School Questions

We've also dealt with similar situations. Although kids have always been cruel - it seems as if they are learning to be cruel at a much younger age.

If your daughter is reading on / above grade level on her own, it could be the teacher. This does happen. Continue working with your daughter at home and take her to the library and let her read to her heart's content.

It's possible with her new 2nd grade teacher things will be different. It's also possible some of the kids will be different - kids go through some changes between 1st / 2nd grade and again some big changes between 2nd / 3rd.

Does your daughter get along with the boys in her class? My daughter made friends with all of the boys and enjoys playing with them - much less drama and boys are more accepting of whoever might want to play.

I would recommend signing her up for things that she either has an interest in or things she might have an interest in. Once you sign her up make her see it through to the finish. Sport are great confidence builders as is Tae Kwon Do. Find 3-5 things that she might be interested in and ask her which one she would like to explore.

If you work, what is your plan for her during the summer? Day camps? These can also be great confidence builders and they force kids to interact with new kids and in the process develop new friendships.

Good luck - my thoughts are with you and your daughter.

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I know that school ends in about a week, but you need to try to help your daughter. My daughter is in the third grade and went thought the same thing. It got so bad that her grades started to slip and she had no friends. Her self esteem was no were to be found, she cried everyday because she was picked on and the school would not help. We moved (for that reason and a couple others) and she started fresh, we got her involved in a couple of afterschool activities and she has regular everyday friend that she see at school and after. Now I know moving is probable not an option, but get involved... Have your daughter join Girl Scouts or another organization where she has to enter act with other kids her age and they have to be nice because the parents are sitting right there. IT will help. Also tell your daughter everyday how smart and beautiful she is, she will tell you no I'm everyday but it helps her she really does listen. Good Luck to you and also to your daughter.

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You need to go to the school and stay for the day. Watch how she interacts with the others. What the teacher is doing. Do this several times. I know that the end is near but try anyway. Next year DO IT. Be a parent who helps in the class room. All of this will help you see what is going on with the other children and YOUR child. Good luck

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Being a first grade teacher, this is not normal. Students should continue to be above grade level if they started that way. It sounds to me like the teacher didn't work with her, because your daughter was probably not her main priority. Unfortunately, if your daughter was one of the higher readers in class, she probably spent less time with her and more time with the students below grade level. I would be really concerned about this. Your daughter will do fine as she moves to second grade, however make sure she is reading at home and practicing over the summer. You may want to schedule a meeting with the principal to discuss further, the teacher didn't do her job this year!

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Have you had a playdate with any of her friends or classmates? If not, you need to do what you can to start. This is a great weekend for a sleepover. Do it at your house and be present in the activities. You need to observe how your dt interacts with friends. How does she deal with situations. What kind of words does she use. Does she put up a wall of defense that does not allow others to get in? Is she so defensive that it comes off as if she's not friendly. How she acts at home is totally different than how she acts at school. If her teacher allows mommy readers then do so, that way you can see the personalities that are in the class. If there's a class party, you need to be there to see the personalities, to see how they interact with each other. Unfortunately there will always be pecking orders in our school, public, private, whatever. Nothing you can do to prevent that. But helping your dt find strenght and belief in herself is something that you can do. Weather you can yourself or not, you need to help her have confidence in herself. We as woman do not have natural belief in ourselfs, and the first sign that we are not "good" enough we run with that. You need to help her develope social skills. If she does not do it now when you can easily observe and help her tweak things then she's going to ahve a harder time in middle school and moving forward.

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It sounds like there may be a problem with the school. She may not be quite mature enough to thrive in that environment or maybe the school isn't being run real well. When they are that little they need to love school...or they will have a serious educational issue as they get older and it becomes work. I would suggest you might want to consider taking a year off school and homeschooling or finding a smaller school that is more aware of her personal needs...it may be that the chaos of a class room is distracting to her and she might just be having trouble concentrating. Even diet can play a huge role in that.

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Mom, you have every right to want to know more. You as a parent, have the right to observer the class, and or question the teacher. Ask her how she's assessing her evaluation. Make sure that she can tell you where you child is struggling Phonics, decoding, fluency, or comprehension. If she can't tell you, then take that up with the administration. She should be able to tell you where she falls in each category, and techniques/activities you can do at home to help your child.

Also, the teacher should be able to talk to the formal and informal assessments she gives your child and the results of them both. Never allow a teacher to compare you child to other children in the class. You should only look at your child's progress from the beginning of the year and end.

I'll be starting my new career as a teacher this fall, as a parent too, I plan to give my parents as much information as possible.

I wish you luck, and if you find that maybe social issues are to blame, it's pretty much a clean start next school year.

Hello, I'm a teacher, so I hope I can help. Lack of growth is not normal. Usually, when there is a change in a student's behavior/grades, there is an underlying problem. I definately think you should get involved. Talk to the school's councelor and see if she would speak to your daughter. Question the teacher more. Maybe you can go and sit in for an hour or so in the classroom and observe. Question the teacher about your daughter's new social behavior. you need to get to the bottom of this. It may be because the other kids are mean to her, or it may be the teacher. Pray about it. I hope this helps.

I would suggest being as involved as possible. It may be too late this year, but next year, make sure to develop a strong relationship with her teacher, and let her know that you want to work as a team to ensure your daughter's success. Good luck!

The feedback you have gotten on reading is great -- thanks for that, everyone -- I learned a lot! As far as the clicquishness of girls in early elementary, that is such a hard one. I agree to be alert for signs of real bullying, but if this is more "me and Mary Ann don't like you today and we're playing over here by ourSELVES" sort of stuff, I have a few suggestions that might help. Definitely play dates with kids she enjoys are very helpful -- I also notice that for my daughter, being liked and having friends outside her class does not make up for feeling unpopular with the kids in her class -- they are her pack, and that is where she feels either accepted or unacceptable, so play dates with kids IN the class are extra important. Developing friendly relations with parents in the class definitely helps with this -- you have phone numbers then, and you are known to the parent which, for me, makes it much easier to call and it's more likely they'll say yes. Friendly relations with other parents in the class also make it more likely you might get some insight into some of the dynamics that your daughter may not understand or be able to tell you about. Maybe a kid's parents are getting divorced and his behavior has been loud and erratic when that isn't normally what he's like, or maybe a girl who is being mean to the other girls is herself upset and struggling because her family is about to move. Somehow knowing a bit ore of the backstory that may be causing mean behavior helps it to seem less upsetting and I believe it helps me to help my daughter cope. The way to get to know parents and kids is to do some volunteer stuff. There are lots of kind of volunteering one can do, but I think the most effetctive is stuff that gets you into the classroom. Kids in first grade still seem fascinated by other people's parents -- I still see them perk up when I come in and say eagerly "Jerilyn, it's your mother!" I don't know how long that lasts, but while it does, having the kids know you as an involved parent and as someone who knows them can have a beneficial effect -- there's a sort of unspoken message that what they do to your child, they are doing to you, and if they like you they may think twice about hurting your kid. Kids who get picked on the most are ones that seem insecure and isolated, without backup. It's a herd thing, again. So getting in the classroom helps your kid out in a lot of ways. Also,, a couple other things I try to do for my daughter (in addition to the things above which I plan to do for her in the future!!) are to try to make sure she is dressed in tidy, uneccentric clothes (shorts under skirts to prevent any scandalous underwear sightings), with her hair brushed. I remember one kid in my own grade school class who was mistreated by all of us, me iincluded, purely because she had messy hair. Sheesh! I think the key is again, giving the subliminal message that this kid has back-up. I also talk to my daughter about things that she brings up -- time driving in the car with no radio or cd playing gives her room to share some things, sometimes -- asking her if she can think of a better way to have handled a particular situation, or why a kid may have reacted a certain way - it's coaching, basically. Oh, and also, because a kid's class is their pack or herd, a good idea when you pick any kind of extra-curricular activitiy like Brownies would be to get her into something where some of her classmates are, so that the connections she builds there will hopefully carry over into the classroom.

Good luck -- I am working on this too!
M.

I would have a conference with the teacher and if you were not happy with the out-come of that and a felt comfortable that she will do well in the 2nd grade then I would go directly to the principal. You might have some big work to do during the summer catching her up to speed.... Or have her inrolled in summer school.. DONT SIT ON THIS! Make the move today!

It is an issue to be addressed. The self esteem and happiness could or could not be linked to the academic achievement. Not sure but maybe work on both areas. You say you worked with your child, but did the teacher have reading homework every night and did you read library books every night and take AR tests on the computer? It is like riding a bike. IF they do not practice alot in first grade then they are still shaky and unsure and they do not enjoy it. Read every day in the summer and try to make it fun and interesting. You read alot to her or help her read books a little above her level. Try to find a series that she enjoys like Junie B. Jones books or Magic Tree House books etc. Go to the library. Our school has an online reading site called Ticket To Read that is excellent. Check to see if there is anything like that. Not sure what district you are in.
Scope out the second grade teachers and make sure your child gets a strong reading teacher.
Next time do not wait until the end to address any problems. Stay more involved and ask the teacher to let you know if there is any socialization problems going on and if your child is included. Ask if there is anything you can do to help in that area and that you appreciate her helping your child adjust socially.
I am a first grade teacher with a Masters in teaching reading and there is alot the teacher can do to help if the parents are in tune with them and their student.

Hi M. - Become the homeroom Mom and volunteer at the school as much as you can. Kids (especially at your daughters age) love to have you there! She will start liking school more and you can see first hand what is going on!

Good luck -

K.

First of all - no this not normal for a child to fall behind in any subject. Second and foremost, it honestly sounds like your child might be getting bullied and you might have a teacher that couldn't care less. You need to get extremely involved right NOW before you loose this little one.
I'll pray for you and your family.

It sounds as if she did have a little growth as far as her reading level goes. As long as she is in range for her age I would think she is fine. Are the books she reads at home age appropriate? (End of 1st grade/beginning of 2nd) I would make sure and keep working with her over the summer. Maybe when they re-test her in 2nd you will see she is back above level.

Little girls this age tend to start being bossy and clicky. I worked in a 2nd grade classroom and could not believe the way some of these girls were.

what specifically are they saying she is "barely on level" with in her reading... they grade them on sever aspects of reading...The told me my daughter could read well but she was not on her grade level because of something called fluency...meaning she did not read as fast as the other students (my daughter is dyslexic)...so, to me, as long as she read, was doing well and enjoyed it, i wasn't real concerned if it wasn't as fast as they felt it should be...

the kids thing...find out what exactly she means about the kids. My daughter spent the year being harassed at school...IT went beyond mere name calling (not that name calling is appropriate either) into pushing, hitting, rock throwing, hiding her personal belongings. My daughter came home in tears nearly every other day.

I am not blind enough to say that there aren't times she didn't bring it on herself, my issue is that the school often brushed off her complaint...I would have to go in and make them correct the situation. That was unacceptable to me. If my daughter needed to receive correction at the same time that was fine, but the situation as a whole needed to be dealt with.

It got to the point where I was tired of being in there on a regular basis insiting on them doing something...so I pulled my daughter out of school and am now home schooling her.

Do I think this is a solution for all kids???? No..But I certainly have a better understanding of how the kids who snap and commit suicide or shoot up schools get to that point now...I was not willing to let my child become one of those statistics...

I am not saying that your daughter is going through something qutie this severe..but if things are off for her this year and she is complaining about the other kids behavior...I would certainly watch closely...

The social game is just beginning for your daughter. Girls become very territorial and clique-ish at this age - and it spikes to its meanest about 3rd/4th grade in elementary school FYI - and it can be hard.

The best advice I can give you is to help your daughter feel confident enough her herself and her abilities to: 1) stand up for herself and 2) tell the appropriate adult when necessary.

As far as the reading goes, if she's still on grade level with her reading I wouldn't worry too much. As long as she continues to read over the summer you should be fine.

The reading levels are generally determined by 2 factors: fluency (how fast you read without errors) and comprehension (how well you understand what has been read). So, one of the factors that COULD have contributed to it would be perhaps she was reading faster at the beginning of the year, but with more errors. Perhaps now she reads slower, but with less errors and better comprehension. This is what I'd ask the teacher - has her fluency increased? Has her comprehension? If both have shown growth, then you're good to go.

If you feel that her lack of progress has more to do with her struggles in the social aspects of school, then I'd suggest focusing on her self-confidence. Perhaps a playdate or two with fellow kids in her grade level over the summer. Maybe joining girl scouts or a physcial activity that she might be good at like gymnastics or dance - something to help her claim her identity. Kids who are not sure of themselves makes themselves easy targets. Bullying at school is a big deal and should be dealt with by the school. It is important that it is reported to the teacher and administration asap.

This does not sound right. I have taught in a girls high school and I know that girls can be really nasty to each other. Their bullying is more subtle than boys (who are more physical and get over it more quickly it seems) and they can even mask it to look like they are being nice! It is very very difficult for teachers to spot and teachers have virtually NO training on this.

It sounds like your daughter is being bullied. http://www.opheliaproject.org/main/index.htm This is a great website with advice specific to girls. I recommend the book Simmons, R. 2002. Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls. As a teacher at a girls school it really helped me see girl bullying.

Unless the school and especially her teacher is going to do something about this, you may want to move her to another school. You could schedule an appointment with her teacher and the principal, read the book first and take it with you. Explain how unhappy your daughter is, and don't accept that she should make NO progress in a year, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! Approach with a helpful mindset, not blaming, and you are more likely to get them onside and helping you and your daughter.

Bullying is serious. It damages self esteem and affects learning. It needs to be taken seriously and stamped out. Parents of kids doing the bullying need to know what their kids are up to and these kids need to know that it is not okay. Treat others as you yourself would want to be treated.

Good luck! I am interested to know the schools response. Hopefully its not a whitewash.

This is not normal. Let me share with you my experience and hopefully this can help. We have attended a private school for the past 9yrs. When my youngest started PreK we had a great year. I volunteer at the school and substitute teach as well. Well this year my youngest went to Kinder and the same issues arised. She would read at home but in school the teacher said she was way behind. She went from loving school and her friends to dreading going and had a tummy ache every day. The school wanted her to repeat Kinder and being somewhere for 9yrs with my other child that we thought was the school for us was devastating. Long story short, I moved my youngest to a new school in Feb. And we have not looked back since! She is perfect! She has many friends, is on level in academics and most importantly she is excited to go everyday! My oldest is switching to this school next year and is excited. The school we were at had a new principal come a few years ago and the academics have changed! They even wanted me to try ADD meds for my youngest when she is NOT ADD. Bottom line, listen to you gut feeling and put your daughters needs first. Yes schools are cliquish,even with the moms, everyone thought I lost my mind when I moved my youngest, but I don't regret it for one second when I see her thriving in her new enviornment! Good Luck.

Hi M.,
I would suggest getting your child into sports- she is just about the right age for t-ball, soccer- gymnastics- some sort of activity where there is "team togetherness"... she will develop more social skills that way and build her confidence. I don't think I would let her participate in any activity where she is "alone"- like art etc- Music would be good if she is inclined but still may be alitle young- dance lessons are always good.......
then for her reading I would take her to the library where they have reading groups- story time etc- and try to encourage her into the books.......
she will be just fine-
And, it may be the teacher who is the issue- sometimes the teacher and the classroom is just not a good match.....Next year she will do much better.
Good luck and Blessings

Not sure which school your daughter goes to. In my case, my sons go to The Woodlands' schools and these schools have very high expectations. It has been so tiring not only for my sons but for me as well. I decided not to over do my kids. They need to have a childhood too, and they are already spending most of their day at school where they are suppose to learn most of their learning skills. Don't over stressed about your daughter friendships and or school expectations. It is totally normal to find kids that are going to be mean to her. Just make sure she knows that she doesn't have to put up with it and to be patient. She'll find nice friends and she will find all kinds of people through out her life. She will have to learn how to deal with them on her own. Support her but do not over protect her - remember that we don't have all the control and they will be expose to a lot. Just set a good example and listen. Good luck.

There is no question that difficulty getting along with the children can affect your daughter's schoolwork. That might also be why she seems fine at home.

It's a little late in the year to get much done about this now. I recommend spending a lot of time reading over the summer (most libraries have book clubs with incentives for the kids), and then seeing how it goes in the fall.

You may find that there is a completely different dynamic, and everything will be great.

But if you find that she's having trouble with the other children, you SHOULD get involved. Actively. Talk to the teacher and try to come up with a plan. Have her moved to another class if necessary.

If the school refuses to take any action, you may have to find another school (or consider the homeschool option).

Another thing to consider--if this problem with the other students continues, even with school intervention and switching classes, it could be more of a personality issue. That isn't bad, necessarily--lots of children are introverted (about 60% of gifted kids, actually). You might want to have her evaluated, just so you know what's going on for sure.

But for the moment, I wouldn't stress about it. The school year is almost over, and I'd chalk it up to a bad dynamic and move on.

T.
http://www.mothershandbook.net

We experienced a similar situation when my dd was in K. We put her in a different school in February and saw her personality blossom; we again had the smiling, eager-to-go-to-school girl that we hadn't seen for a few months.
Now our son is having almost exactly the same situation as your daughter--first grade, being bullied at recess, reads and spells well at home, yet "struggles" with reading and spelling at school. We started having him tutored in January (the woman has a Masters and works with LD children) He reads and spells well with her, just as he does at home--something is happening at school. I did observe during Texas Public Schools week (during the time slot when parents were allowed in the classroom) and it seemed as though more was to be "caught" rather than taught (small groups helping each other, etc). As for the bullying, the teacher "doesn't see anything". Needless to say, I can't wait for school to end! We have him enrolled in a MadScience class and a reading group with his tutor (her goal is to make reading FUN during the summer), AND he WILL attend another school for 2nd grade.

It could be the teacher. When my brilliant boy started school, his 1st & 2nd grade teachers both told me he was "on level and right where he needed to be." I was quietly confused when they did not go on about his intelligence. It wasn't until 3rd grade that he got a very experienced teacher and right away she noticed how exceptional he is and nominated him for gifted & talented. We really liked both his 1st & 2nd grade teachers, but in hindsight,it is clear to me how overwhelmed they were with basic classroom management, which comes easier to teachers with alot of experience.
To help with social skills, invite some friends over. If she has a network outside of school, it can be really helpful. Maybe get back in touch with old preschool friends and people she has loved being with in the past. IF you are alone with her, take on a cooking project!
Good luck to you!

Michelle, you are doing a good job to seek help for your precious daughter. I hope you get answers from moms who have recent experience with a similar situation. I can only tell you what our daughter did. When there was a bullying problem at the school where her son attended third grade and she knew that teachers were already on the school yard to monitor but were obviously not actively controlling mean behavior, she spoke with the principal. The principal was clearly not going to do anything about the problem and so our grandson was enrolled in another school for the next school year. Our daughter is very polite and diplomatic but she is also going to see that her children are in a situation where they can thrive.

At one point, she decided to home school their son. I cannot tell you how very much that turned his school experience around. After three years of home schooling he integrated back into public school but she carefully choose the school attend. Every year she reviews options and chooses the best for her children.

Some people worry that home schooled children will lack social interaction. This is not the case in any of the home schooled children I know. I can tell you more if you have questions.

Blessings, B.