Seeking Comfort from Someone Who's Been There

Does pain ever go away or does it just subside?
It looks like to me you got a good deal going, a man that loves you even after all the pain you went through. A GOD that loves you no matter what. Ok so the ex screwed up your old life but seems to me you got a pretty good one now. Would you deny your son the chance to let him see his father happy?
You need to pray about this one. You and God are the only team that can heal your heart.
You have the big happy family let him try to find it. Even if it is with the one that changed your world.
Pray sweetie pray. It is your job to teach your sons how to heal and how to love. Good luck, I will pray for you to.

i don't really have any advice, but i just wanted to say i'm sorry b/c that is a very tough situation and i can't imagine how i'd feel. i'm sure i'd feel the same way as you! i do want to say this...you say it's been 3 yrs and that you should be ok, but in reality IT'S OK that it still bothers you! There doesn't have to be a "time limit" to your pain on this situation...it may bother you 20 yrs from now and that's ok too! i hope i'm making sense and i feel for you...really. i can't imagine! That is a VERY tough situation.
i wish you the best!

One of the most profound pieces of advice I have ever recieved is "Forgiving is what you do when you can't forget". I know this doesn't solve the "how" to forgive, but I hope it lets you know that its okay to feel the way you feel...you may always feel very emotional aboutt the situation and validating your feelings about is really okay. Good luck!

3 years, yep that’s about right, she probably decided it was time to get married if they were going to continue the relationship, right now by making your child feel welcome this other woman can show your ex that she loves him and his child, witch will make your ex feel he is doing the right thing by marring her. Your forgiveness for your ex husband honors the relationship you once both shared and the child you had together. Blaming the other woman gives you the feeling you desire that she was the reason you and the child were abandoned by your then husband, the person who is supposed to protect the family at all cost. This together displays that you could have remained a couple and retained your dreams if it weren’t for this other woman’s involvement in the downfall of your family. Actually he probably hit on her, she probably wanted him but knew he was married so he convinced her the marriage was rocky. She probably was okay with it for a while then decided it wasn’t fulfilling enough and when she ended it with him he decided to go ahead and leave you. Now that your remarried I guess it just comes down to not putting blame were it belongs? Letting go of the hate that you feel for the other woman takes the blame off her and back on your ex, so I guess this is just the way you have decided is the best way for you to deal with what happen.

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My first husband cheated on me. I can HONESTLY say that I NEVER felt any anger toward the "other woman" because she never made a commitment to me - but my ex-husband did. I do not agree morally with her decision to have an affair with a married man, but you need to keep a few things in mind to help give you closure.
1. If it hadn't been her, more than likely it would have ended up being someone else that he cheated with.
2. Men who cheat once, typically cheat again...the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Be thankful that you no longer have to worry about it. And know that she is taking on a huge risk by being with him - he will more than likely end up cheating on her.
3. You have already moved on - rejoice in today and look back at the happy memories that you shared -the birth of your child - but remember that it wasn't always roses either. I do recommend forgiving, but never forgetting. I think some people fail to learn from their past mistakes.
4. Most importantly, she is not responsible for the downfall of your marriage - something was missing from your marriage or he wouldn't have cheated. Too many women forget that the marriage was broken before the affair occurred.
The most important thing to remember is that you must live in the present now - you are remarried and happy. You are obviously a strong woman and I know how difficult it can be. I found out about a month after our divorce that the reason why my ex asked for the divorce is because the other woman was pregnant and they married a mere 2 days after our divorce was final. If I could give her a hug today I would! I am so glad now that she is the one burdened with knowing he will more than likely cheat on her and I would have never met my husband and had my 2 beautiful children (and #3 on the way) if he had not cheated on me. Everything worked out for the best. Live for today and look forward to tomorrow!

R.,
I feel like I just read about me in your post. My ex got married 2 days after our divorce was final. I am right there with you on still having those feelings. Just hearing her name or seeing it in an e-mail is enough to unnerve me. It is getting better, divorced 3 years this month, but still have a few issues to work through.
I just try to be the bigger person. I know that if/when he meets God one day he will get his dues. You are lucky to have someone else in your life now. I am still waiting for God to send someone my way....:).
Hang in there and know that you are not alone. I have forgiven but it is not easy to forget.
L.

It seems to me like you have not closed this chapter in your life, inspite of being married. Your ex is moving on and after 3 years its ok. You cant change the past, you cant change him, you can only change yourself. You are happy with your husband and should pray for God to heal your heart completely, no one else can do this. Trust me. I think you have a few nights of prayer sessions ahead of you if you want to put this behind you. God Bless.