Seeking Advice on Biting

Hi C..

I do not come from the school of thought that this is not a big deal and you should just let it pass. Biting is always serious, however how you deal with it can make it into a HUGE problem, or it can end it quickly.

If you hurt your child back when they do this (by biting, flicking the cheek, etc.) you may get your child to understand that when they bite, they will get hurt back, so they stop (cause and effect). What they also learn eventually is that it is okay for someone bigger than them to hurt them, but it is not okay for them to hurt others. Cognitively, they are in a very egocentric phase. They cannot yet understand how their actions effect another. I understand how traumatizing this can be for you, your child and the "victim," especially if your child is in day care. Consistency is very important in how it is handled.

Biting occurs for many reason. Young children are very oral, some more so than others. They explore their environment through their mouth (taste and touch). So redirect and give them something that is okay to bite, explore with their mouth, and of course explain to them, "Ouch! Stop! Biting hurts! You can bite this instead." Again, they won't neccessarily understand this completely yet, but they will eventually. And you are teaching your child to be respectful by respecting where they are at developmentally.

Sometimes children bite as a sign of affection! They get so happy to see you that they just bite. Again tell them that it hurts and to stop, and give them another way to show affection. Say, "Be gentle," as you gently stroak her face. Tell her what is okay more often than you tell her what not to do.

Sometimes kids bite because they just have so much energy. They have to learn constructive ways to expell that energy in an appropriate manner.

Sometimes, and likely for your baby's age, they are teething. Give her something she can chew on.

Sometime's children need to learn how to deal with being frustrated or angry. She may be a bit young for this yet, but you can always give her the language (sign works great for some!) she needs, ie: "help please!" or "milk" or "eat!".

Depending on how you have been reacting, she could be playing the cause and effect game too. Again, teach ~ gentley ~ and redirect, and be consistent.

Like some mentioned, pay attention to her cues. What is going on with your child before the biting occurs? You will be able to pick up on the reason pretty quickly.

Having worked in child care for a number of years and raising 3 of my own, I have seen biting gone VERY bad for people that did things such as bite back. I certainly don't mean any disrespect to those who have chosen that route, for I realize we all do our best.

Make sure that if there are young bitees, they learn how to react appropriately as well. They need to be empowered to say, "Stop!".

Also, keep in mind that at 8 months old, your child is not malicious. They do get excited about cause/effect! Respect her. Teach. Redirect. Love her, which of course you already do! And remember that children learn what they live. The Golden Rule is not just to be taught to children, it is for us to remember too.

Best wishes to you and your precious baby girl!
H.

2 moms found this helpful

Get a variety of good teethers and keep them handy at all times. You may want to attach one or more to her clothes. If you are not diametrically opposed to pacifiers, you should try that as well, I think. At 8 months old your child is teething, so I think your challenge is to give her something acceptable to cut her teeth on! You may also want to do some systematic observation about clues/cues -- do you notice that she does certain things before she bites (get fussy, put her fingers/hands in her mouth, look around with a certain desperate or distinctive look, whatever) ...something that might cue you that she's about to bite.
Good luck.
P.S. Do NOT bite her back. Several reasons, the first of which is that she is 8 months old and no matter how bright she may be she does not have the cognitive ability to make sense of that or any other punishment.

1 mom found this helpful

It is very important that you remind her that our teeth are for biting FOOD and not people. When I taught two-year olds, I would show the student the bite mark on the other child while the other student was still upset and let them know that their teeth did that to the students skin an dto their heart and reminded them that our teeth are for biting food and with my own at home I had to have them bite a lemon when they bite their siblings.

1 mom found this helpful

My daughter was a little bit older when she went through this phase (it's only a phase) she was teething and frustrated. I tried everything that they have said below and it didn't work for my daughter. Finally I started putting her in her crib for a time out for biting or hitting or scratching me. Just for a minute. After about a week of consistantly doing this she doesn't bite me anymore.

Good Luck

Does it seem to be aggressive biting or "puppy biting"? At 8 months, I tend to think of it as being like a puppy. Give her plenty of acceptable things to bite and teach her to use them when she feels like biting. A teether, frozen bread sticks, carrots. Check with your pediatrician. My youngest is now 15, so I am not up on what is safe and acceptable.

When she does bite people, a scream, a finger flick, a time out - something like that so she knows it is not acceptable. Not to punish, but to teach.

I do not believe in the whole "bite her back" technique. It will teach her that it is ok to bite, if mommy does it, why can't I? I suggest a firm 'NO'! And maybe if it continues just a somewhat light flick on the lips with your fingers. This will bring attention to what she has just done with her mouth. It worked for me!

HI sweetie
Bite her back in the same spot she bite you its worked for me and my 4 children they never bite again or you could give her some thing to bite like a plastic toy and tell her to bite that
that works to all kids go through it why I still don't know but you as a mom will find the right way I have faith in yeah if you watch her you will be able to tell when she going in for the bite and tell her no I had a kid try to bite and wow I scared him I saw what he was trying to do and I ran up to him and grabbed his whole body away from the other child and it scared him to where he hasn't tried to bite again I wish yu luck and GOD BLESS Danielle mother or 4 children

my son did the same and i've tried almost every single advice that was posted here. he just stopped one day with the aggressive biting. then when he started preschool, he started biting again. i've noticed that when he bit, he was very tired. i think that most of the time when they bite is when they're tired or frustrated and don't know how to communicate what they want. so hang in there!!!

Sorry to hear that, my daughter who is now 18 years old had the same bad habbit., A good friend suggested to simply put her on time out.Also take away her favorite toys,security blanket maybe? good luck.

Give that girl a frozen teether! She is teething and it feels good to bite...someone. Obviously it does not hurt her so she does it. Also be sure to firmly show her this is unacceptable behavior by putting her down and walking away from her when she does this. Use words like “Ouch” and “That hurts mommy!”
She's a strong little one...you'll want to end this ASAP!
Good luck!!

I think she will get over it... one of the many stages that babies/ toddlers go through!!

have you tried to bit her to show her that it hurts. I would not do it hard but just enough that it hurts her feelings and lets her know that it hurts. Tell her that it is a no no.

Biting back did not work for my daughter, it just taught her to be afraid of the people she trusted. She too, started biting at a very early age. Now that she is 9 years old, we know that it is her temperment. The best advice is to apologize to kids that she hurts, give attention to the child she hurt and NOT to the child that bites, and ask forgiveness from others. Have a plan that if she bites someone, she must leave the party, playdate, etc. and is no longer accepted as a guest until she behaves with respect. It feels frustrating and embarassing as a Mom- just know that it does not reflect on your parenting skills. Some kids just do it- no matter how hard you try to stop them. Hopefully she is just teething and will learn other methods to soothe her sore mouth! BTW, my darling was walking at 9 months...never crawled. Get the house ready!

My daughter is now 41 yrs. old and has 3 children of her own.
When she was about 2 she too would bite not only people but dolls toes and fingers off. One day she bit my nephew so hard she drew blood. My mother in law said the only way she will learn not to do that anymore would be to bite her back really hard so she knows what it feels like. It worked.

Sounds dreadful I know. Good luck.

F.

The only thing that stopped my daughter from biting, was for me to bite her back!! Don't break the skin of course, just enough so it hurts a little ! The look on her face was worth a thousand words and she never did it again!

I have heard that a quick sharp loud scream when she bites will shock her out of it...

Usually, biting occurs out of frustration and the lack of language with which to communicate that frustration. You will need to observe her and be aware of the "cues" that she gives before she is about to bite, and stop it before it starts. Let her know it hurts (ouchie!). And loud-firm "NO", so you take away that option. Also, make sure to give lots of attention to when she is not biting. She may also be trying to get attention, and even though it is negative after she bites, it is still attention.

My youngest brother did this when he was a toddler. My mom put a little hot sauce on her knee( which is where my brother liked to bite her) and once he got the taste of it, he stopped biting. However, that was a long time ago and it might not be appropriate for today. But, you could try something sour like lemon juice. Anything with a bad taste, but that wouldn't hurt her.

My son did that too at about the same age. I would immediately set him on the ground even if I was nursing him and very firmly and kinda loudly say " NO BITE!" And I'd leave hime there for a few minutes without making any eye contact or speaking to him. I got his sitter & daddy to do the same and he caught on pretty quick.
When he got a little older and walking he started in with the biting again and we did the same thing as well as a flick on the cheek. He would still bite me on the cheek or jaw sometimes and I think it was his way of showing me he was excited - only did it to me - so I taught him how to give a hug and a pat. I still got the big open-mouth slobbery kiss but without the teeth & I learned to see it coming and have a kleenex on hand.
Good luck with your little Count Dracula!
A.

Not sure if this will help you, but my daughter went through a bitting phase. She would usually bite when nursing. What I would do when she would bite me was plug her nose. I did this at first to get her to let go. The first time she was startled and cried. The second time she immediately let go. It really seemed to work for me. Hope it helps.

I have 4 children and my last two were biters also. Of course I would tell them biting was not nice...etc. But they would still bite and I never could get them to stop until they just grew out of it, for whatever reason. My now 22 month old, who was one of the biters, started when he was about 8 months old and stoped at about 1 1/2.

Give her a firm no, and use the sign language for the no symbol. Move her away from what she wanted to bite and give her something else to chew on. I used to give my infant a teether/toothbrush I found on One Step Ahead. It's made of silicone and helped soothe the gums. It also helped when I added a drop or two of oragel to the bristles. This worked for me-- I have 2 boys-- one is 2.5 years and the other is 11 months. Good luck