Seeking Advice on Whether or Not to Get Pregnant and Have Child #3 - Dayton,OH

We waited till our first was in Kindergarten before we got pregnant with our third. Now we are trying for our fourth. Unfornatly for us number three did not make it. He is now in heaven. He only lived 17 minutes due to not having any kidneys or bladder. I don't think it matters how many children you have you will always love each one and find the time for each one.Good luck.

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Hi K.,

Wow...this is a tough thing to comment on. I'll tell you about how I feel and then you can take it from there. I have 3 children. 6yrs, 3 yrs, and 8 months. I was happy and content w/ the 2 I had...one was a girl, one was a boy. We got pregnant w/ our third, although we didn't really plan it, but we had 'talked' of another, the same as you. The issue w/ me, is I LOVE all 3 of my kids....however....it is easier w/ just 2. My older 2 were dressing themselves, out of diapers, and independent and then I throw a baby into the ring and things get slowed down more because of the baby. Although not the baby's fault, we just can't go anymore because we have to be considerate of him and his eating/napping schedules. You have 2 hands...one to hold hands w/ two of your kids....it does get a little hairy w/ 3. Just weigh the pros/cons w/ the third...you'll be buying diapers, have daycare costs, etc. IF there are more pros then cons, then I say go for it! You are right, babies are such blessings from God and can bring such joy to your life. Good Luck!!

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Are you under any pressure to decide soon whether or not to try to conceive child #3? If not, perhaps some more time and perspective might make your decision easier? Deep inside, you will know (and may already!) if your family should expand again or if you are fulfilled with 2 kids.

I'm with you - the transition from 1 to 2 was difficult and I am still struggling to regain the patience. Part of me would love to have a bigger family, but part of me just feels so overwhelmed right now with my 3 yr old and my 6 month old that I can't imagine bringing more children into the fold. Maybe I'll feel differently several years from now, and maybe we'll feel ready as a family to grow... or maybe I'll still feel like 2 is all I can handle and stay sane!

As far as birthing another child... I know mothers who have had successful VBA2C! It's not crazy to consider, despite what most OBs would say. It's *very* interesting to see what the actual research data shows about the safety of VBAC, even VBA2C. Plus, there are definite health benefits to babies being born vaginally (colonization of the gut w/ the mother's good bacteria, clearing of fluid from the lungs, etc., and that "cone head" thing someone mentioned about babies born vaginally? Uh, that is temporary and goes away within hours! Bottom line: if you are considering a 3rd, and are interested in VBA2C, it is sooo crucial to have the right support. That's really hard to find here in Ohio, but it is possible - have you been in touch with your local I-CAN chapter (Cesarean Awareness Network)? It's a fabulous organization doing some really important work, and if you do decide to have a 3rd child, I highly recommend attending monthly I-CAN meetings even before you start trying to conceive. And yes, even if that means you would drive to Cincinnati or Columbus once a month - the support and information and networking is *that* good:
http://www.ican-online.org/community/chapters2.php?LISTIN...

Best of luck to you in deciding what to do - I'm sure you'll make the right decision for you and your family! :)

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K.,

I'm glad to see that you're taking your time and weighing options. Whether or not to have a child is a big decision, whether they're the first, third, or tenth!

I had an emergency C-Section for my first child and it left me with a very difficult 6-month recovery. Because of this, I decided to schedule my second child's C-Section delivery and the recovery time was only 2 weeks!

Number 3 isn't an option for us because of my age, but if you're healthy, I wouldn't let the option of a third C-Section stand in the way. Scheduling it can make all the difference!

You might also consider your financial situation, both now and the future... college is getting expensive.

I hope this helps. Best of luck!
Tracy

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My husband and I were completely content with our two children (girl and boy.) The youngest was about to start school and we had plans for me to finally go back to work and were excited at the possibilty of nice family vacations and such. Well, then came the news of baby number three. We were not in the least bit happy. Heartbroken to be completly honest about it. We dedided that no matter what we were going to be happy about it and enjoy and really appreciate the miracle of pregnancy. That baby is now almost two and has been the most wonderful thing that has happened to every one of us. Frankly, we are WILD about her. I'll tell you though, a third child does not mean three time the work it means thirty times the work. Sometimes I feel really stretched among all of them but the saying quality not quantity has never been more true to us than now. I can't tell you "do it" or "don't do it." If you do, you will find the time, you will find the money, you will have the love. If you don't...well you won't know the difference. I recently asked my husband if he could imagine why we felt the way we did when we found out we were going to have another and he said "yeah, but I am so thankful we have her."

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2 big things to think about:
1- Can you afford the day care bills for 3 kids? (and college bills 18 yrs from now?)
2- Is it physically safe enough for you? P.

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Well, I have four, they are spread apart though, my two oldest are 12 and 9 and the youngest are 2 and 9 months. I love four kids!! I started very young, I am still with my husband of 13 years, and our children play very well together and keep each other company. Basically they are never bored-and when we as parents need a minute to ourselves, the kids can play together. You will always have time for your babies, and enough love- so I say a third would be wonderful.

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Go for it! I have a two daughters - 30 months and 14 months and we are expecting #3 in January - leaving each birth about 18 months apart. Like one of the previous posts, we weren't "trying" but figured if it happened, it was meant to be - and it happened in one month. The best advice I have gotten from my mother and other moms as well, is that have them all while you are in the diaper mode. Once you learn and experience the freedom (my oldest is now potty trained and oh how wonderful!!!), it is very hard to get used to packing that diaper bag and scheduling feedings, etc...

My hubby and I are aware this won't be easy, but we didn't want to grow old alone and so therefore the more children and love we can bring into the world now, the better we will all be in the future. Don't worry about college, as there is aid available for that. But childcare is an issue - yet we have found a nanny to come to our home to be cheaper than daycare - and easier on our routine as well!!

Good luck and choose by what your heart tells you!

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K.,
I have a 4 year old, 2 year old and a new 3mo. old baby. We decided early in our marriage on a family size of between 4-6 kids. The third child has probably been the hardest transition for our family, but I would not change it. Every time I have questioned our decision in my mind, I always come back without regret. I would recommend that you have them closer together, I think it gets tougher to bring a baby in the mix with older children. I feel at least like we are all still on the same plain. However, If I had school age children and then brought in another baby, I would feel pulled in too many different directions (this is just my opinion)I actually think it might be easier on your children to have the baby now (if you decide to have baby #3)than to wait until they are older. This may sound silly, but if you don't always have that extra attention to give them now, they won't remember it like they will when they are older. I have kind of sacrificed housework on the alter of more time with my two older children. I used to be really rigid about it but it is not uncommon at all for my husband to come home finding me doing breakfast and lunch dishes and just starting dinner. You will definately have to become more laid back with each child. I am by defintion uptight and I like order, but I changed, so it is possible.

J. Franz

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hi, I thought after the second child that we were done... I had two very hard labor and deliveries with both child... but 4 years later i got the baby bug and we decided to have another... maybe give yourself a while to enjoy the two girls you have would be good . my children are now 4 1/2 ,8,10..... i still had a hard time with the third but it was worth it. good luck

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I agree with Melissa about it not mattering how many kids you have, you will always find time for each one and will always love each one.
I personally don't want my children more then 3 years apart, so if it were me, I would start now. But everyone is different. Maybe wait another 6mo-1yr and go from there.
The way I feel about it is, you wouldn't consider another child if you really didn't want one. You would be set on no more if you didn't want another. Then again, I hope to be able to afford to have 4 or 5 kids. Although, I don't think we will be able to afford more then 3 together (he has children from previous relationships). Let us know what you decide.
~B.

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Hi K.,

I'm of the opinion that children are always a gift from God. At the same time, you have to do what you and your husband think is right for your family. One thing to consider-what do your girls think about another baby (especially the oldest)? If your kids are adamently opposed to another baby, it may mean there would be a lot of sibling rivalry and jealousy after the baby came. Due to your age and need for a c-section, I agree with your "sooner rather than later" approach also, if you want to try for a third. Best wishes!

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Hey, I have 3 children who are all very close in age. 2 girls 4 & 3 and my son who will be 2 in Sept. My first 2 are 13 months apart and the second and third at 17 months. I did not plan to have them so close together, and this is how I partly came to my decision. I planned my 1st one and the second was a pill baby, when Addie was 9 months we decided that we wanted to try for that boy, (when she turned 1 we would start trying again) 2 weeks later I was pregnant with Derek. I love having 3 kids, it is very hard to get somewhere on time, but it's getting easier as they get older and the girls can get themselves ready. The only thing that I can tell you from my expierience is that I would make sure that the kids were at least 2 years apart, I think it would make life easier, I also know that it is very important that you make each one feel special. One thing that we do is we take each of the girls out for Mommy/Daughter night out once a month, we usually go to Cold Stone Creamery and then to the bookstore to get a new book. The night makes them feel special since it is just the 2 of us, and we can usually do it on 10 bucks per night. So, I hope this helps you, it is really great having a boy after doing the girl, barbie thing:o) I hope I helped and if you need anything else, just let me know.
Thanks,
N.

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K.,

I think you've made up your mind already. Your message was bursting forth full of love and family. Besides, after having the knowledge and experience of an emergency c-section, plus a second c-section, you already know that this baby will not be cone-headed and will be even able to pick your own date along with your OBGYN to prepare for. I've been told going from one to two is hard, going from two to three is much easier of a transaction, plus you'll have two helpers. The real concerns you have don't seem so much about having another, if you can manage two very close in age babies, it's only natural to fill in with another, but moreso with the operation. Educate yourself to give you that comfort zone. This will make all the comforts in the world later on in life, large holiday gatherings and a multitude of grandchildren.

You sound like you're doing great already, remember - if the love is there and growing, all it needs is to be shared.

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Hi! I am actually in the same boat. We have two little girls as well and although we said no to #3 originally, I'm starting to think I want one more. I wish you luck! Let us know what you decide!

S.

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K.,

My husband and I went back and forth about having a 3rd for some time. We already had a boy, 4, and a girl, 2. We felt like such a happy family already, and we couldn't imagine it getting any better, and we worried about throwing off the balance and "harmony" with a 3rd.

Ultimately, we decided to go for a 3rd. We both come from two kid families and I think we both would have liked to have more siblings. I wanted my wonderful little boy and little girl to have another sibling to share their life with. And I look forward to family gatherings with lots of grandchildren and great grandchildren in our future.

Weighing that bigger picture against the "cons" people list against having more kids was like comparing apples and oranges. None of us decide to have children in the first place because the "pros" outweight the "cons" do we?

We had our 3rd, baby Madelynn, 3 months ago - and we couldn't be happier. We all love Madelynn and treasure her. I know we made the right decision for our family.

Best wishes,
N.

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Hi K.,

I can 100% relate to your thoughts. My husband and I have a 6 year old and a 11 month old girls. We also go undecided on baby # 3. We both really want a boy, and would be willing to give it 1 more go, but that is it! I love my children with all of my heart, and there isn't a doubt in my mind I couldn't give a 3rd the same amount. We will try again in another year or so when my husband gets out of school. I say go for it, why not? Babies are so wonderful (well, majority of the time) and I wish you good luck with what ever you choose.

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Hi,

A little perspective from down the road......
I have 5 children and 4 are grown now. The youngest is in high school. While it was hectic when they were younger, I wouldn`t change a thing. They are all very close to one another and have matured into very fine adults. We never had enough money, time, many things would go wrong. There were days I wanted to tear my hair out....literally. LOL But looking back in retrospect, I see even the difficult times have been a good part of what has molded them into what they are today. Timing, money, emotional support and situations will never, ever be perfect.........

Your maternal longings are good indication that you really would like another one. As long as hubby feels the same, I would say go for it.

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hi, i am not in your same situation...I have one son and i am debating on whether i should have one more. It's a hard decision to make. I say if you can handle two children well then a third wouldn't be much harder...plus are you secretly hoping for a baby boy? I say go for it if you can both afford it and you are both for it. Having another child is rarely something a parent regrets but NOT having another child often is!!

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Hi K.,
My thought is that in the future more siblings is better. In today's world, should anything happen to parents, then the children have each other to rely upon. I had only one brother & he moved to Florida. I see him only once per year. He's not married, and no children, so I have no nieces or nephews. My son is an only child because my husband ran off with someone else, and many times he is lonesome. Now he will go through his life with only himself. I wanted at least 4 children, but was blessed with one. I say go for it!!!
K.

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Hi K.,

You sound a lot like me. I have two children: a 2 year old and a 10 months old. They were both c-section babies, too. I don't want to talk you out of having a third child. For me and my family and don't think it would be the greatest desicion because I don't think I would be the greatest mom if I did. I know after I had my second, I lost a lot of patience and I don't even want to know what I'd be like after having a 3rd child. I just don't think that I would be sane if I had another one. Plus the whole c-section thing doesn't appeal to me very much. My first c-section was an emergency, but my second one was scheduled. Scheduled c-sections go by much better. Recoopoeration is much, much easier. I say if your heart says that you want another one...go for it! Sounds like you would do a wonderful job. Good luck!

A.

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we debated on the same thing and we got a puppy they are just like a baby well you know what i mean, and it is really time consuming and takes a lot away from my kids you sound like you are very lucky to have the precious girls you have enjoy them because just remember you will have to devide your time between three. and you think two is involving jealous issues it will probably be worse with three and your full time job. either way do what you and your husband feel is the best and stick with your decision. good luck

Be so very grateful for what you have, celebrate them, and don't have any more. Middle children of 3 are always complaining about "being left out, ignored." Currently, you have to split your time, money, and other resources in half to care for each of them; if you have another, the split is in 3, so everyone gets less. Read one of those "I can't get pregnant and desperately want a baby" sites and then give your two lovely girls a hug and go play. I have a friend with a 5 yr old girl, a 2 yr old girl, and a 9 mo old baby girl. I see, in action, how the 2 yr old has to fend for herself because the baby's needs are more pressing. Now, don't get me wrong, I know my friend LOVES all her girls, but I SEE how middle really is ignored.