Seeking Advise/personal Experience with Adoption

We have had a wonderful adoption experience. I had my first son at age 39, but was unsuccessful having any further pregnancies. After 2 miscarriages and a visit to the fertility specialist who recommended in-vitro with a donor egg (for $40K), my husband and I decided to adopt a second child. I was referred to Abby's One True Gift, an adoption agency that assists families with both domestic and international adoptions. We decided to adopt domestically for several reasons. We felt that there were plenty of babies here that needed good homes. It was also less expensive than most international adoptions. The time to get a baby was faster (our older son was already 3 and I didn't want a huge age gap between them). Finally, with my job, I would not be able to take much time of for overseas travel.

I would highly recommend this agency. Everyone was very professional and helpful. The whole process went very smoothly for us. We turned in our application after we were certified to adopt and within one week, they called with 2 potential birth moms. Both were teenage mothers (straight A students just not ready to be mothers). We had a nice conversation with the mother of the birth mom and 3 months later we had a very healthy, beautiful baby boy. He came a few weeks early, but we were able to fly to New York and pick him up when he was only 2 days old. In less than 1 week, the paperwork was completed and we were able to take him home.

We have been very fortunate to maintain a wonderful relationship with the birth mom and grandmother. They have actually come out and stayed with us over spring break both last year and this year. I feel it is important for my son to know that his birth mom does love him very much and to be able to have a relationship with her if he chooses. I will certainly encourage him to do so. The reality is that I am 25 years older than his birth mom, so some day she may be there for him when I'm gone.

As for costs, the agency fee was $10K. We opted to let the agency arrange for the attorneys, which cost about $9K (you probably could get the attorneys for less if you picked your own). There is a $15K tax credit that you can use over 5 years.

The agency contact info is Abby's One True Gift - 1-866-921-0565. Check out their website - www.onetruegift.com.

Good luck!

HI! My husband and I have adopted 2 great kids as newborns thru open adoption. They are 3.5 and 2 now! I would say:
Be careful about paying alot/any money upfront.
Go with a non profit, if possible. This should not be a money "making" ordeal.
Be open minded about "open" adoption. It may sound weird but it has been great for us and I think the kids too- down the road!
We used Christian Family Care Agency.
www.cfcare.org
good luck!

My husband & I adopted through an adoption facilitator in California. We signed the paperwork on August 30, 2006 and we were matched with a birth mother on Dec 22. Our baby was born on January 19, 2007. We actually were gender specific, but not ethnicity specific. The process went realy quickly and the adopton was final on August 2, 2007. We had checked into international adoption but have relatives & friends who have gone that route and we felt for our sitation domestic would be better. If you want more information, please contact me. Good luck!

We have a bio daughter who is 5 1/2 and adopted our son from Russia when he was 11 months old. He is now 4.

It was a great experience for us and we couldn't imagine our family without him! I could go on and on, but it would take pages and pages! I'd be happy to answer any questions and/or chat with you on the phone. If you are interested in a boy, Russia is a great option. Boys are much more readily available there. My family ancestry is Russian, so it felt like the right fit for us, although I don't speak Russian.

We looked into domestic only very briefly, so I couldn't tell you too much about it. Some of our considerations were:
-didn't like the process of writing to potential birth mothers hoping we'd be "chosen"! Also didn't think our odds of being chosen were as good since we already had one child.

-didn't think we really wanted any sort of "open" adoption

-didn't want to risk having a birth mother change her mind. This was especially important because we already had a child at home. I wasn't going to prepare her for a sibling only to say, well maybe you'll be a big sister but maybe we won't get to actually adopt the baby because she changed her mind.

-the foster/adopt option wasn't right for us for much the same reasons. Many/most young children in foster care are not free for adoption. I wasn't willing to bring home a foster baby for a few months and then tell my daughter we had to give him back. It was also my understanding that the average foster parent goes through about 3-5 placements of children before one is truly adoptable. Our system is very reluctant to terminate a bio parent's rights. The system is set up with the goal of reuniting the bio family, even if it bounces the child around to numerous foster homes.

I do agree that ideally the adopted child should be the youngest - it's recommended that you do not disrupt the natural birth order and most feel the adjustment is a bit easier for the whole family. If you want to talk more about Russian adoption, please let me know. Our agency was www.eaci.com if you want to check into it further. All the best to you and your family!

PS - Just reading through the responses and wanted to add that the general recommendation is not that the "adopted child be the youngest" forever but that the children join your home in the natural birth order. It's thought that it's harder on the existing kids to suddenly get a "big sister" instead of a "little sister" because that's not the natural order.

Especially if you were the oldest child and suddenly you got an older sibling. Just wanted to clarify that! :)

Also, some make interesting points about domestic adoption in that the baby is being created for you and you won't miss out on the first months/years of the child's life. While this is true, and important to some, it was just the opposite for us. We didn't want to create another child (whether in my womb or in someone else's.) We knew there were so many children in need of homes that were already here on earth, already waiting. Neither position is right or wrong; just different perspectives. :)

Look into this organization. They can help on so many levels!
http://nmfiesta.blogspot.com/

Hi L.!
I am all for adoption!I know three couples that have very successfully adopted through Catholic Social Services over the past few years. Each couple did it two times over a few years and received two children each.
I am concerned about adopting from Russia as we had friends with two other children that did that and after seven years they had him 'readopted' by another couple that had children in a type of group home. This child wasn't able to bond with his adopted mom and we heard that that is very common with the Russian children. He had many emotional problems. He was also a fetal alcohol baby they said. They saw several specialists/psychologists and even traveled to Washington DC a couple of times to meet with a specialist with adoptions of Russian children. The whole experience was a very tramatic one for everyone as they felt like they had failed him. You have the advantage of speaking Russian, but I'm still not sure that is enough. I encourage you to do your homework before going in that direction.
Good luck to you! I will be praying for you to find a sweet child to love. E.

We have two little ones through domestic adoption. While we did have two failed matches we did not have much time to get attached and we lost no money so it didn’t hurt much. We spoke to our son’s birthmom on June 22, 2005 she picked us on the 23rd and he was born on June 26th. We finalized on Jan. 19th 2006 and it would have been a lot faster but we had a few birthfather issues. We were matched with our daughter on October 23rd 2007 and she was born Jan. 29 2008, again a fast match. I will tell you that we were not at all picky with our first adoption, only that we wanted a healthy baby. Our second time around I wanted a little girl but would have been happy with any healthy baby!
Not sure about the adopted child being the youngest, it might depend on the state. But what would happen if you adopted and then got pregnant, the child would no longer be the youngest. I know in Colorado they wanted over 2 years age difference for some odd reason.
As for expenses. Both of our adoptions were under 18k each and then we got the full adoption tax credit back so it made each adoption under 6k. Please feel free to ask me any questions you might have!

Hi L.: I have two close friends who were not able to have children of their own so they opted for adoption. One of them adopted in Mexico and the other one in Guatemala. The baby from Mexico was born with a birth defect, cleft palate, she had to undergo a series of surgeries during her infancy. She is now 9 years of age and a very happy girl. The girl from Guatemala is now 8 years of age, she just had a birthday this past Saturday. It is amazing to see her in the company of her family and friends. I truly admire my friends for the gift they have given this girls and am sure that if their biological mothers could see them now, they would be proud in knowing they made the right desicion. Good luck to you and your family. Ali

Hi, L.. I am the adoptive mother of two very amazing little girls. The great thing about adoption is, these children were created for you just as if you had given birth to them. My oldest daughter is 3.5 yrs old, and we recently adopted our 3 month old. While domestic adoption from birth is our only experience, I feel like it is totally the way to go, but this is different for others. I would definitely think it through--especially since you have two other children biologically, and you know how much you would miss if adopting an older child domestically or internationally--even if your child comes homes at 6 or 7 months from Russia, which seems to be the early side of things, imagine all you have experienced with your five month old and that is what you will be missing. The domestic adoption process can make some people fearful, but when you have been matched with the birthmother that is carrying your child, it all falls into place. Birthmothers do change their mind--we matched with a birthmother each time that feel through before our girls, but very early on. It was disappointing, but we kept faith our child was out there somewhere. I wouldn't trade the entire exerience both times for anything, because it led us to our two beautiful girls. Please write if you have more specifics questions, and best of luck finding the little one who is perfect for your family!

Another adoptive mom here. I adopted my daughter from Russia as well. She was 28 months when she came home and has been a delight.

I love Russia and the people and for me this was a fabulous place to adopt from. Speaking Russian will be a bonus if you choose Russia because you are required to travel two or three trips depending on how you set things up. I choose to do two trips with my second trip being a month. One parent can go home, but the alone time with no daily chores to do gives you time to focus one on one with your little one is one of the best things I did for the two of us.

If you want to learn more, frua.org is a group of parents that have or are in the process of adopting from Russia. Also yahoo has what they call "groups". There are a lot of adoption groups, domestic as well as international. Google for adoption blogs, you will find personal journey's out there... may even find mine, you never know. Do your homework and research everything, agency and homestudy agency and learn as much as you can so you can keep the surprises to a minimum.

When you adopt there are a lot of things out of your hands, it is a very emotional journey. Be patient with yourself, and try not to cry too much, because once your little one is home you will find the whole thing was worth all the frustration.

As anything else in this world, there are costs involved. Start a savings account and put in as much as you can. If you read what the costs are on an agency's site, make sure you have more than they state. There are always extras and running out of money isn't a great plan.

Good luck!!!! And have fun with your research, there is tons out there!