Seeking Advice on Traveling WITHOUT Baby

Hi J.,

I hear you... I had the opportunity to travel to London from Dec. 6-20 for work, and had to decide whether or not to leave my daughter, who at that time was 10 months old. We were still full time breast feeding, too.

I finally decided that I could not leave her. I especially could not imagine the shock that I would go into being away from her. However, as my mother suggested, and same with my husband's mom, my daughter would also be very shocked, perhaps irreparably. SO, I brought her with me. I was very lucky in that my company flew my mom over as well and she was the babysitter while I went to work. My main concern, really, was the breast feeding. I was full time breast feeding and would have had to wean her within 2.5 weeks. Just not possible, nor desirable for either of us.

I don't know if this is an option for you, but it might be nice to take your wee one overseas with you. I got my daughter a passport within a day (it costs a little more but it's worth it).

Anyway, that is my story. I don't know if it helped, but I just wanted you to know that you're not alone in needing to travel. You're a good mommy, don't feel guilty!!! It's for WORK!!!! And whatever you decide, you will be making the right decision. Just go with your GUT.

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!

E.

1 mom found this helpful

hi J., i went away for a week when my first baby was 6 mos old. i missed him so much, and every time i saw another baby i would miss him even more. i dont know what to tell you about that, you will miss her, but as long as you are comfortable with her care, i really think it will be ok. i did enjoy my trip. i was breastfeeding also, i have since gone away from my kids while breastfeeding several times, had 2 surgeries, etc. its great that you have a stash. also, remember that she will be eating a lot more solids by then, so your stash has a better chance of lasting. i would recommend that you make sure she will drink formula, and drink from a bottle or sippy before you go, just in case. as for protecting your supply, i very very strongly recommend you get a good electric pump, and use it about 3x day while you are away. if you have a good supply, it will be easier than you think, you should be able to pump in under 15 min with a good double electric. i love love my medela pump in style. bring your hand pump too, i have used mine on trains, planes, in cars, in rest stops, waiting rooms, changing rooms, etc, its a lifesaver. if you wear a roomy zip/button up sweater/sweatshirt, you just put it on backwards and can pump in relative privacy. if you think you can find a way to bring your milk home, thats great. if not, maybe contact la leche to see if there is a milk bank where you will be. when i went to hawaii, i pumped and dumped the whole time. OUCH, but i was able to drink when i wanted, so wasnt all that bad. i did bring back all my milk from one fla trip, and just fyi if you decide to do that, they made me take out alllll the bags of milk at the security check in the airport, swabbed everything, laid out on the belt. very interesting with a huge line of cranky people behind me, but i was just so happy they let me keep it! enjoy your trip!

1 mom found this helpful

If at all possible, I'd bring the baby and husband along. Hotels rooms are really small in France so it may take some changes to get a bigger room. Just beware of that. They may not have an extra cot like American hotels do.

France is awesome but you will miss your daughter and she will miss you. There's a good chance that you won't enjoy the trip. A lot of the African ladies in France use a big cloth and carry their children on their backs. This is very comfortable and if you can learn the technique it won't hurt you to take her along. Much, much better than a front sling. The cobblestones don't make for easy stroller navigation!

You certainly can't count on her wanting to nurse after ten days off. The milk supply is the least of the problems. If you're pumping it will maintain and can increase again if nursing resumes. My daughter would reject me if I were gone even for a day. Me going away literally meant a solid day of bad behavior and misery so I didn't go away unless it was an emergency. I traveled overseas a few times with her.

If you take her I would buy some Otitis media ampules from Heel (online) and give her one the day before flying and one an hour or so before take off. She won't cry from ear pain if you do that. Just break the top off the ampule and get a tiny straw like that from a drinking box and she can suck it up. In France you can buy them at the pharmacies--look for the green crosses to find pharmacies.

Whatever you decide, just make up your mind to not have regrets.

1 mom found this helpful

you have alot of advise already but I had a couple of surgestions if you had to leave your baby behind.First I am a professional Nanny and a Mother of 2 boys. If you can take the baby with another adult great if not it is time to start letting your husband/other adult put the baby to bed some nights. You may have to leave the house as the baby may sence you are there and not settle as well, so go out for a coffee, walk etc. remember it may take a couple of times for the baby to get used to the change of routine but u have to give it atleast half an hour and make the times longer each time if needed the baby may surprise u all! You should pump but an electric would be better as it will keep your flow better than an hand pump. Remember this is going to be worse for you than the baby, and it will be hard when u see other babies. The baby will not remember you going away but you will for the rest of your life! I'm sure when you get back the breast feeding will sort itself out and don't feel bad if not your baby has had a good start abd will bhe just fine, good luck and enjoy

1 mom found this helpful

I traveled a lot from when my daughter was 4 months on. Most of the trips were a week or less, but I'm sure I had at least one in the 10 day - 2 week range before she was one.

Whenever you go away, you'll see changes when you get back and either feel bad because you missed some exciting new development or feel you caused some negative one. These feelings are mostly due to the complete lack of control you have over the situation. Do what's right for you, if it means not missing this opportunity to go to France, GO!!! Soon enough, your world will revolve even more completely around hers, she'll have sports or music or dance or all three and you'll never take any time for yourself.

As far as milk supply goes, I would bring an electric pump, not a manual one. If you don't own one, you can probably rent one for the time period - talk to your hospital. To keep your supply up, you have to stay hydrated and eat right, just like you would at home. Make sure you will be able to pump at least as many times as she is nursing at home (it doesn't have to be the same time of day, although that helps - plus you'll be in a different time zone). Remember that flying and those wonderful French wines will dehydrate you, so drink plenty of water, juice, etc. Also, if she's not on solid foods already, she will be by the time of your trip. My daughter weaned herself at 10 months, after a trip where I did a really poor job of staying hydrated and pumping, she was eating solids and nursing, and she just felt it was easier to drink from the bottle than it was to nurse. It was a little sad, but I felt 10 months was a pretty good base of breastfeeding so I didn't try real hard when I got home to get my supply back. Also, to make pumping easier, I would bring pictures of your daughter and if you have it, a video clip with sound that you could play on a computer. Her voice will aid in let down.

Best of luck with whatever you decide.
A.

Hi J.,

I have a 10 month old girl,whom I'm still nursing (though she eats a lot of solids now too, so breastmilk has become more of snack). For the last 3 months I've had to travel for work a lot. While I've never been away for 10 days in a row, I have been away for 4 days every other week.
It's very hard being away from the baby, there is no two ways around that. You can do it, however! You can pump several times during the day. The hard part is if you are planning to bringing the milk back to the baby. In that case, you need to make sure you have a fridge in your hotel room.
I was always able to get one during my travels. I actually wanted to freeze the milk, so the hotels would give me a little fridge with a freezer or sometimes let me use a space in one of their commercial size freezers. All the hotels I've stayed at were very accomodating. I always carried little soft cooler bags which I would fill up with ice and keep that in the freezer as all, so then when it got time to come back all the milk could make it home still in a frozen state during the 8-9 hrs it would take me to get it from the hotel/office freezer to my home freezer.

If you plan to "pump and dump" then storage is not your issue. Finding a place to pump, especially since it sounds like you will be on the road a lot, may be more tricky. I've learned to pump in airplane bathrooms and public restoorms, and let's say it's not so much fun, but it gives you a great sense of satisfaction knowing that you are doing this great thing for your baby. A manual pump is probably a good idea (I have a small electric one, which also takes batteries), the manual may take a while.
Bottom line is, you will be able to manage it. Try pumping as much as you can while you are gone, to keep up your supply for when you get back. If you have set up a pumping schedule (say 7 am , 11 am, 3 pm, etc), and you have to miss a session, don't get worked up over it. Just do as much as you can, so your body knows that someone still needs the milk. When you get back and are around your baby you supply will strenghten itself again. Our bodies are pretty amazing that way.
And on the positive side, think of it this way, you will be in France, and will be able to join lots of good wine, not not have to worry about "poisoning" the milk supply :)

Hope this was helpful.

M.

hi,
the trip sounds great, but it doesn't sound like the best time to take the trip. if you weren't breast feeding, i'd say go for it, but since you are i may think about it more seriously. two days away is no big deal, but ten does seem like a lot or a breast fed baby.

Hi there, I also was gone for 10 days with both of my boys. The first time my boy was 11 months and I was breastfeeding and thought he would be just fine, and he refused to breastfeed, I felt bad, but he really was ready and showing signs before I left. I also had an electric pump but my supply just went down majorly while we were gone. Then I left both of them when the youngest was right around the same age (10 mos) he breastfed soooo much after being away , he was making up for lost time! Now when they did first arrive back to me, they were pretty attached to my mom, I understood that would probably happen but after about a day they were back to me being their favorite person. So I think you have to be OK with the fact she may not breastfeed again, she may ignore you when she comes home. I do think it was a great experience for my boys to be away from me (and actually my DH).

As you said, your little one will be ok. But will you? And even if you pump, you may find that your supply has diminished greatly when you get back. Are you supplementing now? You may have to supplement when you return, even if you pump a ton while you're gone. (And will you really be able to pump that much- on a bus tour with students everywhere?)

If you want to go, you absolutely should. But if you're not sure, and you really want to continue nursing no matter what- maybe skip the trip this year. Plenty of amazing moms go on business trips (which this is!) while nursing. But 10 days is a long time, and I wonder how much you'll enjoy it, missing your little girl and probably being pretty engorged to boot!

My son will be 1 in a few weeks and I still have not left him over night with his grandparents. They babysit him and then we pick him up and take him home even if it's midnight since I'm still breastfeeding. I think he would be ok since he usually sleeps through the night but I guess it's a selfish thing. Once he turns 1, we will let him stay over night, but I would have to get to the house early in the morning to breastfeed him once he wakes up. I just can't imagine leaving him for even a weekend, much less 10 days.
I agree with the mom who said you should take your daughter with you and hire a babysitter to come with you to watch her during the day while you are with your students. Is a class trip worth prematurely weaning your daughter and upsetting her so much by leaving her for such a long time? It's very easy to get a baby a passport. We have one for my son and it arrived within 2 or 3 weeks from the time we applied. We are taking him to Berlin this year so that will be his first overseas trip. France is a very baby-friendly country and I think bringing her would be the better option.

hmmmm....honestly, this is not a great idea. before your say to yourself, "easy for her to say!", let me just say that i'm a licensed clinical psychologist, and mom of two children. anything under 1 year, or even 18 months, isn't great. i imagine that your husband would find one of two conditions will exist: 1) your daughter will seem "just fine" and go along with your absence without much protest, or; 2) your daughter will be nearly inconsolable much of the time you are gone, particularly at bedtime. this is maybe a false dichotomy, in that there are other grades of reaction she may display between the two extremes, but in any case, this long absence will affect her. if you go through with this, you will notice upon your return that she will be either ambivalent or rather rejecting of you for a time before she reacquaints herself with you. make no mistake: you are the central figure in your daughter's life, and your absences, particularly such a long one (infants have no concept of time), do affect her and will be experienced a pain. i'm not saying, of course, that at age 40 she will be laying on a psychoanalysts couch blaming you for leaving her at age 9 months, but i find myself wondering if there is any other scenario that you can work out, such as:

1) your daughter flies for free as a "lap child" (under the age of 2 years), you hire a daytime nanny in France (you have plenty of time to plan this) to be with her during the day if you are stationary, or someone to travel with you and the group if you are touring France; your husband goes to work and loses no pay (assuming that he would have lost pay, maybe he's salaried?) and gets a week of good sleep and can do some projects for you while you and your little girl are away. you can then put your little one to sleep each night and provide the continuity required at this stage of development. if you go this route, you will need a passport for her, and you'll have to register her with the airline, so don't forget to do that (we forgot to register our little guy with the airline last may and it cost us $500 at check in with the airline. yeesh.)

2) could your husband come with you?

in other words, i wouldn't leave for 10 days if you cannot help it. it's not good for baby, not good for mommy, and daddy might be miserable in trying to make your daughter okay while you're gone. there's something risky about the whole thing. and that's not even taking into account throwing the whole feeding routine (for the both of you) into chaos. that's a whole other issue.

good luck.

I don't know if my experience will apply to your situation but both my children had to stay in the hospital a while after birth (my first one was there 10 weeks). I had to pump exclusively for weeks at a time and it was not close to enough to establish a good milk supply--not even with a hospital quality electric pump pumping every 3-4 hours, day and night. You may be in a far better position since you have nursing well established. But pumping, even with a good double electric pump, takes a lot of your time. Good luck whatever you decide.

GO ON THE TRIP AND DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. You are an inredible mom and your baby will be fine with your husband. It is more about you missing her. I am a singer/actor and have toured all over from the time my daughter was 6 months old. IT WAS AWFUL THE FIRST TIME AWAY...on ME that is. but I brought my pump, was diligent about pumping while I was away and my supply was fine. I had a good storage of milk that held her over til I got back and we just picked up where we left off when I returned. It will get harder to go away when your baby is older and they understand that you are gone for a few days. so go now and do not regret it. Enjoy france!!!

I'm a dancer and work only on tour. I have a 6 yr old and an 8 yr old (who is presently on tour with me in Greece and France!). I've had to juggle work - away from and with the kids - since they were born. First - it is really hard to leave them, especially when they are babies. I travelled with my kids until they were about two and then it just got too hard. A few thoughts - is it impossible to take the baby? They are so so easy to travel with at that age

If not, then you will definitely need to pump. And the pumping I always found to be harder than having the baby with me. If you've never been away from your baby and have a good supply of milk, you'll probably be surprised at how much your milk persists. But no-one can really know. Every person is different. And every baby is different. My son handled me going away a number of times and nursed until he was 3. He always jumped right back on the minute he saw me until he actually forgot how after I came home from a tour when he was 3.

On the other hand I went away from him the first time when he was about 23 months just for an overnight and I was shocked at how intensely and painfully my milk persisted. I could barely make it through the bus ride without pumping.

In the end it all comes down to you and your comfort level with leaving your baby. I would strongly suggest you think through the possibility of taking the baby. IT is so, so easy at that age and in my experience it was much easier than pumping. And if not, just be prepared to have some weepy nights in your hotel room with your pump. Either way, enjoy your trip.

you are correct on both counts. your milk supply may dwindle, and she may not want to nurse when you get back. i think that you should wean her from you b4 you go to france so there are no expectations from either of you when you return. i also think that it would be too stressful to think about nursing while you are away and try to pack it properly, and get it back to the states (will they even let you through security with it. just some thoughts.
i would go, enjoy, and bring back a great gift that she can grow up with. guilty feeling, understood, but if you trust the people that you are letting the baby stay with, then that should be enough. you can call and check in, but don't talk to the baby, for she may hear your voice and then get upset...and you don't need that from across the ocean.
good luck.

You've gotten some good advice already, so I'll just add that if you're going to go, just relax about it! And don't be anxious when you come back and try to breastfeed her either. Babies feed off their mother's emotions, so if you are anxious, she will sense something is wrong and resist even more.

Hi J.,

The only advise I could give you is to take an eletric pump and NOT the manual pump. I went on vacation for 4 days without my son who was 5 months old at the time. I pumped probably about 3 times a day, quick and easy and my supply was fine when I got home. I'm still breastfeeding my 8 month old.

Good Luck,
C.

I think you're the only one who can really answer that question. Maybe think about how you'll feel when you leave, or how you'll feel on a typical day traveling once you're there. Sit quietly and try to think and feel those emotions. Of course you'll miss her, but will it consume you, will it overshadow your trip? Or will you be able to focus on the fabulous trip, the students, the scenery, etc? Also, be prepared for the possibility that she may wean while you're gone, and may give you the cold shoulder for a little while when you return. If you're prepared and plan for this, and are okay with it, then there's your answer.

It's tough. I'm in a situation now where my husband is likely going to take my son to Ireland in a few month without me. I was originally supposed to go, because my sister-in-law is getting married over there, but I will probably be too pregnant to make the trip. My son just turned two, so he's older than your daughter, but I still feel unsettled when I think about him going without me, and so far away. I'm going to see if my husband can compromise--I personally don't want to be away from my son for 10 days, so I'm going to see if they can change their tickets to make the trip shorter--I think 5 days is the max I can handle.

You could think about doing something like that, maybe? Could you go for half of the trip? Or could your daughter come for half of the trip? I'm trying to think of some sort of compromise that might allow you to go but feel better about the whole thing.

Good luck whatever you decide!