Seeking Advice from Moms Who Have Tried Letting Their Baby Cry It Out

I agree that you have to follow your instincts and your instincts definitely sound they are telling you that this isn't working for your family. I thought I would offer a couple links as well (as I think with most things education is key):

Science Says: Excessive Crying Could Be Harmful to Babies:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp

12 Features of a high needs baby:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T050400.asp

5 Reasons Why High Need Children Sleep Differently:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T050900.asp

18 Survival Tips For Parents of High Need Children:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T050500.asp

6 Ways To Help a High Need Baby Go To Sleep and Stay Asleep:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T050800.asp

12 Lessons Our High Need Baby Taught Us:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T050300.asp

Infant Sleep Facts
http://www.kellymom.com/jaygordon/index.html
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070200.asp

page with lots of links if you wish to read further:
http://www.justmommies.com/boards/index.php?showtopic=106...

I wish you the best of luck and hope you find something that works for you and your family. (((hugs)))

2 moms found this helpful

I think he's getting himself too worked up to "self-soothe". I'm appalled your dr would just give you this option for a 5 month old. Ours said to try putting him down almost asleep - but still awake & shush or pat him for a few minutes to see if he could get comfortable & fall asleep on his own. It's so much more gentle & worked like a charm. There's a big difference between some winding down fussing and a baby that is so worked up he cries for hours. I have to wonder if other factors - teething, a growth spurt, or new developmental stage is making him more alert or aware of his environment. I don't understand the mindset of emphasizing separation and independence with an infant. If it goes against your mom instincts maybe there's a reason why.

1 mom found this helpful

listen, first of all, pediatricians are not baby experts, they are there to treat illness, any advice that they give you is based on their own opinions. I personally think the crying out method is cruel and totally unnecessary. It teaches babies to lose trust in their caregivers and know that they will not be responded to when they need you the most. Babies cry for a reason, this is how they communicate! to answer your question, yes definitely three hours is waayyy too, long for a baby to be crying. This method was NOT created by a mother, who's instincts tell her this is wrong and not natural, it was created by a male, who is trying to instill Independence in children (this is not a negative aspect of males, they should instill Independence in their children, not, however at this crucial time in their development!, this comes later as they become children). Believe me, I know it is difficult, I have an almost five month old who is very difficult in every aspect! We co-sleep and she has slept through the night since she was born (except nursing every couple of hours of course but we hardly even wake up for that, she just nuzzles up to my breast and nurses) this is by far the best method you can have for a difficult baby! However, for the last couple of weeks she has been very fussy all night, waking up and crying, and she wakes up way too early in the morning. I discovered that she is teething! This is normal behavior around this age, try homeopathy (teething tablets work great). We have the room completely darkened when we go to bed and a humidifier running all night (white noise is very helpful). try also keeping him in a sling during the day while you do activities, this will "wear him out" it works like magic! You need to trust your instincts on this one, he is trying to tell you something by acting the way he does, by letting him cry you are not listening to the only way he knows how to communicate! For further advice about napping/sleeping go to askdrsears.om or read the Baby book or the nighttime parenting book by Dr. Sears (the husband and wife team are veteran childcare experts that base their experience on having eight children). Also read the Continuum Concept (cant remember author), and Mothering and Fathering by Tine Thevenin, these are such amazing books that every mom should read . Listen to your motherly instincts on this one, good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi E.,

I remember when my first was born and she didn't want to sleep alone. Most nights, she would end up in with me. I had read about the philosophy of letting them cry it out, and it just didn't sit well with me. The more I thought about it, it made sense to me that she wouldn't want to be alone as she had spent 10 months inside of me and had only been in the world for a short time. I had read somewhere that letting an infant cry it out would teach the infant to soothe itself. I felt it taught them that when they are upset, no one is necessarily going to be there to comfort them. I realize that children need to learn to comfort themselves, but there is a lot of time for a child to learn that. I look at crying as the only way an infant can communicate with us. We may not know what it is that is bothering them, but even if they are not hungry and do not need a diaper change, they could be scared, not feeling well, or just plain needing to be close with their Mom or Dad. I can remember being somewhat tired during this time due to interrupted sleep, but the time passes by very quickly. My daughter is now 16 and enjoys having her own room. With my son, I actually moved his crib mattress into my bedroom when he was an infant, between the bed and the wall, so that he had "his bed" and I had mine, and if he needed me, I was there. He is 7 years old now, and although he still likes to snuggle, he is very happy having his own bed in his room.

It sounds like you already have a sense of what you feel you need to do for your son. You know him better than anyone else and although people have good intentions in making suggestions, and it's helpful to listen and consider them, only you know what will work best for him.

Treasure this time, as it goes by really fast. I wish you all the best.

1 mom found this helpful

your child is not old enough to verbalize what is bothering him. the only way he knows at this moment is to cry. parents are supposed to comfort their babies, to be there when they need you or want you, for whatever reason that might be. i do not now, nor have i ever, understood how anyone could just leave their baby alone to cry it out. yes, they may eventually fall asleep, but i don't believe it's a peacefull sleep. how could it be when their crys are ignored. they fall asleep from pure exhaustion. seems like a rather traumatic experience for the baby if you ask me. and what if there really is something wrong sometime and the baby is ignored??
i say to give up some of your own sleep and be there for your baby. let hime know that he can always count on you. they grow up all too fast and soon enough you won't be needed and he'll go to sleep just fine on his own. good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

I highly recommend the book, "The No - Cry Sleep Solution". It works and no one has to be miserable.
I can't imagine how terrifying it would be to be a tiny baby, in a dark silent room, screaming at the top of my lungs, unable to help myself, and having no one respond to me. After putting myself in my baby's shoes, I couldn't torture him like that. Babies are meant to be responded to.

1 mom found this helpful

I have not yet read this book, but as an alternative, I would suggest "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. It is recommended by people I highly regard for child-rearing advice. We have learned over the course of five children that there is no one best way to do things for everyone. It greatly varies by parents and child, so find the approach that you feel the most comfortable with and go with that. Also, I have heard that Dr. Ferber himself has backed off from his own book and approach, which was so popular 11 years ago when we began parenting. The sleep issue is a tricky one. We did ferberize our oldest and I would never do it again. It took nights and nights and hours and hours of her crying and I wish now that we had never put her through that. So, whatever you decide, we wish you best of luck and peaceful nights.

We ferberized our son at about 7 months. He never cried for 3 hours though I think the max he ever did was 1 1/2hrs. He did do better on day 2 and then day 3 and 4 got more difficult. Then as of day 5 he seemed to "get it". Are you changing the intervals of when you go in the room? 10-15-20 minutes etc?
I would give it a few more days if you are comfortable with it. It is the best thing we ever did. Our son sleeps 12 hours at night and 2 naps during the day. The other thing that has helped us/him is his "fish tank" it hangs in his crib plays music glows etc. When he wakes up in the middle of the night and he wants to soothe himself he hits the button and turns it on and gets himself back down, he never cries about it. When we ferberized him we would always turn it on for him and the music seems to make him know it is time for sleep. Heck, I even get sleepy when I hear it over the monitor!
Good luck.

Hi,

I was wondering if your baby had been checked for GERD. Sometimes that can cause bad sleep and something as simply as elevating one end of the mattress can help.

Good luck!

Hello!
I have been where you are and it is not fun! My daughter is 11 months old and still does not sleep through the night on a regular basis. For awhile she woke up 2 times and now it's usually once. I give her a pacifier and she falls back asleep. Sometimes she will wake up again as soon as I put her down. It can be very frustrating! When Madelin was 6 months old my doctor also recommended we let her cry it out. After much thought and research, I poured myself a glass of wine and let her cry! My husband and I listened to her cry. After 20 minutes, she fell asleep! I was soooo relieved! That night she woke up her usually 2 times, cried for 5 minutes and then went back down, on her own. I did the Ferber thing too, during the initial bedtime I checked on her after the first 5 minutes. Ten minutes later I was going to go back in, but my husband thought she might get more upset seeing me. So, I didn't go back and 5 minutes later she was passed out. The next night it took 6 minutes, the third night it took only 1 minute. I thought this was my ticket to getting some sleep and sanity and also a sense of "control". Well, I was wrong. There were some nights that she screamed and I could not let her scream. In the end, this did not work for me. You have to be very consistent. The only time I let her cry is when I initially put her to bed, she usually will wake up an hour or so later. She will cry for just a few minutes and then go back to sleep. I have been letting her cry during that time and it's been months! She still wakes and cries. My point is, I'm not sure if it works with every baby. Three hours does seem like a long time to cry. I read somewhere that you shouldn't let them cry for longer and 1.5 hours. Who knows?!? If it's making you miserable, you should stop. Follow your instincts, Doctors don't know everything. Every baby is unique and you know your baby better than your Doctor. My opinion is that some babies may just take longer to sleep through the night. It's rough, but it will get better! I hope this helped!

D.

I'm a working mother of one, from Vermont

Hi there. 5 mos old might be a bit young. Ferberizing is typically meant for 1+ year olds, not infants. And if you feel uncomfortable with it, then don't do it. I think babies can sense it too. I think CIO works better for those who are ok with their babies crying. I have a friend who did it at 9 mos. She was exhausted and knew her baby was ok, and said (these are her words) - OK Pal, you're crying, and mama is sleeping. And she stuck to her guns.

For now you might want to try some other methods.
What worked for me (and again this was for me, my temperment and my baby) is letting her cry, but I stayed with her until she fell asleep.

I did a VERY, VERY specific naptime routine, and bedtime routine and did it EVERY SINGLE day. She finally caught on, and knew that is was time to go to sleep.

I comforted her in her crib, rubbed her belly, talked to her softly in the dark, no eye contact. I used room darkening shades for naps. It took a little while, but it DID work. At first there was lots of crying, but it got easier and she was not alone so it was not nearly as scary to me.

The first few times it took a loooong time, so I pulled up a chair next to her crib. I even slept on her floor for a few naps, and at night. But I am glad I did because again it did work for us. Sure it s*cked to sleep on the floor, but I did not give in, stuck to our routine, and comforted her the best way I could.

I hope that helps.

I think 5 months is too young for cry it out and/or sleeping through if they are showing you their needs. My son woke up every 2 hours to nurse until he was 7 months old and then we did CIO and he transitioned to waking up only once after 2 days. He was hungry and didn't go down to sleeping through until about 8.5 months. Could your baby be hungry? Sounds like he could be if he is waking up shortly after going back to sleep and crying for 3 hrs. I used and loved, "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." It gave us good guidelines and helped us understand his developmental needs. They do address CIO, and how/when to use. Good luck.

Hi E.
I beleive this topic was one of my husband and my first really huge arguements. Our daughter is now almost 2 and I still lay down with her at night to put her to bed and sometimes in the middle of the night she will wake up and I will go in and lay with her for a few minutes. I tried to let her cry it out a few times and ended up just crying myself. My theory which some people may think of lazy or not putting in enough effort is 15 minutes of laying down with her at night is a lot easier and more comfortable for both of us then 3 hours of crying !!! I feel your pain .. go with your gut you have the mothering instinct ..
good luck
C. :)

Hi E.;
I understand how you feel and I think you have the right instincts when you feel like your baby is too young to be ferberized. In my circle of friend, family and doctors, your little guys is way too young to be doing sleep training. I would hold off for now, do what you need to do for him to sleep and get back to sleep and start sleep training again around 9 months.If that means pickin ghim up to rock him, feed him, hum to him etc etc. The reason I am suggesting this is because at this point in your little guys brain development, all he knows how to do is ask for what he needs, which is obviously you and your husband at night to be comforted. He doesn't have any alterior motives like wanting to stay awake and play or so forth. He either needs to eat or be reassured that you are there. Now, don't worry this will pass and he will realize as he gets on in months, that you are still "there" when he goes to sleep and he is not alone. When you do the ferber again, make sure that you are going in to console him (never picking him up) for only 15 seconds every fifteen minutes until he is asleep and then you have to do the whole thing over again each time he wakes up at night and by the fourth night, he will be fine cause he'll know you are out there but again, when he's old enough. And my docotor also made it clear to me that when your baby is sick, all ferber traiing goes out the window, you pick them up, you go tto them, you nurse them whatever until they are well again. And then you have to do ferber all over again. Her message to me was that we will constantly be re-ferberizing our son because of sicknes, teething, transitions and so forth, but he will catch on much faster cause he'll remember. So, in a nutshell, ket you baby be and infant for now cause he'll never be one again, hang in there, I know it's exhausting and start your ferber again at 9 months and don't trun back once you start. hold strong! Good luck

I would definitely listen to your gut on this. Getting a baby to learn to self soothe CAN be a gradual experience (it took a few weeks with my baby who was 7 months at the time, but I made it much more gradual and was in the room for some of the time he was learning to sleep without feedings). I also think if it does not feel right, give it a break and come back to it when he is older. Maybe your baby is teething or has an ear infection...that is the trouble with the all or nothing approach there is no way to proove to yourself that the baby is not in some kind of pain. I think people want quick solutions for sleep, but like everything in parenting it is an on-going process that requires structure and empathy, and it takes time. Hang in there -- it will definitely get better.

I generally start to let the babies cry it out at about 6 months. Usually they will scream for a good long time the first night... and as long as i didn't go into them would finally scream themselves out. The second night it would be a bit less... the third night a bit less... but as soon as i gave in and went to them the screaming cycle start again.

I do have to warn you that this is NOT EASY. I simply can't listen to my kid scream. I have to shut their door, shut my door, put some loud music on or do something so i can't hear them. If i can hear them i simply couldn't go through with it.

I have found, however, that as the kids get older they will fall into a cycle of waking up in the middle of the night and having me go to them. When it happens the first night i generally figure something is wrong. The second night.. i'm a little more wary.. and the third night in a row with them waking at the same time i'm figuring then that they just want mama's attention and don't REALLY need me.

I do believe in Feberizing (which is a little different than just plan CIO in that you keep going back in in progressively longer intervals) but it sounds to me like there's something else going on with your little guy. Also, 5 months does sound a little young to me to do this. My advice would be to back off Ferberizing for a little while, make sure he's not teething or getting an ear infection or something and deal with the sleep deprivation for a couple more months. (I know a couple months seems like forever now, but in a year or two it will feel like a wink, I promise). Then try the ferber method again when he's 8 or 9 months. He might be more responsive then. It will probably still make you miserable, but at least it will be making you miserable while working on getting your little one to sleep. You didn't mention it, but I find sleep training works a lot better once they can get themselves comfortable in the crib by flipping over.

Good luck. Sleep issues are miserable.

Hi E.,

this page has some facts about baby's sleep that may be helpful to you:

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp

It's hard to find the balance between helping babies learn to fall asleep by themselves and meeting their needs so they develop trust. If i ever let my babies cry it out it's never alone, but in their father's arms or mine. I would go by how their crying maks you feel when you are fairly calm and not too angry about sleep deprivation (because this may harden you to your own instincts).

Nights are scary times for little people. They express their needs, so your little guy seems to have a strong will and seems to express himself readily. That's good! Your both on the same side. Some people may tell you that he wants to manipulate you. I think he just needs his needs met. Do you really want him to learn to be soothed by some gadget (fish pool or so), or do you want him to be sensitive to people?

Hope you find the balance that works for your family!
good luck.
D.

I never let my son cry more than an hour. It was torture to do the crying out, but we felt we needed to try it so we could sleep ourselves. My husband and I don't have a big enough bed to bring our son into bed with us and we move around a lot, so for his safety we never tried having him sleep in bed with us.

I tried a few times and then stopped the crying out method, I think I needed to be ready for it in my head.

When we first started we would let him cry for 10 mins and then go in and help him, then go out again and let him cry for about 15 mins. I wasn't able to let him cry for an hour until I was set in my mind he was set in all other areas (diaper, watered, fed, not in pain). I remember saying to my husband "the concept of crying it out is great, but if my son doesn't normally cry like this then he is telling me something is wrong"; which sometimes there was something wrong and I'm glad I didn't just let him cry, other times he did just want me to hold him. It just took time for me to learn the difference and learn his cries and build confidence; then once I got that down it changed.

He is almost 2 years old now, and I feel he goes through cycles of being ok calming himself when he's upset in bed and other times we have to work on letting him cry it out.

I remember also coming to a point in my thinking where I felt it was better for him to sleep on me and then me transfer him than him to get overtired. I would have him fall asleep on me while I was in the rocking chair and then transfer him to his bed.

I hope you find what works for you. I remember that time being very challenging.

You've got a whole range of responses so I'll add my teo cents. Completely agree your baby is way too young for ferberizing. Ferfer doesn't even believe in ferberizing anymore. Mark Weisbluth's (no cry sleep solution) book is even worse (and the title is a lie) - totally about crying it out - I thought it was a waste of money and seemed cruel. The Baby Whisperer solves all your problems is my suggested reading for you. She (Tracy Haag) talks all about the whole day, the routine the baby has (activity, sleep). She believes good day sleep begets good night sleep etc etc and that no baby should ever be left to cry it out. I highly recommend reading this.

In the end you must do what feels right. 5 months is too young for crying it out, but if that's the method you choose when the time is right you should be informed and educated about all methods. It is a surprise your doctor recommended this for a baby so young.

Also, your baby could be getting teeth or something that he suddenly is "off" his sleeping pattern. SOmetimes teething takes weeks and disturbs sleep, causes diaper rash, etc etc.

Babies and toddlers are constantly changing their sleep/nap schedules.
Many things can cause this..need for sleep, teething, tummy aches...ect.
Personally I would never let a baby or small child cry for longer than twenty minutes to half hour. There are very few babies who will cry for the sake of crying for hours on end.
Remember the only way they have to communicate is crying.
I do not understand this ferberizing thing I have read about.
I do understand a crying baby. Make sure he is dry, offer him bit of breast or milk...bit of cuddling, if still crying then aspirin ( you mums seem to like tylenol better but I still prefer a natural substance as aspirin is)
At five months it is possible he is starting to teeth..you could rub some orajel on his gums, or let him chew on one of those new ice thingys.
If a five month old is crying for three hours in the middle of the night there is something amiss. Babies dont decide, oh boy, gonna give mum and pop a hard time and cry half the night.
If he falls back asleep in bed with you then he is comforted by your presence. Who cares?
We took all our babies to bed with us...all seven of them ( not at same time LOL)
Where do you think babies slept for past five thousand years? There is nothing wrong with taking a fussy or sick baby to bed with you , especially if that is the only way they can sleep.
Queen size bed is best for this.hehehe
Best wishes and GOd bless
Grandmother Lowell

gosh you will probably get alot of responses for this. but first things first, if you are not comfortable with doing it, then don't. it's your baby. and although we trust our pediatricians and they are our god for our first baby, it's still YOUR baby. trust your feelings.

i did this with my first daughter who is 3 now. i did it at exactly the same age that your baby is. it took 3 and half nights and it was the best thing i ever did. it's not for everyone. and some think it's cruel. again it's your baby. my husband was my rock. it's a team effort. if you do it at night, you should do it for naps. it's all about consistency. you didn't specify, but there is a way of doing it and it means the first night going in every 5 mins and gently rubbing on the back, not saying a word and leaving. continuing this for the first night until they sleep. the second night it's every ten mins. you may be doing this already, but i couldn't tell by your entry so i just wanted to make sure you knew. ferbers book has a chart in the middle that i referenced for time ammounts. there is something in there i think also about alternating mom and dad going in. funny enough it's gets worse before it gets better so crying more the second night happened for us too.

i loved it because it worked. remember consistency. but if you don't want to do it. then don't. i want to do it with me little one (7months) but my girls share a room and i can't. she is just now going most of the night but not all the way through. i am just sucking it up. so if you decide not to do it. you will eventually get sleep. i am exhausted. it will pass though. good luck in whatever you choose.

Your babies sudden sleeping problems are totally normal and common around this time. Please take some time to learn about normal sleep patterns in babies before making the decision to ignore his cries for your attention and help. Dr. Sears came out with a new book on infant sleep just last year and it goes into depth about normal sleep behaviors and why babies wake. It also details flexible ways for you to encourage better sleep for your baby without cry it out. It is called the "Baby Sleep Book"
Your baby is crying because he needs you. Even FERBER HASE RECENTLY COME OUT AGAINST USING ANY CRY IT OUT METHOD BEFORE 6 MONTHS of age.
I have 4 yr old and a 9 month old and I have been through this phase and it is tough but I am confident that you can find a sleeping arrangement or routine that will get you though this. His patterns will naturally change anyways as he grows.
Good Luck and I hope that you and your babe are able to some good sleep soon

Hi E., This is such a hard topic and I'm sorry you are going through it. I bought a book called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Mark Weissbluth. It saved my life. I bought it at 3am online when my baby girl was crying and crying and I didn't know what to do! I did start letting her cry it out at about six months (I tried at 4 months and it was too soon), and I only did it for 2 nights. The first night was an hour, the second was 15 minutes and since then, unless she is sick or teething, she sleeps between 11 and 12 hours. I know alot of people have alot of opinions about this and it can get quite ugly when people dish those out. I say try it if you feel comfortable - if it works you will all be much better rested and happier - it you aren't comfortable, than that's alright, too. You can only do what feels right to you. For me, letting her cry it out was my way of teaching her that she can be well rested, and that I deserve to be well rested. I do love her and our bond is as strong as any other mother and daughter. It didn't cause disruption in our attachment, but did cause her to be a happy, well rested baby. I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.

Hi E.,
I tried the CIO method with my little guy when he first was put into his own room and it was horrible he woke more at night was more clingy and miserable during the day and I will never do it again. He maybe have started waking at night so much because he is teething he's at the age to start if you and your doctor disagree so much on parentin you might want to look for a new one. I love my sons ped. he is big on attachment parenting and thats what worked best for me and my boys. At 5 months old after our bedtime routine I would put Evan in a sling and go about cleaning the house dishes, laundry, etc until he fell asleep then I would move him to his crib it worked much better than the cio because evan never would settle when we decided to try it my son seriously cried all night he would quiet for a half hour than start again. Just remember no child will ever go off to college still needing you to hold them or rock them to sleep so cuddle him all you can now because they get big way too fast.

Hi,
My own experience is that even if you "ferberize" your baby, some event (teething, getting sick etc.) will ruin the efforts and you have to start over.

Instead of letting your child cry it out, see if you can pat him down while he's crying instead of picking him up. You could also try singing to him as he lay in the crib--at least you know you're comforting him even if he's crying.

Hope this helps!
-s

Hi E.,
Our doc suggested that we do the ferberizing around 4 months, but our daughter (now almost 10 m) did the same as your son- crying for hours and then waking up several times. We decided that she just wasn't ready yet so we let her sleep in bed with us for another two mths or so. Around 6 or 7 months we did the ferberizing again. The first night she cried for 3 hours, the second night for and hour, and the third night for 10 minutes. She has been great since then. You know your son best, just read his signals, maybe he needs another month or two with you. Good luck!

Hi E.,
I know how hard it is to hear them cry & 3 hours seems real long. I read "Babywise" & we started someform around 2 months. So I don't think 5 mo. is too early, you just have to break what you have been doing for 4 months. I can tell you it is well worth the wait. My son is amazing. We change his diaper, hug & kiss & most nights that is that, sometimes he crys for 30 sec. When he wakes in the morning he plays with his bear & talks for as long as it takes for me to go get him. Teaching them to self sooth is a life long gift. Having said that- every kid is differnt and you need to be comfortable with what you do. Good luck. You will find your way.

I have found two books to be the most helpful: Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child by Mark Weissbluth, MD (a pediatric sleep specialist), and Sleeping Through the Night by Jodi Mindell, PhD (a child psychologist and director of sleep disorder center of Children's Hospital in Pniladelphia). Neither book advocates a specific solution but rather both present some different options that include everything from cosleeping and 'no-cry' solutions to partial cry it out to full CIO. I really like Mindell who says you have to do what you are comfortable with and she recommends going into the babies room as often as necessary for you and your baby, but just trying to gradually increase the intervals between going in and only stay a short time. She also says to work first on trying to get your baby to self-soothe to sleep at bedtime, but then do what ever works to soothe the baby back to sleep for night awakenings. The theory is that if your baby can put himself to sleep at bedtime then he will put himself back to sleep eventually when he wakes up in the middle of the night.

I have a 4 month old who coslept with us until last night when we put him in his crib. We checked on him frequently and he did great. We are following her suggestions and so far so good. Also, according to Mindell it is VERY common to have the second night be worse than the first (it is some psychological principle called 'extinction burst'), but she says the third night of whatever method you choose is almost always much better. But like all the moms said you have to do what is comfortable to you, just be consistent and know you are NOT alone!

I would recommend on any method to read the actual book vs. a synopsis by someone else. Reading the book would have told you your baby IS too young for this method, Dr. Ferber himself would say so. You have got to read it first, and then you will be equipped to use it when the time is right. I know it is hard, I was there, I have irish twins, and the night I "gave up" and would have started cereal solids to help, my dr. convinced me to wait til the right time. Lo and behold, my son slept through for the first time. Had I given food, I would have credited the sleep to having cereal. A baby crying for three hours isn't a good thing. take turns, and if you can, have a neighborhood kid come and help for a couple hours so you can nap. They love babies, you need sleep, do what you can to find it when you can. Your baby is too young, your instincts are right. Read more than one book on any subject you come across, and choose what works best for you. Many have also mentioned Dr. Spears, really good, and so are Touchpoints.
Hang in there,
D. S.

E.,

Have you check all the things the baby could be crying for -is he cold, hot, wet, hungry, is something bothering him, upseting him? I would go thru this list and all the others before you go forward with the cry it out method.
When I did it with my daughter at night -and you didn't say if you were doing this or not - I went in after 15 minutes to calm her down and then left the room again. I didn't pick her up I just sat her up in her crib, leaned her forward over my arm and patted her back while I kissed the back of her neck. (not good for your back but it didn't take long) After she bumped I laid her back down, she rolled away from me and I left the room. That was the end of it for the first night. Every night after that she cried less and less. No issue to put her down after a week. We did this at 8-1/2 months.
I don't know if your doctor discussed it with you or not but I've read many sleep books and either the 'ferber' style books say to go in every 15 minutes. I would like if your son is crying for 3 hours he is most likely hungry. I would think he still needs to feed during the night. Again you didn't say if you were feeding him or not.
Sometimes what I have found is that abandoning a method when it isn't working is the best solution. There are other ways to help your son to sleep. There are a lot of sleep books out there and a lot of different methods. I personally would scrap this cry it out and try something else. The no cry sleep solution takes a while but it helps.
There are also other things you can do like make sure you have a bedtime routine that is the same every night. Have a nap time routine as well. Make sure the room is as dark as possible for naps. Try a cool mist humdifier for white noise in the winter and you can get white noise sounds from almost anywhere if that helps your son sleep. A music box to get to into sleep, a lovey, things like this that he will associate sleep with should help him get into the 'mood' of sleep.

Hope this helps,
L. M

Hi E.:
Don't do it if it doesn't feel right to you. Listen to your instincts. If you want an alternative, check out the No Cry Sleep Solution, by Elizabeth Pantley. It does take longer and therefore requires more patience, but many parents attest to it working. There is also a yahoo group for NCSS that you can join if you decide to do it and want support or have questions during the process. What many folks don't talk about, is that it is really NORMAL for infants to change sleep patterns and to wake frequently. It is important to get support though, because the sleep deprivation is so hard!!!!
Take care,
C.

I agree with Gina T. Let them cry but check in if it seems it is getting out of hand. Three hours would seem to imply that there is something else bothering them. I read the book Babywise by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam which talks about the different types of cries and that helped me to feel more secure in my decisions. I would start by doing it at nap time. That is when you are going to feel less stress about getting them down for a long night and will get your baby used to the idea of putting herself to sleep. I had my computer in the nursery and would catch up on emails, etc. while she settled herself. She has been putting herself to sleep since she was only a few months old. I would stick with it if I were you. Who has the time or the energy to hold a baby to sleep for every nap and every bedtime? Reclaim your life!

Hi I am also a new mom my son is 8mths old and i just couldn't get on board with the cry it out advice that has been dished out by grandparents or doctors, My son to will fall asleep in our bed or in my arms ( he used to fall asleep in a chair too but he is to big now ) now think about what is different from his crib and your bed ... WARMTH !! He is all warm and snug in a bed or chair.. So what i did is I used in his crib a angle support it goes under the sheet at the top of the bed , and i keep a blanket layed on the bed and then i lay him on his side and wrap the blanket around him and tuck it under his arms and then add another blanket or 2 just tuck under him and keep his arms free for movement and give him/her a binkie. Or when he fusses try to make the room as dark as possiable no night light or nothing - we use the bathroom light so we can see alittle and we cradle him (side ways) and walk and tap his butt alittle or bounce up and down alittle honestly it take about 15mins but he is usually back asleep in no time.. And remember the 3 main reasons baby cry hungry , wet, attention.. At 5mths your baby is growing he/she may need a few ounces and will fall right back asleep..also the baby may be teething.. Try a teething soother like baby oragel.Hope this helps.

I used the cry it out method, mostly without even knowing it. I had read that its always best to put a baby to bed tired, but awake. They need to learn to self soothe and to go to sleep without assistance. I actually did this with her very young, so we had few problems with putting her to bed. Now as an almost 4 year old she goes to bed with little hesitation and stays in her bed and usually falls asleep within 15 minutes. As for your situation, it does seem like he is learning because he is taking less time to fall asleep. As far as the night waking and crying, it may be that he needs something else. Every baby is different, some babies sleep through the night and some wake up into their toddler years. Do you have a mobile or some sort of projector device? (I had a winnie the pooh projector that made music and put pictures on the ceiling) Do you have a night light? I discovered that my daughter would wake upset if she woke up and it was dark. She needed to see where she was. I actually had to keep her lamp on to make her happy. Every baby wakes during the night, the ones that are considered sleeping through, just know how to fall back to sleep without disruption. So if he wakes and can't easily fall back to sleep, then something is bothering him. You may have to go in there a few times in the night, and without picking him up, rub his back and reassure him that its ok, that you are still here and its sleepy time. I did cry it out, but I wouldn't have let it go over an hour with out going in to reassure her (again, never pick them up) As far as learning, experts say it takes 3 days to learn any new routine. So stick with it, but maybe add the extra reassurance so the crying doesn't continue too long!

I have no experience in Ferberizing or letting a baby cry it out, but my advice is that if it feels wrong for you and your baby, then don't do it. Find some other solution. This is a way -- not THE way. You and your little one will be happier if you follow your heart.