19 answers

Seeking Help from First Grade Bullies

My grandaughter is six years old and just started in the first grade. She already has a little girl who is physically bigger than her bullying her. I want my grandaughter to learn how to handle these types of situations since they more than likely will happen at various times throughout her school life. I want her to learn how to address these issues in a positive way. If anyone has any guidance to give I would greatly appreciate it.

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So What Happened?™

I would like to thank all of you lovely ladies for taking the time to email you encouraging and helpful thoughts. I printed them all out and gave them to my daughter. She and her husband on actively working with the school and also teaching my granddaughter how to handle these type of children. Kerrie wrote to say that this not only will help the child being bullied but also the child who is the bullier. Such a behavior can be devasting for both on a long term basis. This is a serious issue and some might say they are just kids but in our childhood is where stuff happens that may take us a lifetime to get rid of. Once again I thank you all and I am so very grateful for this website. The response has been overwhelming and very beneficial. Have a blessed day

Featured Answers

I wouldn't expect a child to handle this herself. I had the same problem last year, talk to the teacher about the school's buyling polocy that should egt the teacher going if it doesnt then go above ehr ehad but whatever you decide to do please don't expect the child to handle this herself.

2 moms found this helpful

If the school won't deal with it then there really isn't much you can do. Bullying can be awful for a child and traumatizing. It can lead to a child feeling isolated. You can always try her in a cyber school till she gets more confident about herself. www.k12.com Sometimes kids pick on the less confident children, and this only makes them less confident. Its a bad situation for a child to be in. Most times the schools don't care.

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I wouldn't expect a child to handle this herself. I had the same problem last year, talk to the teacher about the school's buyling polocy that should egt the teacher going if it doesnt then go above ehr ehad but whatever you decide to do please don't expect the child to handle this herself.

2 moms found this helpful

My daughter has also been dealing with a bully off and on since she was in first grade. She is in third grade this year. My daughter stands up to the bully. She tells this girl that she hates bullies and then she walks away.

Tell your granddaughter that she must tell a teacher about this bully immediately.

1 mom found this helpful

I do suggest you give the teacher aheads up. Do NOT let it go or wait it out take care of it right away. Hopefully you grandaughter can find a friend that can be there for her. Good luck, I have been thru this with one of my children and it is heartbreaking for a child to go thru. My child had to end up sticking up for himself after he was physically pushed and when he finally pushed back it stopped and I was totally against any type of fighting but push came to shove. This is not always the answer especially in a girls case.

In every school (i believe) there is a no bullying policy! Ever since columbine happened. Your grand-daughter should go straight to the teacher or bus driver or whomever is close by whenever something happens. You also should make a phone call to the school principal and counselor to make them aware of the situation. They should inturn speak to the bully and your grand-daughter and come to a conclusion. If you find nothing happens after that than you should go directly to the superintendent of the school. I hope this helps and good luck

It is imperative that you get her teacher and counselor involved NOW. First grade is much too young to expect a child to have the tools to combat bullying themselves. Of course you want her to learn how to handle these situations...and the way to handle it at this age is to let the adults in her life know what is happening and to expect them to help her. Her counselor and teacher will help her to know what to say to the bully. This is a big issue in schools these days (I also have a first grader.)They recognize that it is a problem and are doing more than ever to stop bullying. Hopefully your school is on board with this.

Please do it soon though--bullying can crush confidence and self-esteem.

Good Luck

They are not developed some times enough to defend them selves I had the same problem ---hitting with a book bad and other stuff going on so i went to the school about it and the teacher talked to the little girl (all sh eknow from home life) and now they go to each others parties and are friends. jade

Check out the bullying policies at school. I know my son's school is strongly against it and I would nip it in the bud now before it gets any worse. No kids should have to put up with that and it hurts their self esteem. Talk to your grand daughters teacher and maybe she can observe and stop it.

I would:
1) Explain to your grandaughter that some people act mean sometimes when they shouldn't, and she shouldn't feel bad herself (I'm sure you've done that).
2) ALSO, I would tell the teacher and counselor etc IMMEDIATELY.
3) I would most ESPECIALLY tell the girl's mother or guardian, in a friendly matter of fact way, that her daughter is harassing other children and that you have instructed your daughter not to provoke or retaliate, and you have notified the teacher and counselor etc about the issue. Ask if there is anything you can do to "help" her daughter, or if there is anything wrong with her etc which could be causing this. Do not present it in an angry way where the other mother can deny it, or blame your daughter, simply be matter of fact and helpful so she knows you are in top of this and hopefully she'll do whatever she can to be sure she stops. Treat it as if you know the other girl is a good girl, and surely this is a harmless phase if handled properly. If the girl gets worse or bugs your daughter more, repeat all these steps. She should not have to stand up for herself for a few more years, and the other girl should be corrected immediately.

E.,

I would immediately contact both the school counselor and your child's teacher. Perhaps send them both an e-mail asking to set up a meeting with them, and discuss this face-to-face. My daughter also was bullied in 1st grade. It was shocking, and even the teacher, who was seasoned and had seen so much, was shocked at the level of the meanness. My daughter was bullied because she was the only girl in the class who would not do whatever the bully told her to do...that is, the bully also bullied the others, but to a lesser extent because they did what she wanted. My daughter dances to a different drummer, and that helped her because she was able to block out some of the meanness, but she was stunned, daily, that someone could be so mean. (My daughter is very kind.) We immediately got the school involved, and it was helpful. The teacher promised us, at our spring conference, that the girl and my daughter never would be in the same class again in the elementary school. She then told us that she had to separate the bully from all but 1 girl in the class. Then the 2nd grade letters arrived in August, and the bully called my daughter to ask her which teacher she had. Of course, I knew they wouldn't have the same one, but I handed the phone to my daughter. I could hear the girl on the other end say, "It's so strange. NO ONE is in my class!"

Somehow, my daughter loved going to school every day, in spite of the mean kid(s). Every day I would tell her that the bullying is not about HER but is about the low self esteem of the girl who was bullying.

Several years later we learned that there were some major issues going on in the bully's home. No excuse for bullying, but there seemed to be a reason that this girl was acting this way towards others.

Good luck.

Barbara Coloroso wrote "the Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander" Is has good info for you and your son/daughter. And talks about ways to handle situations. Your grandaughter needs help at her age. Make sure Mom/Dad email the teacher. That way it is writing and they have to do something. Realize you are also doing a favor to the bully, if they get help early on it might be fixable rather than after she has reigned terror for several years. I went through this with my daughter in 1st grade and it was disturbing on several levels.

If the school won't deal with it then there really isn't much you can do. Bullying can be awful for a child and traumatizing. It can lead to a child feeling isolated. You can always try her in a cyber school till she gets more confident about herself. www.k12.com Sometimes kids pick on the less confident children, and this only makes them less confident. Its a bad situation for a child to be in. Most times the schools don't care.

I've always heard Karate is the best for this type of situation. Not that she would be using the Karate on the other child, but to learn self defense, positive self esteem, etc. I would contact a Karate instructor and tell them what is going on and find out what their thoughts are on the situation.

I would talk to the teacher, counselor and/or principal. This way you know you are doing everything to help your grandaughter. I would also talk to your grandaughter and let her know that she can walk away, she can talk to teachers and you about anything going on in school or home.

Kids really need to know they will not get in trouble for telling on kids that make them feel belittled.

I would also sign her up for a self defense/karate class if it's something she wants to do. Talking to the school should resolve the problem, just be prepared it won't be overnight and stay on top of them!

Good Luck

Does she have a school counselor that she can talk to? They will usually try to help do something about it. I am so sorry for her. One of my daughters is in first grade...it is supposed to be so much fun! You can't tell me the parents don't know that their kid is a bully. I swear they like to close their eyes to it!!

To build up my little boy's confidence we enrolled him in karate. So far it has really been good for him. If you're in the Delaware County area I would be happy to recommend a place. Sometimes bullies pick the one they think they can control, and a little self confidence goes a long way to discourage that.

Your school should have NO-Bully policies in place.
Check to see where they can help.
and enforce them.

I was bullied in school, but never told my mom about it. I was afraid that I would be bullied even more if I told.

So, good for your granddaughter for saying something.

Some children have no boundaries at home and take that mind frame to school. You should go to the school yourself (or your son or daughter) and take care of this right now.

Your precious granddaughter should not have grief while trying to learn.

You may want to enroll her in a self-defense class. It's a shame that kids are like this, unfortunately, we can't always rely on our school system to make sure this behavior is taken care of. Also, just try talking with her and building her confidence, that may work to. good luck!

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