Seeking Help for Son Being Retained

In most school districts, it is the decision of the teachers and administrators. However, they should have ample paperwork that demonstrates adequate parental knowledge of his progress or lack thereof. If you disagree with the decision, you have a right to appeal to the board of education.

4 moms found this helpful

Hi C.! I wish I knew what the teacher said in the note in order to explain what the problem is!
The thing is, we need to know why they feel this way and if your son should actually be left back!
I have to say that it should be left to the teachers UNLESS you have a good reason as to why they may be unfairly retaining your son! If you can tell us the reason then it would be much easier to answer!

As far as just giving a general answer, I agree with the answer provided by Kate H. below! She gave an excellent, non biased answer!

In your defence, however, I applaud you for seeking help - no matter how this question was written! To Cerin P., I think what you said was unfair! You said that if she were able to speak the language, she could help him!
Well, I have to say that my parents are Italian immigrants and I never got help with my homework! Neither did my brother! I learned from my teachers and I did homework on my own!
They really couldn't speak the language back then, let alone type a question! You understood what she said so she's obviously "able to speak the language he is learning in" (English)! Maybe she's a great teacher, with broken english! You're not in a place to judge her situation!
Whether she knows the language perfectly or not, isn't the question...maybe she's asking because she's not comfortable asking the right questions to the authoratative figures! That's why she came here!

I had a University Professor with broken English, a few actually! I got my business degree (Honours), made the deans list (A average) which entitles to a scholarship and I remember helping all these other students who had parents, in big business that also helped them! I didn't get that! Not only that, I appreciated everything my parents gave me and never wished they could've help accademically! They did help with math sometimes but really, I never asked anyway because I was responsible! That's something they taught me well!
Also, my brother's company just donated 1.5 million to cancer research! Doesn't sound like someone who needed so much help! I'm sure he doesn't blame my parents for anything! He actually started grade 1 knowing mostly Italian! He's a fast learner!
I'm all for parents helping their children but that's exactly what she's trying to do! You can't blame her or her situation because you don't know it!
If I got that response, I would feel so helpless and sad...quite the opposite of what should happen here!
In your words, "I don't mean to sound rude"...but I find when people say that, they totally are rude!
And C., please provide more information on your son's situation if you can! If not, I hope you find the answer you're looking for!
Much love! I really hope things work out for you!
xx

3 moms found this helpful

the schools. my fifth grader should have been retained and wasn't and he spent the rest of his school life behind because of it. I tried to talk them into retaining him because he had almost all f's the school refused and he is still paying for it.

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What did they say about this at the school conference? I imagine different school districts could have different policies.

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I believe it is the schools decision. You have the right to homeschool him in any grade you like though. I don't mean to sound rude at all, but it would probably help him a great deal if you were able to speak the language he is learning in. You could better help him understand his assignments and proofread his papers etc. And it would motivate him to focus more on learning if you put forth the effort to show him it's worth it.

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that late in elementary school, it's the school's decision. in like kindergarten or 1st grade, it can be a recommendation to do so.

I feel the school knows what is best academically for your son. If he is struggling and they feel that another gifted year to catch up would help him then I would consider it a gift of time. If he cannot get help now, middle and high school will be a downward spiral. I strongly feel that retention can help kids succeed. They have to take it seriously, work harder and do things a little different the second time around. It will make a lifetime of difference for him.

It depends on the district. However, most districts will give the parent the final say. I would like to say that if your son is failing why would you want to move him on? What have you done to help him catch up? Have you hired a tutor, or enrolled him in some type of program that will benefit him in the future?
I was a teacher for 17 years and some children really struggled when they got to those upper elementary years. I suggested retention only a few times because the children seemed too overwhelmed by the workload and they just could not keep up their grades. If this is your son, then you really want to consider what next year holds for him. Sixth grade is VERY hard, and if he is struggling now, he will only get further behind next year. Sometimes retaining a child gives them an extra year to catch up with everyone else and allows them to be successful.

i would think that it would be a joint decision. is it you that wants to retain him or the school? does he have an IEP or 504 or any other supports or accomodations at school?

if you do decide to retain him, you need to work with the school to ensure that he's not just repeating the grade but that his specific needs and deficits are being addressed. doing another year of the same isn't going to fix the problem.

I was an elementary teacher, however out of state, and what we were told was that the first time the parent can decline being retained, but not a second time. Retention is a difficult decision has it will effect them all the way through college (feeling like you are always one year behind). It's too bad the teacher couldn't be there, I think you need to schedule a time to meet with the teacher.

I don't know what kind of schools are available to you in your area, but I would HIGHLY suggest a smaller school, where the student to teacher ratio is low enough that your son will get more personal attention every day. With a little research, you may be able to find a local school that is FREE or low cost to send your son to. Some of the public school districts realize that the "one size fits all" aproach to schooling isn't working for everyone & many of them have set up charter schools or will work with schools that have a homeschooling format to serve more students. There are also many smaller schools that will let the student's ability in a subject be the guiding factor to class placement, which would keep your son in theory with his "peers" but receive the education at his needed level.

I WOULD say that you don't want to just pass him to the next grade. That happened to my brother's father, he was just passed from grade to grade without anyone even trying to figure out why he couldn't read or write. When the school said that my brother need to be held back in 1st grade, my mom "went to town" to find out WHY & then got him into the needed programs to help him succeed. If you change the school that your son goes to next year, repeating of 5th grade wouldn't be quite so socially stressful, I would think.

As a high school teacher of nearly 17 years, it's been my experience that more students should've been retained earlier on. For better or for worse, our educational system is built on building blocks. If you didn't understand one grade's curriculum, you're behind for the current year and it just keeps on getting harder and harder. My question would be: is it more traumatic to be held back a year or to struggle and not measure up for the rest of your educational career? Self-esteem comes from accomplishment. It's hard to accomplish things if you're a year behind in your knowledge and skills.

Good luck.

I would do everything possible not to hold him back. Being retained can be socially and emotionally traumatic for a child. The child may think that they are slow, stupid or worse. And when you add to that the simple fact that some kids can be cruel, you're opening your child up for a potential slew of problems. If he's in a public school he may be eligible for services to help him improve his schoolwork or any behavioral problem he may be having. There are also tutoring services available often free of charge at a lot of community centers and churches. You're his mom and you know best. If you don't feel he should be held back then fight for him to move to the next grade and work on other options that will keep him there as a happy and successful young man. Good luck!

If you met with a vice president, I would assume that your son is in a private school. If that is the case, they can retain him if they wish.

If you meant vice principal, and he is in public schools, then you should put your food down and get involved in this decision. If he was just not particiapting in class, and has no one else to blame for failing, that is one thing, but this is seldom really the case. Almost all kids with school failure have some kind of underlying issue that can be successfully targeted for intervention, and rarely if ever is the answer another year of what did not work the first time.

You do not mention what the isses are, but I would encourage you to request that he not be retained that that he instead be evaluated to find out why the school failed to teach him last year. Go to www.writghtslaw.com and do some reading about retention, scroll down the left hand side of the home page and read some of the articles that are there. If you have never suspected an issue, do some further reading about high functioning issues, and look at visual processing, as the visual system can become overwhelmed at this age, and this is a frequent cause of midde grade school failure. Obtain educational evaluations that you own yourself, and make sure you never know less about your son than the school does.

Retention is not a good strategy to help kids succeed in school. Schools don't get a second bite at the apple, they need to evaluate and find out why it did not work the first time.

It is my expereince as an edcuational advocate that most kids in this kind of possition will be accused of "being lazy." If this has crossed your mind, or has been used as a reasoning, I urge you to read "The Myth Of Laziness" by Dr. Mel Levine. It is eye opening, and kids in your sons position are usually struggleing more than you realize, and you can help them if you find out what it is.

M.

C.,
This is a hard decision for both parent and school. They did not come up with this decision lightly and would only be looking at your son's best interest. Its not going to benefit them to move him on and still have him struggle with understanding the many subjects. Maybe an extra year at the same grade level will be exactly what he needs to feel confident and move forward. Struggling through a grade is the hardest for children and if you are going to be retained it is better to do it in elementary school.
It may be hard on him at first, but if you help to reassure him that he will understand the work better and this will help him in the future, then he will be okay. Kids are pretty resilient and he will be fine. All in all it is the parents decision. Weigh it carefully, I wouldn't want my child to be swallowed up in curriculum that he doesn't understand especially if he's in 6th grade next year, the following is middle school, then everything really gets hard.
Hope you find this helpful.

Both! But, keep in mind that the school's recommendation isn't out of nowhere. Although it may be tough to swallow, retention comes from a place of wanting to help the child be more successful.

It is ultimately your decision. However, if the teacher feels that your son should be retained, it is because your son needs more time to master the skills taught in that grade. This is not a reflection on you as a parent. Your son may just not be as mature as his fellow classmates or he did not fully grasp all concepts. Look at your son's work for the year. Is he performing at or below grade level? If he is at grade level, then insist on him moving on. If he is below grade level, keep him in fifth grade another year, maybe hire him a private tutor to keep him moving along. It could ultimately help him in the long run!

Hi order to pass to the next grade children have to have passing grades. In some cases children are held back due to social imaturity, in this case I think the parents have a say. If children were passes regardless of grades, then grades would serve no purpose except for letting parents know how their kids are doing.

I Would ask the school WHY they want to retain him? If he is struggling in some subjects then I would say that the best thing to do is to go ahead and let him repeat the grade and get a really good solid foundation in his education before he moves on to Jr. High and High School. I don't know if 6th grade is part of a middle school in your system but if it is, he would be facing a LOT of changes in 6th grade that he might not be ready for. They move from classroom to classroom and are generally expected to be much more responsible for themselves than elementary school students are expected to be.
Have a calm, non-argumentative visit with the school teacher and principal and be sure that what they want is the very best for you son! They aren't wanting to retain him in 5th grade as a "punishment" they just want him to get a good basic foundation for his education.