Seeking Help for 9 Year Old Granddaughter

Updated on May 12, 2014
R.M. asks from Gardner, MA
7 answers

My 9 year old granddaughter has been diagnosed with HADD, since she was 6. She is now nine. She has been on minimal amounts of medicine. Her psychiatrist see's her every week and changed it. She was doing very well. Now she is being dangerous. She told her brother,(10) her mother said to just go to school. They walk to school. They went while the mother was changing a diaper upstairs. When Mom came downstairs she panicked. She did what was necessary to make sure they were there. She lies about everything and anything. She is VERY SNEAKY. Her punishment is writing 5 pages of "I will not lie". She laughs about it and doesn't do it. She constantly wakes up her 4 year old sister and 2 year old brother as early as 4 a.m. She had to write, " I will not wake family up in the morning" It's been 2 weeks. She has to stay in her room until it's done. She still has not done it. She doesn't care. When asked about her paper's, She said she lost the 2 pages and ten pencils. Now she started a small fire in the room. My son bought her a notebook to write in and 10 new pencils. They do not know what to do. The psychiatrist said to make her finish the assignment. She eats in her room too. HELP

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So What Happened?

First of all, I am not a troll. I live 1 1/2 hours away from them. I should have said Mom is seeing the Psychiatrist and daughter a Psyhcologist and Psychiatrist for meds. I do agree that writing is not a good thing for her after reading your answers. I will talk to parents today. I didn't know this site would be mean to people.

More Answers

J.S.

answers from Richland on

As a mother of four all with ADHD nothing you have said makes sense. First of all no insurance would allow a child to see their psychiatrist every week! Even with autism that was rather out of control my son only saw his psychiatrist every two months.

None of the behavior you have described is ADHD, it could be a more troubling disorder but not ADHD, not even with ODD.

None of the punishments you have described would ever work with a kid with ADHD, no psychiatrist would recommend them.

Sorry but you seem like a troll and that hurts because as I said, all four of my kids have ADHD. If you are not your daughter needs to find a new doctor. Does not sound like the diagnosis is correct.

2 moms found this helpful

L.L.

answers from Rochester on

First, a psychiatrist is not "just a doctor who prescribed medicine and doens't have any other interaction with patients or do therapy." Wow.

Okay, moving on, I think filling five papers with "I will not lie" is the most absurd punishment someone could think of for a child with ADHD. Poor kid. If you have a doctor agreeing on this, see another doctor.

Oh - and no, EVERY kid does not "eat in their room." Yeesh, I'm beginning to wonder about some of you. My kids eat in the kitchen.

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R.M.

answers from San Francisco on

Maybe she's being punished too much. Have you/parents tried rewarding positive behavior?

1 mom found this helpful
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E.E.

answers from Denver on

Is this the same as ADHD? While this comes with impulsivity, it doesn't necessarily come with sneakiness or the other behaviors you describe. If her meds were working and the new meds are not, my 1st suggestion would be to switch meds. If the doctor won't help with that, switch drs. Behavioral therapy is also a really really good idea. She sounds like she is dealing w/ more than ADHD and the behavioral therapists will help all of you work that out.

good luck,
e

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L.R.

answers from Washington DC on

Your post leaps all over the place, to be frank, and it's hard to tell where to start.

The psychiatrist recommended writing sentences as punishment? Seriously? That's what I assume from the last part of your post where you say "the psychiatrist said to make her finish the assignment." I find it very odd that the doctor would say that writing lines is an appropriate discipline for this particular child because it is NOT working. The psychiatrist should be working with the parents to find this girl's "currency" -- the thing she values so much that losing it will hurt her. That is the thing to take away from her when she behaves in negative ways. Making her write sentences is not working; why are they repeating something that is not affecting her enough to make her act differently? The parents need to meet with the psychiatrist without the girl there and talk seriously about different discipline.

Things like setting a fire and leaving the house with her brother as you describe are very serious safety issues. What happened after those incidents? How was she disciplined after the fire? How did she manage to start it and why was she able to get hold of matches or a lighter--?

Why, if she is saying "I lost the paper and pencils" is she then handed new paper and pencils? That teaches her nothing at all except that if she loses something (which possibly was a lie anyway) that she gets the same thing given to her.

Why is she eating in her room? Is the problem that she is expected to eat at the table but SHE grabs her food and runs to her room? Why then is she allowed to eat at all? No table, no food.

It sounds as if the parents are overwhelmed and overrun by this girl. I would bet that they "have tried everything" -- which means they have not stuck with any ONE discipline long enough for it to sink in with their daughter. They must, must get their own counseling so they can come up with a firm plan for how they will handle her--before she burns the house down.

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J.C.

answers from New York on

Sounds like she has a lot more than just ADHD. Time for re-evaluation and a possible meds switch up!

C.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

I read so many different things below. I just wanted to say our insurance covered our son seeing a child psychiatrist every week. I had him see her for his issues of anger, outbursts, not doing homework, saying negative things like we hate him or he hates his life, etc. She was WONDERFUL. She met with me first to ask all about our son. Then she met once with us together. Then they met one on one. Anytime we needed to talk she would have me come in first and then my son. She would call and email and was great at working with us. She was very sweet and empathetic with our son, yet amazing at bringing out his feelings and getting him to talk about the hard stuff. This therapy really helped him a LOT...to take responsibility for his actions. Ways to handle his anger that are appropriate. Ways to not take things out on his family members. How to notice when he is starting to feel bad/angry and ways to calm down. Methods for sticking with homework and not just having 4 hours of outbursts. He was 9/10 while seeing her. It was very helpful. Maybe your daughter needs a new child psychiatrist. PS - Our psychiatrist never mentioned drugs or prescribed any. She worked on behavior and getting to the root cause of why he was acting like he was. And methods he can use to deal with things in life. She really helped. AND our son just loved her. Sorry - I meant to say maybe your GRANDDAUGHTER needs a new psychiatrist/therapist.

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