Seeking Advice - Yorba Linda, CA

Hi there,

I'm a new mother of a two month old, so haven't been in your position. But I was in your daughter's position when I was younger. I remember being teased for being quite hairy, and it was really awful. After my first day of junior high school I decided I had to shave my legs. My mom was disapproving so I went about it by myself and remember being scared by the razor. I wish my mom had been supportive and helped me out. So, my advice is follow your daughter's lead, when she is ready to do something about the hair then be helpful and supportive. I guess you wouldn't want to suggest to her that she should do something about it, but help her when she's ready. You could discuss the hair removal options and drawbacks and let her decide what to do, while assuring her that she is beautiful with or without the hair.

Hope that helps! Good luck!

H.

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HI, I am in the same predicament with my 6 year old daughter. She is going through the same thing in school. People sometimes ask her why does she have a mustache? It is horrible for her. My husband and I have actually asked when we can take it off via laser or any other way. The answer is not until she is at least 13 years old. Unless you resort to bleaching, if she can handle it than you can technically do it now. Good luck to us!!!

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You should have her hormone levels checked...you need to look for high testosterone...aks your family doctor or pediatrician for a lab test on this!!!Also have her progesterone and estrogen levels checked...and depending on the results you need to address it!!! Love, G.. :0)

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Hi there, I too am hairy and when I was younger I asked my mom if I could shave and she let me use nair because she was afraid of me cutting myself shaving. After removing the hair I felt so much better. The good thing is that they have lasar hair removal and that is something to consider when she is older. I have two boys and I can already see that they carry the hairy trait that I've passed on to them, It makes me sad. Good luck, S.

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Hey A., I an Italian woman, but as an italian child, oh my did I suffer at the mouths of my peers. Not only was I chubby, but I was hairy. I had a hairy upperlip until I was 16, and I was not permitted to shave until I hit 12 or 13. I grew a very thick skin and learned to be confident in who I am. There are some things in life that help us grow into the women we become. I learned to ignore and overcome people and their harsh words... but not before I cried about it a bit. I would tell her she is beautiful the way she is and when the time comes to introduce shaving and tweezers, you will be her best friend. My Mother told me that once I started shaving, I would be shaving for the rest of my life, so what is the hurry. Good Luck, A.

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A. B

Hi I think maybe you should start removing hair when she is the one who has a problem with it, not classmates. This way she will do things because she wants them, not because of how other people want her to look. I too have a 12 year old with the same situation. I always tell her we are all made differently and trying to please everyone is not worth her happiness.

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Teach her to be assertive and self-confident. Teach her to speak up when someone tells her something she doesn't like, doesn't want to hear, or is just plain rude. A strong woman knows how to tell someone off without being rude or petty; but it is a learned skill. This is the perfect opportunity to begin teaching this skill. I have a similiar issue; I am very pale (think Snow White) with dark black hair. Lots and lots of hair. I've got monkey arms, but they are mine and I like them! Teach her it is ok to be different and beautiful. You should never be sorry for the way you look, well, unless you are shopping in sweats (unless you are sick and shopping for medicine). Oh, and for the laser hair removal it doesn't work for everyone. It works best on light skinned dark haired people (like me!). However, it did not work for me. My hair is just as dark and dense as ever. Yes, I wax my face/chin/mustache/eyebrows but I am secure in myself if I don't want to or don't have time. I started shaving my legs in 4th grade because they were ridiculous (even by my standards - I was trying to braid my leg hair) and my mother helped me practice shaving balloons and very ripe tomatoes because I was scared. Good luck!

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Hi,

I would wait till she asks you to teach her how to shave her legs, or expresses interested in removing the hair. In the mean time tell her she's beautiful and teach her ways she can respectfully respond to anyone who makes comments about her hair. This might take some thought on your part (as in deciding what to say) but also empowers her to take control of the situation.

Good luck!

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Use Nair. No need for razors. When she gets older she can get waxed. But I would recommend that she be given these options only if she is uncomfortable about the hair. Talk about it first. It is a good opportunity to talk about how the body changes as girls and boys get older. All bodies change, they change at different times and sometimes in different ways. Just open up the lines of commmunication first to see how she feels about it.

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Hi A., I would take her in for laser treatments. It will save her a lifetime of shaving hassle and/or waxing time and expense. I had thick black hair on my arms and after a couple laser treatments the hair that did grow back is very fine, it makes me feel feminine :)

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Hello, my daughter has the same problem. Her dad and I also Latin and we even have the hairline that is different than other ethnicities. My daughter is very hairy and when she was in elementary school it used to bother her to wear dresses or anything that showed her body hair. So I did shave her legs at an early age only so she wouldn't feel bad. I know it is something that when brought up by other kids really makes them feel bad and I didn't want her to get teased or feel to uncomfortable. Now a days it is hard enough for kids to try and "fit in" that they don't need the added pressure of something that makes them feel embarrassed or different. I felt it was just her legs and it wasn't too bad to shave them, of course the rest of her body is also hairy, but with girls it's mostly about their legs because they have to wear dresses and skirts. So I think if you just do that she will be fine. My daughter is now 18 and does want the laser hair removal so I am currently looking into that. You just have to boost their confidence in other ways so that they don't let small stuff like that bother them. My daughter is currently away at college and was an excellent student, straight A's and that is still continuing even away from home. I always told her she was beautiful inside and out and the little things like hair, and body, were easily fixable with working out, and Nair!!! :) So don't get discouraged and let her know she is a beautiful person.

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Hi a friend of mine has a 7 1/2 year old daughter ( same age as my oldest daughter) She also faced this issue with hairy legs. Her daughter was very aware of the fact her legs were hairier than most of her friends. My friend just explained that with her hairatige (1/2 Italian) that she would have to shave her legs at a younger age. She took her shopping let her pick out the colored raizor she wanted (I think there is a teen raizor that has a protective head to help protect from cuts)and she helped her sit in the bath and shave her legs. It went very well. Hope this helps.

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I am also Hispanic and the mother of 3 girls, 19, 11 and 4. so i have been through this 2x before. my oldest had extremely hairy legs and it did not bother her until about 4th or 5th grade. of course a boy teased her and she was devasted. I had preconceived ideas about when she would be allowed to shave(15 maybe) but after this incident i changed my mind. i gave her a short lesson on shaving and a long talk about inner beauty and helped her shave for the first time. i think we live in a society that is very focused on outward appearences and shouldn't make shaviing a big deal. by the way my 2nd daughter does not have as much hair and she is less focused on other kids she is in 5th grade but only shaves her underarms. they are all so different. hope this helps.

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hi there! i dont have a duaghter, but since i was hairy in my younger days...i understand. at least your being assertive on your part as a mon. i would talk about it first and see how your daughter feels. then if she doesnt like the hair, you can introduce her to shaving. i think that it might be uncomfortable to talk about at first (sort of when your mom brings up the subject of first periods and training bras) LoL! but i think ur daughter will thank you later for being so open. as for me, i started shaving my own legs when i was young cuz my mom wasnt open about it.

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Hi There...

I had the same problem your little girl had when I was younger. I come from a Portuguese background and we are blessed with some serious body hair. I was the first girl who had these dark hairy legs and everyone made fun of me. So When I was around 8 or 9 I remember when everyone was outside for Newyears I snuck inside by myself and grabbed my moms razor and figured it was time I did it myself. Cause I had told my mom and she said to ignore them and just be happy I hadnt had to shave yet. Well, so I went nad did it myself... Yeah since no one showed me how..I took a 4 inch chunk of flesh off the back of my achilies tendin..it was nasty. Needless to say, my mom felt horrible and took me out to buy my first razor and shaving cream. She thought me how to do it and after about a year she went and bought me an electric razor since I always cut myself. The teasing made me soo self conscience. I live in HAWAII and I started wearing long sleeve shirts, and jeans to school to cover the hair on my arms and legs.
I say do it now before it gets to be too much and it starts to hurt her. Give her the choice and if she wants to do it now then go get her a battery powered razor and let her do it. If not she may have someone tease her a little too much and come home and try and do it herself.
Good luck

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I think it's really up to your daughter. Just be very open about it and not afraid to talk to her. Once she becomes embarrassed about her armpit and leg hair then it's time to show her and buy her own tools to shave.

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My daughter is 8 as well. We have already discussed how we will handle things when she begins going through puberty and growing darker body hair. I had laser hair removal and will do the same for my daughter when she needs to begin shaving. It's definitely a gift that she will appreciate for life.

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Hi A.,
I have a friend (a caucasion girl). She is very pale with dark hair. She shaves her legs and arms every day and it is just a normal part of her beauty routine. She has been doing this since she was young. It works fine for her.
best wishes

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Hi A.! Well I will give you advice from a pre-school teachers perspective and I too am a mom.
I would make sure your house and her room is flooded with your culture and other cultures. Books especially, also pictures, dolls, furniture, toys, family photos, videos. Anything you can think of and make diversity a regular part of your conversations. Dinner time and talking about foods are great. Make games with all your children who can point out the most differences and similarities in eachother.
The point is to make her feel confident in diversity and give her a healthy respect for all cultures. Make her an educator in an environment where most kids 'don't know' and make her feel special that she can help other people understand differences. This is an ongoing project for the next several years.
She is already eight and I wouldn't be surprised that she has had her feelings hurt. So for example, pick up a book on Native Americans and talk about how it was a mistake that they were labled Indians. Ask her how that might of made them feel or feel even today. This kind of conversation will open up the door for her to express her own hurt feelings and maybe you have your own stories to share.
Lastly, I would never bring up ridding her of her hair. Let her initiate that and if she does she probably got that idea from either a peer or media, so I would make that into another piece of conversation.
There are also many famous people she may already know about due to her age that she has learned who have 'differences' and have made a significant impact in the world in spite of what people thought of them. Talk to her teachers to attain resources for yourself and visit the library too. Goodluck! Feel free to respond with any questions or concerns due to my response.

Blessings,
V.

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Just a thought. . . how about going with the notion that body hair can be beautiful too! Granted, I am one of the few in my circle of women friends who shaves. Most of my girlfriends let it grow! I know this is not the societal norm and she may be different then those around her, but it wouldn't hurt to pump her up to see that "what she has been given is beautiful". Then if as she comes of age and is not happy with it you can help her know that while you think her hair is a beautiful part of who she is that the option of shaving is a choice she can make freely. What does your body look like or your other daughters or other woman in your family? Good luck. Trust your instincts!

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