Seeking Answers! - Waupaca,WI

You've got a few options:
1. Run around like a crazy person, fulfilling all obligations
2. Host something at your house for EVERYONE (if they don't get along, their problem and they can CHOOSE not to attend!)
3. Alternate holidays among the families.

Alas, I mostly do #1 but find it much easier to do with a designated driver and LOTS of wine!

This is the first year we've realized that we CAN'T. We have done our best to accomodate everyone. This year Thanksgiving will be my parents and some good friends. Christmas will be a little more coverage, her immediate family then my immediate family. As you get older, families expand and logistically sometimes it just isn't possible. DON'T stress, look out for your family first and the rest will fall in place.

Throw a Christmas Eve Party, invite them all to your house. Ask everyone to bring appetizers and desserts. Then you will have leftover nibbles and the whole day of Christmas to yourselves.

Or, go to one on Christmas Eve Daytime. Another Christmas Eve. Home with your nuclear family Christmas Morning. Another for Christmas brunch and the last for Christmas dinner.

We handled one holiday by having it at our house. All fams were invited. They could choose to attend or not.

Christmas day is in our home with our kids no matter what. It also isn't a day for company. It's our day with our family. The kids want to wake up in their house and play with their toys. They don't want to have to put them away to go to Grandma's and they don't want to have to share with kids who come over. We did Christmas Eve afternoon at one play, Christmas Eve evening at another, and we hit the other the weekend before.

I like Tracy's idea of having a Christmas Eve party at your house, asking everyone to bring a dish. You supply the tea and wine (if your family drinks wine.)

That way, when it's time for the baby to go to bed, you go upstairs, close the door, read the bedtime story, and put her down.

I would make sure that whatever time you go somewhere else the next day, you aren't putting her nap in jeopardy.

Sometimes you just have to say no, and not worry about the fallout. It's different now with a baby - it just is.

Dawn

I must be in the minority on this one, because the last thing I want to do is have to clean my house so that other people can come over!

My husband and I decide together what we are willing to do and then let others know. We want to stay home on Christmas morning, at least for a few hours, so we often do Christmas Eve at my parents' house (only 20 minutes away) and Christmas Day evening at his parents' house (2 hours away).

I think you have to decide what you want and what times you are willing to accommodate others and then let them know. Don't tell them what you're not willing to do, just say, "We're free on the 23rd. Would you like to get together for lunch or dinner?"

If you haven't already realized it, this is the time in your life when you have to decide that Christmas does not have to be celebrated on Dec. 25th. My BIL's family always celebrated on the Saturday before Christmas. He loved it, because it was predictable and they were free to celebrate Christmas with our MIL (who did insist on Dec. 25th). I'm lucky because my parents don't care when we get together. They just make sure we know they appreciate the fact that we do all try to get together.

Do what you can, and don't apologize.

We don't.

People are welcome to visit us........ we aew a plane ticket away from everyone.

We made it clear, especially when we were expecting daughter in 12/94 that we would would not be on the road during Christmas.

Sometimes, we will make a trip back for Thanksgiving but it is rare. Last time we did, when we were on the plane headed home, daughter asked me if we could have 'our" Thanksgiving when we got back home.

We don't. We have small children, and if people want to see us -they can come see us. We get together with one side of the family at Thanksgiving and another a week or two before Christmas for a celebration. I am not dragging my kids around ON Christmas or causing us that stress. Spread it out! Trust me -you and your family will enjoy the holiday more and no one will die over it. If you're up for having people come to you, decide how you want to do that -big Christmas Eve party, Christmas Day brunch buffet, Christmas Day dinner, etc. but think about expense, numbers of people, clean up, etc.

My husband is a firm believer that Grandparents have to see our daughter on both Thanksgiving and Christmas. Our parents are both divorced. My father passed away in 1996. My mother lives nearby and is alone. My father-in-law also is still single. I invite my mother and father-in-law to share in our family Christmas in the mornings. Then in the afternoon we go to my mother-in-laws for an hour or two then we go across the street to her husband's family, his mother is close to ninety and doesn't go out. We do the family grab bag Christmas here and then go home, where our daughter can then compile all her toys and play for a while before going to bed. Not my ideal way to spend Christmas, but it makes everyone at least content. Hope you find a solution that works for you.

You have the perfect excuse not to go to anyone!

"This is the baby's first Christmas (or first "real" Christmas if baby was born just before the last one)! We really want to nest this year and build some traditions of our own, so we are going to stay home Christmas day as a family so Santa can come, hooray, and so little X can get his/her naps in as usual and be happy for the holiday."

They will know they'll seem like Scrooges if they insist you travel to them when you have just invoked the idea of your child staying home so Santa can "find" him or her. Give everyone the same story and stick to it with a huge grin on your face and emphasis on the words "stay home Christmas day JUST as a family."

Then invite them to you Christmas Eve or on the 26th but only IF you want to do that -- but with a baby, I'd do it on your schedule, not the family's; in other words, daytime when it's not around naptime, NOT in the evening. If you do any hosting, make it easy on yourself -- pick up the food from a restaurant or get frozen appetizers by the dozens and do that, rather than cooking a full-on turkey meal etc. And smile if they are the complaining "Why can't you come to us" or "Well, you'll come to us next year" types. "Oh, we'll see. We really do want to establish some fun family traditions for little X here at home."

I wish that the U.S., like in my husband's home country of England, would put less emphasis on the night of the 24th and day of the 25th and shift some of the family visits to the 26th. That's "Boxing Day" in Britain and the Commonwealth countries and that's the day that folks go out and visit family and friends, while on the 25th, many folks (at least in all our family and friends over there) tend to stay home and enjoy the day together. There is less pressure and guilt over "You MUST be with US on the 25th...or you don't love us."

I would plan it at my house and invite everyone. Let them know ahead that you expect them all to act like adults for you and your husbands sake and to show their new grandchild that everyone can get along. Or have a Open house on Christmas Eve and let them all come to you at their own time. Christmas Day you can go to one of his parents and one of yours and then next year go to the other two. It is no fun for kids to be torn away from their new toys to be dragged to everyone elses home so this is only going to get worse.

Have them all over at your house. Another option would be to go to or invite part of them for Thanksgiving and the others get Christmas with you. We only have two families and we do Christmas at my parents' house and New Years' at my husband's parents. It seems that everyone is happy with this solution.

I have struggled with this same dilemma every year. I have gotten to the point where I loathe the holidays. We ask each other "Whose year is it?" We try to break up Christmas Eve between my parents (since they are the divorced/remarreid ones). We alternate Christmas Eve every year and then Christmas day is where the chaos really ensues. We attempted to take a stand of "Well, they can just come here". And they did AND brought more family with them. Suddenly, MY HOME became a chaotic nightmare. I am not sure I will do that again. We have discussed not going or having anyone over but then that just means we have to eventually do it and then we are taking up more time away from just being us.

All the family is in our area and no more than 40 mins. away. With a 17 month old, there is expectation. I don't know how to deal with it myself. I have just come to realize that it is not about us, it is about our child so we accommodate. It sucks....looking at other recommendations, I have attempted all or most and have not had success. We could just be the oddity though too. I have come to accept that it is a 24 hour whirlwind that I can deal with. Plus, it brings joy to our parents to see their grandchild excited about toys. Best of luck and I will be looking for suggestions from other mamas!

When we moved out of state, my inlaws and parents would rotate years. Normally, we had Thanksgiving to ourselves and Christmas with who ever's year it was. Since we moved back to Texas we do travel to their houses. My inlaws are wonderful in that my mother has frontal termpural dementia and is in a nursing home. Doesn't know anyone so my concern is my Dad. He will not leave and I can't stand the idea of him being alone on the holidays. My inlaws have been very gracious with this.

We are going to my dad's for thanksgiving this year. My inlaws are going on a cruise with my bil and sil. We couldn't afford it this year. Our kids are now 23 and 19. I think our "family" time is narrowing. :(

I have 5 families to visit over the holidays. One is 3 hours south, one is 2.5 hours north, one is 2.5 hours west of us. Consider yourself lucky!!! :-)

One idea is to travel on odd years, stay home on even years. Everybody should understand and if they don't, they're not very caring people if you ask me.

Good luck!!!

I have the same situation--hubby and I are both from divorced families, but we also have grandparents that we have to cater to as well. We have 6 places to be for Christmas, which includes our house x-mas morning, as we have 3 kids.
I drew the line two years ago with my family and his--we now have Christmas morning to ourselves until 10 am. Christmas eve we do his mom during the day and one of my grandma's at night. Christmas day is my Grandma at 10 and my mom at 3. We do his dad the week after the holiday and his grandma is always the weekend before. It's tough to tell family that spending time with them creates stress, but it sucks to feel so stressed out about it too! My mother in law was very kind about moving x-mas to the day before because she felt sorry for us! We couldn't enjoy any of the places we had to be because everything was jammed into one day. Bottom line: tell your family and your hubby's and see what they can do to be more accomodating. Christmas is about family--it doesn't have to transpire on the 25th. ;) Good luck to you, and happy holidays!

Hi my advise to you would be to start off at your house on christmas eve with opening presants then plan to go to lunch at your moms house and open presants and spend some time there then plan dinner at your dads house then go from your moms to your dads. Then on christmas day do the same thing for the 2 families that you did not go to on x mas eve or if you do not want to go to 2 families each day spread it out by doing 1 family on the 23rd the next on the 24th the next on the 25th and the last on the 26th when I was a kid and the tradition I still use is that we go to midnight mass while we are at mass santa comes to the house then when we get home we open some of the gifts then we go to bed then when we get up we open the rest of the gifts then we get ready and go start our family visits

Make it easy on yourself and have them come to you this year--you are right-its time to make your OWN traditions. Invite them over for lunch/dinner etc potluck style and eat together or have a timeframe where people that want to can stop by and visit for a while. GL!

M

We live in northern MN, my husband's fam is in eastern SD and my family is in southeastern WI. My extended family is in northern WI. In previous years, we flew from WA state, landed in MSP, drove to SD...to northern WI...down to southern WI...and back to MSP. It is not unusual for us to do 40 hours of driving in the two weeks my kids have off of school. We made the decision a while ago that seeing family was really important for us, and that our kids would miss their cousins and family if we didn't see them each Christmas. It is our one pretty sure shot at seeing all our sibs and their kids. So, we make the effort. We alternate who gets Christmas every year; the other fam gets New Year's. My husband uses up 1/3 of his vacation every Christmas.Now we just have to drive (not fly from WA), so it's a little more flexible. But, last year we had a baby Christmas EVe, so both our families came to our house. It was great, but I know we're so far north, our families don't really want to travel like that every year. My oldest (7) is to the point of wanting to open presents at home Christmas morning...I'm not sure how that's going to happen, while he still believes in Santa. But I KNOW they also like going to see their cousins, so there's a give and take for them.

Updated

We don't! I used my GOD LIKE POWERS to change time.

Seriously.

Thankssgiving is split over 4 days (his fam & mine & friends & ours), and Xmas over 4 (ours, mine, mine @ Dim Sum, & his). Santa comes down our chimney on the 23rd, and our xmas is the 24th.

His family is divorced 6 ways from Sunday (and his grandmother raised him half his life, so that means 3 houses at a minimum), and my family isn't divorced but HUGE.

There's a REASON why it used to be the 12 days of xmas, and not the ONE day of xmas. I strongly suspect the reason was kids. As in a lot of them.

Anyhow, adding days to the holidays has totally cut out the stress. I SHALL NEVER SCHLEP MULTIPLE PLACES WILLINGLY AGAIN IN A SINGLE DAY!!!

What we typically did was split on holiday at one family's house, Thanksgiving at one, Christmas at another...alternate years.

it must be hard. Maybe try and set a schedule so that you can host a holiday at your home....

GOOD LUCK!!

Since you have a baby why don't they come over to your house but not all of the same day. Or have one of your parent and one of his parent come over for Christmas eve and then the other set come over Christmas day. Just let them know that you are wanting to start your own tradition and it would be easier on the baby to stay in one place and have your grandparents come see her play with her toys. hope that helps

Yeah - we have 2 kids now, ages 4 and 2, and we also have 4 families, maybe more like 5 to try to go to for holidays. It is hard and tiring, and it makes the holidays hectic and rushed for us.

Count yourself lucky, thye all live within 5 miles. We have my grandparents still living, and my mom and then my dad ( divorced) all in once town, 60 miles away from our home. Then Dh's mom, 50 miles away, her husband just passed away last weekend, after a long bout with Cancer. She has 2 adopted children which are her biological grandchildren, who are 15 and 18 and live at home with her, and probably always will due to developmental issues. Then Dh's Dad and step mom are all the way in Nashville TN, a 10 hour drive from us. Then every Thanksgiving we go to Dh's Dad's side ( all his aunts uncles and cousins - and his grandparents, before thye passed away) in West Virginia, 12-14 hour drive from home.

Only thing I can suggest is to host them all at your house.( and tell them they have to get along amicably for the Holidays for the sake of your baby, their grandchild).....or designate different weekends for different sides of the family.

When we got ot Mendota, where my Dad and Mom are, we do morning thru Lunch at one house, then nap through Dinner at another, since they are all close together it is do-able.

We do Thanksgiving every year with Dh's Dad's side in WV, so very rarely do we see them at Christmas. Easter is usually with my Mom's side....the rest of them don't do a big thing for Easter. We try to prioritize my Grandparents at Christmas, since they are in their upper 80s and will not be around forever. DH's mom and sister who live closest at 45-50 miles away, get to see us much more often, and for the last 5 years, we have had them here for a holiday meal and celebration on a different weekend than the rest.

Good luck! You have ot do what works for you.

We do try tobe home on Christmas eve and morning, so the kids get the Santa experience of finding their gifts under the tree and in the stockings, etc. They are just now getting big enough to understand/remember year to year.

You have a few years before your baby will be noticing/remembering any traditions year to year, take this time to figure out a system that works for you! Be happy they are all so close, it makes going everywhere much easier!

One family does Christmas day like 2 days after Christmas. The dinner, gift wrapping, everything. We spread it out, and that is how we are courteous and understanding to family members. Also, my in-laws will often invite my mom (who is a widow) over for Christmas Eve. We usually do Christmas Eve with one family, Christmas morning at our home for private family time, Christmas night with another family. We rotate years usually.

What is the point in celebrating Christmas with family, when they are acting selfish and rudely over splitting time?