Hi Moms,
I have a very active loving 5 year old son, Noah, who is polite well behaved and for the most part really good with his baby sister 20 months old. My daughter came home to us from Korea at 5 months, both my children are adopted, and Noah had a great transition, he helped and played with her no problems. Recently, I'll say the last 2 months or so, Noah has started to get very annoyed with her, even when she is not doing anything to him, most recently he kicked her in the stomach, no adult was present but he claimed it was an accident. The baby was hysterical crying so I am finding it hard to believe it was an accident. I spend a lot of alone time with him so I don't believe its a lack of attention, I just don't know what it is. Any suggestions would be great. Thank you
Novelty has worn off. If I had to guess, I would say that
your daughter is now getting into his "stuff." I always
laugh when people bring home new babies and are thrilled
that jealousy does not exist. Fast forward a year when the
new baby gets around and into everything-it all changes.
Your kids will be fine. Seems to be a normal five year old
with a baby sister. Good luck.
there really is not a lot you can do kids tend to fight. your son probably is jealous of your daughter so when he does somithing bad you could put him on a time out, but mostly just keep reminding him that you love him because even though you give him attention kids tend to be jealous anyway.
Kids love new babies, they're so cute and lots of fun. Then they become toddlers and mess up their stuff, take big sibling's toys, wreck big sibling's Lego creations, squish big sibling's pet ladybugs ... toddler siblings can become an annoyance that baby siblings never were. Since your son has acted out physically toward his sister, I would suggest not leaving them alone and making sure that he has some space where she is not allowed so that he can play and create without his stuff being touched or wrecked. I know that a lot of parents don't agree with closing or locking doors, or denying kids access to certain parts of the house, but I had no problem with this. When my son was in the toddler/preschool age, I installed a hook and eye latch on the outside of my daughter's door (she is 4 years older than him) so that she could lock her door when she was out or at school, preventing him from getting in and getting into her stuff
Good luck!
I wouldn't over think this, at 20 months they're into everything and your daughter is going to disrupt your sons playing...it's easier for him to kick and hit her if she pushes in on his stuff....think about it, even if he asked her to stop she probably didn't...or it was an expirement to see what would happen and it probably scared him, or it truly was an accident....he didn't mean to hurt her but he did...my advice is to give him the tools he needs to deal with her...sharing and asking for help if he needs it...and remember...he shouldn't have to give in to the baby everytime she wants something( otherwise you'll create a baby monster, A.K.A. a brat) and he shouldn't have to share everthing either. Some toys or things should just be his(and hers....goes both ways)...I have 5 boys 8,7,5,4, and 18 months, and they all had to( or have to) learn how to play together and co exsist...it's a process.best of luck!
don't be surprised if your son is having a delayed reaction of jealousy; my son was 20 months when my daughter was born and the first 2 months he was lovely with her. she is now 1 year and his jealousy has progressed consistently. now it is to the point where he will literally spend all day long trying to keep me away from the baby no matter what it takes even if it means he acts like a maniac getting himself time outs and on and on. he is a darling, incredibly verbal, charming, funny kid who will act like a total pain the the tush, just incredibly obnoxious, because of the jealousy. it doesn't even matter how much time i spend with him or what discipline i use; he is like a bottomless hole of jealousy. it's very, very annoying.
thus i have no advice for you what so ever but a lot of compassion.
good luck.
This might sound too easy but here goes. My boys are 2 yrs apart and have a rediculously great relationship and I think it is partly due to the fact that I gave Charlie (the younger) a voice when he did not have one yet. Every night when I put Joshua down to bed, we read two books and then I tell him a story. The story is always starring him and his brother. I make the themes about them working as a team and winning something or doing something that they prob couldn't do by themselves. I make Joshua the star and Charlie in aww of him....and charlie always says how happy he is to have a great big brother. There is laughing and giggling and in the morning, joshua tells charlie what they did the night before and how proud he was of him or how he made him laugh. It is really cute. I always tell Joshua that he is the "Charlie Protector". It is like Charlie has his own personal super hero that will keep him safe. It has worked for us.
Good luck
S.
Hi L.,
I have four children. I think each birth or addition changes your child, from personality to their identity. This is not a bad thing, it's just true. Each time I had a baby, I would tell the big brother, "Oh (baby) loves you! She is going to be your buddy when you grow up! She thinks you are so wonderful!" And I spend a great deal of time one on one telling my children how wonderful having a sister or brother is. I tell them, "When you grow up and you are really sad, you are going to call your sister. She is going to be there for you! Be nice to her!" I tell them what it was like to be a big sister, little sister have a big brother little brother when I was little etc. And I tell my oldest when she loses her patience, "Whether you like it or not, you are the big sister. You need to treat your brothers the way you want them to treat you. They learn from you. If they hit you, tell them you would never hit them. And I tell her, "You don't want your little brothers to grow up and remember you as a mean sister do you? Don't you want them to remember how you helped them and cared about them and played with them?"
Last, it is really tough! Nothing surprises me anymore. My son hit my daughter with a heavy Thomas the train bridge once!" Now that I have had four children, I realize, all children will hit, bite or do what ever it is you think they would never ever do. It doesn't mean they are bad. It is our job to explain why that is unacceptable and mean. It takes telling them over and over and modeling and slowly they learn empathy and their conscience kicks in. I try not to ask why: Why did you hit her?!!! Instead I say, "There is never a good reason to hit anyone. You need to use your words... etc..."
Kids learn to cope with their feelings and act appropriately, and they need your guidance as they build that skill. I would try to limit his time with the baby completely alone. And praise him for his good big brother behavior as much as possible. Remind him of all the great things he can do, because he is big. He can run and go on the swings, etc. And he will get to teach his sister all those things.
