Seeking Advice on Sleep Methods for My 3 Year Old Son

Updated on May 31, 2008
L.R. asks from Indianapolis, IN
14 answers

I have being experience that my son will not go to sleep on his own. He doesn't have a problem with sleeping in his bed but he wants me to be in there laying beside him until he falls asleep. Sometimes I end up fallilng asleep before he does and other times it may take him two hours to fall asleep. I am really in need of some suggestions becuase I really need for him to be able to fall asleep on his own so that i can do my homework before midnight.

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.C.

answers from Cleveland on

My son is sort of the same way..i to have to lay with him and I fall asleep! But he usually falls asleep w/in 10min....BUT he used to take over 2hrs to do so. So, we got rid of his naps, when he was about 2. It was tough the first week w/out the naps, now he does great! He falls asleep quickly (and i don't mind laying w/him...it gives us some quiet one on one time together) and will sleep 11-12hrs a night!

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.P.

answers from Elkhart on

We dealt with the same thing with our son until he was almost 4. My husband was getting rather upset with not seeing me at night. What worked for us. It was Christmas and we bought him a new bed. He had a crib that converted to a toddler bed the only place to set it up was on the other side of the room. I found on Toys R Us a spiderman frame that the crib mattress could be used with. We were then able to move the bed close to his door, and I was then able to sit on the couch until he falls asleep. Why it worked was 2 fold. He was told he was a big boy and got a new bed but mommy could no longer sleep with him but that only worked because he could still see me sitting on the couch. Another point to make is that when I wasn't home and daddy did bed time the same rules did not apply. Daddy would not stay in the room and he was fine with that. So that is something to try if you already haven't. Try being out of the house and see what he does when daddy does the bedtime routine.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.F.

answers from Fort Wayne on

Try beginning a new night-time routine and stick to it like glue. Have him run around and get played out after dinner. Then an hour before bed, turn off all the lights in the house and make it quiet time for sitting on the couch, reading books, watching TV, singing nursury rhymes, etc. A half hour before bedtime go to his room, get him ready for bed, get things ready for the next day for daycare or set clothes out. Get him in bed, read 1 book or sing 1 song. Then lay down with him. During the night-time routine, keeps the lights dim and noises very soft. Perhaps put on a fan, radio static, or put nursury rhymes playing very softly in the background. Sometimes white noise helps them stop listening to small sounds around them and lulls them to sleep.

After he is with the routine, start making the time you lay down with him shorter and shorter. Then try just sitting beside the bed and patting his back or holding his hand instead of laying beside him. Then after a week or two, try just sitting beside him while he falls asleep. After a couple weeks try laying him down, tucking him in and saying good night. Some parents put two baby gates on top of each other in the doorway to keep toddlers from wandering around the house at night.

I've noticed the harder my kids play, the more sleepy they are, and the more cranky they are at night. The crankier they are, the quicker they fall asleep.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.R.

answers from Cincinnati on

Christine M is right on the money with the "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" advice. RUN to your nearest bookstore or library to get it.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.M.

answers from Columbus on

Hi L.,
Sleep is my biggest concentration - kids will tell you when they are hungry, we can figure out the bathroom needs and at this age you probaby have discipline in place that works for you. My life changed when i read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby." I got tired of hearing DO THIS or DONT DO THIS from people with opinions and no research. This book gave me research on sleep (in layman's terms that I could read quickly with an active kid) and has ideas all the way into early teens because the author is a doctor who founded a sleep clinic.

A second thing - routine... still have a nighttime rountine? It really helps the kid signal bedtime and sleep in a safe, stable environment. (p.s. creating an adaptable baby comes from a baby who has a foundation of stable routine (that fits their needs) and gets enough rest. Those babies are the ones who can function and adapt to changes - don't let people kid you with opinions about making the baby fit your routine and trying to teach them to adapt to an adult's unhealthy chaotic routine!)

Finally, remember sleeping with you or without you is a parent's choice - it's all about what WORKS for you both. My advice is given because the falling asleep with you doesn't seem to work for you at this stage.

p.s. I read another post about younger kids in the same email with your request today and saw they got a floppy yoga sleep book or something - it sounded like a really fun pre-bed activity that worked as a good signal to sleep as well. Gives the kids a good 30 mins to an hour BEFORE you want them to go to bed to wind down, spend that time with you they crave and get their bodies ready for sleep.

Best of luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.D.

answers from Indianapolis on

I don't have any experience with this, but, you should try reading "The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers".
Good Luck :)

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.T.

answers from Cincinnati on

L., just wanted to let you know that I was dealing with the same thing with my 3.5 year old daughter. Tons of people told me to just put her to bed (after your normal nighttime routine), tell her she was a big girl now and leave the room. I thought...you don't know my daughter. Well, I started it 9 days ago and unbelievably, she's going to bed all on her own. The first night she cried for about an hour, the second night it was only 20 minutes, and the third night, she was fine. I was shocked to say the least. Had I known it would have been that easy, I would have done it a LONG time ago. Anyway, hope that helps. They really can adjust a lot quicker than we give them credit for. Just make sure you don't give in or you'll never be able to break him of having you fall asleep with him. I will say that I went in to check on her every now and then to reassure her, but I didn't lay down with her and didn't let her come to bed with me. Hope it works for you too! Good luck!!!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.P.

answers from Denver on

You could try getting a timer. Tell him that you will lay with him for 5 or 10 minutes and set the timer. When the timer goes off, you have to get up and go do your homework because you're trying to be a better mommy for him. Tell him you'll poke your head in in a few minutes to check on him, but that you cannot lay down with him again. It also helps to have a regular night time routine, maybe reading a book together and then singing ONE song, and then your 5 or 10 minute cuddle, every night, and eventually he will know what to expect. I cannot stress enough though the importance of CONSISTENCY. If we are not consistent in whatever we are doing, they will keep trying for something different! A rule I've had to make with my son is one "mommy" before I leave the room. We do the tucking in thing, and every time I leave he tries to say "mommy" and then add in a question or comment, and after I answer he tries to get more. I finally had to say - only once - one question or comment, so make it a good one. Now he knows, only once, and I'm out of the room.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.M.

answers from Toledo on

Hi, L.. I'm struggling this as well with my almost-4yo son. I've heard of Floppy Sleep Game that the other poster mentioned, and I remember making a mental note to myself when he was younger to try this as I've heard great things about it.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.G.

answers from Fort Wayne on

I agree with others about the consistency and routine. children learn quickly what is what if you give in one night in 10 min next time they will just fight harder so you will give in in about 15 min. even very early they catch on to this. with my son we had a lot of tramatic change in our life last summer and he started needing rocked to sleep.( he was letting me pat him in bed) it got to the point sojme nights I would rock for 2 hours and sosmetimes he still would wake up when i put him in bed. I decided that was ridiculous. so we started a new routine. we do bath and all that stuff. Then we get jammies, blanket and rock for 30 min. sometimes we read then just rock while i watch some save show. other times no book just rock his choice but only 30 mins total. then he has to go to his bed and stay there. He knows i will come check on him at comercials. ( we use comercials because he gets that time frame better than minutes) Ussually by the 1st comercial he is asleep but if not i tuck him back in kiss then leave. We have been doing this for about a month and half. I plan on shortening the time slowly but since he doesn't get time sometimes 30 mins goes quickly. OH and as we rock i give warnings like 15 mins left. Maybe you could try lay there for so long then tell him you will be back after you read a page or something relating to your homework so he knows where you are and what your doing. If he gets up put him right back in bed now hesitation. best of luck!!!!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.R.

answers from Indianapolis on

Have you tried reading him a story (while lying in bed with him) then tucking him in with some favorite, soft toy or blanket he likes really well, turning on some soft music and then sitting in the room with him working on your homework until he falls asleep? It will take a few days for the system to work well because he will have to get used to you not being in the bed with him but over a week or two it should work. He will know you are there just not in bed with him.
P. R

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.D.

answers from Columbus on

I had the same problems with my daughter who is now 7. She didn't want to go to bed, she woke up during the night. This happened off and on from 15 months but got worse at almost 3. We would go through periods of not wanting to go to bed and/or waking up in the middle of the night. We tried crying it out, it broke my heart, had to do it for 4 mights in a row! It worked...so I thought, it only lasted 6 monhts so I knew there had to be an better way, I was not doing that again! I searched on line and found the Floppy Sleep Game Book by Patti Teel. You can buy it used on BarnesandNoble.com. MAKE SURE YOU GET THE CD. It is a 4 week plan to help your child learn to fall asleep and go back to sleep. IT WORKS. I put 100% effort into this, I did it with her every night. It was a huge commitment to spend the time but was so worth it! I started using it with her when she was 3. We got away from doing the techniques from time to time but always went back. After about a year we kind of developed our own bedtime ritual that combines some of the techniques taught. My older son got involved as I felt like I was leaving him out (no sleeping problems) but he enjoyed being with us. Once she knew what to do it didn't take a lot of time each night. She still listens to the CD from time to time just for fun OR we have used it when she is having a restless begining to her night. **note Don't get into the habit of it just being one parent if you can help it! We found this to be a little bit of an issue as my daughter wouldn't go to bed without me! Now even though my kids are older we still have some rituals shower/bath, no TVor games instead we read books, listen to soft music etc. (I think my kids are great readers b/c of this time we spend) It is a great relaxing evening for all of us. Then as soon as the kids doors shut we have time to ourselves.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.C.

answers from Dover on

I have done this twice now. Once with my 7 yr. old when she was three and now with my 2 yr. old son. Jack, my son, is high need and I didn't know how it would turn out, but it is working and I couldn't be happier.

I set up a vcr in their rooms and put them in their bed to "watch a movie." They didn't need me to lay with them or hold them to watch the movie, and they drifted off watching the movie. It seems a little tricky but it eased them into it.

I started sitting in their with them. Then I would walk in and out quietly to do "chores" lengthening the time I was gone. Before you know it I could put the movie in, sit for five minutes and then leave.

You could take it a step further. You could buy a dvd of lullabies and then once he is used to it, transition him to a cd.

It's worked for us.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.B.

answers from Terre Haute on

My daughter started that when she was around 18 months to around 2 years old. She would cry and whine and fuss if I didn't rock her, then rub her back, then stay in the room. It got ridiculous because I was in her room over an hour at a time...it started to get longer and finally my husband and I decided that he should start putting her to bed some of the time. She didn't like that at first, but gradually, she adapted and then the demands on my staying in there as long decreased. We now alternate nights. I give a bath, he puts her to bed. THe next night, we switch jobs. It has made my life less stressful, gives him time to bond with her in a different way, and she likes the variety (but still the routine) of having both of us put her to bed. When she starts trying to extend our time in there, we just put limits...for example, "I'll sing two songs, then it's time to sleep"...she has adapted really well.

I have to say that she was always so difficult to get to sleep from the time she was an infant. She developed some night terrors last years, so ee had to become very consistent about times for nap, for bedtime, for getting up in the morning. This seems to have alleviated pretty much all of her sleeping problems. I wish you well!!!

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions

Related Searches