"School Routine Hassle"

I don't mean to sound mean, but my children do not get a choice. If I am taking the time to make breakfast, they need to be respectful and eat what I provide. It's not like I'm making horrible food that they can't stand - I'm making what I know they like. I love this motto "you get what you get and you don't throw a fit"

I also agree with some of the other Mom's - he is old enough to make breakfast on this own if he doesn't like what you make.

Good Luck and I wish you all the best!

I would have him decide-ahead of time!- when he wants breakfast-before or after getting dressed- and give it to him then. I am a morning person, but some people (incluing kids) are not ready to eat right away. Assuming he's getting enough sleep and not eating right before bed...

The night before, hand him a "menu" of items with little boxes beside each one. Tell him, "We're going to do things differently tomorrow. Please check the box next to the breakfast you'd like to have tomorrow morning. It will be served at x o'clock and you will need to be sitting at the table fully dressed at that time. If you are not, there will be a consequence (no tv tonight, earlier bedtime, no playing with friends after homework is done, whatever, make it one he actually cares about and is during that same day). I will wake you at x o'clock and you will have 15 minutes to be dressed at the table." Lay out his clothes the night before so they're ready to go right when he gets up. Then when he doesn't do this, FOLLOW THROUGH with the consequence and tell him "Let's try this again tomorrow morning and maybe I WON'T have to take away TV tomorrow night. This is TOTALLY up to you, it's YOUR choice to do the morning routine or not, just be prepared to lose a privilege if you choose not to do it." Then when he comes around and starts complying, tell him how happy you are and how nice the mornings have become and THANK HIM for being such a great get-ready-in-the-morning-er. Good luck!

Just something to consider - he just might not be hungry when he wakes up, so he really doesn't know what he wants for breakfast. Try switching around the routine - get dressed, etc _then_ breakfast. Instead of doing things in "order" let him know that things have to be done by a certain time on the clock. i.e. he can only have a hot breakfast if he's sitting at the table by 8.15, if he's not at the table by 8.25, he has to take something on the bus. If he's not dressed by 8.10, you're not asking him anymore and if he doesn't do it himself he's going to school in his pjs.

We've also had good luck with a "get ready chart." My daughter's has "get dressed" "brush hair" "brush teeth" "put on shoes and socks." If she checks each one off each day, she gets $1 at the end of the week. She likes not being nagged, and I like not nagging. That might help too.

Good luck.

First off - I don't ever ASK my kids what they would like for breakfast. We have kinda a normal rotation of eggs and toast, breakfast burritos, pancakes, french toast, oatmeal, breakfast sandwiches etc depending on what supplies I have in the kitchen. IF you want to continue with allowing him to choose what is for breakfast, you need to do it the night before. Maybe while he is brushing his teeth before bed, you tell him to think of what he wants the next morning. If he hasn't told you before bed time, then forget it - you choose.
You have to MAKE him be on a schedule. My kids are 6 and 8 and of course if I let them, they would want to just lay on the couch. 10 mins before breakfast time, they must go get dressed, then they have 25 min to eat breakfast while watching cartoons. If they are not eating or eating too slow, then the tv goes off, but usually they do fine with it. After the 25 min is up, they go brush there teeth (with me supervising) then pack up back packs and get on shoes etc.

Sorry for being long-winded here, but I'm writing off the top of my head.

Seriously, the behavior you're describing sounds like something straight from a Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle book. Have you read those? You should! There are four of them. You'll laugh, and then you'll think. Your son is seven years old and he's doing what you'd expect of a three-year-old. The reason he's succeeding is simply because you're letting him win the game. Perhaps the thing every child does BEST is testing his/her parents!

In order to end his game, you have to have a game of your own. Quit worrying and start to be in charge. I'm NOT saying to be mean - I'm saying to go back to being Mama! And, for a while, Mama will have to be impressive.

If he were my son, I'd talk to his teacher first, and see how he behaves at school. If he doesn't behave that way, then you've just learned something important. Let the teacher know what is going on at home and get her on your side, because one day when your boy can't get his act together in the morning, he may just have to stay home!

Then I would make an doctor's appointment for my son and take him to it. (I'd let the doctor and the office know what's going on when I call. This won't be a first for them.) I wouldn't discuss it with my boy first; I'd just do it. You want to sound friendly and firm - just like a mama in charge. "Yes, you need this. You aren't able to listen, you aren't able to obey, you aren't able to talk like a seven-year-old, and you aren't able to get your act together in the mornings, so I guess you must be sick!" If he changes his act abruptly, don't be surprised, but stick to your guns. Don't let him argue or fuss with you. You're not being mean, but it's your job to take care of him. If the doctor says he's physically healthy, you can cross that off your worry list, and the cost of the office visit can be worth it.

When your ask your boy to do something and he says, "Kidzy is too tired," you can say, "Oh, poor Kidzy. Kidzy must need a nap. Into bed with you." Turn off the TV or stop whatever else he's doing, take him to his room, pull up the covers, turn out the light, and tell him he must stay there until you get him up, because that's what mamas have to do with toddlers. No books, no toys. It needs to be B-O-R-I-N-G. Give him five minutes or so, and then go in and ask, "Is (your son's name) able to be himself now?"

Tomorrow for breakfast, serve him the proverbial two choices: take it or leave it. Don't ask him what he wants. You are not his waitress. If he won't eat or come to the table, take the food away. Breakfast is over. (Snack time is for kids who miss their breakfasts. He won't starve. And you're not being a tyrant. You're getting him out of his game-playing, don't forget.)

You could try sending him to bed fifteen minutes earlier tonight, because toddlers have earlier bedtimes. After all, if he can't get up on time, he won't be dressed on time. If he doesn't dress and clean himself up, he won't be on time for breakfast. If he misses the bus, it must be that he's... sick. Back to bed, son!

What if he acts up like this when you all are out and about? "Oh, poor boy! I guess we'll head home right away so I can put you in bed until you feel better. No treat today!" Then do it right away. Make it an action, not a threat. (You can actually say something better than this. Just make it short and sweet.) Let him realize you're not playing his game any more.

The idea is that YOUR game has to be a little more impressive than his. (Once you stop worrying and start taking charge, you're going to find some of this very funny. But don't let him know that yet.)

A major problem with this kind of childish misbehavior is that it disrupts other lives. You don't say whether you have other children or whether you have other time-sensitive commitments. So I hope you'll be able to end his game really soon, because dealing with it can be quite an inconvenience. If all goes well, it could be just a day or two before he concedes. That doesn't mean he won't try it again at a future date!

When he starts being back on a seven-year-old track, stay in charge by laying out a plan with him. You could make a chart for him if he likes putting stickers on charts. He will see everything he has to do, in the order of doing it. He can make things easier for himself by laying out his clothes and his school things the night before.

Once HE starts playing YOUR game, you can go back to choices-for-breakfast if you want. But let him have the security of knowing that Mama, who loves him, will do what's best for him no matter what. Be very sure to tell him how absolutely DELIGHTED your are to see your real son again, and how you hope that awful, whiny Kidzy person never comes back.

My 14 year old is not a morning person. He needs to be out waiting for the bus at 6:50 am - so his alarm is set for 5 am. I set mine for 5:30 and ensure he is up. But, he has to get dressed, get breakfast, feed the dogs, fix his hair and brush his teeth. He has had the same morning routine for over 7 years and some days it is like the first time all over again. ARRRGHH.

Years ago when I realized that mornings were not his best time, I started waking him up earlier and earlier - he seems to the need the extra time in mornings to stare at his feet and turn on his brain. So I adjusted our schedule to allow that - helped me to not feel so stressed and helped him get off to a better start in the morning. If I find that if he is really lagging for a couple days in a row I make him go to bed earlier and "re-set" his inner clock.

He has been fixing his own breakfast since he was about 7 - he could choose cereal and milk, instant oatmeal, a PB&J sandwich, leftover pizza, whatever. I stopped fixing breakfast when I ran into the same "I don't want it" routine that yours is giving you. If he doesn't eat at home then he is welcome to grab breakfast in the school's cafeteria. Give your son some easy to fix options and let him prepare his own breakfast. With mine, it just took a couple of mornings having to eat the school food and he made sure to have enough time to eat at home after that.

Help your son make a morning schedule - work backwards from the time he needs to leave the house to fix a wake up time. Buy him an alarm clock if he doesn't already have one - don't show him the snooze button! Allow a certain amount time for hair and teeth, getting dressed, etc.

Post the agreed upon morning schedule on his bathroom mirror and on the fridge. Give him a week - help him get through the schedule and get used to it. Then let him try it on his own - with you there to prompt him along. He will get the hang of it - mine did - it takes patience though.

As for the talking about himself in third person - just roll with it. I jokingly refer to mine as "the Boy child" and will ask him "what does the boy child want for dinner", etc. When your son says "Kid wants ____" just answer in kind. Refer to him in third person as Kid - he'll get tired of it. Its just a phase.

Good Luck and God Bless

A 7 year old is capable of fixing himself a simple breakfast such as cereal, fruit, yogurt, toast, microwave oatmeal, peeling a hard boiled egg, etc. The day I noticed my girls behavior around me fixing their breakfast was demanding and rude was the day I stopped doing it for them. They have to fix their own breakfast now every day. We started this rule when they were 10 and 8, and honestly, I wish I would have made them do it sooner. My older daughter has to eat breakfast before she can retreat to the basement family room to play or watch TV. My younger daughter can only have the kitchen/dining room TV on if she is making or eating breakfast. I give a reminder when it is 8:00, and another when it is 8:30, beyond that I've really cut back on the nagging and hurrying them along from one chore to the next. I've also been through the getting dressed battles. Now I do not ever, ever help them "find" clothes, they need to do that themselves. It all has to get done or they miss the bus, and then my younger has to walk, and my older would have to ge a ride and consequences for a tardy at school. I would keep ignoring the 3rd person remarks and the "don't want to" and the "too tired" remarks. Chock that up to normal kid grogginess.

Hi Lucinda, I think part of the issue is that your son is a singleton, and it has been so much easier for you to cater to his every whim. I can't do that with 6 children! Imagine what that would be like! Nightmare to be sure. You are reaping what you have trained into him, or rather have not trained into him. It's good that you see at 7 that he has some character issues that need addressing. It is my experience that 7 year old boys are the greatest things that God has created. They are such delicious beings! I so miss 7 in my boys! Other ages are fun, but 7! So, what to do now? Tell him that there is a new sheriff town. :) The new sheriff has new rules. You can either make his breakfast, or have him do it himself. I don't have a problem giving children options: do you want A or B? But, stick to those. At first, in the retraining, you may just need to give him A with no options until he learns to be thankful for A. As others have said, no lounging on the sofa in the morning. I would advise him that if he is so tired, that he can go to bed an hour earlier tonight so that he won't be so tired tomorrow. If he hops up and has a good attitude, then he won't have to go to bed early. If not, then stick to it. Be consistent on this. Also, if he has so much free time in the morning that he can lounge around, does he need to get up so early? Is his wake up time set to allow for lounging? If you need him up at that time in order to be out the door when necessary, then he shouldn't be lounging, but using that time wisely. You could give him work to do in the morning to get his blood pumping a bit (make bed, pick up toys, feed animals, sweep front porch, etc.).I see from your profile that you are a SAHM. Have you considered homeschooling him? You could use that time to have a more flexible schedule that is not so stressful, work on character issues, all the while providing an excellent education for him. Believe me, it is way less stressful to follow your own schedule than someone else's. It's a idea.
About talking about himself in 3rd person, I don't personally have a problem with that. However, if you do, and he knows you do, then he needs to respect and honor your wishes in this. Again, it is character. And, I must ask: what does your husband say about all of this? Ideally, he should be the primary person instructing your son on how to become a respectful, hardworking, honorable man. Boys follow Daddy's lead so much better in these areas. If he can get on board with this, it will impact your son in an amazing way.
Blessings!

Reward for good behavior!
It sounds like he isn't a morning person just like my son but just like I told my son that's no excuse!Reward charts have worked wonders in our house! Lay out all that's expected whether it's being respectful in the morning or brushing teeth. He gets a star for everything he does well and at the end of the week he earns a reward. It could be anything from a new book to going for ice cream. Let him choose as long as it within reason.
As for the food issue, I love the idea of deciding the night before. I just might do that myself! If he doesn't eat it, Oh well, he goes to school hungry. My guy is doing really well now without the chart but every so often he needs a little motivation! Good luck!

Gosh.
Rude kiddo huh?

I would, not feed him breakfast if he is like that.
Let him go to school, hungry.
He KNOWS... that even if he acts like that... he can get away with it.

AND if he does not get ready, he goes to school, as is.
Too bad.

If it makes him late to school. Too bad and so be it. He can get a Tardy slip. And explain to his Teacher. And suffer the consequences.

Does he do his homework?
If not, send him to school without it done.
Attach a note to the Teacher, explaining.

He must be in 1st grade or 2nd grade, right?

You need to not put up with him.
He knows he gets away with it.
Thus at school, he does not do it so much.

If he refuses to eat what you make: then he does not eat. OR, you sit down and eat and enjoy yourself. OR, tell him he can make his own, dinner/breakfast etc. BUT, only with what you tell him he can eat.
Put it on the counter (food), and tell him "Pick one. That's what you eat." If he does not pick one, he does not eat.

Either now or when it gets harder... as he gets older, it will get worse.
Unless he suddenly realizes he is no "royalty."
And does not have an attitude of entitlement.

If my kids did that to me... I would.not.put.up.with.it

There is a book called "Have A New Kid By Friday." by Leman.
Good tips, teaches respect, not derogatory, easy to read.

Next: Have a REAL heart to heart talk with your Son. Develop... a closeness with him. Talk to him, as a grown boy. He is not a 'baby.'
Since his Dad is so emotionally unavailable and mean... he needs you.
But treat him as a 7 year old. TALK WITH him. Make it a routine. Let him talk to you and just chat. A boy NEEDS that. In time, he may just change his attitude toward you.
He may treat you like that because MAYBE your Husband treats you that way???

all the best,
Susan

Try this-"your behavior and speech is unacceptable for your age-Here's our new morning routine: after a good nights sleep (put him to be an hour earlier) you will get up and get dressed and make your bed and pick up your room-then you will come to breakfast to eat the meal which will consist of what we discussed the night before-then you will say how wonderful it is to have me as your mommy and you will get on the bus!

sounds like he has been ceded power to decide how mornings will look in *his* house. it's a shame you don't enjoy how the 7 year old has structured it. 7 year olds aren't really good at this sort of thing.
someone has to be the adult. i vote for you!
in the morning give him two 'wake-up calls', then he's up. period. no laying on the couch. start the waking up earlier if necessary. some of us aren't morning people. that's okay. but no waking up and lying back down again.
don't ask him what he wants for breakfast. tell him what's prepared and how long he has to eat it. if he chooses not to, shut up and let him do that.
refuse to answer to third person comments. don't effuse with praise when he speaks appropriately, but do acknowledge him and treat him pleasantly when he behaves.
stop accepting mumbles and 'trying to ignore him' when he baby talks.
be his mother.
khairete
S.

my first thought is that if he refuses to do anything because he's laying on the couch in the morning, i wouldn't let him lay there. wake up in the morning, get dressed and go straight to the breakfast table. he will fight you on this, but you are the parent you make the rules. i know that helped me get motivated and made my day so much better when i would do that instead of just sitting on the couch in the morning. as for his speaking, keep correcting him and don't do anything that he asks until he says i want this. that is currently what i'm doing with my two year old nad it works wonders. she's starting to say i in the beginning instead of me..

Your son may just still be tired. He either needs to get up earlier (if he is a slow riser) or he needs to decide what he'll eat the night before. It's that simple. Except now you have the difficult task of changing the rules & sticking with them until he knows you won't give in.

After reading the info about your husband, it sounds like you could really use some counseling. If your husband would go with you, that would be ideal. But even if he doesn't, you need to seek some help, getting ideas for how to deal with your life situation. Your husband may never be a stellar father -- he simply doesn't know how. But it also sounds like he's not listening to the advice from others & not even trying to change. You need some help figuring out what you will accept and what is unacceptable.

God bless. I pray that you get a great counselor!

Outside looking in it sounds like you are letting him get away with what you are explaining. You need to try a different route that will allow him to really hear and feel your expectation that it not only for him but you as well.

My experience was with our daughter ( who is 11 years old so major age difference) who wanted to lag around in the morning and take her time, I set her alarm clock 15 minutes earlier to wake up and explained to her that she need to be down stairs by a certain time or she would not get to pick what she wanted to eat and we would pick for her, it took a couple of times but she is much better with the morning routine, I see the effort she has put in. I also had to threaten to wake her up earlier than the set 15 minutes which would have hurt me to my heart because I know that is just to early but thank God she did not push the test. Get creative, set an expectation and have a consequence for little man if he does not hear ya.

We have 2 rules in our house, either of which may prove useful to you

1) Absolutely no electronics until morning chores are done

Kiddo's morning chores:

- Make breakfast (I make brunch later, but kiddo is hypoglycemic and needs to eat first thing)
- Take a shower
- Brush his teeth
- Make his bed
- Pick up his room
- Get dressed

((The 2nd rule is that making breakfast is part of his chores... aka even if you didn't want him totally ready to go before the TV goes on, making a bowl of cereal -or toaster waffles, etc.- COULD be)).

You are the parent. Start a routine at bedtime for the next morning. Tell him what the routine will be and stick to it. If you have to write a list of things he needs to do in order then do it. For breakfast you tell him "You can either have this or that for breakfast but I have to know the night before so I can prepare." You tell him you will only respond to words not grunts and then clear sentences. You are going to have to be on top of him in the beginning. Keep pushing and reminding him. I had to create a schedule for my son and in the beginning I was like the police but know he is ready before everyone else in the morning. Never give a child too many choices. Narrow it down to two and let him know you are not running a restaurant.

I take my daughter when I go food shopping and we discuss what we can have for breakfast that week. Unfortunately as I'm not a sahm there are items she cannot have during the week like pancakes etc. With those limits set she picks 2 types of cereals some bananas, some bagels, and peanuts. I get up an hour earlier so I can get ready and then I help her. I'm not a morning person and their is no way I'm getting up at 530a and eating right away I need a chance to wake up. I have coffee first get ready, get her ready and then I feed her something. Note I do not eat because I just can't eat that early. I use to at first try to fix her something then go get showered for work but not always get the best results. Its important that they get something in them to survive to lunch. Let him wake up slowly if he needs it, maybe put a cup a juice in front of him first. When its almost time to go give him a snack item like a banana and some peanuts. It actually will help fill him up.

I also think you need some type of counseling, even from your pastor/minister. It sounds like you have three miserable people in your family and larger issues than a morning routine. There's only room for improvement.