Screaming

Our son did that. It's horrible! We just started to refuse what he was asking for until he asked nicely. At 13 months your daughter is definitely old enough to at least use sign language to say please. With our younger son, he would continue to fuss while saying please and we would wait until he wasn't fussing. It was a long process, but if you stick to it, it does work. I've seen friends who didn't stop it at this age, and they ended up with horribly demanding toddlers. There were probably other factors that played in, but this was the noticeable one at play dates. GL

Try introducing her to sign language. At this age, your daughter knows what she wants but doesn't yet have command of verbal language, so if she learns to sign, she can articulate what she wants nonverbally, and that behavior will replace the screaming, which is her attempt at communicating her needs and wants. There are lots of books (I recommend American Sign Language (ASL) books), and there's also a Baby Einstein "My First Signs" video, which uses ASL. Good luck!

Hi K.,
I have the screaming child too. She does it when she is playing and when she is ANGRY. When she is angry, she will bend over, ball up her fists, and scream an ear piercing scream while her face turns red. She did it in the store the other day and stopped a poor man dead in his tracks. I think it happens most often when she is too tired to control herself. You just have to work on their communications skills, as well as watch them to see when they are doing it. Maybe you will be able to recognize she is tired or hungry or something to try to help her before she gets to that point.

Please try sign language. Your daughter is frustrated. She has a lot to express and limited means to do so. You have some Sign2Me presenters in Colorado. See if any are in your area:
http://www.sign2me.com

First off, have you had her hearing checked? Even too much ear wax or fluid behind her eardrum could affect how well she hears, she may not be aware she's screaming. If her hearing is fine, then my advice would be to explain that a very loud voice hurts your ears so they can't understand her request therefore she'll only get what she's asking for when she uses a quieter voice (do this at a time when she's not requesting anything). This may be hard for her to understand at first, but consistency is the key. Then don't grant her requests if she's using a very loud voice. Model the correct voice level or even model it in a whisper so she gets the idea of what volume is acceptable to you. Then only grant the request when she does it like you've modelled.

From,
M.
mom of a 6 yr. old girl; developmental specialist in an early intervention program

My daughter also started screaming (very high pitch, and loud) at about 10 months, but she seemed to mostly do so when happy (and later, I found sometimes it signaled a dirty diaper - always good to check). She still screams at random, usually in her high chair when she no longer wants to eat, so it seems to be a bit of, "I'm bored, pay attention to me." I like the suggestions of teaching your daughter sign language to help her communicate. All 3 of my kids have used the Signing Time! series, and we LOVE it! It is super-fun, very engaging for kids and adults (my 17 year old stepdaughter also loves them) and teaches real ASL signs. My oldest, now 5, talked very early, but he still loved to learn signs then and now. Check your library for availability, our local library (PPLD) has all 13 volumes of series 1 Signing Time! We own them all plus the new ones (they started a second series this year), because we love them so much! Their website is www.signingtime.com. Good luck!

I agree with signing for toddlers. All three of my kids were screamers, it was awful! But when my last one started daycare at 22 months ( he was a LATE talker ) one of the teacher started to teach him signs and in a little over a week he was screaming less and less often. Now 6 months later ( still not a big talker ) he only screams if he is very tired. I only wished someone had told me about signing with the first so that I didn't have to wait it out with the first two! Good luck. And remember that this too shall pass!

We have five children, ages 15 to 3. What has worked for us is when they scream for something, they DO NOT get what they want. Otherwise, it reinforces the behavior. Just be consistent.

Don't respond to the screaming. Praise her when she "uses her words" to indicate her wants. If you respond to the screaming, it just reinforces the behavior.

My daughter did this as well so I truly feel for you. She would do it in public as well and for the first time since being a mom I was getting the "can't you keep your kid quiet" look. What we did was first we tried ignoring the behavior to see if she was just doing it for attention (we had our second child around the time this started). That did not work. Then when she would scream we would tell her that we couldn't understand what she wanted when she screamed and to please use her regular voice. That worked great and within a few days she stopped. Good luck!!