Seekig Advice on Ways with Helpling My Son Learn

Hi - I would never tell you not to work with your son but please don't freak out about where he is at. Every kids learns differently...for example, I have three year old boy/girl twins and my daughter is WAYYYY more advanced than my son academically and they have been exposed to the same things. However, my son has more advanced motor skills so it equals out. So continue to do as you are and he will get it :-)

C.

Hi L.. It sounds like your son is doing okay. He knows his colors and shapes and knows his full name. He still has two years before kindergarten and that is a lot of time for him to learn how to write his name and recognize the alphabet.
It is very difficult not to compare your child to other children, just remember he is an individual and will develop differently than other children. Some 3 year olds can't talk very well but from what you have said (he has a vivid imagination) I take it he has a large vocabulary. That is awesome!
Does he recognize his name on paper? He first has to recognize that letters are letters and numbers are numbers. I know that may sound strange but it is a definite milestone when they can do this. Make sure that he sees his name in print often and you could point to each letter and say what they are. You could also put the words "mommy and daddy" on paper and tell him what it says for comparison reasons. What do his careigvers say about his developmental progress? His pediatrician? I wouldn't be too concerned yet but if it really is troublesome to you talk to them. Ask them if they can give you some paperwork that shows what is developmentally appropriate for his age group. This would give you an idea of what to look for in observing him. Number one thing to do is read, read, and read again. Small word alphabet books with pictures he can personally relate to are good at this age. But continue to read anything and everything to him.
T.

I wouldn't stress. He sounds to me to be in the normal range. My 4 year old has only recently started to write his name and identify all his letters. He only recently started to do real drawings as well. But there are other things that he is stronger in, like your son telling stories. So my first piece of advise is to not stress.

Continue to make the learning process fun. Facilitate his learning through his imagination - connect it to what he loves. For identifying letters and numbers, make it a game. When you are out point out signs and ask him to identify that letter or number. No pressure - just fun. If he's wrong - that's okay too. I believe that if you incorporate learning into everything you will find that he catches on.

my advice is too not stress too much every kid develops at a different rate and as long as he is/has reach(ed)ing his milestones then i see no problem here..the best way too freak yourself out is too compare your child to other children! DON'T do it it will only make you crazy!! Good luck

My youngest grandson will be three in Feb. Before Thanksgiving of 07 he knew nothing. He spoke nothing. I have taught him his letters and numbers. He is doing some pre-math and now learning sounds of the letters. His favorite books are numbers and alphabits. He will sit for hours reading them to his self. If you can tape or record some of the PBS shows they will help him. They will sing the ABC's make words and Braydon sits an sings with them. Some of the shows I would recommend are Super Why, and Word Girl. Be patient he could just be a late bloomer.

Time has a lot to do with an issue like this. I have 3 girls 12yr. old and I spent tons of time with her when she was born. We did everything together. We always gave her choices and always helped her out with her pronouncations. We read to her a lot, but not a whole lot. We were very active parents and she became a very active child. She is an honor student in the middle grade. My second oldest is 10yrs. old, and we ran into hard times when she turned one. I had to work and her dad left us a little before she was 1. So things were rough. I tried to spend as much time with her as I did with my oldest, it was hard and I couldn't do everything we did with our oldest. So now, she's got some problems in some areas in school. I've had people tell me that she was over active and smart..not like smart as a whip, but smart mouthed. The thing is, is that she is one to speak her mind if she sees something not right. She is very pleasant and sweet most of the time, but can be very mean too when it comes to her feelings. We've had tests done on her when she was in first grade, we found out that she has problems recognizing certain letters and reading and spelling. She is pretty awesome in math. But the thing is, is that I didn't get to read with her, write with her, help her out a whole lot. I met another man when she was 4 and he's been a very awesome father figure to them. And has helped us out a lot, especially my middle child. She reads better now than she had 3yrs. ago. And she is now an honor student. My youngest is two, and I stayed home with her until recently. We did a lot of writing, reading, spelling, talking about colors and shapes and pointing them out, animals, alphabets, numbers and making things. So she is really smart for her age. I guess what I'm saying is that it isn't too late to help him out more. And I know its hard to focus on one thing or another...and juggle that with everything else that's going on. I am in school, working and still trying to take care of my girls and teach them what they need to know and need in life. Listening is another thing...do a lot of that with him. Reading is very important if you can't do a whole lot with him, do that (Reading), and have him spell certain words in the book to you, even if its copying it. Have him count the pages and recognize the numbers (if any) at the bottom of the page. Newspapers are awesome learning. Good Luck and Have Fun!

My son is 5 and in kindergarten. We did a lot of different things to help him. I have found each child has their strong points and weaknesses. He is ahead in reading but behind in things that take time (writing, drawing & counting objects--boy can count to 30 but put 10 objects in front of him to count and he just can't figure it out.)
Things I used to help us:
Leap Frog videos--they teach letters and their sounds and are fun to watch (even for the adult). We still sing the songs from each letter when we forget the sound!
(They also have sounding out words and number videos. WELL worth the money spent)
Writing letters to people. I helped him write letters to family members and friends and mail them. It was fun to practice writing and getting things in the mail.
Reading to him every night. We always did about 3 a night. Reading the same book over and over again can help him to learn to read faster.
I labled things around the house. Piece of paper taped to things: door, table, tv. ect.
I baught letter cards and we played games that I just randomly made up with them. :)

L. - Bless your heart! I can see how you might worry because of what people are telling you, but my best advice is not to listen to them! I'm an Early Childhood Specialist, and I can tell you that academic skills ARE NOT what is important at 3 years of age! Is he talking? Obviously. Does he have creative abilities? Obviously, with the stories he is telling you! Then ask yourself: Does he get along with others? Can he play by himself, too? Does he like to hear you read stories to him? Does he enjoy building blocks, playing in the sand or water, playing with play dough? When he does those things, does he do new and different things from time to time? Does he sleep well, walk, run, climb? Can he feed himself? Does he talk to adults and children? Can he hold a crayon or a marker?

If he is developing in these areas, then that means he is a perfectly normal three-year-old! Society is putting MUCH too much pressure on little children to learn academic skills at a young age, and not only is it wrong, it can actually be harmful if it's done too much. It can start making him feel he is not capable of learning, and he can develop low self-esteem. AND it can make him stop wanting to try new things, which can destroy his self-confidence.

So please, please, don't worry about him! He sounds perfectly delightful! Telling imaginative stories is a good thing. You may even have a gifted child! :)

Sincerely,
B. Thompson

L. R,

I was having the same problem with my son and signed him up with Help Me Grow program who came and did an evaluation on him to see where he was and then referred him to a school that addressed his issues and he is doing wonderfully now. I am recommending Help Me Grow and our service coordinator was Angela Walters ###-###-#### ext. 211). I referred my daughter to her for my grandson and he is now starting to do the things that a 9 month old should be doing. My son goes to The Childhood League Center by the main campus of Childrens Hospital and they are wonderful with children. I am sure that your child will do just great after contacting this wonderful agency. Debbie

Do you read to him everyday? To me, that's the MOST important part of early childhood development. I've read to my kids since they were newborns, even though that first year they really couldn't care less, they still looked at the pictures sometimes and were having their brains stimulated. There are many books that teach letters, shapes, and numbers. One of my favorites (and my kids) was Dr. Seuss A B C's. It taught both of my kids their alphabet before they were 1 1/2. Dr. Seuss books are the best! If your child gets bored with a book and starts to get up, let him, and just start over the next time you read. Eventually, you can make it through an entire book. I remember those days when I would read about 5-10 pages before my kids were done, but after a while, I'd make it to the end. Now, my kids are 4 and 6 and would let me read to them all night if I would! They each grab a handful of books for storytime and I always have to limit them! Anyway, I think that if you're not reading now, it would be a great place to start.

He's FOUR!! His main job right now is to play. Don't worry until he's in Kindergarten and then, if he's not learning within normal bounds, discuss it with his teacher. My kids couldn't read until the middle of their kindergarten year. Other kids came in knowing how. I felt they were behind, but now they are both incredibly smart (straight A's, national junior honor society, etc). I never pushed them. I let them learn at their own pace. Relax.

C.

The 2 best ways to help your child learn is by reading everyday, a few times a day, and by lots of playtime with open-ended toys (blocks, cars, doll house, trains, etc) that encourage imagination and problem-solving - not just training a child to push a button so xyz happens. At this age it's more important to teach problem-solving (ie, the block tower falls over, how to make it not fall over.... try a few variations) than straight academics.

Your son sounds likes he's fine. He's only 3 for goodness sake. The most important things he should be learning is how to play with friends, how to share, how to stand/walk in a line, how to sit quietly for a few minutes, how to not interrupt and wait his turn to talk, etc. Those are things he needs to learn before kindergarten - not letters or numbers and certainly not how to read. Once he's closer to kindergarten (like a few months away) you can start worrying about him not knowing letters but I'm sure by then he'll know the letters and their sounds. I have several friends who are kindergarten teachers and they all say the same thing (and really mean it!)... they want kids who know the social skills above, and mature enough emotional to deal with separation all day. They don't really care about the academics... if they have a class in which all the kids know how to behave they can teach them anything very quickly.

I HIGHLY recommend the book "Einstein Never Used Flashcards". Pushing academics early usually means a lack of problem-solving skills and we now have a generation that isn't very good at problem-solving due to the big academic push. And numerous studies show that by 3rd grade you can't tell the difference between the kids who read at age 3 and those who waited until kindergarten... they all catch up to each other.

I am a special education teacher in addition to my full time job of mother to 2. Kids learn at different paces so first try not to compare. Secondly, it is not abnormal that a 3-year old cannot spell his own name. Does he recognize it when he sees his name?

You can write words down of family names and have him identify them. I would work with the alphabet as that will be very necessary. Try to build his interests into the learning activities that you do with him. Count things all around him. Tell him to find 5 green things in the room.

Make sure that you make any of the activities into a game or something that is fun otherwise he will burn out and not want to do it.

But remember-- kids do learn at different paces and in different ways. Boys tend to be slower in their learning and they learn better through more active play. Hard as it may be - DONT compare him and try not to listen to your friends all the time.

If you are really concerned you can contact your school system and asked about head start programs for ages 3-5.
I think it's really important not to compare our kids to others the same age because kids grow and mature at all different rates.
I would suggest a visit to the library to find books on what to expect from your child at certain ages. I had a great one that I can't remember the name (I passed it on to my sister when she had her first). It always kept me from getting too crazy about what my son should be doing.
Also-while there, get books for your child. When my son was that age, we read a lot of books. Reading helps out with all areas of academics.

Play games while you're driving....who can find something "GREEN".......who can find the number "3", etc. At 4, I even started doing some math. How many stoplights until we get home? Each time we went thru one, we subtracted, etc. Do this while you're home, the grocery store, etc. too. Make EVERY opportunity for a learning experience.

In addition, check out LEARNING LEAP FROG materials. They are GREAT! Abbie had a case that had letters, lower & upper case, phonics, a place to learn to write them, small words, etc. She used that for about three years. She's now in 1st grade and at a third grade reading level. She got 4 A+s on her report card this past weekend, including an A+ in Spelling and Math. She LOVES math, too.

Looking at EVERY situation & circumstance as a learning experience will help make EVERYTHING more fun and lots more interraction between child & parent/s.

Don't be concerned at this point. Every child learns at his own pace. He has 2 years until Kindergarten, right? Keep reading to him. Try writing down some of his stories. He can dictate to you. Don't change words or make grammar corrections, just write exactly what he says. It might be only two sentences, but then again, it might be 10 sentences all saying the same thing. What a keepsake!

In my daughter's preschool, they don't do any "letter of the week" activities or worksheets or anything like that, but they do show the power of words by making lists of children who want to use a particular toy. They also help children to write a letter to their parents if they miss them or if they are mad about something. Again, they take dictation, word for word.

Letter magnets on the fridge are fun. He'll ask you when he wants to know a letter. There are puzzles of trains and such that have a letter on each piece, so they can put them together in order. Just be sure that you help him so he doesn't get too frustrated and not want to do it anymore.

Hope this helps.
Laura

Hi L.,
I want to reassure you that from what you have written, I don't think there is any cause for concern. I have a background as a trained Montessori teacher for children ages 3-6. Montessori believed in a mixed age grouping of children, because at this age, development is very uneven. Some children will read at 4, others not until 8. Children are expected to learn academics at the preschool age that weren't taught until kindergarten and elementary school when I was a child (I'm almost 40). I also have a child with a vivid imagination. She is almost 4 and a half. She knows all her colors, some shapes, and part of her address. She still mostly scribbles when she draws. Ask anyone who knows her, and they will tell you that she is extremely bright. Children this age learn through play. I answer my child's questions, such as when she asks what a certain word starts with. We read books and play games that involve counting, read to her a lot, play outside a lot, talk about what we see, etc... We listen to a variety of music and dance together. She watches videos from educational shows such as Caillou. We follow what she is interested in doing and learning about. We take her to enriching places, such as a colonial village, art and science museums, the zoo, ect... Please don't buy into the pressure to force academics on your child and possibly destroy his love of learning. The lastest research shows that formal learning this young is actually harmful to children. It simply goes against how they naturally learn at this age. He sounds just fine to me!! Blessings, R.

He sounds perfectly normal to me. I have 3 kids. If you are concerned, ask his physician.

I have to agree that it sounds to me like he is doing great - I wouldn't worry at this point. :)

It's a sad state of affairs nowadays that we have to be concerned about a 4 year old's "academics"... I know I couldn't recognize letters, etc. til I was in kindergarten. Now we have to accelerate everything, so that they are expected to already be reading by the time they enter kindergarten! It's true the pace of the world has got faster, but why can't kids be kids without any pressure? Childhood is short enough as it is. Let him play and learn at his own pace.

My 2 cents. By the way, I have a 4 year old who also doesn't recognize all the letters, etc. But he enjoys being read to and also has started to "fill in the blanks" in the story (I don't say the word, and he does). He has a great imagination and vocabulary.

Enjoy your son's strengths and know that with time, the other stuff will come.

L. :)