Seeking Advice on Potty Training 3 Year Old Boy

My son took awhile to potty train as well. I tried a sticker chart (which was helpful once the got the hang of it, but not so good for getting started) and candy and special treats and even targets (cherrios) in the toilet, but to no avail. Finally, I borrowed a video from the local library about potty training. It showed him that other kids his age go potty on the "big boy potty". After he watched that I noticed an improvement, but still some accidents. It wasn't until I told him that he was in control of his own body, so it was up to him to decide when he had to go and where he wanted to go, that he finally got it. I no longer rewarded him with anything but a hug and a smile when he did go so that he understood that he wasn't going to be rewarded for something he was expected to do anyway- mainly made him see that this was something he had to do whether it was in his pull up/underwear or the potty. He decided for himself that he didn't like the icky poop on his body or wet pants. That is another thing I started doing- making him wear underwear all the time so he actually felt the ickiness (a pull up sometimes blocks this). Ultimately, it was him deciding for himself that he was ready. Empower your son- make him see that he is in control of this and needs to listen to his body to decide when he needs to go. Also, even now at 5 my son has accidents because he gets side tracked with play. When that happens, I take away whatever it was he was playing with at the time of the accident. If he has a neighbor friend over at the time, I send them home. Whatever it was that distracted him is removed so that he understands that that is not ok.
I hope this helps. Let us know how it goes. :)

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i'm going to suggest an approach that seems to be working for us, though it is taking a while. my son is 3 1/2 as well. he pees on the potty when we are at home, but he actually tells us when he has to go. we are still working on pooping, he seems freaked out by it. and we are just starting to "venture out" with the pottying--today in fact.

we thought once he figured it out, he'd have it down pat because that seems to be the way he does most things. he didn't crawl until 10 mos, but was walking without crawling by 12 mos. KWIM? once he decides to do something it is just done. but pottying hasn't been this way. i think much of it is an awareness issue.

i do not suggest a yummy treat for just sitting on the potty. nate's treat for sitting on the potty used to be a piece of toilet paper because he found it fascinating. now if he sits and doesn't do anything he gets verbal encouragement, but no treats. treats and flushing are all reserved for when he actually goes. (he's still fascinated by flushing.)

i will say that he has always been very resistant to potty training. like he gets completely freaked out at certain points. if that happens we have always backed off that particular issue.

we first started by getting him to go naked. we tried and tried in the summer and he would cry for a diaper within 30 seconds, unless we were outside playing in the pool. then he'd be happily naked and pee freely. he'd watch it, too. then this fall, he decided he wanted to be naked all the time. (great timing, right? but his choice.) so we let him. and we worked on getting him to tell us if he had to go pee when he was naked. he seemed to get that pretty quickly but then as soon as i'd put underwear on him he'd start going pee whenever again. this is, i think, the awareness issue. we stuck with that for a while. just naked. we'd get him naked as soon as he got home. he started refusing to wear underwear because "they have holes in them." meaning when he pee'd in them they leaked. he didn't quite understand that underwear weren't supposed to catch the pee. even though we had talked about it before. we talked about it again, and he seemed to get it. (this has been in the last few months.) so now he was going when we were home and he was wearing underwear. good progress. but he'd still have accidents when he was wearing pants. only in the last couple of weeks, after having a couple of accidents in pants, has he seemed to get that he can't pee when he's in pants either.

it has also only been recently that he will tell me if he has pee'd in his diaper or pull up. "oh, no, i had an accident in my jammies or pants or whatever." he doesn't usually say he's had an accident in his pull up or his diaper. we are working on genuine accidents (didn't know it was coming) vs. laziness (just didn't want to say anything).

it has been slow. i probably could have pushed a bit harder in the beginning, but didn't feel like it. he is scared of the big potty, so he goes on his little potty. his little potty is in his bedroom next to his bookcase. it seems to be an area where he doesn't get overly distracted. (the bathroom is just so darn interesting!) he's actually going most of the time on the potty, at his own request.

he gets one piece of candy for going pee. and four for going poop (which hasn't happened yet).

i will say that the very first thing he did on the potty was poop. he did it once and his reaction was "i did it." in tears. despite our excitement, he was clearly freaked out by it. but he also went through a very long phase of wanting all of his bodily funcitons "back." one day he cried for 20 minutes because he noticed that he "lost" a tear when i was changing his diaper. and it is more than a little disturbing when your child tries to re-consume his own vomit because he wants it back.

he also pooped on the potty his very first day of pre-school. but we haven't been able to duplicate that one either. i'm more concentrated on pee'ing right now. he's pooped at least once in his underwear. i figure it won't take too many more of those before he decides to try the potty. currently, he hides to poop. and is very adamant about it. we ask if he wants to try pooping on the potty and he nearly has a breakdown. so we are just leaving it there for now. he has tried to poop on the potty at least once when asked, but he says "it isn't working." i think it might just take a bit longer for him to learn to control that.

good luck. i hope some of this saga helps. i'm here to say that it isn't always as simple as put them on and reward them. it is more about figuring out your child and what is going to help him figure it out. and for that everyone is different. i know that there is more that i'm forgetting, but i think this is long enough.

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Hi M.,
Potty training can be a challenge.:o) My name is K.. I teach the Baby Signs(R)Program throughout Arizona. We offer a Potty Training Kit that just might help with your little ones. Check out our website at www.signinghandsoutreach.com go to the products page. For more information feel free to contact me at ____@____.com in there!

1 mom found this helpful

I don't really not what to say other than I am going through the same situation..A friend of mine suggested no more pressure and just allow him to decide to be in control of it on his own. When he is ready he will be ready. This is hard, but I am trying. Boys just take a little longer to figure things out! Hang in there.

My son wasn't 100% trained till he was 3 1/2, so I know how frustrating it can be. He would pee in the potty, but not poop. If he needed to poop, he would hold it till I put a pullup on him. It used to bother me if he held it so I would give in to puttingon the pullup and it was getting quite expensive. I asked his doctor and she suggested giving him 1/2 apple juice and 1/2 prune juice. We called it "poop juice". With the poop juice, he could no longer hold it and he had to go. When he had to go, we'd put him on the potty and he'd poop in it. The first few times, he screamed the entire time, but then he realized it was no big deal. He did poop once in his pants but after that, he never did it again and he used the potty from then on. It took me about 3 days to get him 100$ trained after that. I continued to have to remind him to pee for about a month or two, but he got the hang of it by the time he was 4.

Good luck.

Our daughter had similar issues at the same age, even to the point of refusing to poop and getting severely constipated. She was afraid of the big potty at home and out, and used her little potty at home. We purchased a Fold and Go potty that you can put a trash bag in for the waste and then toss. It folds and comes with a carrying case so you can take it in stores. It allowed us to stay in big girl underwear during car rides and outings, and we would just use our own potty when out. We had to use Miralax to address the constipation, and the pooping situation worked itself out since she was good about knowing before hand when she had to go. I had to buy the portable potty online - I think Amazon had it for about $24. It was more than worth it, and now at 4 years old she uses the big girl potty at home and out, but it is still nice to have the portable one in the car for on the road "emergencies." Best wishes.

I have 3 1/2 year old twin boys. I am working on one boy at the moment, he has been a challenge too. I went back and forth from underpants to diapers because I could'nt handle all the poop clean up either. But, the past couple days he has "gotten" it. I think when they are ready they are ready. Maybe give it a couple weeks off and try again.

I tried rewarding too, but it didn't seem to work the way I tried it. I received great advice from my sister though and my 3 year 1 month old is doing very well. We still have our bad days though!

Try this:
Get him to sit on the potty for at least 1 minute. If he sits for one minute and does not pee/poop then give him one jelly bean or other small treat of choice (marshmallows work well too). If he pees give him 2 jelly beans. If he poops give him 3 jelly-beans.

You must be very consistant in giving the treats or this will not work. If you have to, carry the treats with you when you take him out of the house.

HTH

I had the same problem with my older boy when he went through potty training. Some kids just potty train later then others is what I found. My son still peed his pants every now and then when he was 4 years old and was pooping his pants until he was 5 off and on. He didn't go poop in the potty until he was 4 years old. I eventually started a book of stickers. He would earn a sticker every time he went in the potty and then we would count the stickers together every day before bed time. I would high five him and encourage him every day and ask him every so often if he needed to go to the potty. All you can really do is keep encouraging him, put him in real underwear or none at all during the day and watch him closely for signs that he needs to go. Get really excited and start something that you can keep track on and actually show him his progress on every night and say sure we may have had a few accidents, but look how many times you made it to the potty and count them together. Positive reinforcement is really good, and don't let him get too down on himself when he has accidents or it will scare him away from potty training. That is all I have. I hope that my experience in the late and long potty training gives you some encouragement to keep going. I am also a stay-at-home Mom and have 2 boys. My oldest is 7 and my youngest is going to be 2 on the 16th of February.

It took my son until just after 3 1/2 years old to become fully potty trained. I think it just takes time, patience, and following his cues. He started becoming interested and would pee in the potty at 18 months and then all the sudden he just wasn't interested anymore. I have 3 children and have never forced the issue and since I stay at home it was easier to just allow it to happen when they are ready. I had a friend that used "pee pee" and "poo poo" treats. That worked for her but really you know your child best. I know my pediatrician said it is hardest to potty train especially boys in the winter.

Have you tried the Potty Dolls? I have 5 year old twins and a 5 year old granddaughter and we trained all 3 of them in a day with the dolls!!!
Of course, we had to keep it up for a week or so...
The concept is that kids learn by teaching. You have a Potty Party that's set up with the dolls, new underwear, balloons, games, the works! He gets to teach the dolls and then when he does the same thing: pee or poop in the potty, it becomes his party!
Very clever, I know there are sites on line where you can buy the dolls and the complete instructions....it's worked for every Mom I've told, thus far :-))
Ciao,
I.

M., I wish I had good news but as a mother of two boys one 6 1/2 and 4 1/2 it is not easy and I feel your disguise of poopy diapers or diaper at all. My oldest got the peeing down around 3 years but was afraid of pooping which even went into kindergarten he would have terrible stomache pains from holding it, It was my pedictriacin who finally got him to at least try to poop once a day, He still will only go at home but no more stomach issues. Now my youngest he and I go around about everything. And again it was my pedictriacin who mentioned at one of his appoint ments around 3years that next time she saw him that he would be pottying like a big boy. It still took until he was almost 4years old until he would go regularly and I told him I wasn't going to by anymore diapers and went to clothe which I had on hand and a few days in those he started going on his own. But it took alot of patience and laundry.Also wanted to add that we did also add that when they accomplish anything big we go to Chucky Cheese, Also sleeping in their own beds all night ect. Good Luck. M.

M.,
I, too, have a 3 year old boy in the process of potty training. I have been frustrated but have discovered that by being home for a week and giving him a "hot wheels" car everytime he goes on the potty has worked wonders. I tried different incentives prior to this but the only thing that worked was the hot wheel cars since he absolutely loves them. Now he tells me when he needs to go. We have a little ways to go since he still needs to go #2 in the potty but I am telling him he will only get the special Nascar race car if he does so. I have found that not forcing him to go and being positive with him has worked as well. I also bought him big goy Cars and hot wheels underwear and he loves them both. Another big thing for him has been watching the potty video called "The Potty Movie" for boys DVD. No other DVD has kept his interest but this one he will watch over and over and loves it. You can get it on Amazon. Also, he likes the potty chair we bought which is musical when you go on it. Hope this helps.

It is my understanding that boys just train later and it is going to be about when he's ready both psychological and physically. My son potty trained right after he turned three. We had had a potty since he was 18 months but didn't make much about it. Then about 2 1/2 we did the whole reward, reading a ton of potty books. All helped but it definitely regressed. Then all of a sudden he decided he only wanted to wear big boy underwear (my son is very motivated by being a big boy -- maybe figure out what motivates your son) and we had accidents for about a week or so but then he was good. He still has some accidents because he waits too long or doesn't pay attention. I shoudl also note I have not even attempted to do nights yet (he needs too much liquid in the evenings for medication and I can't set him up to fail). However, it seems there is less and less pee in his pull-up at night so maybe we are getting close.

My suggestion -- put everything away for awhile including the big boy underwear and make no mention of it and in a month or try again. It also may be about understanding his fears but I'd let it go. At this age, they are very independent and want to make their own choices as to when, why and how. Remember, as much as we'd prefer it, potty training is not about when we as parents are ready but when your child is ready.

Good luck
L.

Put him on the potty every hour then, do not ask him, do not even give him a choice . Just set him on and say very nicely "okay we just need to try"....then if he does something, make a huge deal if not then just continue every hour, he will go. Pooping is the biggest feat for a lot of parents however it just takes constant you being on him. Don't ask him in the stores, other people's houses either, just put him on the potty. He is old enough that if he has fears, he needs to try and explain them, but you are right in just keep trying without pressure. If he is peeing every 20 minutes then he is drinking way too much liquid and maybe try cutting back especially close to naps or bedtimes or if you are going out tell him he cannot have drinks since he won't go to the potty away from home.

I had the same problem with my son. Turned out he was scared of the toilet. We got him his own little one that sits on the floor and let him decorate it with stickers and make it his own and now he goes much better. He has since gotten a seat that fits onto the big toilet and after adding lots of stickers to it agrees to use it. My son also has a medical problem that makes it difficult for him to poop sometimes so we have to watch him carefully and make sure we catch him before he goes and sits in a corner to go in his pants. It just takes extra time and patience. I know it is rough, but he'll learn eventually. You just need to figure out what it is that he needs. With my son it was to make the toilet his own and not share it with his sister. It could be that simple for you too. Good luck.

Your child is a little old not to be potty trained, but take heart there are things that night help. There are couple of good books, not for you but for him. There is one out there that is called something like everybody poops or everything does it. Another idea you might find helpful is to make it fun, like putting a small container of cherios on the back of the toilet and he is to aim/target practice when he urinates. Hope this helps.

J. W.

I think in the world of potty-training, it's safe to rule out the word "normal." Every child will eventually learn how to go, but the process is slower for some. I think it's important to stay focused on the positive, and praise what progress has been made. Otherwise, it could turn into a stressful situation, which could hinder it even more. Everything is harder when you feel anxious. It's hard to stay patient, but I think just keep at it and maybe use pull-ups to cut down on your own frustration. At least he's peeing in the potty!! That's great. Good work, both of you:)...