Second Grader Has Boyfriend

Updated on October 20, 2011
D.P. asks from Barrington, IL
15 answers

My second grade daughter has boyfriend. I'm not totally sure how to deal with this. They rarely see each other outside of school and their whole relationship has been seeing each other at school. They have called each other bf/gf since kindergarten and they weren't even in the same first grade class but saw each other at recess. It thought it was more my daughter talking but when I talked to her teacher she said she has never seen this type of attraction in all her years of teaching. I've also talked to the other mother and she says her son talks about my daughter all the time.

I think this relationship is innocent but I know my daughter is touch- feely so she is always putting her arm around him and so on. I keep telling her that he is her friend, not boy friend. Should I be trying to discourage this or should I just let it run its course? I know the teacher tries to keep them seated away from each other so they don't distract each other but not sure what else, if anything should be done.

Any ideas?

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answers from Washington DC on

Normally at this age boyfriend and girlfriend means they stay away from each other. It sounds like they are just good friends. Tell her he is her friend boy. I had an old ex use that term and it made a lot of sense to me....don't scare her from it though either.

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answers from Dover on

Eh, my nephew is almost 7 years old & also has a "girlfriend". It's completely innocent, but they both swear they're going to get married some day. They've been talking about being boyfriend/girlfriend since kindergarten as well. My sister & the little girl's mom haven't told the kids it's not allowed because, well, because it IS innocent. They go to the same after-care, same school, same daycare in the summer & have occasional weekend playdates. They're never together without adult supervision.

If your daughter was 16 years old & talking about being engaged I'd be concerned, but at 7 years old, really what's the big deal?

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answers from San Francisco on

My daughter (also in second grade) has a boy best friend, and they have been since kindergarten. They have talked extensively about the future, when they will marry and live and in RV and be police officers. They have not usually used the bf/gf terms, but their relationship has been very intense and required a lot of learning how to treat others. They have had fights and break-ups -- the one on the kindergarten playground was the talk of the town-- he's still the person she prefers to be with. They play very innocently and love each other very much, with hugs and all. The bf/gf terms are innocent for them, any "inappropriate" connotation comes from adults, or the sense that people think it's wrong. I'd worry less about what they call each other, and worry more about how they interact and treat each other. If it's a healthy, warm relationship, try to relax.

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answers from Pittsburgh on

I have a third grade boy. Usually identifying two people as BF/GF is just that--a label. Last year one of my friends texted me to ask if I was aware that her daughter and my son were BF/GF and it seems, even my son was unaware that he was "in a relationship"! LOL

The funny part is that the girls are the ones who seem to drag the boys into this--and the boys are still total little goof balls! Oblivious to the girls.

I do agree that the touchy-feely part is not OK. Tell her that for sure.

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answers from Washington DC on

Normally at this age boyfriend and girlfriend means they stay away from each other. It sounds like they are just good friends. Tell her he is her friend boy. I had an old ex use that term and it made a lot of sense to me....don't scare her from it though either.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Williamsport on

It could fizzle at any moment. But in the MEANTIME, keep being OK with it, but not "excited" about it by any means, and just don't let it get into ANY after school time or alone time. Tell your daughter that friends don't hug and hang on each other, and ladies keep their hands to themselves etc. Good thing the teachers are keeping them fairly separate. This doesn't need to be a big distracting habit at this age for sure!

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answers from Dallas on

Of COURSE the friendship is innocent. They are SEVEN.

Continue to correct her and tell her that he is a boy who is a friend - and that second graders cant be boyfriend and girlfriend.

Encourage her to have LOTS of friends.

Remind her that in school, she needs to focus on school work.

As long as she has other friends, and it doesnt distract her in school, I think it is totally fine. I think its weirder that people would see something inappropriate with it. If she was 12 - thats a different story.

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answers from Des Moines on

I really wouldn't be worried about this. I wouldn't talk it to death with her either. It's completely normal to think of a male friend as a boyfriend when you're that young - the word just scares us because to US it means intimacy, dating, exclusiveness, etc - it means NONE of these things to them. I'd let it go. When a little girl says she wants to marry her daddy - we don't freak out about this. Its because these terms mean something entirely different to this age group

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answers from Kansas City on

Just don't let them be together alone.. always have an adult watching, and if you can't then the don't play together.

Keep it supervised but don't try to tear them apart. It will make things worse. Ya know, tell a kid NOT to do something, wel...

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answers from Philadelphia on

I had a boyfriend in 1st or 2nd grade in the neighborhood. We;d walk arnd holding hands and talking and everyone made a big deal out of it, then he moved away b/c his house caught fire and I never thought twice on it. Yourr girl seems a bit more serious though. I'm supised they're not getting in eachothers way of having friend time. Do you KNOW for a fact that they're arnd eachother constantly? I would go and view it.
My daughter talks about a little boy in her K class all the time, and he talks about her too (apparently he asked her to get married and she said yes but ask again when theyre, and hes even confronted M. and asked M. to get her a babysitter so she can sit next to him on the bus instead of going to aftercare, (tenaceous little boy, lol) he even sepcified what bus to put her on...BUT when I pick her up and they;re in the same room, they often are playing with other kids and then visit eachother for periods of time...and make sure to hug hello and eventhough they talk about eachother a lot in reality they have seperate lives in school. ALSO she was calling him her boyfriend as was he calling her his girlfriend, well someones parents must've said something b/c they switched the title to her being his sister?! lol Anyway I agree tell her NO Boyfriends until she's older but she can still be his friend. Maybe ask the teacher to make games at recess where theyre in diferent groups?

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answers from Austin on

Cute,, They are only seven, not a big deal.
Falls in the normal behaviors.

I remember one poor boy called our house when my sister was in 1st grade. My father got on the phone and asked him all sorts of questions and then told him, "you sound like a good boy, you can call her back when you are 16."
Bless his heart. My mother called the other mom just to make sure the little boy was ok..

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answers from Baton Rouge on

It's harmless. Relax.

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answers from Chicago on

I think you should explain that they are good friends, but not bf/gf and why. Tell her that to have a boyfriend that means to be "dating" and you have to be able to go on dates - drive a vehicle, earn money to pay for your entertainment, get good grades in school to earn your fun times etc.

My daughter calls my best friends son her "boyfriend." She only sees him a few times a year when my friend and I get together with the kids, but I always remind her that he is a boy who is her friend.

It's innocent and and they probably get a lot of support from each other as friends - and probably even lots of attention (and dare I even say admiration...yikes...) from other members of the class to have such a close friend of the opposite sex.

I think it's great that you and his mother are in contact and you should continue this. Maybe even get together with the kids so you can both see how they are together - innocent or too touchy/feely.

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answers from Detroit on

Its probably innocent enough, but I try to discourage it. I just tell her shes not old enough for boyfriends and to worry about school. If I can prolong the days when she is boy crazy I sure will!!

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answers from Columbia on

Tell her that she is not allowed to have a boyfriend until she's 16. She can have a friend that is a boy, but she should not be calling him her boyfriend or letting him call her his girlfriend. It might be cute now, but it's not age appropriate behavior.

Little girls ought not even be THINKING this way. And it's a distraction at school. Not good. I'd put a stop to it.

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answers from Omaha on

Too young for this behavior. Talk to his parents. I agree with Christy. Friends yes, boyfriends absolutely not. Tell her to keep her hands to herself and that it's not appropriate behavior for a young lady. But definately talk to the parents so they know what is going on and that you are not ok with it. Good Luck!

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