Second Pregnancy

I could have written this myself only dif is I work full time, my son's 2 1/2 and I'm due 10/20. There are things I do that help. I spend a bit of time everyday doing something for me even if its a few minutes of my favorit tv show that I DVR'd. I also have an amazing support system and my spiritual family is incredible at helping me redirect and relax.

____@____.com

Email me if you need to vent or chat.

PS. what type of part time work do? I am looking for something so that I can be with my kids more.

Hi A.- I CAN RELATE 100%. I am also pregnant for the second time and I will be 11 weeks along tomorrow. I am due Oct 17th. The nausea is subsiding (of course the meds they gave me helped) but the fatigue and headaches are my problem. I get a headache every afternoon. I'm tired, I am forgetting things for my son to bring to school. He is 7 by the way and in first grade so we feel like we are starting over. Not to mention, we were TRYING to get pregnant and now I feel like a basket case half the time and a space cadet the rest of the time. I'm worryng about all the same things, finances, family dynamic changing, how my son is going to act/re-act when baby comes, miscarriage or something being wrong with the baby. I don't know if its that I turned 30 last year and that is in the back of my mind, but I feel a lot like you are explaining. Scared, nervous, happy, excited. I could scream, cry and laugh all at the same time. I feel like I was more sane the first time around when I was a spring chicken and had no idea what I was doing!!! At least we know what to do with the newborns this time when we bring them home...and what to expect...at least for the most part. Our kids made it this far so I guess we should just take into account that we will start feeling better soon and the rest will fall into place. We cannot let our fears get the best of us. If they do, we should speak with our doctors! I hope you are feeling better soon!!!

A., I can totally relate. Hang in there for another few weeks and your emotional state and exhaustion should improve somewhat. Your family dynamic IS going to change, but it's going to be wonderful! There are lots of resources about adding to your family - you can look for them at the library or a bookstore. My kids were too close in age to really prepare my son, but your daughter will need preparation for the addition. And so will you and your husband! I spent a lot of my first trimester feeling really sad about my relationship with my son - I was sure it would be damaged and we had made this terrible mistake by not being careful while he was so little (he was 6 months old when we found out we were pregnant with our daughter). When my daughter was born, we felt we were complete. And we still feel that way (she's 13 months and our son is 2).

So, hang in there a few more weeks - you'll get some energy back, you'll be feeling the baby move, springtime will be in full force, and you'll find your inner happiness again. :)

Hang in there, mama! In the meantime, taking Vitamin B REALLY helped with my fatigue when I was pregnant with number two, chasing a two year old around, and relocating across the country!

Oh my goodness, you are SO not alone! I'm at 35 weeks with my second pregnancy, and am freking out. I feel so unprepared in every way--mentally, physically, nothing's ready in my messy house. Even though I know this baby is a blessing and will be loved, I'm worried about how the family dynamic will change. Some days I wonder what I was thinking--I had such a hard adjustment with one child, how the heck am I going to handle 2?!?! And I know a sibling will be the best thing for my son, yet I still feel guilty and sorry for him when I look at him, and I sometimes grieve the fact that it will never again be just the two of us. Add in the fact that I myself am a second child, and wow, I realize now that I was this same child to my mom!!! And she tells me she felt the same way.

And then there's the physical side. I'm exhausted, I also wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep (that's if I haven't already been woken up by having to pee 8 times, or by a toddler who cries out for me). I get more back pain--I can't imagine having the energy to physically HAVE the baby when the day comes. I feel crankier, and less appreciative of all the changes.

That said, I am lucky to have friends who have recently gone through this and come out the other side. Not one of them says they love the second child any less--and they all say that it works out, and you DO still get alone time with the first child, because babies sleep a lot. Think about it--do you know anyone who has two kids, and says they regret having the second one? I don't. I also discussed some of these feelings with my midwife when she asked how I was feeling one day. I thought she was going to refer me for counseling, or tell me I was terrible for thinking that way. Instead, she said these are all normal feelings for second time moms.

Good luck. Hope I didn't rant--just wanted you to know it's all normal, and everything will be alright. Easy for me to say, but try to enjoy this time as much as you can, because the second pregnancy really does go much faster!

A.,

Thanks for the intro to #2 - if we ever get there, I'll know what to expect! Wonder if DH will survive should we be blessed again.

Good luck and congratulations!
M.

I can completely relate. My son will be 20 months in a few days and I am 19 weeks along with number 2, they will be almost exactly 2 years apart in age. I work full time, in business, so with the economy in such a slump everything seems so much more difficult and unsure-and it has sure spilled over into my family and personal life.
I have fully accepted the fact the every pregnancy is different. I have been so much sicker this time, My belly is bigger and even though I have gained alot less weight I feel heavier and more limited than I did with the first. It is for me the feeling of being physicially limited that has gotten me so down. I expected to be moving slower and uncomfortable after June (I am due mid august) but I never expected to feel this pregnant so early. Running after my son and picking up his toys and just keeping up with his energy has been tough. We never had to do any of those things last time. And my work responsibilities have not gotten any lighter than they were when I was pregnant last time!!
To cope I keep reminding myself that it is a short period of time. We know the joys (and the work) that come at the end, so I am trying to focus on that. And I am trying to be sweet to myself. Limiting stress has been challenging, because I have already cut out so much of the "nonessential" workload. But I try to stay organized so that things don't pile up at work or home. Lean on your husband a little more, or if he is not naturally picking up the slack, talk to him. Maybe give him some specific things or tasks that he could do to help you decompress, like being responsible for cooking dinner for the next couple of months--or whatever that trigger is for you. Get him to rub your back or your feet, or if its in the budget go treat yourself to a day at the spa.
I had trouble sleeping at first too, but I discovered that it was all related to stress. I was up worrying about money and things I hadn't finished at work, and warm milk just didn't help that. I also found that I stressed about not sleeping, but I tried to accept it as a fluke. The less you worry about it the faster it will get better. I have found that a warm bath before bed helps me relax and sleep better.
It will all get better. This too shall pass.
Good Luck!

I can totally relate. My oldest is 5 and my second is just two months old. While pregnant with the second I was working full time and just getting used to being married (not even a year yet). I was worried I would be taking so much away from my 5 yr old and that he would feel he was loved less...all those thoughts that you know just aren't true but you think anyways. And they make you feel miserable. With the new marriage, the 5 yr old and working full time I was defintely exhausted. I did the same thing. Went to bed when the 5 yr old went down but still had tons of trouble sleeping at night. BTW- my pregnancies were totally different. No problems with first and then like you, nasuea, fatigue and other issues with second. Had I had this last pregnancy the first time around I would have never had more than one child. Hang in there. You are not alone. Your 4 yr old will adapt. You have had 4 yrs of showing love and attention and though there might be some adjustment time she will know she is loved no matter what. Finances will work out. You all will be okay.

Hi A.,

I am a doula and a childbirth educator. Every experience is new and different from the time before. You body chemistry is different this time around, you now know more of what to expect and what the second child is going to bring as to you as far as time, caring for a baby, etc. Add the extra of having one at home, it is a lot. You are probably more anxious because at some level you are aware of how much more your going to be doing, etc. Trying to balance it all and still maintain a relationship with your first child, your husband and most importantly, yourself is not easy and does cause anxiety. Try to do things that will help keep you balanced - taking time for yourself - staying in the present moment and not going beyond this moment may help. Trust that you will know what you need and how to care for all. Women are truly amazing and can do whatever they put their minds to. Be patient, enjoy what is in your life at the present time and try not to worry too much about the next day, or even the next hour. Take it as it comes so you can savor every moment of this experience. I am also a Reiki practitioner and I work with women prenatally and post-partum. Keeping your energy system balanced helps. If you want more suggestions or need to chat about any of this, feel free to contact me - ____@____.com - website is adkbirths.com. Good luck and let me know if I can help.

I can totally relate with you. When I was pregnant with my second I was afraid I wouldn't have enough time for 2 children, and that my first would feel left out. Miscarriage wasn't an issue then, but with my 3rd and 4th it was. It's amazing how it all works, and everything just falls into place. As for resting, thinking of it more in terms of just sitting down and relaxing more often, rather then trying to sleep more. It might help make a difference. Or try to catch a 15 minute nap every now and then.

Hi! I am pregnant for the 4th time and this pregnancy has been hard so far too. I know about the fear and worry that you described. I may have a different background though. My 1st daughter was born 2/2001 the second 7/2006 and I miscarried in 7/2007. I also have a thyroid problem (treated NOW and under control) and am 35yo. I was told from the beginning why I was high risk not that this can work. I am due July, 25th.

Let me get back to you. If you are 10 weeks your miscarriage "chances" are going down.

The family dynamic will change but you will set the tone. If when you bring baby home and you won't let the 4yo help, touch or do anything with baby or you while you are caring for baby then things can go bad. BUT If you encourage the 4yo to hold (supervised), love, help, care for baby then she will be better off. Some children go through the jealous thing but lots of love and attention from you and Dad will get her through. You encourage love and the children will still fight but love each other at the end of the fight.

Finances: I worry too! We are a 1 income family soon to have 3 children! OUCH to the family budget! We make do! You will too! We have had to not do some things we wanted such as kitchen remodel, multiple vacations and eating out often but it's fine. Our kitchen is UGLY! but works, we go on 1 nice vacation every year and eat out once in a while. we have found ways to "eat out in" too. For instance: Walmart sells great premade (fresh made too) pizza. At $7 we buy that, a bottle of soda and have fresh hot pizza at home! We are in a finacial crisis in America but that baby will be loved and cared for anyway! He/she will add so much to the family and you will find a way finacially to give your family what they need. I have found what I thought I need is not what I really need.

Finally the exhaustion. It is pregnancy! Talk to your doctor and get checked for anemia and take your prenatal and if all is fine then you will learn how to deal with it. I can't give you hope that it will go away. For me it hasn't but for some it has. Each body is different but think of the beautiful baby you will hold and it makes it easier to handle!

Adding another baby to your family is a blessing sent from God! That baby will bring sleepless night and worry but will also bring joy, love, happyness, and laughter. seeing your 2 children interact will annoy (when they fight) you and thrill you when you find them curled together playing nicely. Love is multiplied when someone new comes into a family. IT never divides. Your time will divide, your budget for kids stuff will divide, a room may divide but LOVE MULTIPLIES!!!!

I don't know if this will help at all. If you still feel super stressed maybe a counselor would be helpful but take it from someone who knows! YOU CAN DO THIS!!! A.

I went through my second pregnancy last year and my baby was born 10/16. You're not a mess. I went through the same thing. You're far more tired now because you have to chase after your first child while managing your day-to-day tasks. During the first pregnancy, you had time to rest and plan for one kid. Now your mind is reeling with all you have to do to plan for 2 kids. Plus, all the 'glamour' of the first pregnancy has worn off; it's all 'been there' and 'done that'. Now, it's just work. Remember when you had your first child and you wondered how the heck you were going to manage one infant? This is the same fear and anxiety and just like you were able to overcome your fears then, you will overcome your fears now. Give it time. I didn't think I would do it but somehow, I survived and now I'm taking care of my toddler daughter and my 5.5 month old son. You can do it! Good luck!

Congrats on baby # two!!! Woo-hoo!!!! Happy parenting!!! I really thought I'd be just fine with becoming the mother of two, but during my pregnancy, I still had the same motherly concerns as I did with my first pregnancy. It's just natural, really. I did not think that I would be overwhelmed with having two children, because I did so much babysitting for 25 years, that I figured I'd be just fine and actually, I was just fine, but very soon after the birth of my second son, I had a disturbing dream one night while I was sleeping. In the dream, I was on the roof of my home..... I was sitting there, straddling the rooftop..... during a blinding, pelting rain storm..... & in a flood, with high waters all around me. With my two year old's hand in mine, on my left.... as he dangled down the side of the one side of the roof.... and then my 2 month old's hand in my right hand, as he too dangled the other side of the roof! I didn't have the strength to pull them both up to me for safety, and I was so afraid that I didn't have a good enough grip on them & I had no idea of what to do! Kind of like; "Sophie's Choice"! Plus... my loving, dependable husband was no where to be seen! I looked down at my two year old and asked him; "If I let go of you to pull your brother up to me, can you swim, Honey?!" His answer was "Shooah, Momma, I can do dat!" but luckily, I woke up before having to really make any decisions on how to handle the situation!!! (Whew!!!) Yes, even though I thought I wasn't..... I WAS subconsciously a bit overwhelmed with becoming the mother of two! :D It has all worked out beautifully, and luckily, no rooftop senarios at all (thank goodness!), so I'm sure you will do just fine. Best of luck with your pregnancy & delivery. Keep an open mind, laugh often with your children, read to them often, and enjoy all of it because it really does go by so very fast. Mine are 17 & 19 now. I do miss those wonderfully fun baby days. Good luck to you & Congratulations!
D. N. xo

I am the same way. I am 7.5 weeks into baby #2 and I am a wreck. This pregnancy is so different from my last..last time I was sick from conception on and this time I don't have any nausea so I am constantly worried about miscarrying. I am tired and restless at the same time. I want to sleep all day ( but can't because I have an almost 2 year old) but then I am up all night tossing and worrying about insurance for my prenatal care, miscarrage, how I am going to handle two ect. Funny thing is that I have never been much of a worrier so all this stress and insecurity is new to me.
Well, I just want you to know your not alone. I am hoping the worrying and freting let up as the pregnancy progresses.
I wish you all the best!

Hi A..
I can totally relate to you. I wanted a second child, but when I got pregnant...and sick...and was tired and my husband was working a lot at the time, I was totally beside myself. I felt like this thing in me was some imposter and would spoil my relationship with my son...weird, isn't it...how someone could feel those things. Actually, for me it wasn't until I had an ultrasound and actually saw the baby in there that I had some positive feeling about it. But even after that, I just couldn't imagine loving anyone like I loved my first. He was my whole world, my little buddy.
We did read some books to him about preparing for the baby. When my second son was born...I did cry the first time I saw my first. All of a sudden my "baby" was this gigantic almost 3 year old. He wasn't a baby at all, he was a big boy...so yeah I did cry that once. ;) AND it was a huge adjustment in the beginning, but we all did great. I of course ADORED my little one and enjoyed him (in the little stage) so much more than I did my first, I guess cause I already had some practice.
Anyway, all this to say that I think it's normal that you feel preoccupied and "a mess". I don't know what to say about your sleeping...but hopefully as your nerves calm down through the pregnancy, your sleeping will get better.

Hope that helped some. Oh, and of course after all my worrying, OF COURSE I am in love with both my kids...they are absolutely the BEST of friends...most days. ha. I can't imagine our life without both of them. It's such an amazing process. Hang in there. everything will be fine.

Hi A.
congrats on the lovely family!!
Now I don't know what you have been reading or where you are getting it from but it is not from mom's in my opinion. Tell me why you would be less upset. You know more and maybe that would help, but maybe now you know more just by being less naive. Is that possible?
You know how much it costs to care for the first so now you wonder about adding another. It is perfectly normal to have questions, and think about these things. If you had an easy delivery, you still know others who did not. You have more to do, and wonder how it is all going to get done. I does!
I can tell you that just as you fit your daughter into your heart and lives, the new baby will fit into your heart and lives just as easily and lovingly. That is God's plan!!!
Try to remember that God has a plan and it is a plan for good to those who trust in Him.
Let me tell you when I found out I was pg with twins at age 39 when my boys were 18 & 13, it was the best of all the options but I wondered what was our life going to be like. Finances, aging, and the whole thing. Talk about exhaustion, we were moving, into the house we built across the road. I thought it would be our easiest move. Well, I would bring a carload up to the new house. Sit on the couch, fall asleep, my mom who was 70 would unload the car, put all away, wake me see if we were going to bring another car load up. I continued like that all day. Not knowing I was pg, mom was very concerned. I ended up at the MD the next week. Yup, we found out together about our girls. Long story for another day. Today, it was the best thing that could have happened.
God bless you and your family
K. SAHM married 38 years--- adult children 37, coach; 33, lawyer, married with 8 mo son; and the twins are 18 and after homeschooling them they are now both in college, one journalism 3.8 GPA, and one in fine arts 3.7 GPA. They are all great adults, and I am so thankful for each of them and the time I had to spend with them.

My anxiety got worse with each pregnancy. I think it was because I knew what was on the line and what a miracle each baby is. I also knew several people with a range of issues with their pregnancies and children. The only thing that got me through was acceptance that there is only so much control that I have over the situation. And the best thing I could do for myself and my baby was to take a breath and be calm. Rely on the support around you. And protect yourself from self-talk and other behaviors that you notice increase your anxiety (like for me it was watching the news). Best of luck to you and your family.