Seeking Emotional Support Through Difficult Time

First of all may God be with you and your child. I PROMISE I will pray for you and for the heart of your husband to change.

I have both short-term and long-term comments. In the short-term your husband needs help that perhaps he may refuse to get. You are in a tough spot because your emotions are in play. From the outside, look at your situation as if you were seeing this played out and your best friend and her darling baby were in harms way. What would you say to her? I'll bet you'd tell her that no matter WHAT she must do, safety for she and her daughter are a necessity. You'd tell her that people who love you aren't violent. This man has an addiction problem. He can't "love you" right now because he has so many issues to manage himself. You are left to protect you and your child.

Give him an option, either he seeks REAL help with a plan, that includes LOTS of structure and accountability or you and your daughter will move back in with your Mother. If he threatens you or hurts you CALL THE POLICE. That sounds harsh I know...

LOVING HIM DOESN'T MEAN CONDONING BAD BEHAVIOR AND PUTTING YOU OR YOUR DAUGHTER AT RISK. Please get help SOON.

For the long-term, try and discover why you find this kind of man "lovable". What in your past brings you to think you are less than and to put yourself at risk?

DEAR ONE, YOU HAVE OPTIONS! GOD NEVER MEANT FOR ANY OF US TO LIVE IN CHAOS, DANGER AND FEAR! Talk with youyr Mom, if she won't help talk with social services, a friend or counselor. YOU DESERVE BETTER!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!PLEASE STAY SAFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Wow... I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through. Not that I have been through anything that severe, but when I have tough times, I always find that praying helps me get through a lot. I don't know if you're a woman of faith, but our Father in Heaven loves you unconditionally and will give you strength if you turn to Him.

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M., I am so sorry for your situation.
The only advice I can give you is to look upon Jesus, he will be your rock, comfort and provider. It's okay if you have to move back with your mom, in many ways that may really help. Right now it may seem like your world is torn, but by the sound's of him, he doesn't seem like anything to cry over. You take your daughter and live, and just enjoy her. You will find that man that WANTS to be with you and her. Just keep focusing on her and on YOU and keep you eyes towards the light.
God Bless

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Not sure if you have already, but you need to have a lawyer or have talked with one so you can protect yourself and your daughter. I know this is hard and you can't even imagine that you are in this position. But, you have to watch out for yourself and your daughter.

Begin documenting EVERYTHING- every contact you have with him, his mood, words, actions, drug-use, etc. Even think of things recently (as in past years too) and document those to the best of your knowledge. I KNOW THIS IS HARD...you can do it.

And, for your peace of mind, he has NO chance in gaining custody of your child with all you say he has done and does.
Hope this helps! I will be praying for you.

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M.,
You said that your husband is violent. You just don't know what he is capable of doing at any given time! Your number one priority is to protect yourself & your daughter. If you mother is willing & wants you to move back home for a while, please take her up on her offer. It will get you out of your present DANGEROUS situation & give you time to think. When you get away from your present living situation, I think you will see how much danger you really were in. If you want someone to talk to (not a professional counselor), there is a wonderful Lay Ministry program at many churches around the counntry (participating congregations are from all denominations & non-denomiational churches). This program is called Stephen Ministry. If you wanted a Stephen Minister, you contact the congregation & they would get you intouch with their referrals coordinator. That person would meet with you & assign you a Stephen Minister. They are excellent listeners & ask reflective questions. They do not push God or religion down your throat. They are there to support you & walk the walk with you during this terrible time in your life. If you want, I can find out which congregations have Stephen Ministry in Savannah or your mom's hometown. This of course is a free service & you do not have to be a member of ANY church. In the meantime, my thoughts & prayers are with you & your daughter. I'm asking God to help you think through things clearly & asking him to protect the 2 of you. I'm also asking Him to help your husband understand how hurtful & destructive he is being to the 2 of you & to give him a change of heart as soon as possible. M., you are not alone but sometimes it takes some work to find the community resources that can help you out of this situation. Keep me posted as to what you decide & what transpires in you life. Take care of yourself, girl, & that precious little baby!
N. B.

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My Darling...RUN..DON"T WALK..away from your husband. Allow your head to clear so that you will know what to do. Praise God that you have someplace to go to. None of us wants to have to go home to mother, but be thankful that you have her support.
As for your husband, love him from a distance for the moment, and definetly pray for him.

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I'm so, so sorry for you and your daughter; HOWEVER, please understand as a child of divorced parents myself, you don't want your daughter to live around that man or in that condition EVER!! The best thing for you to do is to file a police report and move on with your life. Focus on her and then try to set up some time for her mom (YOU) so you can recover. Counseling would be great. The longer it's not over, believe me, the more your daughter will suffer.
As far as meeting people, try a Mom's Club. If you're not working, it's a great way to meet other moms.
I do wish you and your daughter God's blessings. Sounds like you need some.
Good luck!

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Get rid of him. He's not going to change and you don't need someone in your life or your daughter's who lies and abuses you. My husband was having an affair for two years before he finally admitted it and he also manipulated me, used money for his escapades...then turned it all on me! I threw him out of the house and now three years later I feel on top of the world. It hasn't been easy, but the rewards are worth every effort. Now he's crying for me to come back...honey, leave him. Go to church and pray for God to give you strenght and wisdom, He will not let you down.
I do want to say that I gave my husband every opportunity to work on our marriage of 12 years but he did not want to put the effort or work to get counseling, if he's not willing to change, no one can make it happen. Document EVERYTHING that happens and call the police so theres' evidence in case you need it. It's the only thing that stands up in court.
Now your feeling like the world is coming to an end, but there is light at the end of the tunnel
Take care.

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wow have i been there,i allowed my x to do this to me also and you know what they say well take it till we cant take it no more!looking back i realise that i allowed my own fear to keep me in such a terrible situation. i was also very worried about how god would view me with the whole forgivness and all but over time i came to understand that goddosnt expect me to stay in bad situations he expects me to move on. and so it was my x left me and i was crushed,and because i had no support i turned to drugs just to deal with the pain. and noone should have to go thru that. im also in georgia i live in mcrae im happily married to a man who loves and respects me and my son lives with us. so now you have a friend whos been there and my email is ____@____.com im on puter quite a bit and ill be your friend. i wont judge you and ill listen whenever you need me to.you have alot of courage that i didnt have back then just to reach out to virual strangers and that tells me your well on your way to being who you want to be.keep in touch love me

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hi M.! I can see that you are in a lot of pain right now, but you are the one who has to stop the pain! And you CAN do it! I will pray for you as well. Get out of this mess as soon as u can and start all over! Soon the pain will stop!

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M.,
I'm so sorry that you are going thru this. It's good that you are moving in with your mom because you'll need TONS of support from family thru all this. It's admirable that you were forgiving in the past. However, if he is abusive to you and your daughter and you fear for both of your safety than perhaps you should report this to the police. If something is documented than he really can't take your daugher away. Not to mention if something happened it would be documented. Getting plugged into a good church will help as well. You could seek biblical counseling to help you thru this. Please email me privately at ____@____.com if you would like to talk further.

Hang in there.
D.

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M., you have to stay strong for your child. Your life is not over. It is difficult for you to grasp that your heart has been broken by someone that you love. But your heart does not beat because of him. It beats because of God and your daughter. Your life is not over because you do not work, do not know anyone, or have to move back to your mom's. It is your chance to live a free life. One that is only sad if you let it be. One that is only financially unstable if you let it be. You have the opportunity to find yourself, your true self worth. No one can determine that but you and God. No one's life is perfect, but that doesn't mean that it can't be good. LIVE! BE HAPPY WITH YOUR DAUGHTER! AND FIND TRUE LOVE INSIDE YOURSELF. Your daughter and God truly love you. Now all you have to do is love yourself. BE STRONG AND DON'T EVER GIVE UP. If he tries to bring you down, you stand strong. Don't let him control your life. It is yours, not his. Insecure individuals try to bring others down to raise themselves. WHO ARE YOU? WHO DO YOU WANT TO BE? WHO NEEDS YOU? WHO TRULY LOVES YOU? We all need to ask ourselves these questions. What are your answers? If you do not know, now is the time to find out. I will be praying for you!

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M.,
Know you are not the only one in this situation and that it IS NOT your fault. I am sure you are not 100% perfect, but there is NOTHING that you can do that would make someone treat you like that an OK thing. It is not OK- ever!

When I was ten yrs old, my mother started the domestic violence shelter in Idaho Falls. I was amazed that women from all walks of life- economically, spiritually, and racically, were in need of these services. So, do not feel like you failed. Your husband FAILED.

I looked on line and there is a center there in Savanah. PLEASE call and chat with them. Do it SOON. Espically if there is any danger to you or your child. They can truly help!
Savannah Area Family Emergency Shelter, Inc. P.O. Box 22487 Savannah GA 31403 Business #: ###-###-#### Hotline/Crisis: ###-###-####

Do not hesitate to email me and I would love to give you any support I can (____@____.com)

C. Hiebel
www.braveheartwomen.com/kolohe

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I can not express to you how important it is to you and your child to GET OUT OF THERE now!!!!!
Do not wait another day!! There are places you can go that will help to protect you and your child. I don't know the specific names in Savannah, but I do know some in Columbia SC.
I have been down that road and it takes ony one time for you and/or your baby to be harmed. Please call the law now. They know where for you to go. Please don't wait!! Think of the child and not you or your husband!
There are people out there that really care.
I will be praying for you. Your child's future is in your hands.
M. R.

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This must certainly seem like the hardest thing you have ever been through. I am so sorry for your heartache and difficult situation. It sounds like getting away from him is the best for you and your daughter. You said he is violent, abusive, and on drugs. For your sake and your daughter's, be strong and get away from him. It's hard to see past the current pain, I'm sure, but the rest of your life will surely be happier than this. You have the chance for a fresh start. Take it and keep moving forward. Please keep us posted.

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Drugs? He doesn't stand a chance getting custody if he's on drugs. Not a chance in hell.

You need to be away from him. He will never change unless HE wants to and you can spin your wheels for a few more years waiting on that if you feel you have to. But, personally, I feel like you have better smarts than to put up with it for even another day.

He cheats because he WANTS to. He's not being forced. He's not being talked into it. HE WANTS TO.

Get out and get on with your life. If he fights you in court, FIGHT BACK. Do not go through life being a whipping post to this man or any other who doesn't treat you and your child with the utmost respect.

And who is it that you're REALLY in love with here? The man he USED to be? Well, let me tell you, that man is gone. He will never return. Stop hoping for a miracle because his miracle in life is standing right in front of him and he's too selfish and too drug-hazed to see it. Why should you wait around for him to get his act together? Why should you have to start all over again every time he decides the world is too much and he's back home again only to be gone when his dealer calls or another woman calls?

Don't live like this, M..

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M.,

That is a very tough situation to be in. Look for a support group in your area, whether for victims of domestic violence or parents without partners, or even a divorce self-help group. You may want to look into joining a church; that can be a great way to meet people and get some emotional support as well.

When my marriage fell apart in 1998, the emotional pain was so intense, it felt like my heart was being ripped out of me. I remember praying/pleading to God to take the hurt away. He did. Focus on your little girl and the life you are going to build for her. How awesome that she has a mommy who is strong enough and brave enough to make such a courageous choice. You are setting an excellent example for your daughter.

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Why would you stay with someone like this who emotionally abuses you, cheats on you and does not treat you or your daughter with love and respect? How could he possibly get support of your daughter if he is on drugs? You need to be strong and move on for your sake and your daughter's. Be the strong positive woman that we are all meant to be. You can do better but it is up to you to do it.

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You need to make your escape from this abuser as quickly as possible. Abuse will only escalate. when you get to your Mom's, try to get some counseling to help you with your emotions regarding this abusive man and the relationship. There are also women's shelters in many cities to help you and your daughter in a situation like you are in. Your life and the life of your beloved daughter are dependent on your getting out of this situation quickly.

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M.,

I am terribly sorry that you have been subjected to your husbands cheating, dealing, and stealing ways. Cheating because he wants his cake and eat it too; dealing with drugs and who knows what else; and stealing the very life and love you once understood to be yours and his, but now has changed to dynamics that has consumed you. I have a sister who is a living testimony to a life that she once knew with an abusive husband (now ex) and had to literally "run away" from him with their daughter because of safety reasons. I remember her calling me sobbing and hyperventilating because she was scared out of her mind to be on her own with a baby and a husband who threatened to take their child away if she ever left him - I simply told her that "Today is the day you decide to live the rest of your life" and she asked me how. I told her that she could go to a womans shelter and ask them how to proceed with the legal matters of her marriage and to also get grounded advice from people who have been where she was and made it. Today I am proud to say she has been divorced from him for over two years and now is working on her second Masters degree and all this "on her own". That shows you what strength woman contain if they just let themselves explore their weaknesses to gain their strength! Strength in their faith (which is foremost) and the strength to ask for help when you feel you cannot do it alone! Just remember that "You are NOT alone" for there will be others that stand beside you whether you know it or not! God Bless and keep you and your child and I pray that someday you will look back on this experience in your life as a stepping stone to more greatness you never knew you had! Let us know how things go and we all believe you can and will get through this!

April

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M.--I am so sorry that you are going through all of this---please know that you have a purpose--your little girl needs you!! She depends on you to set an example for her. PLease get away from him and move on with your life. It will be hard I know--but you have made the first step--you have reached out and asked for help--please keep up your searching for the way out--take care and please know that you can email me if you want to and vent--take Care.
-T. ____@____.com

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I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I know you must be hurt and feel alone, but remember, you have a beautiful little girl that needs you now more than ever. If your husband has been caught cheating on you more than once, "once a cheater always a cheater" and if he's doing drugs & is violent, its only a matter of time until something happens to your daughter as well. You need to leave him NOW - go to your mothers house, put your daughter first, and just remember "Time Heals ALL Things". I wish you the best!

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You need to get out of that situation. It is not healthy for you or for your daughter. He shouldn't be able to get custody over your little girl if you can prove he is unfit. Please keep in touch!!! I am praying for you and your family!!!

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Wow. I am so sorry to hear such a horrible story. Apparently you were way too good for him. I use to live in Savannah however my parents are still there. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers. I am glad you are leaving him and I hope one day he figures out that he missed up the best thing in his life, which is you and this wonderful little girl. Just keep your head up and do what you have to do to take care of your daughter. May God be with on this journey to rebuild your life. You will make it. I believe in you and you will alway have a support system either here with the Mamasource moms and our Heavenly Father. Good Luck to you and God bless.

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I am sorry for your heartache. Please move on from this man and start a new life with your daughter. Maybe your mother can help you do that? You don't deserve to be treated like this and your daughter certainly doesn't either. You also don't want her growing up to think it's okay for a man to treat his family like this.

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So sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time. I'm praying for you and the whole situation. Do what you need to do to be safe.

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M.,

I feel your pain and know that you are going through alot. Be sure that you and your daughter proceed to a safe haven QUICKLY! It is imperative that you seek legal advice and emotional counseling. I will keep you in my prayers that you continue to make the right decisions and have a safe future. Don't let anything stop you from SAFETY!

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everyone is right. leave and don't look back. i was in a simular situation. i heard "baby i'll never do it again" so many times i eventually wised up. let me guess, one minute he's begging you to forgive him and the next he's threatening you. they are all the same. i finally told myself that my partner was a looser and as long as i was with him i was a looser and my baby would grow up to be a looser. that gave me the courage to leave and never go back no matter what he said or did. we only go through life one time, never let someone else bring you down.

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Getting out of a violent situation is the best thing you can do right now. You have to look out for your safety and your daughters safety.
I would suggest you getting counseling to help you deal with your hurt and pain. Also, rebuilding your self-esteem.
Drugs can really destroy a person and I would pray for your husband to see that he is destroying his life and hurting his family. You however cannot change him or fix him. You have control over your own actions. I have been reading Divorce Remedy by Michelle Weiner Davis and it talks about rebuilding you and controling your actions. I would be cordial and nice when talking to him (whenever you have to) but, he has to come to terms with his problems.
Your safety and your daughters is the most important right now. I hope you find a good therapist/counselor and a great support group in that area. Have you ever been to Savannah Christian church, I seem to remember that they offer a Divorce Support group. I know they have Drug Abuse support groups I would check to see if they offer an AlAnon group. That is a group who is suffering from partners/family members who are users.
I will keep you in my prayers.
email me at ____@____.com

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I am so sorry to hear you are hurting so very much. Please don't worry he will not be able to get your daughter if he's doing drugs. Moving back to your mom's won't be so bad just make sure you have a plan. If he's making threats to you I would make a plan with your mom on when to leave like when he's at work or something because sometimes when people do drugs they act on their threats when they find they are losing control over a person.
It is very sad and difficult to go through such pain when you give someone your heart. Your life isn't being ripped away, moving on to protect you and your daughter your life is just beginning. Life isn't what he has made you live with this kind of hurt.
You have much strength to realize that this isn't what you want and you want better for you and your daughter. It's takes a smart, strong good hearted person to know that they want more for themselves, their daughter, and their spirit.

Well, I know you can do this mom's can do anything. Make a plan, leave when he's not around so there's no fight and stick to your guns seek maybe some help from ALA-NON they can tell you how many times people with drug and alchol problems will do anything do get you back don't listen just remember to move forward. There are some programs out there parents without partners is also good to meet other parents that are single and may be going through what you are going through.

My best wishes to you and I will pray for you and your daughter.

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are you living in savannah now or marietta? do you have a good church? look for one with a divorce support ministry with good leadership. go to newlife.com and see if they can offer any help. they have a good counseling ministry and can help you find encouragement. if you are in the marietta area, email me. ____@____.com. i will pray for you.

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I think it is a good idea that you are going home. People do not change. If a man has cheated he will do it again and again. If a man has hit you he will also hit you again. He may not hit the other woman but he will hit you because he has gotten away with it before. Go home, fill a police report if necessary and do not go back to this man. You do not want to continue the generational curse through your behavior to stay with this man to fall upon your daughter. You have other things to do with your life. This man is not gong to change. He will probably get worse with his behavior. Only if God gets a hold of this man will there be any change and even then down the line you never know. Also, what types of diseases has this man brought home to you? you have a daughter to raise and you want to be alive to raise her the way God ordained you to do so. I will pray. But you are the one who has to make the decision. Make the right one and do it as soon as you can. You never know what may happen tomorrow but you do know what can happen today. You need to move on with your life and DO NOT BELIEVE ANYTHING HE TELLS YOU, ESPECIALLY IF THERE ARE DRUGS INVOLVED!!!! Plan to get out or just leave today and go back some other time to get your stuff. Get to a safe place and start over. Do not give in to what may happen. write down what love is to you and ask God if it is the same for God. Then ask is what you are living in is anything close to your definition or Gods.
You may ask what does this person know about my life. Honey, i have been there and done almost everything in life; The good, the Bad, and the ugly. I believe that the good Lord allowed me to survive these things so that I could let others know that I have been there and done that and that I do have a little experience to how they feel and what they are going through. One other thing. If you have allowed drinking and doing drugs to influence your life in the past, or have allowed these things to be around you, do not do this in the future. It will never work.
Hope this has helped, I will be praying for you and your little one. Know that you are a child of God and He loves you and wants the best for you. The best is worth waiting for and suffering for. But there is a difference between suffering for the Lord and suffering for man.
In Peace,
A.

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M., I'm praying for you, sweetheart and want to say "ditto" to all the other posts. A critical phrase in your last post is:"I fear for my life and my daughter's life". You need to tell the police, judge, attorney or to whomever you speak, that and get them to understand you mean it. Your Mom and Dad can be great support to you now, if you'll let them, while at home with them. They love you and want the best for you just as you do your own precious daughter. As many have suggested, The Lord Jesus will be a tower of strength and refuge for you if you turn to Him. Keep us posted on how you are.

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Leave that man asap.You or you daughter doesnt need a person like that specially with the drugs and violence.It will only get worse i know been there done that.You move to your mom and tell him go where ever he can find a place.Please dont stay with him.M.

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Honey, Hire a lawyer. I have been where you are and it does not get easier. He will do it again as proven by my husband. Make yourself and your child the priority and start over. Good luck to you!

L.

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M., I am sorry to hear what is happening to you and your family. I have been there and sympathize with you. I do not have an answer for you but believe you should seek counseling and help within your church. I pray for God to guard your heart and mind and strenthen you for whatever he is preparing you and your family for. In Jesus name I pray AMEN!

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Before you do anything to need to do the smart thing andleave immediately.I am quite stumped why you haven't let....there is no excuse you can possibly give that would justify his actions and you should sole focus on u and ur daughter and completely foget about him.If he treats you this bad then you mean very little to him.So you should feel no sympathy for him.It's pretty simple...get out! As for emotional support,is your mother an option?

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I know this is not what you are wanting to hear, however tough love is the best in these situations.
Girl you need to run and run fast away from him. The pain that you will suffer over leaving him will not last forever. The pain that you will suffer from staying will last forever. You can not change him. Your child can not change him. He needs God. Until he gets God he will not change.
You need to get that child and yourself out of that situation. Yes I know you love him, but you must love yourself and your child more. This is the only example your child has of marraige and you don't want her to grow up thinking things like this are ok because her mom stayed in this type of relationship.
I will pray for you, I will pray that God will lead you and guide your steps.
I am sure that you already know what you need to do, you just have to step out on your faith and make that move.
Just remember you have done nothing wrong. He did and yes you can forgive him but until he makes the changes that are nessacary you don't need to continue to subject yourself to that pain.
Go back to you mom's and pray for him, let go and let God take over.
I wish I were close to you but I am not, I live in Carrollton.
If you do not go to church already, GO!!
Bless your heart. I will keep you in my prayers.

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Leave now! Been there and it won't get better. You are right to count your blessings and remember that you can give unconditional love, but remember,the only guaranteed return of unconditional love is from a parent...do whatever it takes to make this change in your life-you can set new rules for the man to see your daughter later-she is your angel and sign that now is the time to move on...
Good luck-also...the hurting inside still hasn't stopped for me and it's 9 years, a wonderful husband and a beautiful son later... I have just put it behind me and consider it a very dangerous life lesson. The man I was with could have taken my life-you are the only one that can change YOUR situation.
Be strong,
C. R.

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M.,

Ditto to every comment you have received on this bulletin board.

And you will have all the emotional support you need and want just by putting it out here onto MamaSource. If it is at all possible, can you try to hook up with moms in your general area? Sometimes it's nice to also be able to get a physical hug from your support system too.

I wish you all the best M.!

E.

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I am sorry to hear you are going thru a difficult time. believe me, it'll get better. It has too. Based on what you wrote, your life seemed to be pretty miserable with him. I beleive, the fear of the unknown is what is bothering you most. If I were you, I'd go on with my life. Take advanatge of your mom's willingness to to give you a place to stay. Use your time wisely, by looking for a job, go back to school, or take a short training course in nursing assistant, to help you out for now.

I know what you are going through. My first husband was abusive. The diffence was, I knew I had to leave, so I prepared myself, by stashing money away. When the time came, I took my 2 year old daughter and left. I never went back. I went to school, met my current husband, and now is happily married with two more daughters. This could happen for you. I took charge of my life and you can too!!!

Let him go. He sounds like a life time of trouble.

I wish all the best.

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dear M....i am so sorry for you pain and i will pray for you...you have no choice but to move in with your mom...i'm thankful that you have your mother to move in with...please do so and move on with your life for your sake but also for your daughter's sake...he may threaten you but he is only trying to hurt you...i'm sure he has been hurt in the past himself but you can't worry about that anymore...take your precious daughter and go...you shouldn't have to live in fear...there is a life beyond the life that you have been living...believe that!!!!!!!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi M.:
You can't change him but you can change you. I would pack up and move back to my mother's home as fast I as could get there. You need to go back to school to do something that you can support yourself and your child. If he is cheating and using drugs and abusive you are in a situation where you or your child cannot win.

Good luck to you.

1 mom found this helpful

M.,

I'm here for you.I'm so sorry that all of this is going on. You can be strong and you can overcome this. You do not need a man in order to be a great mom. You need to move to your moms place or a friends as soon as possible. You can lose you daughter just from having her in an environment like you described. You need to get you and her where you both can be safe and to heal from all the damage. Where does your mom stay? Is she close to where you live now?

I wanted to pass along some information to you for my sister church that is in your area. The best way to heal is to have a strong support system and you can get this one way by going to a church that believes in helping one another.

I will send you the church information as soon as I get it.

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Please find a counselor to talk to -- you can most likely find free or priced-according-to-what-you-can-pay counseling at church. You have so long been in an unhealthy relationship that you are needing to get healthy yourself. You've been poisoned by this relationship and need to detox -- so to speak. That you go from "I love him so much" to "He emotionally abuses me" to "given him unconditional love even when he has cheating on me in the past" and "he is so violent and uses drugs now that I fear for my life and my daughter's life" says it all. Imagine hearing these things from someone else and imagine the advice for that person. The very best thing in the world for you will be to get away from the abusive and unfaithful "partner" and start working on YOU. Please seek counsel (legal) before you act. You may be advised to tape conversations, etc.

I wish the best of luck to you -- please keep us posted on how you're doing!

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Over and over, ask yourself why you love this man? Why do you like being treated that way? Don't think you don't like it because we all do what we like. No one plants a garden when they hate flowers and no one stays with someone abusive when they know they deserve better.

You need counseling, dear, and any stability you can get. Mostly, you need to love yourself for who you are. He and you have a terribly unhealthy situation. You (and more importantly) your daughter deserve a healthy and safe home life.

GET SOME COURAGE, now is the time for you to be your own solider for yourself! Get Away from that jerk! Give your little girl a chance at a healthy life. Would you let someone treat her this way???

I know you are hurting but forget about that. You need to protect your daughter. Sorry this may sound tough, but its right on the money-- you can do it!!

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Hi-
I am stay at home mom of one boy - 2 years old. Would love to get together for a playdate at a park if you'd like...I also just started keeping a 4 month old 3 days during the week from 9-3, so it would probably be best if we got together on an off day for me. I have yet to brave getting them both out at once! So sorry to hear of your struggles - having a support system of girlfriends is definitely in order...You were smart to reach out for help. Please feel free to email me...
____@____.com

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Before you read any further, you must PRAY. The One who created you loves you more than you can ever know. His Love will bring you through all this. You do need some time away from your husband, but you have to pray for his healing and his relationship with God to heal and grow. I cannot suggest to leave your husband forever and get a divorce. I believe a marriage is sacred and just because you husband is sick does not mean he is not yours. You cannot be any good to yourself and your child if you do not take the time to heal your relationship with God and your mental and emotional being. Once that foundation is set, you can move on and be you, be a mom and be a wife. God Bless you and your family!

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You said that your husband did not see your daughter for the first year of her life, where was he? I do not think you know what real woman to man love is, it is not sitting there and being abused by a man in any form. There are laws and help for you if you are really wanting to get away from him and protect your child, look in the telephone book for starters. Get away from this low life man,find yourself a church and begin a new life with your precious baby girl.

Great Grandma of many years

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I am so sorry for all of your struggles, M.. Listen, marriage is hard and takes work, however there is only so much you should put up with before you decide that enough is enough. For your daughter's sake, you need to be out of this relationship. He is abusive, unreliable, and has cheated on you more than once so get out. He does not even seem sorry for hurting you! Leave this relationship. No one deserves to be treated this way. You can do it! You are stronger than you think, trust me. It will be difficult but think of all the women in the world who do it and believe in yourself. Once you make it through this, you will be stronger and the right person will come along for you. Trust me. Best of luck!!

A.

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Dump him and move on with your life. Do you have any higher education? This can be a big help in you getting back on your feet. It will hurt for a minute, but like a wound, time will heal it. Good Luck, and God Bless.

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GET OUT!Don't let fear and threats keep you from protecting your child and yourself. Been there...done that.

It won't be easy, but you will be fine and it will be worth it. Family is family and they will be a great support system for you. I moved back with my parents when I needed to and got back on my feet with two kids, so I completely understand.

From one mom to another and from someone who has gone through what you are going through, and still dealing with it. Dont think for one minute that is has something to do with you b/c it doesn't. You sound like a beautiful person with a beautiful spirit, do not allow him to take your spirit!! Yes, he may have hurt you but you do not allow someone to steal your joy. I know that hurting feeling all too well but what you need to do is love M. first. Do what you have to for you and your daughter and if that means moving out to your mom's house then so be it. But you have to remove yourself from that situation b/c its not a good environment for your daughter to be in.

Hello,
I am here to talk if you need to. I was in an abusive relationship a few years ago. You HAVE to get out of it and try to get as much support from family, friends, and therapy as possible. But money sounds like an issue, as always has been for me as well. Feel free to write back and I'll know you want to talk. I have some suggestions. My prayers are with you.

I am so sorry to hear your pains. i know that even if you dont want to turn him in for the bad things he is doing but just want to get away. call the police. they can take you and your child to a safe house (up in atlanta they are called Project Renewal). I actually saw an advertisement for it in my OBGYN. They will help you with financial, emotional and physical protection. They will simply do things like pay for you to get to your mom or even try to help set your daughter and you up on your own. I would love to tell you that you should stay and work this out because I believe marriage is important but I also believe a marriage is between two people that love and care for each other and from what you say he obviously does not love or care for you anymore. good luck.

I am so sorry M.. You story is very heart felt. I believe there are several women in your same situation but they haven't come forward. Please Pray. If you are in an abusive situation, GET OUT! I wouldn't advise any women or her child to stay with someone who is hurtful. If you need a ministry to plug into, please by all means let me know.

Been there done that. You have not had E-nough. You don't need emotional support, you need an escape route. Help your child learn how to have a healthy relationship. Get a Post Office box and a bank account and start your plan.

Hey M.,

Do you live in the Buford area? I thought that the request was asking for buford support.

:) M.

As far as I know,he can't take her from you unless he proves you unfit and it sounds to me like you are the only constant in your daughters life.He's just feeling guilty and wanting to bring you down.Since he is violent,you need to go to the authorities as soon as possible to get some help.You may even need to go to a safehome where he cannot find you.I am serious about this.I don't want to scare you,but just last week in my town,a lady was being stalked by her ex-boyfriend.She had gotten a protective order and on many occasions told others that she feared for her life.Well last week,the guy was waiting on her when she was leaving for work,He shot her through the car windowand she died.
So please get some help!!They have groups, safe houses,
protectivecustodyfor you and your daughter.
Please write me back and let me know or I will worry
about you.

I want to share one thing with you based on my experience in this type of situation, under no circumstances should you see him or let him see your daughter. This is the time when parents kidnap the child and take off with them. I am praying for you. I want to share with you one thing that will give you hope for the future. God will not give you something that you cannot handle, you are going to make it through this and come out on top. I am proud of you for getting out of that situation...and know this, even if you never get your belongings back, you can get new stuff. The stuff is not important in the long run. I had to leave most of everything I owned when I got away from my ex. Mine also took my child too.