School Stuff

That fund raiser stuff is just a pain in the neck. I am paying out the wazoo for property taxes and other taxes that support the school system yet it's not enough to keep the school going, so now we are held hostage with fund raising? It's ridiculous. What's more, at one point my husband and I had 7 children attending public school, yet they wanted us to provide "extra" for the class rooms. Sorry, I barely had enough for my own children.
For me, paying "x" amount for the fundraiser and not dealing with going door to door with the 5 and 6 year old was better use of my time. I felt guilty about asking all my relatives to cough up money every 4 months for the fundraisers so I quit doing it.
The birthday parties are easy enough to work in, just don't over schedule.

Great question!!!!!!!! I'm with you on the new kindergarteners and feeling overwhelmed already!
Good luck.

Learn to say NO:)) Sorry, I'm a mom of 3 and get overwhelmed with all the things. One thing I learned about the fundraisers, is that the school is just needing money for something. A few years ago, I asked if I could just write a check instead of selling things that no one wants or needs. They thought that was a great idea, and now that's an option instead of fundraising. So, that saves a lot of time.
As for birthday paties, the best piece of advice is to shop the sales for gifts. When you find something great on sale, stock up! Stash it in a box in the basement, that saves a last minute runs to the store. Let your son decide which parties to go to. My kids sometimes choose not to go. It seems overwhelming at the beginning of the year, but will settle down.
Buy a huge calendar-I have a desk calendar stuck on my back door. That way I can write down when everything is, when things are due, special days at school-you name it, it's all there.
I also have a filing folder for each of my kids for all those papers my kids bring home. As soon as they come home from school we sort through-if I don't need it, I throw it away immediately (that takes care of LOTS of it:)) If I can sign it and send it back, i do that right away, then I don't lose it. Very few papers actually go in the folder for later, because I deal with it all right away-makes it a little less overwhelming.
As for helping in the classroom, there's lots you can do at home. This is the first year all of mine are in school, so I haven't been able to help at school much until this year, but I've been able to help a lot. I've cut and colored things for teachers, organized scholastic book orders, counted Box Tops and Campbell's labels, and sent in lots of items for activities at school-all from the comfort of my family room. Just don't over-commit. I did that my first year, and really regretted it. Just slowly ease yourself into all the activities.

Hello S.,

You are not alone on this at all....At the beginning, I was feeling guilty about the same, but I realized that it was too much: fundraiser stuff, $$$ for the class fund (?), money for this and money for that. I also felt like I was not cooperating too much to my child's school, and I wanted to volunteer in some areas, but I do not have babysitter for my other little boy, and the timing is another thing, besides I do translations at home which keep me very busy; among other stuff, I spend time with my older kid watching he is doing his homework and practicing what he could not understand at school..and papers from school keep coming in the folder to read and sort....I like communication with the school and specially with the teacher, but I actually like the real communication which is find the teacher willing to talk to me by phone when I need her instead of having just e-mails......So just short time ago, I decided to cooperate in the way I just can do it. Fundraiser stuff....a small check; treats for the kids or beverages for the classroom, Just what I am able to do..I try to attend PTO meeting, but it is not always possible, and I am sure the principal, teachers or any member of those boards and else understand and know very well why sometimes moms do not attend meetings. B-days parties?, let him participate in some of them, your kid does not have to go to every party he is invited in, and get small presents that you can find on sales.
There always will be something schools ask for, but I am not feeling guilty any more. Just do what you can do, the most important thing is stick to your little boy and help him at home the more you can, and there you are cooperating with the most important: your child.
Take care...do not worry you are just starting so, be practical..
Alejandra

Keeping a calender to keep track of it all and a single location for important school papers is one way I keep my sanity. Also with fundraisers I don't even think it is safe to send kids door to door anymore so we only ask Grandma and Grandpa and we look it over to see if there is anything we can use to put back for a Christmas gift etc so we aren't just blowing money in our budget. When it comes to the book clubs its nice to buy a book for the classroom ( the teacher usually has a wish list, its nice to let your kiddo help pick one out) if its hard since you have a younger one to participate in volunteering Time at the school then you can always get with one of the room mothers and still send a treat or napkins or something along those lines. Teachers Always have things they would like to have for the classroom that they would otherwise have to purchase out of pocket you could always call and ask if there was something she or he needed for the classroom. Also, its ok to say no its ok to not do every after school activity...sometimes it is just too overwelming. Everything in moderation! Enjoy th eyear it will go by all too fast!
Good luck!
B.

Take it from a mother who just got one started in college and one started in preschool, be as choosy AS YOU WANT TO BE with the activities you allow your children to attend. Make it work for YOU! Don't feel obligated to do any of them.
I always felt obligated to have my son be a part of EVERYTHING and it wore him and me plum out!! Nobody had fun.
Sometimes less is MORE.
And make a decision that YOU are in charge of your life, therefore, it can only become out of hand or overwhelming if you LET IT!

You are right it can definitely be overwhelming! Last year our PTA said just pick one fundraiser and really go for it. It's too hard if you try to do everything. As for volunteering shoot for 1 hour every three months. Pick from the an activity that happens in the evening, like the book fair or carnival. Then your husband could watch the kids while you help out. You will meet a lot of people and build a support system at the school. That way you won't feel guilty and as your son grows he will know you care b/c you put his school as a priority. Good luck.

Just because it is a school fundraiser doesn't mean that you are obligated to participate. You can just send the stuff back to school with a note that you are unable to assist with this present fundraiser and DON'T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT!!
There well be many many many more in the future.
This is also true with birthday parties and other events. I am the mother of 5 very active children. None of them were scarred for life when they did not get to go to this or that. I do attend all field trips, sporting events that my child is in and am a room parent for school parties. As for birthday parties....if time is an issue, I would talk to my child about how much they like the birthday child. If they don't know them well, then do not feel obligated to have your child attend. You would be surprised how many parents will invite a lot of kids just to have a lot of gifts.....especially at this young age. Another thing that I do is to have a gift box in my closet. Then when I am out shopping I go through the clearance section and pick up some really nice things to have on hand. It makes things lots easier and saves on time later on. When your child has a party to go to, just let them "shop" in the gift box! I also keep a couple of different wrapping papers, gift cards(matching the papers) and other wrapping supplies. These can also be bought on sale. This saves us soooo much time, money and headaches!
Mainly, decide what is important for you and your child. What will add to their life in a positive way and how much are you willing to do. One last hint........I have found--from watching close friends with their children-- that as they get older, things become more hectic and if you make sure that they do everything now, not only will that be expected in the future, but more will be expected.....as if it is owed to them.

I totally agree with Paula! I think the fundraising is....well, a pain! I personally would rather donate cash to my son's PTO club than deal with that. We currently have a fundraising book sitting on the piano, with NO orders and waiting to turn it in! As far as the bday parties...my son seems to be invited to parties of kids he's not "close" friends with and there are many times, he doesn't go. I don't feel guilty at all. A calendar is a must. I have a calendar in our kitchen that has Everything going on with each boy and with my husband and I. That is a BIG help! Good luck and don't feel guilty for not choosing to do everything there is to offer. It would make you crazy!!

a very wise teacher once told me that with her own three children, she did not participate in any fundraising. Instead, she had them figure out what the profit-margin was & that was the amount she donated. WOW, a learning lesson combined with giving!
One of the most frustrating factors of school fundraising is the perks which the children are given, which excludes those families unable to bear the financial burden. I think it's unfair....in fact, our school actually has a party for the kids who sell........it's soooo waaaay wrong.

i'm with Paula. there's too much crud! i just pick one, if the children want to do it. i'm not doing all the work for it. i've got plenty on my plate, as i'm sure you do, as well.

You can choose do participate in the fundtraiser,I'am really looking forward to all this when my son goes into Kindergarten next year.Yes they do seem to overdue it a little on fundraisers but this is how they get the much needed supplies for their classrooms.The birthday parties you can always skip but it would also be nice a suggestive thought to send a small gift on the next day of school,give it to the childs parent when your waiting for them after school.And let them know you appreciate the invite.

I understand your situation. At first I thought I had to sell as much as possible so my son could get the big prizes and help the school. I used to take them to work, I usually got a few orders. Then I started working at a place where everyone's children were selling stuff all at the same time. So I would pick out a couple of items that I liked. I would call my mom and tell her what he was selling, she'd tell me what she wanted and send a check. Sometimes we ask my MIL, but most of the grandkids are the same age, they have the same fundraiser, so we don't want to break her. Now alot of the catalog fundraisers have websites for the school so you and have friends and family log on and order stuff.

I usually don't do any of the fundraising things. I may purchase something myself but don't bother other people. Another thing you can do is just do a one time donation to the PTA to help out the school for Field Trips, Parties and Assembly guests etc.... Don't feel guilty if you don't do the fundraising things. As for the Birthday Parties, You need to make a decision at the beginning of the year, either to attend them or not. If you go to one it usually snowballs into getting invited to others. If you are planning to have a party for your own child and inviting his class then you should attend others. Our school policy is that you have to invite the whole class if you send the invitations to school. If your child seems to have 1 or 2 "special" friends in their class then what I do is get their address from the school directory or from the parent and send the invitations to their home address.-----Good Luck---------J. C

My son is a 2nd grader, and I still get that way! As far as the parties go, if it's one of his good friends, I try to let him go. He's at his Dad's on weekends, so we have to see who will take him etc... If it's somebody who has come to his party, I try to make sure he goes to theirs. In Kindergarten I don't think I took him to any. But in first grade, we invited his class to a pizza party, then he went to the other kids parties... or some of them anyway! As far as the fundraising, I've been a PTO member since his kindergarten year, and I knew we were raising funds for a new playground, so I just hit my family up. We got what we got, no big deal if we didn't get a lot. Just try not to stress from it! My youngest was about 6mo when my oldest started kindergarten, so I just took him to class parties with me, but when 1st grade came around, he didn't want to sit in the stroller, so he hung out with Grandpa why I went to the class parties. It'll come to you as the year goes on, just sort of trial and error. Even if you can't make a party, you can always send something in. It gets a bit easier what to expect as they keep moving up in grade levels ; ) Good Luck!

My suggestions to you is to only do as much as you can handle.

With fundraising, I only let my kids sell to the family and close friends and close neighbors. There were many times that we didn't sell anything because people didn't want any of it at the time.

Birthday Parties, How about if your child is a boy only do the boy parties? This might work out really well for you because often at the Kindergarten age boys and girls invite everyone to their party. It doesn't matter if you are a boy or girl. Just doing that will cut back on the amount of running, gifts, gas and hassle.

I hope that this helps. My kids are 12 and 14 so I have been out of this for a little while however those are some of the things that I did so that it didn't get overwhelming.

Good luck.........it is only the beginning so get it under control now.

S., we went through the same thing last year (and this year I have 2 in school). I was all worried about the fundraisers and who I was going to get to buy that junk. My husband looked at me and said "we're not going to do it". At first I thought that we couldn't do that - we have to help our school! He then pointed out that 1) we pay taxes and 2) if there is something that they need that our taxes will not cover we will be happy to donate some money to the school - not to some company for their cheap stuff. Once that I let that sink in it made sense. We both work, we have no family in the area for our kids to sell to. We both work in small offices. The number of people for us to sell to is small. I go to PTO meetings, I do one school party for each child and I help supply things for the other partys. Just let your teacher/room mother know that you'll help with the supplies. Go only to the birthday parties that your child wants to go to. My daughter at first would feel like she had to go to them all. I asked her if she wanted to go to one kids and she said no, so we didn't. She told the girl happy birthday at school and was done with it. Do what your comfortable with and that's it. Don't over whelm yourself or your family. We're involved in stuff we really enjoy and we stop there. Good luck!

Take him out and homeschool him. I found the "busy-ness" for the one year I sent one of mine to public school was more than enough for us. It only gets worse as they get older and have homework added to the mix. Heaven forbid that you should plan family, church or other outside activities that don't dovetail into the school calendar.

Read the book, "Underground History of American Education" by John Taylor Gatto, who was the New York State Teacher of the Year in 1991.

There's so much more you can do for your child as a parent that obviously loves and wants the best for their child. You are, after all, your child's first teacher, why not continue?

Our school does not have the kids do fundraisers. The only fundraiser we do is the carnival, which is now every other year. I am one of the hand full of organizers for PTO. I also have a very demanding job during the day and feel someone needs to step up and be there for the kids of the school. There are many ways EVERYONE can donate just a few hours of their time to help with the school. I have a list of room parents that all I ask of them is to make a FEW phone calls to ask for a couple of donated items for our Teacher dinners during P/T Conferneces or a couple of volunteers for serving during the same time.
There are also ways of helping do things for Teachers or PTO/A groups at home (Box Tops and labels were mentioned by another mom). Since work, childcare or your budget may be an issue for some call your school to donate your time.
As far as the parties go, your child may be receiving an invitation to everyone's party so as to not feel left out. They are developing new friendships and figuring out who "clicks" with whom. Usually, by 3rd grade, your child will have a few friends and will not need to invite the entire class. I don't think all parents are hounding gifts for their children, but, would like to see everyone having fun and not feeling left out.
Best of Luck with school,
and don't be afraid to ask teachers questions!
M. C

Just be comfortable saying NO or NO THANK YOU.... Do what you can and let the rest go. If it's a matter of filling out addresses for a magazine order thing...Take the time and do it, the school gets money for that and it doesn't take long. Let your family and friends know in advance that the stuff will be comig in the mail, but there is no pressure to buy. As far as party invites...other than a really close friend, I usually sent a thanks for the invite note and maybe a small gift for the child if it's for a birthday, but I didn't/don't let my kids do a lot of stuff like that until 4th or 5th grade. Don't let other mom's pressure you. Do what you can. That's all you can do. If you let it the stuff will drive you bonkers... Good luck.

I agree with all the other posters....I have 3 in school and they get them all hyped up about the 'prizes'. They aren't allowed to go door to door.Anyway,it just doesn't make sense.

Last year we were pushed to raise money for the kids' trip to wildwood. I figured at one point that I had spent more on the donations to the fund raiser than the amount my kid was credited toward the trip. I would have been better off just paying my kid's way. (I know the fund raising there helps cover those kids whose parents don't pay)

You just go with it. It is going to be this way from now on. A couple of years ago we got 8 b-day party invites in one month. I went to Big Lots and bought all the gifts there. Also start buying toys, etc. right after Christmas when a lot of it is on sale and stock up. You will get used to it. This is really just the tip of the ice berg. There is going to be a time when he wants to sign up for scouts and extracuricular activities and all the homework. It is tough. My child is in the 2nd grade and has homework every night. It is intended to take 30 minutes, but depending on her mood, it can take longer.

Hi! Putting your kids through school is a full time job in itself. I HATE what is expected of a parent & putting their kids through school. I spend over an hour a night on home work with my 8 year old (thank god my 13 yr old is self sufficient with homework)fundraising is mandatory or you have to pay for the amount you didn't raise, then there's the school spirit shirts, athletic logo shirts, book orders, birthday parties, party money, raffle basket money (so someone can purchase items to put one together), lunch money (or packing one), sports, theme days, & I could go on & on & on. I work a full & part time job (just to make ends meet - my vehicle is a 1997 & I don't have any "habits" I spend money on) So how to handle it - you do what you have to & just keep trucking forward. If you don't want to participate in parties, then don't, but don't have your child one then either. You may also want to think about his "social" activity. No kids don't have to have a social life, but it is good for them to make friends & when everybody comes back to school talking about the fun they had at the party he didn't get to go to, it could be frustrating to him. I also do as one of the other mom's said & I try to buy things inadvance when I see really good deal (especially hot wheels, transformers, things that don't go "out" for boys). I also shop Big Lots, Dollar General also has nice name brand toys (they don't have to be name brand though). Go to the dollar tree & have your son pick out 7 or 8 items he would like to have & put them in a gift bag, yeah most of it isn't going to last real long (neither does some of the $$ stuff), but kids love to get a bag of goodies! Good luck, take a deep breath, & do what you can. this is the first step to your lif becoming busier than you could have ever imagined!

I have a policy about fundraising that I tell all my friends in advance.....don't ask me to buy from your kids and I won't ask you to buy from mine. That being said, we don't fundraise. If it is something really good, I may buy something or let my kids ask their grandparents, but that's it. The only exception I make is for Jump Rope For Heart, which I consider something completely different. I also have one son (first grade) who is not responsible at all for that kind of stuff that they send home and want you to keep and then send back. I don't go for that. I sent it right back to school and told them to keep it because he would lose it and I didn't want to be responsible for paying for it when he did lose it.

As far as birthday parties go.....if these are invitations that the entire class is getting, then it's probably not a big deal whether you decide to let your child go or not. In these cases, I look at what else we have going on and see whether it REALLY works for us. If it's an invitation from a child that your child considers a new friend, I would let him go. This is a way for them to get to know each other outside of the classroom setting and for you to get to know the parents.

Being a former teacher in the public schools I know how important fundraising is. I do agree with the other ladies that it can be a pain. Since we now live 10 hours away from any of our closest relatives and our friends are selling the same things what we've done is order one to two things from each child. If grandparents happen to be visiting at the time, they are allowed to ask them and we'd get them their items later on. I agree that some of the stuff is junk. My husband tends to order the food stuff more anyway. Our school also does St.Judes' Math-a-thon and they have a way you can email relatives and get donations online. Since that is for a cause outside the school if my kiddos choose to participate we let them collect online. You don't have to participate in all of the fundraisers. Fortunately our school does one school fundraiser and one non school one.

As for the birthday parties. I think Kindergarten and 1st grade are the grades where the kids/parents tend to invite the whole class. As they get older it slows down. Our rule was, if you were invited to their party and went then you were to invite them to your party. Sort of like a tit for tat rule. Don't stress to much, you've got many more years of school left. Good luck and God Bless.