Seeking Advice from Moms Who Bfeed & Let Their Children Wean Themselves

The most common age for self-weaning is typically somewhere between two and three. I will have to come back with the research studies demonstrating that, one of my midwives gave them to me. Of the many mothers I know that practice self-weaning, the majority of have fallen somewhere in that time frame, most of them closer to the three end than the two end.

Mine technically have self-weaned, but between pregnancies and sudden moves and the like, I don't know that they would have weaned when they did had circumstances been different. My one son in particular who weaned shortly after his second birthday was nowhere NEAR ready to wean, but he hated the change in my milk once I was pregnant. He finally couldn't stand it any longer and gave up.

My daughter is 23 months and shows pretty much no signs of being ready to stop nursing. Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping them "babies" as long as they want to be in terms of nursing. I mean, of course, not forcing it... But why stop when he doesn't care to stop??? Keep doing it if you're both enjoying it. It's so good for him! Don't get me wrong, I'm totally on your side if you WANT to quit nursing - I just don't think you should stop because you feel like you should. You're not hurting him any if you keep nursing. My mom nursed me until I was over 3 years old - I think I turned out okay. Very mature and independent as all get out according to my parents. :)

You are doing such a wonderful thing for both you and your son by breastfeeding him for both health and emotional reasons. The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for at least 2 years. There is no reason to wean him if you are both still happy with the relationship. I nursed my daughter until she self weaned at 2 1/2 and my son self weaned at 20 months. Enjoy your son while he is young. They grow so fast.

Reading your questions gave me such good memories of my daughter nursing. I had to stop when she was around 18 months b/c I got mastitis really bad. I have missed nursing her almost every day since. It is such a blessing to be able to have that special bond with them. Whatever you decide to do, just cherish these times because you will never get them back. :)

I am still nursing my 14mo old now and he only gets night feeding and nap feed like yours (I work so for me it's on weekends) I am hoping he will wean on his own too, cause he too doesn't seem like he wants to stop, or I might be encouraging it - mainly because I have not found an alternative comfort item for him. I do not necessarily want to stop either (must be a 2nd child thing), but I am in the same boat as you, but don't want to go past 15mos with him. Will let you know how it turns out.

I breastfed both my kids, and let them self-wean. It is called extended breastfeeding.

My daughter nursed until about 2.5 years old, then stopped on her own.
My son, nursed until about 1 year old, then just stopped on his own and totally did not want to nurse anymore. How do I know they stopped and it was not me telling them to stop?

For both kids, once they hit 1 years old, they both drank whole milk as well.... and nursed. It was no problem. And they both did drink from other things as well, like cups.

Good point made by Jill regarding the 2-year target. It's an admirable goal to shoot for, if everything is working out well.

Google "don't offer don't refuse" - probably the most gentle (and certainly the simplest and least stressful) child-led approach.

It's possible that he may want to continue for much, much longer than you realize.(Both of mine nursed way past 24 months, usually to fall asleep.) But there's no need to feel guilty about "holding on to your baby," especially if you're following his lead. (If YOU are starting to hate it, that's another story.)

And you certainly have no obligation to mention it to other people who may have their own ideas of what is best for your child, mother-in-laws, gossipy friends, and even pediatricians included. There are still people that believe you can somehow damage your kid's psyche or that the only reason a mother would engage in extended nursing is for some perverse sexual satisfaction.

This transition is between mother and baby - whatever works for both of you, and no one else's opinion matters.

All babies (and toddlers!) are different, but from what you've described he seems like a normal, extended breastfed kid. My son is almost 2.5, and still nurses 1-2 times a day (despite the sessions being very short and no milk due to pregnancy), but some days he'll go all day without. Although I do offer alternatives, or ask him to wait until bedtime (which isn't truly CLW, but it works for us), I won't cut him off when the baby is born if he still wants to nurse. But honestly, when it comes down to it, they will wean when they are ready, no matter what we do or encourage otherwise. I say just follow your gut. You're not "holdnig on to my baby," but providing an important physical and emotional realtionship. Keep it up!

Hi J.,
I am going through this at the moment with my 21 month old. He was showing NO signs of wanting to stop so at about 19 mos I started making him quit. I felt so bad him crying himself to sleep. (I still rock him to sleep) He has been off the breast for 2 mos now and still asks for it. It breaks my heart but there really isn't any milk left so its pointless, but he sure hasn't forgotten!
Good luck and enjoy. I think I miss it sometimes more than he does, watching his big eyes close to go to sleep was so awesome, they just grow up to fast.
H.

He sounds a lot like my 22 month old! I just weaned her at 20 months. She was down to just a couple of times a day (some days more) but it was time. It did take a couple of weeks and I would just redirect her when she asked to nurse or told her it wasn't time and then pushed it off. Most of the time it worked other times she didn't take that for an answer lol. I just took my time with guiding her to weaning. My son pretty much self-weaned at 16 months because he got too busy for me but my daughter was def more attached but she did fine. Funny though-probably a month after she was weaned she woke up in the middle of the night upset and confused and asked for boob-boob. I just held her close and she went right back to sleep. :)

J.,
I breastfed my first daughter until she was twenty three months. By then she was only nursing before bedtime and most of the time she just sucked once or twice and fell asleep in my arms. We had a bedtime routine, which included bath, teeth brushing, and reading books. She also had a blanket and a paci. So, she literally just stopped nursing at night but still had her nighttime routine and her blanket and paci. I would make sure he eats enough at lunch to tide him over through his nap... that way he doesn't really need any breastmilk before nap. Give him a transition object to cuddle to help him comfort himself and soon, I bet he will not need that naptime feeding. I think when our first stopped her naptime nursing, the nighttime nursing stopped soon after.

I nursed my daughter, now 7, until she was 3 1/2 years old. She was down to 1 session a day by then. Basically she just slowly started taking solid food and stopped nursing gradually. I let her decide 100% what she wanted to do. I continued to nurse on demand just as I had done when she was nursing full time as a newborn baby. I didn't bother trying to distract or refuse or anything but I didn't offer at that point either. I just let her make up her own mind. Eventually, at around 3 1/2, she went away to my parents house for a week and when she came back she was no longer interested in nursing.
If you let your 18 month old go he will wean himself eventually but probably not until 2 or 3 years old. It really depends on how comfortable you are with nursing a toddler.
I like the child led weaning approach because it is really no stress for you or the baby, you're not in any pain because your milk disappears so gradually and your child gets the benefit of getting a daily dose of vitamins, especially if they are picky eaters. Don't forget you're also helping with their immune systems too, even with that little bit of nursing.
Congrats on the extended nursing! Keep it up!

I breastfed till my son was 2.5 years old. He pretty much self weaned with just a little encouragement from me. I had shingles right after giving birth which screwed up my nursing. It took about 3.5 months to get back on track and I didn't want to give it up cause I had to fight so hard to get it to work. I enjoyed it most of the time, though it did get a little wearing toward the end. It was lovely, though. It is hard to give up that closeness. Enjoy it as long as the both of you want to do it :)

Oh I know how you feel! My daughter is 21 months and still nurses quite often. I have always said I would let her self wean but some days I just feel over touched and wish she was weaned. Then there are those days when you have alot of people over and everyone is passing your baby around like a hot potato and you are exhausted and just want to relax, then you have your little one as your break away excuse to get away from it all. LOL I can't tell you how many times thats happened to us but its wonderful to get away with your baby in a quiet room to just relax and enjoy that special time. I just keep reminding myself that the days will come when I will miss her hanging on me and using me as her pacifier. With that said everytime I think to myself geez I wish she would wean I remind myself that this won't last forever so to just enjoy it while it lasts. :-) Good luck!

It sounds like you're doing a great job. At the end of the day it's a balance between your needs and your kid's needs. Your job as a parent is to nurture your kids, but also to encourage them to become increasingly independent as they grow. I nursed both my kids until 20 and 22 months, but I can honestly say that I was DONE after that. (With the first I was 6 months pregnant when I stopped. With my second I was just done and had several business trips scheduled that I didn't want to drag my pump along with).

Anyway, with an older child I think it's totally reasonable to offer a sippy before nursing, just as it's reasonable if you're somewhere busy (the mall, the park etc) to say push it off and say you'll nurse when you get back home instead of while you're out. It's also not a bad idea to encourage your child to learn some soothing/coping methods that don't involve nursing (so for teething you can take a damp washcloth and freeze it - they like this). This is not to say that you should NOT nurse your child on demand, rather that you should also provide alternative options so that he can start to learn the skill.

Best of luck! I know many moms who nursed far longer than I did - some of them loved every minute of it, others resented the last couple months. Most, at some point, made a conscious effort to encourage weaning when they were ready to cut back or stop. I'm sure you'll find the perfect balance for yourself.

Do whatever you are comfortable with. My oldest self-weaned at a 1 1/2 (I think because my milk supply dropped when pregnant). My youngest finally weaned after she turned three, with lots of encouragement.

And as an aside, mine were both born a little early due to preeclampsia. I've found www.preeclampsia.org a great place to connect with other moms and to learn more about preeclampsia & HELLP syndrome.

My daughter turned 2 on April 8th. She takes a bottle, drinks from cups but still nurses occasionally. I am holding on to her babyhood a little longer than I did with her Big Sis. Big Sis nursed til 16 mos. but this one has always been a teensy bit needier, which frankly, I've enjoyed because Big Sis was so independent as a toddler. I am not sure how long we will keep this up. Sometimes it's once a day, sometimes 3 times a day, and never for too too long. She does wake occasionally at night and I still go in and nurse her if she cries for too long. It sounds like he is nursing primarily for comfort at this point--like my daughter. So I unless you want the sippy cup to become a comfort item, you may want to find something else. Pick him up and snuggle him and get the same snuggly toy or blanket? If you are trying to actively discourage him from nursing (which it doesn't sound quite like you are yet) than simple distraction with an interesting toy, looking out the window at a passing truck etc. is what worked for my sis when weaning her 2 year old. She never had to say "No," she just changed the subject so to speak. Good luck. :)

My son is 2 1/2 and still nurses occasionally. We might be done, I don't really know, it has been a couple weeks now. He will go days or even a couple of weeks, then want to nurse. I'm pretty much ready to be done, mostly just because since it so seldom, when he nurses now it makes me sore. I keep thinking, surely the milk has to be mostly gone, but nope, it's still there. I had to cut my son way down when he was 16 mos because I had to work, so we were only doing once a day at that point. Somehow gradually, over the next few months, he stopped wanting it every day. By 2 he was doing this where he only wants it occasionally. I try to distract but it's not working too well. What my son does is wakes up, comes into bed with me and snuggles up to me and then nurses. So I am not really awake before he has latched on. I try to shorten it at that point and get him ready to get up for the day. I always swore I would not nurse when my son got to the point he could lift my shirt, but haha, jokes on me. I also swore he wouldn't sleep in my bed. :) From what I have read, most kids will wean themselves between 2 and 3. For my son, I could have easily weaned him at a year with no drama, but after 15 mos or so, he got more attached, and then when I had to work, we both wanted to continue. So now I am just encouraging him to give it up but not really worrying about it. He isn't doing it daily or out in public or anything. And no one but my husband even knows he is still doing it. We are just doing what works for us.

I am currently still nursing, a few times a day and night, my little girl who will be 2 in July. Every child is different and some wean earlier than others. Since he is most likely your last I would definitely let him continue. The best thing about nursing a toddler is it is an easy tool to use to console them. My little girl has discovered the ability to throw a crazy temper tantrum in just the past few days. Just two hours ago she was in the middle of one because she couldn't put on the shoes she wanted to. She cried and fussed for almost 10 mins where I could see her and make sure that she wasn't going to hurt herself and she made her way to me, we went in the room and she nursed and fell asleep. It was a gentle ending to a crazy patch of time in her day. There are so many battles to fight with toddlers that unless there is a medical reason, i.e. delicate pregnancy or you have to start taking some potentially harmful medication, you should let it continue and he'll trail off on his own. Nursing them through sickness makes it so much easier to get through, too. For about a week when my little girl had a case of diarrhea, last month, and wasn't interested in eating or drinking much of anything she nursed throughout the day a little more than usual and I was satisfied that she was hydrated and it kept her comfortable.

Both of mine weaned themselves around 15 mos. I do agree with the "don't offer, don't reject" with one exception: if you can distract with another loving/bonding act, that will take the attention there.

When he asks to nurse, why not offer a sippy cup with warmed milk and a book in the rocker with you? Or another cuddly activity that's just for you and him? Perhaps now nursing is a means to get close physically -- my almost-3 boy loves to put his head on my bare stomach when we're lying down or rub the backs of my arms as we're sitting.

Good luck and happy Mommy Day every day!