18 answers

Seeking Advice on How to Reconnect a Friendship

I am new to this site, a great friend of mine suggested I sign up and check out the site. I love what I see so far! So now I want to ask all of you Mommas on here for some advice. I have asked people that know all the ins and outs of my situation but would love some third party advice.

Here is my situation. I had a really close friend (key word "had") that I would love to get back in touch with but it has been almost 6 years since we have last talked. This long time friendship ended on pretty bad terms and I am the one that ended the friendship, but as time has passed I have come to realize that maybe I should have talked the problems I was having with her out instead of listening to other people and just ending the friendship. I had heard a year or so after our friendship ended that she is positive that I hate her but that I have no right to hate her. I know that I can find a way to get in touch with her but I am not quite sure how to go about this. If you were her in this situation would you rather get an email, a letter in the mail, a phone call, an email asking to meet somewhere or would you just not want to hear from me?

Thanks in advance for your input!

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

I wanted to Thank everyone for the quick responses! I was greatful for all the advice, it really helped me out alot!! I wanted to let you know that I found her address couldn't find a phone number for her though and so I sent her an apology letter and gave her my contact information and she just called me this morning and we are meeting up for coffee on Saturday so we can talk!! Thanks again!!

Featured Answers

My husband recently received a call from a friend who had cut off the friendship long time ago, as well. He was glad to be in touch with him again and could tell by his voice that he was sincere. A phone call would be great - and start right out with the subject before you go into small talk. Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

I would just give her a call. If you two were close than I would think both of you would be willing to forgive, forget and get on with being friends. As mommas we all know how hard it can be to find a good friend. Don't distance the ones you do have. Just remember, the next time you two get in a tiff, talk it out with eachother and no one else. Who has time to go through other people anyway.

Good luck reconnecting!

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Hi, R. -
I do have specific experience with this one. I recently mended a friendship that was broken for over 20 years. I sent a card through the mail that just said "I think of you often and hope you are well, and I'd love to hear from you". I gave her my e-mail address because for me, writing is less awkward than speaking over the phone in difficult situations. I got a positive response from her almost immediately. That opened the door, and things moved forward from there. I am so glad I reached out, and wish I had done it years earlier. Good luck.

3 moms found this helpful

I would just give her a call. If you two were close than I would think both of you would be willing to forgive, forget and get on with being friends. As mommas we all know how hard it can be to find a good friend. Don't distance the ones you do have. Just remember, the next time you two get in a tiff, talk it out with eachother and no one else. Who has time to go through other people anyway.

Good luck reconnecting!

2 moms found this helpful

My husband recently received a call from a friend who had cut off the friendship long time ago, as well. He was glad to be in touch with him again and could tell by his voice that he was sincere. A phone call would be great - and start right out with the subject before you go into small talk. Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

Hi R.,
I am the same age and these old reconnections are coming out of the wood work for me! LOL
So from recent experiences:
I would email.* Make it simple & no pressure. Maybe say something that shows you just want to reconnect and you want to talk. Leaving options that are open seems the lesser of pressure. I had someone IM and I HAD to talk to them right then.lol I did not like the pressure but was glad I did.
(*confirmed source for email or leaving the message on MySpace or Facebook etc.

2 moms found this helpful

I think an email or letter would be a good start, so she would have time to digest the contents on her terms. Of course include a way to get a hold of you, or suggest a follow up meeting place. Depending on what happened a cold-call might be initially too surprising. If you know you are at fault, I would make that clear in the letter and apologize, but don't go overboard either.

This is tough stuff and kudos to you for trying to mend this. Even if it does not work out, at least you know you tried and it can stop eating at you.

All the best of luck!
D.

2 moms found this helpful

My personal take is a hand written letter. A lot more personal than email, but it isn't as bold as the phone call. I've found that when I need to say something, if I do it with a letter I know I can express myself clearly and not get tounge tied like I would with a phone call, also it gives her time to digest what you say and respond when she is ready. Apologize for what happened and express your desire to re-connect.

2 moms found this helpful

I have had to make some amends with my family and friends for poor choices in the past. I agree with most of the women in saying that writing in some form will probably be the easiest for her to process. I would end the letter with a request to meet face to face if she would be willing. For me, the most important thing was to focus on the apology part and to tell my friends that they didn't deserve to be treated that way rather than to give reasons or make excuses as to why I did what I did. Just saying "I'm sorry" goes a very long way. God bless you.

2 moms found this helpful

R.-
I was once in a similar situation where my best friend from college (we were maid of honor at each othrs wedding) had a falling out. While 6 years had not past it was still several years. She took the time to hire someone to find me and sent a letter to my address. I had moved but luckily my mail was forwarded and received her card and letter. It came at just the right time as I had just seperated from my husband and had just moved into my own apartment with my son. The minute I saw the name on the envelope I tore it open and through tears read her note. I can tell you then that the fight no longer mattered. What mattered was that I had MISSED her terribly and I was so thankful that she had paid money to find me and send me that letter. I immediately grabbed my phone and called her grateful she had left her phone number in the letter.
We live in different states and rarely get to see each other but we made plans for me to fly out and visit her within a few weeks and it was the best thing ever. We are no longer best friends like we were...distance being the main reason, however we are friends again.
I think no matter which way you chose to go about getting in contact with your former friend I wish you nothing but the best and I hope it all turns out for the best. If she is any kind of woman, she would hopefully recognize the attempt to make ammends and respond in turn. I hope you are able to get your friendship back on tract. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

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