Seeking Advice on Helping a Shy Child

Hi A.,

If it is a really good facility then they should promote interaction betweem the children. Meaning that they should incourage interaction with one another by playing games or pushing each other on the swing. This is something that should be taught in the classroom. I have a special needs child and they taught the class how to interact with him. He is actually more popular than my daughter at the school. So it just depends what kind of atomosphere that the facility promotes.

Good luck..

D.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi. I have a 5 year-old and a 3 year-old. Neither is shy. However, I taught school for two years and I wanted to share a few thoughts.

First of all, every child is unique and different. Remember that at four years old, children don't have the verbal skills/experience to fully express their feelings (heck, I'm 37 and I still feel I don't). So, be paitient. Not every child is able to "jump in" to social situations. If she's not complaining, let it go. She'll find her way in her time. I'm of the mindset to allow people (including children) to find their own way with as little intervention from others as possible...that's how we learn!

Good luck!

I understand your problem...I also have a 4 yr.old who is having trouble making friends. We are new to the area, and we have tried a lot of the ideas previously mentioned. I just have not found that finding a playgroup is very easy. I have also tried parks (empty...maybe we were just at the wrong one?). I think it is probably something that time will work out, and the less emphasis I put on it the less traumatic it seems to her. I just wanted you to know that I totally understand what you are going through....it can break your heart to see your child lonely.

The best way to solve the problem short term is to find another child in the class and have a one-on-one play date. If they become friends, then she will find it easier to make friends with other children while she is playing with the friend she already knows. But longterm she will need some role playing and some extra help to learn to meet and interact with other children and then adults as she gets older. Girl Scouts is a good one, as well as, classes such as gymnastics or dancing, you could also try a sport like T-ball.

Maybe you can have a few playdates for her where she is one on one with another child. She can get used to the interaction with another kid, but not be overwhelmed by bullies or crowds of kids.

hi, I would consider to take her to the park on the weekends and help her to play with the other kids, even you play in the playground with her, so she can gain confidence.

As long as she interacts with 1 other child a day then she is having interaction. I would encourage her to do her own thing. You know,take the pressure off.

I completely agree with Bethany. That is exactly what I was going to suggest. One on one would be much less threatening to her and it would be in a more controlled environment.

Another option would be for you to find out what time they go out on the playground and go watch from a discreet location. Maybe there is more than she and the teachers are telling you? Other kids can be mean, make sure she is not being picked on because she's shy.

You could try to role play @ home. Example, Do you want to play house? Give her dialouge to use on the playground. This might help. I was a preschool teacher for ten years and this would be something that I would do with the new kids.

How does the teacher handle things in the classroom? Does she have a daily "helper" to help her with classroom duties? My kids LOVE the days that they are "the one". It makes them feel so important.

You might try telling your daughter how to start a conversation with some of the other girls. "Hi, my name is Sally. What's yours?" Or whatever you choose. You might even role play with her some at home so she will feel comfortable in starting a conversation with these other children. Or go out to Chuck E Cheese (or even McDonald's) and encourage your daughter to approach one of the other children and ask if they want to play.

I agree with the teachers, it will just take a little time. But I also think it is part of their job to "assist" with the transition, if you will. If she is so lonely on the playground, they should also gently encourage her to play, and encourage the other children to let her join the "group".

Good luck to you. I know it is painful to watch your child try to transition to the growing up stages of life. Just remember, you were in her shoes once, and you turned out just fine.

Hi my name is B., I have a 9 year old daughter that had the same problem. We actually held her back (she has a late b-day) because she was so shy. I even had a couple of people tell me she was "backwards" whatever that means. I knew that she was fine and just needed more time to get used to being around lots of people. She is doing great now and has lots of friends. Some kids just need a long time to adjust and it sounds like your little girl might be the same as mine. Don't worry just let her do things on her own time and you will be suprised when she pops out of her shell.

You definitely should have a child come over for playdates. It will take months and months for the friendship to grow. Don't be discouraged. I myself was shy as a child (and still am). I made two very good friends this way but they now live across the country. Now if only I could make friends as an adult but alas, I am too shy to meet people again.

Hi,

Do you see any other moms at school when you pick her up? Try networking. Try making friends yourslef with another parent and maybe the two of you could get the kids together for a playdate or fun outing on the weekends. Maybe the four of you can go to "Chuck E Cheese" or some other play station.

Also, try Girl Scouts. At her age, she would be a Daisy and the girls have fun activities. It's a good social organization for girls.

Best of luck,

Jackie

I was also going to suggest playdates. Do you work full-time? If not, maybe you could join a local playgroup. I've found them to be a great way for my son to interact with others, as well as a way for me to meet new people. Try www.meetup.com and search under playgroups or SAHMs - you should be able to find a group pretty close to your area. Also, if your daughter does like one child in particular, maybe you could arrange a playdate with that child after school or on weekends.