Seekin Advice for Moving with Three Yr Old

Had a similar problem when my son was 3 (he's now almost 20). Just make certain you and hubby remain "upbeat" and "excited" about the move. Tell him it's going to be an adventure and since he's such a big boy, you also need him to help his younger brother understand about the move too. (Don't be surprised if you see him sitting down next to the baby and talking to him about the baby's new room at the new place, etc.). IF you are "anxious" BOTH boys will pick up on it and it will be worse. Kids are very "strong" and they adapt to change quicker than adults. It's just another example of "Don't sweat the small stuff -- and it's ALL small stuff!" PS We had to move AGAIN when he was 5 and again when he was 7 -- each time he "didn't want to move" BUT in a few weeks at the new location and everything was just fine.

My husband is in the Military and so we moved alot. Our son had the same problem everytime we moved. We would go to the place where we were going to move into and just start knocking on doors and find out who our neighbors are and to see if they had children. This helped alot for him to know that there are kids there too.

It sounds like you did a great job of preparing him, and as the others said, he just needs time. You may have to stay over with him at the grandparent's house a time or two just to show it it is safe. Change is hard for all of us, but he can't really comprehend his feelings at 3. I think you just have to respect his feeling for a while.

Also, I am sure you know this, but he will be fine and will recover with no permanent emotional scars! ;-) We are a military family, and have moved our 11 year old son to at least 8 different houses. He has recovered every time. We do exactly what you say you did with having him pick out a new theme to his room. After 8 rooms this gets expensive, but it is a small price to pay to help him enjoy his new home.

In a pinch, you could consider having the GPs stay at your place.

Good luck!

He may be worried that you will move while he is at grandma's and he wont be able to find you.

Hi J.,
We have moved a lot in the last few years. I think the main thing is to reassure him that you will all be together, and that all of your things (especially his toys and clothes and bed and special things) all be moving to the new home with you. Let him actually pack a box with his very special things and take it in the car with you (if possible, or put it last on the moving truck so that it can be opened first), and let him open it as soon as you get to your new home. There are several books about moving for children. I found them by searching amazon. I can't remember the titles right now, but they helped my kids when we were transitioning as we read them leading up to the move. He just needs lots of explaining and reassurances, and to talk about what is going on. To know it is okay to be sad when you are saying goodbye, but also tell him about things to look forward to in the new house (his batman room, a nearby playground, park, pool, etc.). Good luck! I know it is not easy.

Maybe he thinks you will drop him off at Grandma's and not come back and take him home. I think he's afraid with all the changes, he really doesn't understand, but he's old enough to worry about these things no matter how much you explain to him or he's been involved. He will be okay when he goes with you over there, but not left there without you. You will be able to help him with this if you don't insist or force him to be anywhere without you and his family. He has a lot of readjusting to do after moving to a new place. Give him some time and he will come around once he is feeling really safe and connected with the new apt. His whole existence depends on you.
Please be patient and don't get upset with him during this time.

It could be that he thinks that you will go/move somewhere else without him when he is at his grandparents house. Our oldest son was 21 months old when we had our second child. When I had the baby, he had to stay in the hospital for two weeks. Our oldest son stayed with my mom. When I got out of the hospital, we went to pick up our oldest son, and when we got there without his little brother, he wouldn't speak to me. Just give him time and when you have been in your present residence for a while, he will probably be fine.

It sounds like you have done everything right so far (including him, etc). Just know that there is a lot of change going on in his world (yours too, but it seems gigantic to him) with moving and his new sibling having surgery, on top of the fact that he has a new sibling. So his world as he knows it is different. Just continue to show him love and listen to his concerns and he will see that all will be ok. He probably senses some of your anxiety b/c you are moving, surgery, etc and he wants to be sure you are ok also. Best of luck, and I will include your family in my prayers!

I moved with my daughter at 2.5. She was excited about the new space. We were co-sleeping and in the new place she wanted her own bed and room. I spent much time prepping as it seems you have. She was more clingy. She never spent the night elsewhere during that time. I can bet she would have had the same reaction. If you can, just allow him to be with you. I guess to him his family is his "tribe". Now that the "tribe" is in the process of moving he wants to make sure he is with you when he is not awake.

I would suggest making a book, and using pictures to explain the move, and that EVERYONE is moving to the new place, not just him. Include pics of his old home, and moving vans, new apartment, new room (color a batman room). Children that age understand things better visually (or through song which could work too)

OH, the poor little guy...well it sounds like he understands change the way he can. I think he's just needing understanding by his parents since he's must still be trying to process things. I think he may need short trips then back to the apartment to know that his stuff his there and his parents and that things are safe. If he's having feelings of not wanting to stay somewhere at just 3 yrs old I'd just go with it moving is a lot of change not just for us but even more so for kids. When we moved to a hotel after coming here from Fl then to an apartment it was a lot for a 2 yr old he wanted us with him all the time, frankly it just took time for him to understand we would always be there for him. He finally came around to spending the night at my sisters and that he was safe and mom and dad didn't leave him. At first we sent him for a few hours then back home to us about 4 or 5 times then we finally got him to spend the night at her place. It's different for each child. He'll be fine just remember moving is a big thing even for us grown ups even if we act like it's not...he's got new smells, sounds and things to see he uses and is aware of all his senses more so then us (adults). I think he just wants to make sure you will not leave him....he'll be fine I think only some day trips for a few hours after the move would be good slowly get him back into the grove. Best of luck in your new place.