Second Marraiges and Children

Her father needs to be the disciplinarian, not you. You need to stay out of the situation as much as possible and let her father intervene. She should also be getting time alone with her dad away from the house. This child also should not HAVE to play with you daughter

Hi Jeanine...
Oh boy. You have your hands full, huh?
OK. Here goes.
I am going to assume that there is ONLY ONE step-child on your spouses side. It reads that way. AND it seems that there is one child by you. Is that correct?
Did this behavior begin before or after you married her dad? Does dad have a good relationship with his EX?
Is she at his folks home often and, if so, do they resent you?
I find it very likely that this child is quite jealous. You see, you and your 8 year old are a package deal. By that I mean that you BOTH are in the live-in picture and this terrifies most kids.
My daughter went out of her way at age 10 to try and dislike my husband-to-be. He has older kids but she tried to be disruptive and turn the guilt screws, THAT'S for sure!
STOP BUYING IN TWO'S. Unless you are a twin, LIFE DOES NOT COME IN TWO'S.
If the 10 year old CHOOSES not to get along with the 8 year old, then there needs to be a consequence and you MUST stick to it. Take a favorite toy or game or movie... something away from her.In turn, if the 8 year old is at fault, make it consequential as well.
Go to anaquarium together and let them stroll a bit in front of you. It's amazing how kids gravitate toward each other at the zoo and aquarium.
Name-calling is not allowed!She must have that etched in her brain as this will carry into life lessons for the future.
Let her dad and she have special alone outings.... 1 to 2 hours for breakfast or something and you do the same but at different places.
10 year old girls are starting to think of boys. Let her get engaged in a conversation about boys and she will start to share herself with you AND your daughter.
Last but not least... get a BETH. My daughter had a social worker named BETH in Wantagh, NY and she was/is a lifesaver.
Someone objective.
Do not let them run the house and for goodness sake, DO NOT ALLOW THE CHILDREN TO MAKE THE RULES. You are in charge. This likely will work out. You MUST support each other without them hearing you.
All the best and please let me know what happens.
God speed.

Being a stepmother is not an easy task and you are handling the best way you can. However, your stepdaughter is trying to test you and your husband, and if you let her, she will walk all over both of you. I know you love her and you are just trying to make her feel welcome. Well stop trying! You and your husband need to sit and talk about setting rules in your house. And you should consider time out or some ohter kind of punishment for her bad behavior. She needs to understand that bad behavior is not excepted in your house and your husband should be the one reinforcing it. My stepdaughter started missbehaving in our house, lying, hitting her grandmother, and so on. She knew we did everything for her and more we gave her or did for her, the more she lied and misbehaved. It got so bad that we had to stop visitations. Also, her mother influenced her and told what to do and how to act when she was around us. I am not saying that is your case but you may cinsider it also. Just give your stepdaughter some discipline. You can also use one of those rewards charts that rewards you for good behavior. I hope this helps.
I wish you all the best!
J.

Jeanine,

Has your husband spoken with her? I am a mother of 2. My oldest is a daughter froma previous marriage and our youngest is the product of my second marriage. When we first came together my daughter visited with her father just about 3-4 days a week until she started school. When she would come home we had a terrible time with getting her to do what she was told to do. Her father, would have to sit her down and talk with her about her inappropriateness in certain situations. We thought we tried everything and then she started up again when the second child came along. So my current husband and I sat down with her. Since she was technically "my daughter," I sat her down to see what was going on. She informed me that she felt as though she was not loved as much and wanted some alone time with me. So every week I definitely make it a point to do something with just her.

Good luck, and don't give up. It will get better.

S. D.

Have you tried taking your older daughter (and perhaps your younger daughter as well) to counseling? It sounds like she may have some lingering resentment/jealousy issues that should be addressed. I would suggest you intervene sooner than later, as your younger daughter is being victimized. As someone from a mixed (dysfunctional!) family, I can relate to both of their daughter's plights. It is your job as the parent to intercede and get your children the help they need!

IMO you need to have your husband set down some rules for his daughter and go from there. I do not think that you need to be a part of the discipline since you and her father are just recently married. Now, that doesn't mean you allow her to walk all over you but you are not her mother and right now I'm sure she is trying to adjust and is having some jealousy problems, which are VERY normal for kids.
Her dad has a new wife and a new stepdaughter that he gets to see EVERY single day as to he only gets to see your stepdaughter on the weekends.
I have no doubt that she is very jealous that there is another little girl in the picture that gets her daddy's attention all the time, every single day and she doesn't.

I am from a big mised family, some biological and some step. I was in college when we became an even bigger family so I myself didn't have any issues but it was a big adjustment for the youngest 2. What worked for us was doing little things to make them feel special. In your case where your step daughter has resentment/jealousy issues I would say two do 2 things. First, I would get her a little something from your 8 yr old. Like a peace offering to show her that she is important. Second I would have your husband start some special ritual with her, it could be as simple as going to the deli to get egg sandwiches for everyone on Sunday or something.

With all that said she is old enough to understand her behavior and if she is unwilling to be nice maybe she has feelings that she just can't figure out how to deal with. Have you spoken to the counselors at school and/or her mother. Maybe help from a 3rd party can help.

I have to agree with the mom who said to only reward good behavior. While she is just a child who is probably trying to deal with her parents divorce, you have to do things to move the progress along. If alone time and all these special things haven't worked yet, then something else needs to be done. She can't keep being given the special time and extras and then still be mean.

I am a child of divorce as well though I am now in my 30's so I know what I am talking about too. I also see how my nephew is since his parents' divorce. He just turned 12 and let me tell you, he has such issue with his mom for the divorce that she can't do anything right. Her boyfriend can't and neither can his own brother. He is just downright mean and hopefully she is going to start taking him to counseling because it is mostly directed at my SIL. He's fine with his dad and his girlfriend. My nephew says all these things about his mom and her boyfriend, things that we were there for so I saw for myself they weren't true. His perception is just very hazy right now and is beyond any of our help I'm afraid. I really think counseling is the way to go at this point.

Hi Jeanine

It sounds like your sept daughter is fighting for a place in your family the only way she knows how. By fighting for attention. She resents daddy's new family and is looking for a way to get his attention. Bring your husband into this. He has to help her make sure she knows that he still loves her and that she is just as much his daughter as the "new" one. Remember YOUR daughter is now getting all the attention that used to go to her. This is very delicate because she will grow up resenting her father and you if she in not made to feel wanted and loved. This will take some time and patience but with everybody working towards the same goal it should be fine.
G. L.

The sept daughetr is jealous of your daughter because she does not get to live with her dad full time like your daughter does. I am also married to a man that had children prior to my and the daughter is aweful to my daughter. IT's been 16 yrs. and it is not any better. My advise is to your husband to spend quality time with just his daughter to make her understand that he is NOT replacing her with his new family that she is just as important as the his new daughter and just as special. Hope that works. Good luck.
Oh and let your daughter know the situation on how the old daughter may feel make your daughter know it is NOTHING to do with her so she doesnt feel sad. That is very important. This is the oldest daughters issue with her dad not your daughters issue. Good luck
S.

hi. this is so tough, i am so sorry you are going through it. it hasnt happened to me, but my mom took in my dad's youngest son from his first marraige when he (my older half-bro) was 11, and i wasnt even born, so here are her insights:
kids who are in broken homes, transitioning family arrangements, etc need to feel like they arent free floating, so they push more buttons to get you to push back and prove that you are there to make sure chaos doesnt riegn, that there is caring control of their lives, that they will be taken care of. as a result, the best thing to do might be to "change the dance" as my mom says: instead of doing more of the same switch it up: have a family sit down - BRIEF - which you and your husband prep for (and ideally have his ex wife in on it so she can support what you guys are laying down); tell both girls that you four are a family, and here are the rules of this family - we all have to abide by them. you can tell your step daughter that you dont want to be her mom, or even another mom if she doesnt want that, but you are a grown up in her life who cares about her (maybe let her make up a title for you when things cool down, which is a nice way to give her come control over the situation, which she has no control over) - and you and her father (and, ideally, her own mom) have ALL talked and agreed that these are the rules in the family. maybe you could make some non-negotiables (no name-calling, etc) and giev the girls each time during the little meeting to make one family rule that everyone else can agree on to add to the list.

the ideas here are: giving her a sense of safety in the "tough love way", firmness in a gentle voice; and giving both girls equal responsability and also agency/power as a member of the family.

good luck, i hope some of the advise you get (mine or otherwise) can help with this - but remember most of all, if you remain consistant and clear with your values as a mom this will all pass, and soon!

Jeanine,

AHAHAHHA!!

Don't wanna scare you but this is pretty normal behavior of siblings,

Which is a GOOD sign,

Friends seem to get along better.than sisters in the earlier years. this was the case with my sister and I. Noe we are best friends.

Its also very normal behavior of a young girl reaching for puberty, my son 11 years old, is driving me crazy, and he is constantly yelling at his brothers. He loses his temper, and doesn't know why. School troubles, Friends calling, wants to be a baby but still wants his independence.

I suggest that you make them join a sport or activity, so that the time they spend is fun time together,
try and do this on a weekend that ISN"T supposed to be DADDY time.

The YMCA is a great place, enroll them in swimming,
PAY FOR BOTH girls to have a membership,
and you could even alternate with your step daughters MOM
letting her drive the girls everyother weekend ( of course this can be discussed prior)

Make sure she spends time with her DADDY with out you and her new sister.

And speak to her mom , I am sure she is dealing with much worse at home, Angry frustrated kids are alot of work,

Incase you and her mom don't get along, Perhaps on the weekends you have her daughter you guys could give her some extra money to get her nails and toes done,

While your at it, you and YOUR little girls could also do this together,

Being trapped in the same house in the middle of winter is hard for kids, they needs something to keep em occupied.

So as frustrating as it may be this is NORMAL for her age.

Wait until PMS hits, then the real trouble starts.LOL

M

Edit:

I just read the others comments and i have to say i disagree
She is OLDER and needs some privlidges diffrent from that of our daughter 8 is still pretty immature,

Also I don't think this is her way of acting OUT because its directed at your daughter and NOT you,
If it was about YOU or her father she would do more mischeivious things and act OUT, sibling rivalry is normal

Name calling is completely normal,
and a whining 8 year old is also normal
PLUS they have both been ONLY CHILDREN for the last few years
And are both used to getting there own way, and not used to having to share personal space and things LONG TERM<

Its diffrent during playdates as its temporary,
Its good that you uy them everything the same, BUT at 10 she wants to pick out her own stuff, and go over friends houses, and have cellphones ect..
IT doesn't mean she gets it, but thats what they want.

My son is 9 years older than his brothers, and they still fight, jealousy, ect.. They are Half brothers but as far as he knows they are full brothers and they love eachother

Your doing everything right, they just need a more structured routine established, the best plan is to enroll them into something Cheerleading, where they have something incommon to WHISPER about, some thing that keeps them busy,
You can't expect them to act like adults cause they are children, the diffrence,
Friends go home, sisters don't
Giving her space is a great idea, but she also needs lots of attention, especially from dad.
So maybe you could plan a special weekend every other month for her and her father- you guys excluded, and dring that time you can have MOMMY and ME time with your little girl, which i would bet is something she really misses aswell.

Good luck,

M

I don't see anything in your post about any consequences for your bonus daughter for when she pulls this. Are there any? From what you posted, this girl is being rewarded for being nasty to her bonus sister. (Bonus is the term we use in our blended family). To help you come up with ideas (aside from ensuring that she gets one-on-one time with her dad - which is VERY necessary), what would you do if the 8 yo was being that nasty with the 10 yo?

It is perfectly all right to exact consequences for crappy behavior - make sure you have dh's back up as well.

Usually, when my bonus daughter acts up, we say something to her. Something like "In our family, we speak respectfully and kindly to each other. When you are ready to do so, you may have your [gameboy, ipod, cell phone....] back." (She's 14)

In a blended marriage it is very important that all of the children not only understand that the spouse comes first (aside from baby needs, but that holds in non-blended families as well), and that ALL of the children will be held to the FAMILY standard of behavior.

Good luck!!!

J.
Family blended on 2/17/07, newest addition arrived 1/29/08

Honestly it sounds like you are rewarding this behavior. Try discipline. There needs to be serious consequences. The bottom line is that you don't allow disrespect in your house. If she acts disrespectfully to you, your husband or your daughter she looses toys, playdates and special times. I understand there is pressure for you to please her but again, bottom line, you are the adults and it is your home.

Jeanine, I am sorry that you are in a hard spot. It seems that your husband needs to realize that you and your daughters (8 yr old)feelings need to come first. I personally would call her mother when she acts up and tell her to come and get her.it sounds like your husband needs to get over his guilt and start respecting your feelings more and not let the 10 yr old run YOUR house. you can try contacting dr phil or supernanny as well. hope this helps. A.

Hi,
First of all, take a deep breath and don't feel like it is something you and your husband are necessarily doing wrong. Then, you and your husband should gather up every ounce of strength you have to stay calm and have a conversation your 10 year old.
At that age, they actually have a great deal of insight into what is going on, so I think a lot of the answers can come from her. Maybe she is jealous and worried that your daughter is taking her place. Maybe she has never had limits set for her. But it would be really interesting to see what she says when you start off with something like
"We've noticed that your relationship with (the 8 year old) seems kind of rocky. What can we all do to get the situation on track?" Now I'm sure she'll probably get defensive, but try to listen to what is underneath rather than get mad. Do more listening than talking in this first step.
If this child hasn't had a sibling before, there will be a time when she learns about how to deal with sibling rivalry, sharing (stuff as well as love and attention)and I am sure, a whole bunch of other tough lessons that are more easily learned when you are a toddler.
She may be really mad at you and her dad, so if that is the case, getting that out will clear the air and give you and your husband a chance to deal with it.
After she has a chance to let you know what is on her mind, then the next step is to let her know that she is loved, and that part of your job as parents are to teach her about limits. You can then clearly state what your expectations are - of course be sure you and your husband have discussed them ahead of time! One might be that if she runs into a situation with your 8 year old that she can't solve, she should ask for help, rather than try to handle it herself. No name calling might be another. Be consistent and strict about making sure that she sticks to the rules at first - there will be room for flexibility later. One thing we've stressed in our family is that while we know that the kids will have their differences, we expect them to respect each other. They can be angry, but they need to express their anger in a way that it will promote change rather than tear things apart. Hope this helps.

Hi Jeanie, I too remarried with children and I'm here to tell you it's not easy,but with love, patience and time it can work....I would first off stop giving your step-daughter more privalges than your bio daughter....That tells her right away that her plan is working..And it doesn't send a good message to your bio daughter either....Most step children are acting out because they didn't want their parent to get married to someone else and they figure if they make life miserable enough then it will end the marriage....I had a step-daughter that screamed every day until her father got home....We had full custody and I took her to counseling every week.....Has her father sat her down and talked to her?...Is her mother telling her to act out when she goes to your house?...Have you thought about counseling?...It sounds to me like that would be a good idea....And there are a lot of great books about step-parenting....Good luck...

If I were you I would start TAKING away her privileges and toys until she acts her age. Giving her stuff and showing her special attention is like rewarding her for her bad behavior. I could see if you were getting the desired results then it would be different, but you are not and she feels it's completely fine to keep doing what she is doing. I wonder how she would feel if her father or mother treated her the way she is treating your daughter? Maybe you should let her talk to a psychologist once a week or so. My son did and it's nothing to be ashamed of. These children from broken homes (my son included) are very stressed out, she's just dealing with it in the wrong way.

I hope things get better for you soon.

R.

p.s. My son's school has a special program for children whose parents are divorced, it's called The Splits. They meet with the counselor once a week there as a group to just chill out and discuss any issues they may be facing. You should call her school and see if they have something like that there.

I wonder whether giving her more privileges is also giving her the wrong message--that she is a privileged character who can treat others how she wants. Clearly she is having adjustment issues to the new living arrangements and needs support with that. Does she have friends in the same situation, ie, divorced and remarried? She probably needs someone/where that she can get some emotional relief from the stress of it--she arrives OK and then decompensates.

My observation is that she needs some structure to set limits but also to give her space to deal with her feelings. What I mean is, set clear limits on how she is allowed to speak to her little sister (no yelling, belittling, teasing, or any other mean behavior)with clear consequences if she follows the rules (a special new outfit, toy)and if she doesn't (no TV, talking on the phone, cancelled playdates). You also MUST model the correct behavior: you must play with your little sister for 10 minutes without any fights or meanness, and then you can stop if you want by saying, "excuse me, I need to speak to Mom/Dad now," and then come to one of us to help end the session. If you can do this for the next month, we will go to the circus/movies/out to dinner at your favorite place. You might also figure out one thing that they enjoy doing, have them do it together and limit the time again to about 10 minutes. You can begin to increase the time when they are successful, but she needs to know she can stop if she feels she is getting frustrated. The idea is to give it a clear structure with clear expectations and outcomes. Keep it simple and clear, but she needs to know that she is loved and therefore expected to behave nicely for her own benefit.

Along those lines, my son was exposed to his depressed cousin at a young age who did similar things to him and to this day he is sensitive to other children "not liking him," and is very tentative about approaching other kids if they are in a group (he expresses fear of being unliked or they won't want to play with him, left out). At the time these things were happening I would tell him that his cousin acts mean some-times because he is feeling sad about something, not because he is a mean kid. That left room for their now friendship. So I agree that you need to take care of this ASAP.

i think at 10, she is old enough to know her actions are wrong. have you (actually her dad should be the one) sat her down and explained that behavior towards ANYONE is unacceptable. if she doesnt want to bond with your daughter, thats fine, but she cannot be mean to her. i am sure their may be guilt on daddys part, and the hope that the few days with you both are happy ones, but your daughter shouldnt pay the price in her own home. it sounds like you have tried everything to make her feel included, but if nothing has helped, it may be time to take away these priviledges when she acts out. it might be thought that the more she acts out, the more she is rewarded. a year is a long time for your daughter.
this is all assuming her mother has never made ill comments towards you or your daughter. good luck

I have had the issue of step children and i have a 10 year old right now myself so i know the mental state of the child. you are handling everything very well from what it sounds like to me in fact almost being too nice but i understand completely why you extend a little extra to her. my only suggestion would be when she arrives next weekend - sit her down with her father and your daughter and explain how her actions make your daughter feel and disrupt the family. Establish rules for behavior tell her they are the rules for YOUR house and everyone has to abide by them even get her input so she doesn't feel like you are dictating to her. and stick to them. Don't waver! and good luck

Hi Jeanine,
The older one is jealous. She needs special time alone with daddy. He could have a special time alone with your daughter during the week where she won't feel left out.
Pray for her. L.

Try to go out with your daughter when she is around and let her father spend quality time with her. I have a 12 year old step-daughter and we are now divorcing after 5 years. We had her and her brother then added two more. The stress and pressure on our marriage - (we have them FULL TIME) and my husband just not participating as much as he should with them - led us down a road we never thought would come. We do love each other but it just won't work - it's like it's her or me. If I were you I would make plans with your daughter for you to do things and let your husband have plans with his daughter - then I think she will be happier to share him. Hope things get better - and keep your head up

Maybe she needs alone time with JUST her dad. It was all I wanted at that age when my folks divorced. My fathers wife always seemed to be horning in all the time. Maybe you should back off trying to be a step parent and MAKE him parent on his own. My step mothers busy body activity is why I don't speak to my father anymore. Fathers have a difficult time being alone with their children as it is, not all, but most. Perhaps this was even a force that broke the marriage up? Make him take his daughter out and bond ALONE with her. She is most likely feeling neglected. I know I did. If HE doesn't fix it, she might do the same to him that I've done to my fahter and just pretend he's dead, because if he can't give her some much needed INDIVIDUAL attention, he might as well be.
I know that all sounds harsh, but too many times I've witnessed well meaning step parents that can't seem to see when it's time to back off and let the parent do the parenting. Consistantly, I would suggest that he make time JUST FOR HIS DAUGHTER AND NO ONE ELSE IN THE FAMILY so they can mend. She is, afterall, just a child. It's easy for you to process this but not her. Give her a vacation from the "family" stuff, make Dad step up and COMMUNICATE with HIS daughter.
By the way, all the BS about punishing her is just that, BS. Punishment is for children that KNOW what they are doing. A child that age needs to be REDIRECTED, not punished. Redirection shows the child another option. Punishment shows them they are bad. Children are not bad, parents just respond badly to behavior they don't like or understand. Tell your husband to step up and take more responsibility for his child. It's his child afterall, not yours. I commend you for wanting to be a positive force in your step daughter's life, but come on, why are you asking for help and not him???? Typical man syndrome? Punish your husband for his bad behavior.

Well, it is hard to say what would cause this. I would suggest you really try to see her life through her eyes. Not what you think she should feel about her situation. Is her other home harmonious.Is this her personality. Does she have other social issues. Does she have a warm open relationship with anyone or is she always guarded. Does she feel obligated to be somewhere she does not want to be even though you have done everything to welcome her. It could be a lot of pressure trying to please everyone and not knowing how and her coping skills are to be irritable and on the offense. Has anyone really asked her opinion about her situation. There is one thing to have privileges but does she have freedoms, even children have to feel that they have some control over their lives.

It must be very frustrating for you best of luck

My heart goes out to you. Being the product of divorce whose Dad went on to have a second family I can tell you that your step daughter is angry. (you probably knew that). Without knowing what her mom is doing to help or hurt the situation, I can only suggest that you start with a family meeting and address openly and honestly what your goals and hopes are for your new extended family. This girl has been replaced in her father's life. It is a terrible feeling. You may need to seek some help, but please, be very careful; not all counselors are good ones.
I truly believe that your best course of action is honest discussion with this child. It will take some time, don't give up.
Good luck

OUCH! First of all she has to know she is acting inappropriately. I would venture a guess ,(being a mom/stepmom in the center of a blended family of 7 girls), that the 10 yr old is jealous beyond what you can imagine. Your 8 yr old has her daddy 7 days a week and thats ticking her off. My husband's adopted my 14 yr old after our marraige 2 yrs ago. His 10 yr old was jealous prior but worse after the adoption.
Your husband needs to sit her down with the 10 yr old alone and let her know how much he loves her and let her know there is not a competion for his affection, that he has enough to go around. It is also his responsibility to let her know this behavior will not be tolerated AT ALL. Make consequences for her actions and consistently follow through. Right actions should be rewarded with alone time with her dad. We have had good success with this. Another option is to seek counselling for her, with her and dad, or as a family. It is very hard for little girls to share their daddy's . My 14 yr old still has occasional issues thinking my husband favors his younger two because they get away with more in her eyes. It is an ongoing issue until they are grown. My 19 yr old is still jealous of the 14 yr old . Once you have some success have Dad tell her how proud he is of her actions. And when things start to crop up now and again, nip it in the bud before it gets out of control. We find that if the girls misbehave and we sit them down and talk to them they usually have some issue that is easily resolved. If we ignore it , it tends to get out of hand again. Good luck . It does get better. Hang in there.

Like stated by an earlier post I believe your step daughter may be resentful and or jealous of your younger daughter who get to spend more time with her dad than she does. She may feel that she has been replaced by the younger sibling. It is important for the step daughter to have some one on one time with her father. I know one year seems like a long time for the adjustment phase to last but rushing it in my opinion would only make things worst. Also you must remember she only comes on the weekend so in her time of visiting it has really been a whole year. However you must address the step daughter negative behavior towards your daughter, has her dad tried speaking to her? Or do you deal with all the problems? Have you both tried talking to her about her feelings? As an earlier reponse noted set limits and guildelines, people who remarry and have kids tend to have difficultly setting limits due to feelings of guilt on the other hand some go over board. I see nothing wrong with giving her a little more privaligies than the younger child seeing that she is older. Also I wonder how many of the actions she is doing is typical silibing behavior towards on another and my be read as more serious due the current family arrangement. I believe the next step may be family counseling. May people shy away from this but I think when dealing with blending of families this works well. Sometimes we remarry and think things will just come together smoothly for our kids and in reality it rarly happens like that. Having an objective person to speak to can help everyone deal with the transition. I know your step daughter has been identified as the problem but her behavior seems to be the symptom of a larger issue/problem.

Dear Jeanine, Blended families can have even more challenges than other families have to face. I listen to Dr. Laura on the radio a lot, she can have a very conservative opinion and even come off as offensive at times, but if you hear her out with an open mind she can make a lot of sense (this coming from a Democrat). She speaks about second marriages and blended families often. I believe that Dr. Laura's advise, and mine also, would be to have your step daughter spend as much time as possible alone, with her father, your husband. Chances are that your step daughter is jealous of the time you and your daughter have with her father and dose not know her place in this new family. Once your husband and his daughter have bonded and she feels secure and safe in his love then you and your daughter can try to have a relationship with her. Please remember, she may never think of you as her mother or see your daughter as her sister. The important thing is that the house is calm and peaceful while she visits, and who knows you may all one day enjoy each others company.
I just joined Mamasource recently and I am not the kind of person to respond to things posted on the internet. In fact this is my fist time. So, I hope I have not offended you with anything I have said. I wish you and your family the best. And try out Dr. Laura.

This little girl sounds like she is still trying to cope with the divorce of her parents. I would really try individual counseling with her, with her mother in agreement of course. This may do wonders for her. Good luck.

Hi Jeanine,

Just very simply go to Love and Logic.com and review all the topics that are written. I did and bought a book that has worked miracles. If you listen and use their wording it will help bring around your situation. I found this website from mamasource and am very thankful for it.

Goodluck
Dawn