"Seeking Advise on What to Do, How to Move On"

Maria,

Don't move out. If you do, it's considered abandonment by a judge. I know because I've been there and I know others who have, too. You have to stay in the house until you file for legal separation. There is an attorney that my ex and I used. His last name is Dolan. He does divorces where you both can agree on the majority of things. If you can't, there are attorneys who will work out payment arrangements with you. DO NOT LEAVE! You have just as much right to be there as he does. He probably knows that it's considered abandonment if you leave.

HI Maria,

So sorry to hear you are going through this. I don't know about whether or not you can file for abandonment. I would contact an attorney. Mine is an excellent one, if you are interested. His name is Allen McKee Dodd of Dodd and Dodd. There are a couple of other attorneys there, too, who I think would be able to help. Their number is ###-###-####.

The other place that might be helpful is the Center for Women and Families. I have gotten a tremendous amount of support from them--they are a great organization. Their number is ###-###-####.

Best to you. Feel free to send me a personal message if that is helpful to you.

S.

Might want to check and see but abandonment as far as I know can only be filed if he has no contact (calls, child support, or anything) for 6 months. If you have been married for 5 years or longer you may or may not get spousal support. Also after 5 years of marriage you and him both may have to split everything 50/50.

B./WV

I wouldn't move out....what did you do wrong? If he really wants to be there for his kids you need to work it out together. He can not make demands. Maybe you take turns living with the kids so they stay in the house with which ever parent has custody at the time (joint). If you just leave leave it will be hard for your kids to understand. Good luck...

I don't know the details of your situation, but your children do need their mother. It's selfish and a little cruel of their father to even ask their mother to leave them. Try if you can to step outside of the situation and disconnect emotionally while in the heat of arguments, and think of what's best for your children. He is setting a very bad example for his children, but that's his choice. You are only responsible for yours. That sounds stupid, but it's helped me in the past to learn that. You may have already decided what to do, but I saw the post and wanted to offer some words of encouragement. It REALLY bothers me to see a woman being mistreated by a man that she loves. You are infinitely valuable and a unique creation of the lord. Remember that!

I am sorry to hear about what is going on, but it depends on what state you live in when you can file for abandonment. I know where I live in WV, you have to wait 30 days but it may differ where you are at. I would call the courthouse and they can direct you to the legal aids that are usually there and they can help you to file and answer more of your questions.

Just a quick response, I know that you can go to your local courthouse and get divorce papers that you file yourself, with buisness and children involved your best bet is to get a lawyer. So sorry about your situation and Ill keep you in my prayers. God Bless

Maria, you need a lawyer and you need one now. Wether or not he's primary is irrelevant if your name is also on the titles, accounts and deeds. But you do need to get a lawyer right away to protect your and your children's legal rights.

As for closure, it's a bit overrated. You just need time to adjust and to go through the stages of grief. Just don't let your grief get in the way of protecting your rights.

Yeah you can get him on abandonment. Also I would have his name taken off of anything that you can and try to put a freeze on any joint accounts that you have. Start calling for around for a lawyer to see who can get divorced more quickly and cheaply. You may be able to get into to legal aid and have them do the divorce for free if not at a major discount. He's been gone for 31 days...there's no amount of explaining in the world that would make that a non-abandonment issue. You may also be able to file the divorce yourself. Go into an office supply store such as office max or office depote. They should have form kits for things such as divorce, wills, etc...all of the kits will be in the same place in the store. They come with step by step instructions. Then you place an add in the newspaper that you're going to file for divorce...take the filled out kit, 3 photo copies of the filled out kit, a copy of the receipt that you advertised about the divorce in the personals, a copy of the add posted in the newspaper and go to the court house with these documents...at the clerks office they should give you a court date. Then you go to court, explaine the situation to the judge and it's easy breezy cover girl. When you fill in the kit you will be able to put yourself down for full custody of the kids, what you want him to have for visitation and what you want for child support. The judge may over-ride your request for the amount of child support though...especially if you don't know where he's currently working or where he is. Normally in that event you get what they call reserved child support. Reserved child support means that if you ever find him or where he works then you can take him back to court and have them set up the child support. Words of wisdom...I wouldn't e-mail him or try to call him to let him know when and where court is or that you're filing for divorce....just put it in the personal's section of the local news paper. Nine times out of ten, they don't read the paper, so they don't know about the divorce...believe it or not, it's much easier to get things done more quickly and get what you need if he's not there. If he don't show up they'll just do it without him.

As far as possessions and money and stuff go...you guys are married and everything is half yours regarless who the primary is.

i wish i could give you ,more advice, but i will keep yopu in prayer. i will say this if he not contacted you and you dont know where are you sure he not hurt or in the hospiotal; or anything? does he have family you can contact and ask? if no one can help then i would call leagal aide and get some type of free advice or call attroney that spec in divoreces that can give you a free visit. i am so sorry to here this, but you need to do something fast if you cant find him, but you need to do a missing report wit the police so this way it cover you incase something happens to him and you dont get blame if he got killed or died, b/c remeber the cops will look at why did you do a missing reposrt. i would do this missing resport fisrt to make sure to keep you clear and clean and then go on with the next step of legal advice. 1. check friends and neighbors close one i mean.2. police report missing 3. legal adivce,s ot his way it keep your businsess and thing ok too and the kids. keep in touch i hope the best fo you and i am truley sorry take care god will be looking out for you. angelina

Oh sweet heart!! My heart goes out to you! I dont have any advice that you have not already recieved so I wont bore you. But I did want to let you know that I am thinking about you and your kiddos. Good luck sweet heart! He'll get his in the end.

I contacted two attorneys for advice for you. My father said, "She needs to contact a GOOD attorney--family law--immediately." My friend who practices family law also said to contact an attorney NOW. Make sure you find an attorney well known with good recommendations. I know it's a lot of money, but you have your best interests, and your kids, to look out for. I will say a little prayer for you. If you don't get all the banking info. and business taken care off and put soley into your name, you may be in for a lot more debt later.

hun you need to go close out any joint accounts, File seperation papers and get him paying suport on your kids. Get in a good church or if your in one find you a goood strong help suport system. and last you may want to seek some counclying for the childeren

Don't leave. If he's threating to leave unless you do, call his bluff, and if he does leave, let him. While I do not know the specifics of your delima, I find his request...I mean order that you leave once he comes home absurd. He's the one that left for over a month in the 1st place! You will not be making a sacrifice for the children if you leave, in their eyes they may see it down the road as "Mommy didn't want to fight for us." Do you have any family or friends near by that you and the kids could stay with? If you contact your local women's shelters they may be able to help you find an attorney that you could afford...or even help pay for the attorney.

My husband's an attorney here in Indiana and he recommends getting an attorney NOW. If money is tight you might contact a local legal aid society. In Indiana there is a Christian lawyers attorney group in the state that will take some cases pro bono (for free) so if you run into issues with legal aid see if you can find a group like that.

Best wishes for a good result.

Maria

i am so sorry...at this point i think you can file for abandonment...my advice is to get an attorney and talk to them...for right now i wold leave everything in his name, and continue to take care of the business if that is what you want..but youo may need to get the business out of his if you can...agian you need to seek the advice of an attorney...lethim know he left 31 days ago, and about getting everything out of his name...if you need a sholder to cry on let me know...i have been trough alot in my life, and love to help anyone i can...send me apersonal message if you want and we will talk...if you need naything dont hesitate to let me know.

L.

I can't give you much more advice than what you have already gotten as I have read your responses, but I wanted to let you know you and your children are in my prayers. This is a horrible situation for you to be in. But again, clousre may be difficult. I would close all joint accounts and open accounts just in your name. At our bank, you can't just take the name off you have to close it out and reopen. Then I would get a lawyer - NOW!! I wish you the best. Good luck!!