Screaming in Car Seat

That's fine that you don't like the cry it out method but your setting yourself up for one really hard habit to break by pulling the car over to soothe your daughter at every wimpse and cry.

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My oldest went through that stage around the same age. He just didn't like being confined. Once he was unbuckled he was fine. He would usually fall asleep after a few minutes of crying but I also tried to plan car rides around nap time and made sure he was clean and full. I absolutely would NOT turn her forward facing. I can't believe someone would do that with a 4-5 month old. Not only is it ILLEGAL but it is so very dangerous. Leaving the handle up while driving is also not reccomended for safety reasons. Does she take a pacifier? Is she too hot? Maybe dress her down when she's going to be in the car seat (just a onsie pehaps). Is the sun in her eyes? We used shades from a very early age to help with that (the film kind, not the kind with suctions cups as they can be dangerous in an accident).

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Sometimes our daughter will do this when she is in the car and it can make it difficult to consentrate. We will stop, change her diaper, and feed her. Usually she stops crying when we take her out and starts crying when we put her down. When she acts this way it's usually because she is overly sleepy.

I don't know that you have much of an opption other than to cry it out. Unless you enjoy stopping every 5 minutes. Turning her forward could get you charged with child endangerment, so don't do that.

I hope you find a solotion soon.

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My story echoes everyone else's. My daughter hated the car seat from day 1. She also hated swings and pretty much anything that confined her. She's 10 1/2 months and still cries and fights when we put her in the car seat. We hung toys on it and have played classical music and she eventually calms down. Mostly we plan lengthy car trips around her naps and she clamors to get out when we unbuckle her. We just bought a Britax and I'm hoping the extra comfort will lessen the fussiness. I think at this point we're just used to her crying when we strap her in we ignore it because it's for her own good.

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I had the same problem with my first born, he HATED the car seat and almost nothing helped - that first year was awful! Then my second seemed to be heading that way and we were frustrated because we'd thought with our son back there with her all the time, she'd be better! Then one day I noticed that she couldn't see him with the handle up - so I put the handle down and she's be fine ever since... so maybe put the handle down? With my son, we also installed a mirror so he could see us better and put up a film on the back window so that the sun wasn't in his eyes - both of which helped some. Another thing that helped was putting stuffed animals in the back window - faces for him to look at. or we'd use our cellphones and play with the ringers - the lights and sounds would distract him (difficult if you are driving!). Our doctor also recommended using pacifiers but he wanted nothing to do with them!

Good Luck!

Hi J.,

I am with you on the carsick thing, I get sick very easily and had the same problem with my daughter when she was little. She would scream and cry the entire car ride and as soon as she was out, she was o.k. I talked to her pediatrician and told him of my problems while riding in the car and he chalked it up to the same diagnosis, carsickness.

My mom later told me I cried a lot during car rides when I was small and now I know that was probably why. Sorry if I don't have any real answers but it would be a very strong possibility that she is experiencing motion sickness in the car especially if she is riding backwards. I hope you can find out for sure what is troubling her little soul. Take Care!: )

You're right to go with your mommy instincts. You know your child better than anyone else. My son doesn't get carsick/motion sick but I know of at least 2 other moms whose kids went through the same thing. It only changed once the children were able to sit forward (yes, until 1 yr old, they screamed). The moms were able to figure out that they were motion sick because the same kids didn't like/don't like swings either. Even now that they are toddlers, it is only recently (at 3.5 yrs) that they are even able to tolerate being in a swing in someone's backyard. Of course, what helps is that they tell you right away when they are feeling sick and need to get off the swing. I'm sorry. I know I can't seem to be of much help. My little one did hate it when we were stopped at lights when he was still facing backward. I use to stop really far away from the light and leave myself plenty of room to slowly inch forward every now and then to get the car moving which would cause him to stop being upset. Does the movement of the car seem to help or not really? Take care, too bad you can't find something which she could take which could help or calm her down. I know that anti-histamines are a form of rx for motion sickness but I can't recall if they can be used for 4 months old or if they have to be a bit older. Maybe a dr who specializes in motion-sickness could help?

first of all way to go mom for not resorting to the cry it out method!!! im glad to know there are other moms like me who are sensitive to the needs and feelings of their children! :D awesome work! and keep it up, it seems so hard sometimes when you are so tired and just want baby to stop crying...

hm. this is a tough one. as long as you also dont lose your resolve and loosen the seat belt, this is dangerous and could cause serious injury or death if there were a car accident.

one of the things that they did in the hospitol when we first put our son in a car seat was to grab it at the head and foot and swing back and forth with the seat at your waist. many many many times when our son was young, one of us was in charge of standing and swaying the car seat while the other got the diaper bag and whatever else. once in the car and moving, our son usually was fine, but that initial getting him in the seat was the hard part.

with this subject it is important to show no other option. children must be securly fastened into a car seat and seat belt, no exceptions. if you do it once, they will see the inconsistency and expect to be able to get that again...
this is of course when they are older.
i dont really know what to do specifically about the crying when in the car seat, but give the swaying a try.
it was the only thing that worked for us.

Is she big enough to switch to a convertible car seat {facing backward, of course)? My son hated the infant car seat, but was fine when we switched him to the convertible type.

Try getting her a book or something to play with before getting in the car for the ride, then maybe it'll occupy her mind enough to not care about the carseat.

I also get car-sick and HATE it. Window's help so perhaps keeping the windows down (even a little bit) will help with the air. Make sure that she's not dressed cool. My daughter used to cry in the car seat, until we figured out that her back would get super sweaty while in it because we had her dressed too hot. We even stopped making her wear her jacket in the car in the middle of winter...just because her back would get sooo sweaty it would just about soak her clothes through.

You know those vibrating bouncy seats people use at home? My kids loved them when I needed to set them down and I think the reason they loved being in the seat was because of the vibration. I've often wondered why on earth a car seat for an infant can't be designed with this feature. Car seats appear to me to be unbelievably uncomfortable anyhow. Perhaps with a little ingenuity someone (your husband maybe?) could figure out a way to put one of those office chair vibrating seat covers between the car seat and the car seat cover. I'm guessing it wouldn't be so hard to do because they do make battery-operated ones which are safer than the plug-in kind. My girls went through the screaming phase and we also do not force babies to cry it out so I was stopping on the road MANY times to comfort my girls. Good luck!!

My son used to do the same thing. It was awful. It lasted many months. Hang in there, it will pass. We finally found a stuffed lion that played a tune when you pulled its tail. We just had to keep pulling its tail the whole time we were in the car. He never slept in the car. THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

I am sure that there are those that will react strongly against this, but at about this age I started to train my children to allow me to be the authority. Our first battle was usually on the changing table which was convenient because I had a bare bottom to use as a training tool. When they would flail around and fuss about getting changed, I would give them a firm swat on the thigh. It was not enough to leave a mark or really hurt them, just enough to startle them into laying still. I reasoned that a little pain on the bottom was much better than a concussion from falling off the table. We didn't have a battle over car seats, but it is the same principle. Since it is summer, this is a good time to do this because she isn't wearing a lot of layers. Next time you put her in, check again to make sure the seat itself isn't too hot or something isn't hurting her. When she resists, swat her on the thigh and say "NO" firmly. Use her name, and put her in quickly without a lot of fanfare. If she continues to cry, tell her "no" again and then ignore her until she calms down. If you are consistent in taking authority over this issue, she will eventually realize that making a fuss is not productive. If she gets rewarded for making a fuss (allowed out of the seat or bribed with toys, etc.) she will continue using this kind of behavior to get what she wants. A smart child can figure out pretty early how to get what they want out of adults. The key is to teach them how to get what they want in a more appropriate way and how to submit to you when they can't have what they want.

I saw this time in there lives as a very important time to establish my authority over them. It is so much easier to do it now than when they are a two year old that is still screaming about getting in the car-seat.

I am not talking about harsh "punishment" for disobedience. I am talking about using a little bit of discomfort as a means of persuasion. That is what children do to us when they scream or kick. They are inflicting "pain" to persuade you to do what they want. They understand this cause and effect very early on. It is the language that they speak, so why not use it to communicate with them.

It's pretty common for infants/babies to go through stages where they just hate the car seat. We found music actually helped the most. Sometimes quite loud to get my son's attention! Comforting never really seemed to help since he would just start all over again as soon as he was put in the car seat again. He eventually outgrew his crying. Meanwhile we tried to keep the driving minimal. But I had to go someplace alone with him I just had to let him cry. Needless to say, they were always quick trips! Goood luck and I'm pretty sure your daughter will outgrow this stage.

I'm sure that you don't want to hear this,and I don't want to sound harsh, but she may very well be screaming because she knows you will take her out when she does. Some babies just don't like their carseats.
Is she eating solids yet? Maybe try sitting her in it when feeding her cereal so she gets a little more used to it.
You really can't avoid going out, as a mother of two I know I always look forward to getting out to interact with other adults! : )
Sorry I couldn't help more, I hope you find a resolution, soon.

My youngest daughter did the exact same thing. We did everything imaginable to just go somewhere without screaming. Eventually we ended up placing her in a forward facing seat that had the bar that comes down around the child. She was only 4-5 months old yet that was the only seat she would sit in for any length of time. She soon figured out how to get her arms loose and then she was fine.We are also parents who do not believe in crying it out. As she has gotten older(she is now 8) and is able to vocalize her feelings, we find that she is claustrophobic. She does not like any kind of clothing that is restrictive and she does not care for any overly crowded places.

Have you tried playing any "kid or baby" cd's in your car while driving. My daughter was the same way so I really feel for you...it is hard on your nerves when you are trying to concentrate on driving. I had an old Raffi (kids artist....think tapes was from the late 80's) tape and started playing that and she instantly would calm down...it was crazy, but it worked. I am not sure if my daughter was as young as yours when we started (more like 7 months I think), but it may be worth a try. Good luck! We did travel around her nap time as well. If it helps she did get better as she got older!

My son was exactly the same way! He was a great baby, but would scream in his car seat. We even went and bought another car seat to see if he liked it better. He didn't. Anything we did was also planned around nap time. I also get car sick and thought he was car sick as well. It is so hard when they can't tell you. One thing we did was to roll down the window. The breeze and outside noises would calm him for a short time. Then we would roll it up again and then down. We also took a music class together and would play that CD in the car. Once the music became familiar to him, that helped a little as well. I came to the conclusion that he hates to be strapped down. He is still very active today and likes to move freely. He is now 15 months and still isn't a huge fan of the car seat. For us, it got better when he hit about 8 months. It got a whole lot better once we turned the car seat forward and he could watch all the action. Hang in there and if you know she is fed, changed and that nothing is hurting her, she is going to have to get used to it. You still have a life and need to go places!

I wouldn't worry I think that's normal. My boys both did that for a couple of months, and then just stopped on their own. During that time I found that if I was on the freeway or highway after they would stop, but at slower speeds for some reason they wouldn't. What I did was I just stopped going anywhere unless I had somebody else with me to drive so I could sit in back and entertain them until they got over it.

Our kids did the same thing. And what we figured out is that they were having reflux pains. The car seat puts them in a position where it pushes there knees up into there intestinal area causing them to have reflux pain. Even though your daughter may not have the symptoms normally, it can still be causing her pain. We switched from the infant carrier to the bigger car seat. He is still rear facing but the bigger car seat doesn't push his knees up so much. It has helped for the most part. But there are still those days when it hurts him more than others. Hope that helps.

I am wondering if she minds being strapped in an infant seat or swing?

You could certainly experiment with a different style of car seat. Do you have any friends or relatives who would let you borrow theirs, just to try it out with her?

Other than that, you may just have to allow yourself tons of extra time when you go places, if you don't want to let her cry it out. They grow fast, and she will be in a forward-facing seat before you know it!

Sounds like you have checked all the obvious things. Even though the fit is "right" on her seat, try making the straps too loose while you have the seat in the house. See if it makes a difference. If it works, then you know the problem and you can work on making them tight enough but still having enough wiggle room. Also make sure nothing has gotten stuck down behind the fabric and is poking her in the back -- it happens!
Good luck!

My daughter also hated the car seat. She would scream as if in pain. The arching back is a signal of pain at times. We figured out she had gastric reflux and the compression of her tummy when strapped in hurt. I've seen other babies w/ reflux that like the car seat. Every reflux baby seems to be a bit different but being in pain while in the car seat is very common. Since we put her on Zantac she has been alot better. Talk to her dr about reflux. Does she spit alot after meals, sometimes cry w/o a good reason, spit more while lying down, cry when lying down, hate the swing, hate the car seat? These are all potential signs of reflux and different babies have different symptoms. Good luck!

Boy that takes me back. My 8 year old daughter was the exact same way. When I wasn't the one driving I would put my finger in her mouth and she sucked on it like a pacifier. She actually had a pacifier but that wouldn't work for the car. I think that she just like feeling my skin. Also we played music. Her choice was our Hard Rockin 80's cd but she wanted it extremely loud or she wouldn't stop crying. Another thing that you can try is a chiropractor. If her back or neck is out that might be a very uncomfortable position before her. I know that in most cities you can find some that will work on infants but I don't think that all of them do. I have brought my kids too them and it has helped with acid reflux to wetting accident problems. You would be surprised what can be affected by having your back not aligned.

Good luck and I hope she out grows it soon or someones suggestions will help you.

Our second child was like that for nearly 3 years. It was miserable. My husband would just play the music loud, and she would eventually stop, but I hated that.

Recently I saw one of the nanny shows do one on this topic. ALL of their kids screamed in the car seat every time! The nanny had them bring the car seats into the house so the kids could get used to them in comfortable surroundings. Amazingly the kids saw the seats and climbed right in and got buckled up without a problem! So they were to practice being buckled in the seats for a little while each day in the house. It worked, the kids didn't fuss at all when they went somewhere within 2 days.

Where were the nanny shows when I was starting out???

OH, and if you want to try the motion sickness route, there is an herbal remedy that works AWESOME!!!! on my daughter. I found it at Walmart. It is just a liquid that you rub behind both ears. Stinky, but works amazingly. That has saved our lives in the car! My dd has thrown up with Dramamine, but not the herbal stuff.

My daughter's name is Cassie also, but she is 25 years old.

One thing we did with my grandaughter to help her settle down in the carseat was get one of those mirrors that hook over the back seat so she can see herself in them. I also noticed that she must be able to see us in the rearview mirror because when I would smile at her, she would smile back. If we were driving in the dark, we made sure it had batteries so we could start the lights. I figure she just felt alone back there. Sitting in the back with her didn't work either because she figured if she was seeing you there, you didn't have any reason not to take her out.

When my kids were small, it was a different time. When I was small my mom would lay us on the seat next to her. It makes you gasp when you think of all these cars out there with babies laying on the seat before carseats were available. When my kids were small we had a infant seat that also was a infant carseat. You would buckle them in rear facing in the middle next to the driver with the strap going over the seat. My kids never had problems with being buckled in. When they grew out of the infant seat they went to carseats, not unlike what we have now days and then booster seats until they were old enough to see out the window without one. I am so glad that so much is put into safety seats now.