Second Baby Sprinkle Shower Question - Husband to Host

Hello N.,

Etiquette shows that Showers are given to the Mom with gifts included. Yes, it would be inappropriate to throw a party for yourself and expect gifts... Your husband is very generous!

In Jewish culture ( I married into a jewish family), they have a baby naming (girl) or a Bris (for a boy).
This is a get-together held in the couples home to welcome baby into the world.
Gifts are normally included and Parents usually have a Rabbi attend for blessings.
A Pastor of your church can be invited the same way. You may call it a "Blessing".
Later, you may wish to do a "Dedication" in your place of worship, but a "Blessing" would give an excuse to gather with your friends....

In your case, "A Sprinkle of Love for Baby" party would be thoughtful. I would make it sound like your husband is surprising you... That way, if any etiquette rules are broken, your hubby will be in the clear!! (Men aren't supposed to know the "girl rules" anyway)
Go ahead and have some fun!!

Blessings,
M.

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N.,
Maybe instead of a "shower" kind of party you could ask your closest friends to join you for a lunch out. Or at least a girls time out. Maybe even splurge to get your pedicure so your toes look fabulous. This way you can celebrate without the awkwardness of throwing your own shower.
I have four kids and found by the last one a lunch and time out was very fun.
I hope that helps.
P.

2 moms found this helpful

You have a great and thoughtful husband!

Like others said, I would recommend that you indicate "no gifts" and call it something other than baby "shower" (baby "sprinkle" or "celebration" is fine).

I hope you don't take offense to this, but unless you indicate "no gifts," people might see this as you grubbing for additional gifts. Especially since your first child is only 2, and you're expecting another child of the same gender. I have known people to even boycott baby showers for that reason.

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Sorry, but I think it's tacky to have a shower for a second baby. Of course any baby should be celebrated, but in theory you got everything you needed with the first shower and now you need to find other ways to celebrate. The reason some people's friends bristled about a shower for a second child is probably because they saw it as a coarse request for more gifts. If you are in dire need, you should seek public assistance. Otherwise, understand that your friends and family will still buy you gifts, but putting any burden of expectation on them to do so is plain rude. Having an immediate family throw a shower will always come across as a request for gifts. It's not just etiquette, it's showing that you're not selfish and you're happy for every little thing your friends do for you. Sorry to be harsh...it's just that we seem to expect a lot sometimes.

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I wouldn't throw a shower for a second baby that close in age. It is kind of strange asking people to buy you more stuff. I did not do it and I do not know anyone that has done it except for a friend that had her second 9 years apart. But we did throw a party after our second baby was born so everyone could meet her. That was lovely and no one felt obligated to bring a gift even though many did. My oldest got a lot of big sis gifts which made her feel special.

good Luck,
D.

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I think it's OK to throw your own party, as long as you let people know not to bring gifts. Some people will still bring gifts, though.

1 mom found this helpful

I completely agree that each pregnancy/child should be celebrated, but I don't think a shower is the way to go for #2 if you don't need any more baby gear. A shower is to help new parents set up a nursery - and the secondary reason is to congratulate the new mom and dad to be - and the third reason is to celebrate the baby to be.

Since etiquette says that a baby shower requires gifts, maybe you could throw some other kind of party for the little one on the way, or a welcome party after he's born. Make it clear to any guests that it's not a "gift" party, just a "celebrate" party, since you don't want them to feel obligated to buy you more stuff.

Personally, I think it's a bit much to throw a party for every pregnancy. Baby showers are special because two people are about to become parents for the first time. That's a huge deal. It just seems like a lot to expect everyone in your circle to keep spending time and money on you because you chose to have more children. I don't mean to sound harsh, so I hope it's not coming off that way. You may want to stop the world and celebrate every time you become pregnant, but it's a little presumptive to expect everyone else to do it, too. It's interesting how you said you want the event "for the attention."

I had a shower for #1, got everything I could ever need (and then some!) and when I had #2 three years later, my girlfriends asked if they could throw a shower and I just didn't see the need. I didn't want them to spend any more money on me. After all, they have kids of their own they need to think of. I knew they were all thrilled for us to be expecting again. It seemed excessive to expect them to go through the whole song and dance of another shower. But that's just my opinion.

Congratulations on #2 - I wish you all the best for a quick and painless delivery!!

Take care and good luck!!

1 mom found this helpful

For some reason, people seem to think only one shower is required, I guess because that's when you're the "new parent" in need of more things. Etiquette says a direct family member shouldn't host it, I guess because a shower is basically a gift request event. If you don't need anything, call it something else, say "no presents" and have a party and celebrate!!!!!!

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I agree, every child should be celebrated. Perhaps put on the invitations "No Gifts Please". Tell your husband to go for it!! Nothings wrong with that-and its definatly not rude. My husband would do the same for me. Congratulations N.!

1 mom found this helpful

I agree with most of the responses. A "shower" for a second child is not really appropriate - particularly since it's another boy. Have a party and celebrate and in the invitation or at the bottom write no gifts, just come and celebrate with us.

Good luck and congratulations!

M.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi N., I have never heard of a Sprinkle Baby Shower, but if your husband wants to do this for you, I think that's the sweetist thing, your true friends will be there to support the new up coming baby, babies number 2, 3 or what ever need all the same things first baby needs. Tell your husband for me is is one awesome guy, send the invitations, like I said your real friends will be there. J. L.

PS congradulations on your second blessing.

Ask one of your girlfriends to be the official host. Your husband can pay for the expenses and nobody would have to know. However I agree that you should not ask for gifts, nor should you call it a "shower." I think that the idea someone had of requesting gently used baby items to donate to charity is just lovely. You can call it a FUNraising party for the charity. It would give you a chance to celebrate the new baby (and be celebrated again as a Mommy!) and you and your gusts would feel good about doing something for the less fortunate. Enjoy your celebration.

N., I'm not sure what a sprinkle shower is but go ahead and have it. My first child was a boy. Three years later I had a girl. I had a big, traditional baby shower for my son which my sister hosted. For my daughter my sister hosted a tea party with about 10 close friends and family members. She wrote on the invitations, "It's a girl!" People brought me girls clothes because I saved all the baby stuff from my son. No one thought it was tacky. I know of moms who have had a surprise additional baby many years after they thought they were through. They've had regular baby showers. Go for it!

Who cares what etiquette says, if your husband wants to throw you a shower, let him. I think it's sweet and thoughtful. Enjoy your party:)

"A sprinkle is a smaller scale baby shower in which guests "sprinkle" the new mom with the little necessities she needs for a new baby. It is not a full blown "shower", but just a light sprinkling of gifts. This clever term has been gaining popularity over the years and is becoming a new trend."

Hi N.,
I am a Party Planner and I believe it is perfectly OK to have a baby shower for a second child. My mom threw one for both of my girls. Each child is special and there is no reason this can't be celebrated. I also think it is great that your husband is doing this and I don't think it will look rude at all. I would think true friends would see that your husband is doing something very loving and that it's not about the gifts - they'll probably be jealous because not all husbands would do something like that. I have a suggestion if you like the idea... Maybe your husband can call one of your girlfriends (Not the one that made the remark) but someone who might like party planning (or decorating or the creative type) and tell her that he wants to throw you a Sprinkle Shower and he would love the help of a "lady's touch" to plan and host the event. He can explain that he would cover all expenses if she could do the shopping and decorate, co-host, etc etc. My mom did this with a girlfriend of mine for my Bridal shower. I'm sure a big part of it is that people just don't have the extra money these days so this might be the perfect solution. And the invitation could include your husband and the friend's name invite you to celebrate the upcoming birth of... Your husband could attend or not, it could be co-ed or not, whatever you think would be the best fun for you and your group of friends. Feel free to contact me if you'd like to talk about any other ideas (girlie shower vs. co-ed). Don't feel you need to do what certain others think is proper, just because they feel something is right or wrong does not make it so. If I were to have a third child, I don't think I'd have a Shower, but I'd still like to do something special with my girlfriends - get pampered with a pedicure, etc. and if my husband wanted to treat us, I would think all my girlfriends would love it. So you do what's best for YOU and your family. Best of luck and Congratulations your new little bundle. I can't imagine two boys - I have two girls and think about trying for the boy, but would probably end up with three girls, too cute. :)K.

I agree... each child is definately a blessing and should be celebrated and cherished. Forget about etiquette.. who cares? Enjoy yourself and your family. That's sweet of your husband to even to that!!!

If your "friends" are not stepping up to the plate, and your husband IS......??? Then I say, go for it! Who cares WHO throws the shower? N., think of it this way - in the end, the ONLY opinion that matters when it comes to your family matters is yours & your husbands. I think it's wonderful that he wants to do this for you & I say, let him! 8^) I've never been one to follow "etiquette" anyway, so ... is it REALLY the end of the world if hubby throws the shower? In my opinion, NO! I think it's very sweet...

As long as you have written on the invites, in big huge letters, "PLEASE, ABSOLUTELY NO GIFTS ! ! !" then I suppose it wouldn't be considered too tacky. Just make sure that your invites are clear about your intentions (celebrating the joy of your new arrival) as opposed to a traditional shower, where people would generally bring a gift.
Honestly, if it were me, I think the tasteful thing to do, if you really want to celebrate your child, is to host an intimate luncheon with only close friends and family, and state very clearly on the invites "ABSOLUTELY NO GIFTS, PLEASE!!!!" I would even go so far as to confirm that with people when they RSVP. But that's just me.
Good luck, and congratulations!

N.,

I had the same problem when we had our second son. My kids are 15 months apart so I felt guilty asking everyone to come to a second shower so soon. Since I was having anther boy we didn't need much. So what I did was I has a diaper party. Instead of having people bring gifts we had people bring diapers. People don't feel the pressure to spend a lot of money. You could even make it a co-ed bbq. The other thing we did was the diaper raffle. We got a gift certificate and for those who chose to bring diapers they were entered in the raffle. You could even call it a baby bbq instead of a shower so people can feel more relaxed. Hope this help!!

S.

Hi I would let me do it and let it be a co-ed shower. He can invite some of his friends and then your friends can bring there spouses. My mother-in law gave me a co-ed shower for my 2nd. The guys were outside talking and the girls did shower stuff. It was fun for everyone, espically when the guys got babysitting duty outside w/ the kids who came.
Congrads!!!

I am thankfull that you have the same beliefs that I do, that every child should be celebrated! Throw out etiquette and celebrate! I am experiencing the same thing with my sister-in-law and her second child. She said no shower! I'm still going to make a diaper cake and add some loving touches...each baby deserves that (and moms too)! Congrats!

N., in some cultures when there is a shower the shower is coed ed.When I gave all my children showers they were coed. It works out great. Try it and see how much fun you will have.When people rsvp and ask what can I bring then tell then to bring something that you will need and go over the menu with them.

I am so sorry and I totally FEEL YOU! My second pregnancy was treated with such disdain by most of my friends and family that I went out and got new ones. No. Seriously.

My best friend, who had organized the first shower, was gung ho and really made lovely invitations and sent them out, but then those few who did want to be involved, seemed to be sabbatoging it from the inside which really angered her. To top it off, my partner was one of them and he ended up leaving us because he was convinced by his family that I was fishing for gold as it were: case in point being a shower for a second birth.

I don't get it. I think celebrating your pregnancy is a wonderful healthy thing to do, and I am so happy that your husband wants to do it for you! But your friends, really should have suggested something more along the lines of a ritual if they were uncomfortable with the gifting side of it. They should recognize and honor your desire to express gratitude for the process--not everyone can get pregnant.

Instead of getting gifts, why don't you ask people to donate $20 to charities that help moms in need? And then just enjoy a party?

I wish you all the best and tell your husband he rocks!
-A.

What a sweet husband you have, have the shower! Who said it was rude? that seems like nonsense to me. I'm not sure what a sprinkle shower is...but why not say "no presents" to your friends since it's your second baby and just have a wonderful celebration! Good luck and huge congratulations!

Hello N.,
I say let your hubby throw a sprinkle shower and have fun! You could even make it a hand me down shower, and your friends with growing kids can unload their baby stuff. Just a thought. If your friends are true, appropriateness won't be an issue.

Hi!!
My situation is a little diff. - first child - but similar in that I threw my own shower. I didn't want to make my friends throw me a shower b/c they just did a bridal one the year before AND I had had a surprise east coast baby one in June, however, I wanted to see everyone again before the chaos started, so I invited 8 friends to a weekend getaway where I paid the hotel room and then I bought lots of beer/wine/snacks to have by the pool. I said "Your presence are your presents" b/c some people had to fly in. It ended up being a Blast!!! I got a ton of female support and one friend even had a blessingway ceremony for me. Hopefully it took some pressure of them since they had just done a ton of things for me the year prior. It was a pretty emotional & fun weekend! I feel now that it gave my closest girlfriends the opportunity to deal with the imminent change coming as it did me. We all felt a lot closer afterwards. We did get some small, thoughtful gifts too but the focus was on celebrating the miracle of a birth & motherhood.

As long as you are considerate of your friends, I think you can do pretty much anything you want!! All the best to you & here's wishing you get what you need!!

Whoever said it is rude for your husband to throw you one is just silly. These are new days. I almost had to throw my own shower and I only have one baby. Soon as people saw I had everything done, then they wanted to jump in and change things and do things differently. NOW that was rude. I don't think it matters who throws the shower and don't think any mom should have a limit as to how many showers they can have. If you are prego 3 times, have 3 showers.... :)

I don't think it's rude for your husband to throw you a shower. Especially if none of your girl friends will step up to the plate. If it's what you want I think you should do it. It'll make you happy and that's what you deserve right now!!

Have the party. A girlfriend of mine had a shower for her second child and we all chipped in and got her a car seat. If you don't need gifts just write no gifts on the bottom of the invite. Your husband sounds wonderful. Good luck and enjoy:)

Congratulations. It sounds like you have a wonderful husband that wants to take care of you. Don't worry about what others think about your party or do (gifts vs. no gifts) have a wonderful time and celebrate (and honor) your fabulous husband.

You know N. there is always going to be someone to nay say what someone else is doing. It's my own personal feeling that every baby as well as every pregnancy should have its own celebration. Whether you wish to have gifts or not is up to you. I think you should have the party your wonderful hubby is willing to throw for you and those who don't approve don't need to come.
Best wishes and congratulations!
S.

I think that your husband is amazing, thoughtful, loving and creative! Do what feels right! You want to celebrate your child's blessed being , so do so! Make it the party YOU want, you can say, no gifts please, but have everyone write a little note of wishes to the unborn child. You could have everyone bring a children's book, something like that. I say that if a tradition doesn't fit than it's time to change it up! Life is about having fun and creating JOY! Do whatever you want and have FUN!

All my best,

Andrea

well that is really great of your husband. Maybe you should just let him trhow the shower. I think it would be great, it could be fun. I hope it all works out for you. good luck.

Hi N..
I saw there was a response from another M. W. but I'm a different M. W. :)

I just wanted to say that I never knew about this etiquette stuff and I have been to a ton of baby showers for 2nd babies. I had 2 baby showers as well, my pregnancies were 6 1/2 years apart, but that's not why I had it. I just thought you had a baby shower for every baby you had. All my girlfriends had a baby shower for there second babies, and I threw 2 of them. I personally don't think it's rude at all. It's a total different baby! If you have a shower for one, you can have a shower for all! You can't show one child pictures of there baby shower, and then tell the second child that you didn't have one for them so there's no memories for that child to see. That would be so sad for them. They would feel less important. This is just my opinion here, but I say you should do whatever you feel like. It's your baby darn it! And you can celebrate the birth of your beautiful child anyway you want! That why there's a registry. You only register for the things you need this time. There are just some things you can't use over in two years like bottles and diapers and things like that. Hopefully you still have some of the big stuff from the first like stroller, highchair etc. It's just the little things and I don't think it's rude for people to bring you little gifts for your new baby. It's like a birthday party for your new baby. Lets just say, Just because you had a birthday party for your first born in June and your second child's birthday is in July, do people expect for you not to have a birthday party for your second child just because you just had a party the month before?? And they have to bring another girft? No, that's silly, of course you still would have the party. People need to just chill out and go with the flow and stop analyzing everything and worrying about etiquette and just enjoy life. I say, don't care about what other people think. This is you and your husbands baby, and whether it's your first or second, the occasion should be treated the same as the first. And just have fun!! Don't let all these negative people get you down. If they don't come, then that's there loss. And If you really don't want gifts, just like the other ladies have said, just put no gifts please on the invite or have people make a $5.00 donation on your behalf to a children's charity of your choice. That would be wonderful. You keep your chin up and don't listen to the negative. You celebrate that baby's birth just like YOU want to and no one else matters (well, your hubby of course :) Congrads on #2, you'll love every hard minute of it!

Have the shower and have fun!

Hi N..
Like one of the mamas here mantioned, there is nothing wrong with your husband wanting to give you a sprinkle baby shower.
I once collaborated with my best friend's husband on throwing her one, and it turned out fantatic, given than he was able to mantain it a secret from her.... Just this month me & other girls planned a baby shower for a friend, ( her third child)her husband was so grateful, he sent us thank you notes.
Go on forward with the party, and kuddos to your husband for being the planner.
D.

Let it be a couples shower! dont worry about what others think, most husbands wouldnt be so thoughtful. I had ababy shower with my second child and didnt think otherwise. Have fun planning with your hubby and god bless!

Maybe you could call it a party instead of a "shower". I am going to a co-ed BBQ for friends that are having their first baby. They have requested optional donations of gently used baby items for a local charity in lieu of gifts since she is also having a regular shower. I don't think it is customary to have a shower for a second baby - but a party to celebrate is always fun! Just a thought. Sometimes it's all in the presentation.

Don't wait for others to agree with you. Do what you feel is right for your family. I have attended showers for not only second children but 3rd, 4th, even 6th or 7th. Every baby is a reason to celebrate!

If you are deeply worried about having your husband host, quietly confide to a close friend and suggest that you'll help cover expenses if she plays hostess or co-hosts with your husband. Or, just go ahead and let your husband be in charge. Sure, someone might find it odd, but someone is also sure to wish HER husband was like yours.

If you are worried that guests will feel the need to spend unnecessarily, think of a theme and encorage giving in line with the theme - make a quilt, and have everyone decorate a square (that you purchase) or help tie a quilt made of two solid layers; ask everyone to bring their favorite parenting advice and put it all in a little book for you to refer back to; have everyone help decorate the baby's room (a painting party is always fun); or, ask for certain supplies - feeding, bathing, whatever, and have a "yum yum" or "rubber ducky" shower.

Above all, have fun and let your guests celebrate with you!

N.,
Girl, have your shower!! You only have your second child once. It doesn't matter if it's your second or fourth celebrate the way you want to. I have four all boy's and I had a shower for each one of them. If somebody doesn't think it's appropriate then they don't have to attend. It's that simple. And haveing your husband throw it is even better. He can make it co-ed. My last shower was co-ed and my husband loved it! We have all boy's so he was able to have his friends over to help celebrate with the macho man who was blessed with son's! It even had a sports theem. We forget that even though we go through the physical pregnancy our husbands are just as expectant as we are. Let him have the HONOR of hosting this shower. He obviously wants to if he already has the invites! Good luck and congrats on #2!!!

I don't know what a "sprinkle shower" means, but if you want to invite those that are close to you over to celebrate a very special event in your lives then what's the problem? If anyone has an issue with it, then that's just it- they have issues!!! Enjoy your babies, enjoy your friends and family and those who have something negative to say about may not really be as close to you as you think!

I'm with you, the present's are not a new wordrobe for you they are gifts for the baby, and all babies should be properly welcomed to the world. I'm surprised that anyone would say you don't need a babyshower, things get stained and worn out because they get washed so much. Plus it's fun to have new updated items, not that you need the big purchases again, just the little fun stuff. I think your hubby is ok to do this for you since everyone else is being a butt. But if it's uncomfortable for you maybe you could change the party to a friends come join us in celebrating the new arrival or celebrating our son who is soon to arrive. Invite hubsbands and wifes and make it a BBQ or dinner event and just hang out, change the games to couple games or don't have any, just visit. This way the presure of the baby shower is off for those you think rude to request gifts for a new baby. Good luck, I bet she will change her mind when she has her second and if she doesn't give you a gift, don't give to her one when she has her next. Or be bigger and Better then her. Wait till you go visit the baby and give the gift to the baby and welcome it to the world properly. Best wishes to you and congrats on your new arrival, may God watch over you both. J.

Tough situation!

I wonder if it might come across less "rude" for some people if you said sthg in the invitation about not feeling obligated to bring gifts, but just wanted the fellowship and celebration that each child deserves...? I am just pregnant with my second and will probably have to face that situation in 6 months!

I say go for it and let your hubby throw the Shower. My situation is almost the same. My first child (boy) will be two in December, well, I am also expecting a daughter in December and my husband made it perfectly clear in the beginning that no matter what HE was going to throw the shower (my in-laws threw the first one). It is what he wants to do and he is excited to do it...I don't care what etiquette says, who am I to take that away from him? Yes, since there is only going to be a two year difference between the two children I don't need much. So if people want to bless her with gifts that is fine if not, that is fine as well. I say "blessing" or "shower" which ever he want to do let him. Every baby is a blessing and all should be celebrated. And good for your hubby for wanting to throw it.

Sweetie...If he wants to throw your sprinkle shower I don't see the problem.
I didn't have a shower with my first daughter (I really didn't have any girlfriends), and for my second daughter my husband threw an online baby shower. See, we had recently moved to Japan and didn't have any family out there. Thank goodness a friend of mine out there got with him and between the two of them threw me a real shower also.
I do believe every baby is to be celebrated :) They really are blessings :)

Good luck!!!
L.

N.,

WOW!! You have an amazing husband!! In today's age, tradition is so often something new for each family. Let him trow the party, take whatever gifts come, and enjoy the attention showered over you from your friends! I have 3 children and had showers for each of them, without guilt. Each child deserves a few new things that aren't hand me downs :)

Start a new tradition ~ sometimes they are the best! I recently married my best friend and our entire wedding was based on FUN and what we wanted. It was on a working ranch and I had SIX men walk me down the isle (my father passed several years ago, so I couldn't make up my mind who should walk me down, so I had ALL the men that had been there for me through the good and the bad. I walked to Stand By Me {as they all had over the years} and every one that attended said it was the best wedding they had ever been to!!!). Just because it's different doesn't make it bad. Your true friends will embrace the novelty of it, and those that don't may not be the friends you thought they were...

Enjoy the blessing of the new birth and let everyone else that wishes to do the same!!

Best of luck and congrats on finding such a wonderful husband!!! you are truly blessed.

H.

Have the shower! For our 2nd daughter we threw a baby shower in the park, people brought their kids, we ate, kids played, and it was great! What a sweet husband you have, and forget what the etiquette says. Congratulations on your soon-to-be son!

Usually, showers are given to help the parents acquire all of the "stuff" that is needed to welcome their new family member. In many cultures (I know for sure Hawaiian, Chinese and Korean) each child is celebrated at a certain point after the birth (one month, three months or one year - depending on the mortality rates of the country) and it is a big party, usually the expense is borne by the grandparents or parents. Gifts, monetary or otherwise, are abundant. If you want to have a party to welcome your new little bundle, why not wait until he arrives - then you can start his college fund, instead of your various friends and relations providing you with more jammies that you don't need?

Alternatively, you could just schedule a fun "dinner on the town" (or some other activity that you would enjoy) with some friends as a last hurrah before you have to start breastfeeding again. Just don't call it a shower - or you might get inundated with more jammies!

What a fantastic husband you have!!! It sounds like he is very in tune to your feelings and wants to make you happy. I feel like a second baby should get as much attention as a first. Each child is different and each one is a seperate blessing in itself. I agree with the other advice-including a "gifts not necessary" clause. That will take the pressure off and you never know, people might bring something anyway. Hopefully your true friends will remember this sprinkle is about the baby. Good luck and enjoy your sprinkle!!

very cute, sprinkle shower from your husband. You're lucky to have him. I had a shower for my second baby and it was at a restaurant and much smaller -more intimate. We only invited people very close to us and luckily the godmother of the child throws them in my culture (Latina). I didn't need or want gifts, but the stuff I did get was sentimental. Beautiful clothes, lots of laughs, no games or anything, it was just friends together having a great time celebrating the new baby.

We didn't do anything for the third baby. I was disappointed but got over it. It's not like she knows. I would of loved to gone out to eat again w/my sisters and friends, but that didn't stop me from celebrating her birth or the pregnancy. It's all a matter of perspective.

You've got a good husband. I'm glad he's doing this for you. It is very sweet. :-)

S.

Have a the second baby is coming get together??? Don't call it a shower. From all that I have read you don't have showers for all babies, just the first. Just tell people not to bring gifts, just love. Make sure you emphasize the no gift part and I don't see how it would be rude. Good luck and congrats.

I can completely relate to you. For my second child no one, even our families offered to throw a shower for us. For my first child I had three, one for his (Large) family, one for mine and one for work. So the thought of not having one at all for my son was very upsetting to me. My husband had decided he would throw the shower and have it be more like a bbq and a celebration of the birth of our son coming closer. No one said it was wrong or rude in any way. I think you should go ahead and celebrate your new son and not really worry what someone else will say. Good Luck!!

I totally agree with you that all children are a blessing and should be clelbrated. With that being said I have had two showers of which I threw both. With my last I did not have a shower as I did not think that anyone would come. I have heard where people have had a shower and put on the invitation not to bring a gift but instead to make a donation to a chidrens charity in their name. Usally if you litlle ones are being born at different times of the year then most prople will expcect to by you a gift. Even though we did not have a shower for my third child lots of friends gave us gifts anyway. So my thought is even if you don't have a shower you friends will most likely give you something anyways and even if you don't need it every baby should get some thing new.

N., I truly don't see how it could be rude for your husband to host a celebration for the impending birth of your baby. He can always make sure "no gifts, please" is on the invitation...I agree, every child is a blessing and should be celebrated. Some of the rituals of Blessingway's are nice ways to welcome this new life. I have done Blessingway's for a few of my friends for 2nd, 3rd, 4th babies, etc...Enjoy!

I realize I'm late in answering, but I just couldn't keep quiet about this.

I think it's utterly ridiculous to not have a baby shower for the second child. Your first is already 2, did you keep EVERYTHING to use again? The crib set? The diaperbag? The infant car seat? The baby bathtub? All the faded and stained onesies? Probably not! Most people pass that stuff on to other new babies or sell it at children's re-sale shops. Why shouldn't the second baby get a different bed set or new outfits?

I think it's really sweet of your husband to offer to throw you a shower. But I think that either he should go to a friend of yours and ask her to throw the shower, or the next time one of your friends asks when the shower is, say, I don't know, no one has offered to throw one for me! Maybe they are waiting on your best friend to do it, and don't know you need a hostess.

Anyway, have one and don't feel guilty about it. Showers are the celebration of a baby's birth and a chance for well-wishers to give a gift. If you really don't care so much about the gifts, you can put "Gifts Optional" on the invitations or simply request diapers... surely you will need more of those, right?! ;-)

Congrats!

Ask someone to throw one for you. If you don't ask, you can't get the sale AND no one will know if you want one or not. No one is a mind reader.

Better yet...throw one of your own! Every child IS a blessing and a reason to celebrate it with good friends. I had a friend who threw his own birthday party and had it catered because it was his gift to himself.

Love & Light,

L.

N.,
Have the party! Every baby is a celebration. Accept gifts and enjoy time with your friends. Your husband is awesome for thinking to do this for you...and your newest baby. (I would attend your party and give lots of gifts. I love baby showers!)
Have fun and congratulations,
T.

If it makes you feel good, GO FOR IT! I don't understand why you should be limited to one shower per family. Why can't your husband be the host? If he wants to take the initiative, bully for him! Enjoy.

I felt the exact same way and was so disappointed when my 2nd baby didn't get one. Like you, I don't see the harm in your husband throwing it for you. I can see how some people would think you're just doing it for gifts, but your close friends would know the real reason and if they are asking when you're having one, there shouldn't be a problem. If they have a problem with it they won't come. I would have the wording on the invitation say that it is to celebrate the new baby. Another thing we did was have an introduction party after the baby was born so everyone could meet him. Try not to be upset, some people just don't celebrate beyond the 1st. Crazy to us! Enjoy your babies!

Why not make it a dinner that all your friends can come over to, to celebrate your new baby and you for all the hard work you have put in. :O) Great job!! Ask that no one bring a present but if they feel like they need to buy something then ask them to donate to your favorite charity. That way no one is offended or put off by it.
I have to tell you that i agree with you. ALL babies should be celebrated. I believe that every single person in this world should be celebrated. Life is so great, and we all share in the making of our wonderful lives. ok i am getting sappy here. Sorry.
Celebrate you baby just like it was your first. You all deserve that. Your true friends will be right beside you.
Oh and hug that husband of yours. He sounds really great!!!
Good luck to you and your family.
Take care
B.

Yes, it would be sort of tacky. But, do you care? Does the invite say no gifts? Why don't you go out to lunch with some girlfriends? Tell them that is what you'd like to do, because, in a couple months you wont be able to for a while.

The nice thing about men...they aren't expected to know about etiquette. If anyone should be rude enough to mention that he shouldn't have, he can just say "oh I thought you always had a party for a new baby." Send out those invites and enjoy the celebration.

I would have a party to introduce and welcome the baby into the family once your second son arrives. If you can't wait until after the baby arrives, then perhaps your husband can book a nail salon for you and your close girl friends to get mani/pedis or have a spa day to pamper you before your little one arrives. He could also arrange a scrapbooking party at a scrapbooking store where everyone could scrapbook pages for the new baby. I think if you make it an outing/activity prior to the birth, it wouldn't make you feel uncomfortable about it.

If they're you're friends, they'll want to celebrate with you. "Gifts optional" might be nice.

Hey N.,
Go for it let your hubby throw you the shower. I wish my husband would of thought of that. He really doesn't like things like showers so he would probably never even think of throwing me one for our second child. You are very lucky to have a hubby that thinks of these things, when he see's you sad. Every child should be celebrated, forget the whole etiquette thing. If someone wants to throw you a shower let them do it their own way. Have fun with it, and show your so called friends who really matters....Have Fun...

I had never heard of a sprinkle shower...but i love the idea! Your husband is awesome for wanting to do this for you...so let him! Do something fun and creative in lieu of traditional gift giving. I like the idea of a diaper party, or have each guest bring a 6x6" piece of cute fabric of their choice and make a baby quilt out of it. What a special gift for your baby, made by everyone who is special to you and your family! You can even have them stick their squares on a piece of cardboard with velcro or tape so they can see what their quilt will look like before they leave (or make it a special unveiling as an ending event to the party).
Whatever you decide to do....DO NOT let anyone make you feel guilty. Every baby deserves to be celebrated!

It is rather self-serving for a second shower as tradition. The first is tradition, and it doesnt mean the second child has less value. Are you that shallow to believe such a thing? Everyone knows the value of a child,and it certainly is no statement otherwise to not have a shower.
Grow with it, and celebrate in your heart, just as all do.

Wendy

I think you should go for it. Every baby is a blessing and should be celebrated. If its really not about the gifts you can even indicate that. Put on the invitation that gifts are not required, that this is a celebration of the pending arrival of your little bundle of joy. My best friend made the same comment when I mentioned that my husband and I were thinking of having a second. She said its not customary to have another shower. WHAT EVER. I've seen it both ways. If you want a party, let your husband plan you a party and enjoy yourself. Congratulations

Just do it! First of all, there are always things that you didn't get the first time around that you need this time around, so I think gifts are still appropriate personally. If someone has a problem with it, they won't go - end of story. Your husband is awesome! Let him have his fun :o)

GO FOR IT!! And kiss that hubby of yours for caring so much! I had a shower with my first and it was big, the second was a bit smaller, but it had been five years between my daughter and my son, but I did not hear a negative word about the second shower. Then when my son was less then 4 months old we got another "gift" who is baby #3! I was NOT having a shower for him since I did just have one for baby #2, but after he was born some friends of mine thru a meet and greet party for him. That was nice since I had given all the 0-3 boy stuff away as soon as my first son outgrew it LOL. Have your celebration and enjoy each blessing with a party, do you all not have a party ofr every birthday too? Same kind of joyous event.

That was a great idea that your husband thought of, have it be simple, co-ed. Husbands and wives can come and celebrate the soon to be arrival. If you want to cut down on the expense ask everynoe on the invite to bring a side dish to share and have your husband BBQ and you make a big salad.

I'm not really up on all of the etiquette, but I think it is perfectly fine for your husband to throw the shower - how nice of him! :)
Good luck!

Hey, who would turn down a party invitation?? Clearly no friend of mine. It doesn't have to be a shower but a welcoming party. Just make it clear that gifts are not expected.

I'm with you! I think every baby is a gift from the Lord and should be celebrated. If your husband is throwing the shower and paying all expenses then I don't think anyone should have a problem with that. We did something similar but we also made sure to include on the invite that "the only presents we wanted was their presence." I hope this helps and congatulations on your new baby!

I think that if you change the wording ... call it a "celebration" instead of a shower and note on the invitation "no gifts please!", then it's fine!!! who wouldn't want to celebrate a new life?

I say let him host it and who cares what anyone else thinks, especially etiquette handbooks. Try to let go of the hurt you're feeling towards your friends because the truth is that some people simply don't feel that a second baby shower is a must. Also, they probably aren't aware of how you feel. Have your party and have fun celebrating with your friends, you deserve it. If they are true friends, they won't judge you, they'll just enjoy spending time with you and eating cake!

If your husband is willing and happy to do it, LET HIM. Etiquette Shmettiquette! As you say, the purpose is to celebrate your new addition so anyone who finds offense in this is probably not someone you'd want to be around anyway since they are probably to sour/sad a person.

I really don't know if it would be rude for him to throw it but I was actually going to throw my own for my second child. I let everyone know I was throwing it myself and I gave them a date and to my suprise my mother-in-law stepped up and threw it for me. So maybe if you tell everyone you are throwing it for yourself they will change their mind.

N.,

Have the party and if neccessary put at the bottom of the invites that instead of gifts to please make a donation to a baby organization that you choose. If your financial situation would be helped by gifts then leave that off. If any "friends" make any comments then tell them if they have any problem with it to uninvite themselves. Maybe you need to find out who your real friends are. Life is too short to encumber yourself those that don't have our best interests at heart.

Congrats,

Evelyn

Have the party!
We just had our third child and we threw our own party; not for gifts, but for the opportunity to see our friends before we are in the throes of sleepless nights with a newborn.
I totally agree that every child should be celebrated.

My family lives super close but they are not proactive at all, so I have learned not to have any expectations that they will do anything for me.

Hispanic and Philipino families celebrate every child; it's unfortunate that other cultures don't--why should only the first be heralded?! I was the fifth child and I am just as special as the first.

enjoy and congrats!

I think it's fine for hubby to throw the shower. Especially if none of your friends will do it and the one who most obviously should do it (the one for whom you threw a shower recently) seems totally against showers for second babies, for whatever reason.
Am I the only one who doesn't know what a "sprinkle shower" is?

Go for it! Every baby deserves to be celebrated. I totally feel your pain and sorrow. We adopted and didn't get a 'real' shower and it was our first. We live away from family and at 3 months we flew home and threw a Welcome Party for everyone to meet the baby. My family didn't want my friends there and didn't want to tell people we were registered or anything. Not that we wanted presents to fly home with either. In the end it was a backyard co-ed BBQ with an open house feel and it turned out wonderful. Although it was painful getting to that point for sure. Good Luck and Enjoy!

Dear N.,
I had three children and only had a shower for the first child. It depends where you live, but I thought showers were for 1st children. People gave me individual gifts when they came to see the new baby (and usually a small gift for my other child/children too so they wouldn't be jealous of the baby.) Perhaps the idea of an open house after baby arrives would be nice.
H.

Hi N.,
Do yourself a big favor and enjoy the shower or party or whatever you want to call it. Thow out your etiquette books and enjoy! It seems all your friends want to come to a shower so have one. I never did understand why people can be funny about a baby shower...who made up the rules that we're suppose to follow? I'm even thinking about having one for my second baby too that's planned by me if no one offers. The point is that it's a celebration for you & your family and there are people who want to celebrate it with you. Oh and your husband is doing the right thing! Good luck and have fun!

I was thrown a co-ed shower for my second pregnancy. My kids were born in different seasons, so the clothes that I had for the first one would not fit the second one during the same hot or cold season. My third pregnancy was farther apart (4 years), so my sister in law threw that party. It was not a big deal and no one thought anything of having a shower for each pregnancy. Your hubby sounds caring; let him do it!

I say go for it!!!! You are absolutely right...every child is a blessing, not just the first one. And if you're worried about gifts, say "No gifts" on the invitation.

I don't think a shower gift necessarily replaces a baby gift. I think the shower gifts are more for the new mom/family than baby. (Many presents, such as a car seat, can be used for more than 1 baby.) Everyone who gave you a gift for your first baby will (or should) give you a gift for your second baby whether you have a shower or not. Maybe a more diplomatic way of having a party for a second or more child is to have a "meet the baby" party. It's okay for you to host and nobody won't show without a gift!
Just my 2cents.
C.

HI N.,
I would say if you are REALLY worried about the etiquette issue, have a baby blessing or mother blessing ceremony. Then, the focus is off the gifts and on the more spiritual aspect. In any case, have a great time! S.

I would say let your hubbie do what he knows will make you happy. It sounds like those around you are not adhering to traditional etiquette if they are not throwing you a shower, so why adhere to a silly etiquette rule yourself. I know plenty of women who have had a shower for their second child, and I certainly will be having one for every single child I have. You are right in saying that the celebration is about the gift of life rather than a superficial present-fest (although that certainly can be an added bonus :) ) Maybe you could make it a coed shower so it doesn't seem weird that your husband is doing it?

I'm not sure if this was already suggested, since I only glanced at a few responses, but you should consider doing a Blessingway (look it up online). That's what I did for my second, because I didn't want people to get me gifts (we had plenty of second-hand stuff from family), but I wanted to celebrate my pregnancy, motherhood, and the baby-to-be. It was perfect for me. It was more special and bonding than any shower I've been to. They made me a labor bracelet, from beads each person had brought and told me its special meaning or at least they gave me well wishes for the birth, which I wore during my labor and it did give me strength knowing so many good women were supporting me and wanted me to have the birth I desired (it was a VBAC, so even more significant). There are many ways to do a blessingway, so it's tailored to you. Just thought I'd pass my experience along, in case you'd like to do something similar.
~N.

Have the party! Take lots of pictures, party hardy and then kiss your husband long and hard!! How lovely to have a husband so sensitive to your needs :) CELEBRATE! And don't worry - the tickets you get from the etiquette police are pretty cheap, LOL, a little public service and that will erase it right off your record!