friends of the family even a classmate tried raping me and this started at age 4 until i was 11 when i opened my mouth about my stepfather hurting me. when i told my mother she didnt believe me and saqid that i wasnt a virgin when i got my period at 11 and i was just a liar tring to ruin her marriage i was a child i didnt worry about her marriage and i lived with my father, but i acted just like your daughter when i turned 12 or 13 and by 15 i had lost my virginty and got pergnant a year later thankfully and i kno this isnt rite but at that age i wasnt ready but i miscarried but only cuz the boy that i was with just wasnt with me and he cought an std thankfully it wasnt anything perminit, and because of all the hurt in my life i had become bitter and didnt care about myself and my body and my virginity ment nothing to me. i had a boyfriend at your daughters ages and a child that young should be focasing on school, another thing school i was terrible i didnt care, i was very direpectfull to my parents i did whatever i wanted and no one could tell me differently and i wish that my mother would of handled everything like a mother should cuz i strongly believe that my life would be so different and it wasnt til i had my daughter 8 months ago that i realized that what i was doing in my life and what i was doing to myself wasnt the rite. and i can only make it better by doing things differently for my daughter. i think you should talk to your daughter and ask her and tell her to be honest and that you will be there to protect her and believe every word of what she says and that it will help to let go of whatever it is that she is not saying and it will make her feel 100x better and if this is not the case look into who she is hanging around with, she can be a victem of another child who also is a victem from somebody else. but if your daughter has never been touch in any wrong way just talk to her about what bothering you she may not be willing to tell you rite away but it important that you sit her down and make her talk to you about whatever it is of course be understanding (very important) and listen to her and dont just be her mother be her friend. please do your best do not just let this go i do not wish what i went threw and my life on any child and if i could go back and change my life i would and many others to. my life is difficult now i didnt get to graduate on time and go to college right away, i love my daughter by even at 19,20 i was not ready but im thankfully for her cuz she helps push me do whats rite and im thankful that her father is still with and by my side and not many men do so. sometimes it take these types of things for teens to realize what there doing may not be the smartest thing. i hope this help in some way and if you need someone to talk to your daughter that went down her path i would be glad to do so she might need someone that went threw what she is, it might helper but i think you will do a fantastic job in talking to her because obiviously yo love her to ends of the earth to ask for advice on what to do i know you want the best for your daughter, she is a lucky girl to have a mother like you i wish i could of had the same =) well i hope everything works out and good luck!

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Time on a computer is a privilege-one that she has clearly abused. Need to set some hard and fast rules Mom, after having a serious talk with her about her behavior. Make it clear why you are upset with her, and what she needs to do to get her privileges back. She could do this at a friends house as well so maybe those privs need to be suspended for a time too. I would certainly be sure she understands how much you love her and are afraid she is actually endangering herself. There is alot of info about all of this out there now, so get some and make her read it, view it or whatever. The next step is finding out what is missing from her life that she feels the need to do this. She may require some therapy or you both may as a family. Get to the bottom of it. It isn't only about punishment-teens will ultimately do what they will. You want to be firm but loving. The bond between you is very important at this time. And of course get Dad involved too. He may freak out though-be prepared. You both need to be on the same page. Essential! Good luck.

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Take the computer away. If you need to use it yourself for important things then I know there is a way to lock her out of it but not sure how. You know how dangerous this can be. And you are lucky you are dealing with this now. Although you can't stop her elsewhere you can show her you mean business. I have two sons and a couple of things have happened that prove to me how scarey it is and could have gotten. And get counseling for her pretty quickly. She is normal in that her hormones kicked in and she wants attention for being a beautiful girl, but sadly these things can become worse. You are lucky that she is in a good relationship with both you and your ex. Now is a time if possible that you and your ex might have to come together and explain the seriousness of it. If you can't talk to him about it then find another person to be with you if you are uncomfortable on your own. Then reestablish computer use. She might need it for homework (so they say) but having worked in schools there is plenty of time to use school computers and they are generally not permitted in the personal websites. Without detailing you know the dangers lurking out there and you are wise handling this right away. I wish I could be there to help you and talk to her-that is your baby and you love her so much even if she is twelve. Good luck to you!

1 mom found this helpful

This is your shot to pull her back to you instead of pushing her away. First don't let her bedroom be an apartment...kids have televisions, phones, computers, and some even cute little fridges in their rooms. They start to wall themselves off in their little apartments. Parents let them because they are trying to give them space to grow. Kids do it to be left alone because either something is bothering them or they don't want you to know what they are really doing. If there are suggestive pictures of her on the internet it is potentially illegal if you know hoe remove them, if not get help to remove them. Talk to her, ask her what is going on with her, find out if someone has touched her or hurt her. Show her pictures(yes they are disqusting) of STD's, drug addicted peoples sores and have her help you with a volunteer job at a homeless shelter. Where she will see young mom's struggling, what can happen if she gets in a hard place. Also talk to Dad, if he has visitation rights make sure they are going okay and that there is always supervision now is not the time to leave this child alone or assume she is mature enough to handle things...there will be a time for that.

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Get rid of her computer access!

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She is 12...Pay close attention to her. She could be doing exactly what some of her friends are telling her to do. She could also being acting out because of the divorced...In any event, take the computer and if possible make sure her internet access is limited. Explain why the pics should not be on the web and along with her take them down.

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M., you indicated you believe your daughter is still a virgin. I'm certain that you have talked to her openly about sex and the consequences of it prior to marriage. I have one daughter who by God's grace didn't come into her own until away from home (college). I did have to allow her to have a "friend boy" (I was in denial). She was very open and honest with me and I didn't want her sneaking around doing anything. You are in control of your home and what is in it. She should have limited use of the internet and retricted sights. This might cause her not to be your best friend but at this stage you really don't want her to be your best friend. You should also get your ex involved and let him know exactly what is going on. Although you are divorced you may wan to consider counselling because you never know where this type of behavior has come from. A good church and the fear of God is also very important, especially in these times. Good luck and God bless!

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