School Problem - Parkville,MD

mmmmmm. I read this all the way thru. I have some news it's not WE it's HE. stop holding his hand. your entire post said we? it's HIS education. take it from a professional hand holder who is now watching a child struggle in college and knowing that I can't HOLD his hand anymore. Yes, study with him...but this is his chance to learn how to take those good study habits that you are teaching him and take them to class with him! he has to learn. this is real life and real life "throws ya bonus words " once in a while!
best of luck and he will do FINE!

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Try to hang in there - 5th grade is one of the hardest! The only problem is, Junior High will probably get worse before it gets better....so it's important to stay the course and teach perseverance and not just give up and say an 'F' is fine for a subject - that will throw his grades off and be a constant struggle later in life. I know not everyone is good at everything, but even a C is better than an F. However, I would not dedicate 2 hours to spelling. This could be even more frustrating to him and he needs balance in his life. Maybe a more fun and relaxed approach could help him see the fun in spelling. Try using different avenues than what you are currently doing - the Leap Frog learners are good - reading appropriate-level books for his age group for more exposure, or even reading books together will help him get used to more vocabulary, as well as just having him study on his own with flash cards may work. I'm sure there are some online tools as well that may help. It will hopefully eventually 'click' in his head and he will get it by using one of the new methods, and if not - like I said, a C is better than an F....

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I agree that the school should help you out more. However, if they are working on them in class, can't he write them down? I'm thinking that they are trying to get them to "learn" to spell, not just memorize the letters in certain words, did I say that in a understandable way? They probably want them to work on 'sounding it out". Maybe your study needs to shift a little in that direction, that would give him more of a chance. Give him easy words you have not memorized and have him figure it out, it really should be that way. There are books that teach reading based on this concept as opposed to the "sight words" approach. You don't teach him to give up because you don't get your way, or because life isn't fair. He won't get anywhere. You teach him to expand and adjust to difficult situations. It will be really hard and I feel sorry that this is so hard on you both. The school has their reasons, you choose how to adjust. He might end up being a better speller for it. You can't memorize every word in the English language. When you are reading and you come across a word you haven't seen, you have been taught skills that help you figure it out. I think that is what they are trying to accomplish. Good luck and stay strong.

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I think the worst thing for you to do is give up and say you don't care if he fails spelling. I don't think that is a good example to give a child. Remember that a C is average, and an A or B is for above average work. If your son is getting Cs, he's at least performing on level. There's nothing wrong with that, not all children are scholars, they all have different strengths and weaknesses. And, just so you know, spelling doesn't end in the 5th grade, my daughter is 15 and in the 9th grade, and she still has spelling every year.

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P.,

I'm playing devil's advocate here. So you may not exactly like my response, which is a two-part answer discussing your role as a model and your son's resourcefulness.

Your son's teacher is working on these bonus words in class. So apparently, the teacher is placing emphasis on these words. As an educator, I highly doubt s/he is using these words as a "gotcha." Have you looked at his notes to check for bonus words? (He should have them written down somewhere.) So the ownness should be on him - not you. Stop making excuses for him. ("He will never be a good speller, and that's what spell-check is for." Spell Check, for example, may not pick up on homographs or homophones.) If you constantly enable his behavior, he will never be resourceful and will rely heavily upon you to fight his battles.

So instead of complaining, ask the teacher for graphic organizers that will allow him to chunk his words. Or, do an internet search on vocabulary graphic organizers. He can group words in ways which make sense and can add his bonus words to the mix.

Furthermore, with ten children in class, I find it hard to believe that the teacher can do a poor job in assisting your son and his classmates. My daughter has 27 5 year olds in her class and works with a teacher and an assistant. She comes home each day with a language arts activity that she completed in class. If these educators can work with 27, I'm sure your son's teacher can work with 10.

bottom line - Spelling is never easy b/c our language has more exceptions to the rules than rules. So it's a combination of phonics and recognizing sight words. Unless your son has a learning challenge, he'll just have to plug away by reading (which is THE BEST way to learn vocabulary - Does he read each day at home?) and practicing using these words in sentences. And don't forget the graphic organizers. They work well with visual learners and sharpen critical thinking skills.

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I agree with the fact that bonus word should be extra points not deductible points. But if that is the way the school works then your son is old enough to tell you what words they worked on and write them down when he get home.

Your statement "I don't care if he fails spelling. He will never be a good speller, and that's what spell-check is for." is a cause for concern. It appears you have labeled him and given him (and yourself) an excuse. He will have to learn how to spell many more words in his lifetime and spell check won't always be there. Don't give him a excuse. Inspire him. Start playing games with him to build his skills. Boggle, Scrabble, Word Scramble. Make it fun. If he thinks you don't think he can do it, guess what, he'll think he can't do it. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

I have a question about the bonus words----are the bonus words ones he's had in the past? Are they like repeats?
Or are they words from the list like--cow, and the teacher uses the bonus---cowboy???

The best thing I've ever used as a teacher of 40 years, is to make boxes for every letter, when you first study them. Each letter has its own box, so if there is a "silent" letter, he will know if he has boxes left that he's missing a letter. Also you might make boxes the size of the letters, at first---like for t, f, h, they would be taller than for a, e, . Or if the letter goes below the line ---like g, y, you would make the box going down.

This should only have to be the first, or maybe second time you work on the words, then he should have a "box" picture of what the word is.
N. Hallock, B. A. and M. S. Elementary Education and Music

I can't tell if my response is "too late", but it is a supplement to what has been said previously, and I am speaking from professional knowledge and training. The practice of assigning truly "bonus" work/words is only OK if the attempt allows for a true bonus, i.e.an addition to a score or grade and NEVER is such considered appropriate if it subtracts from assigned non-bonus assessment. This all technically relates to validity, reliability and error variance....but no one needs to talk in those terms...yet. In general it is frowned on in assessment groups, but when used correctly, seems to be enjoyed as a motivational technique by teachers and their younger students. Perhaps these are not true 'bonus' words and are meant as on-going assessment of previously studied words. That would be a wholly different case and actually a recently supported best-practice for longterm retention and retrieval of actual knowledge, rather than night-before cramming.
BUT---assuming these really are random "bonus words" you should have one more chat with someone at the school and indicate that this practice of subtracting the points is not an endorsed assessment technique and actually shows negligence on the part of the teacher, her own credentialing and instruction, and therefore the school. Call any education department at a local university and ask to speak to anyone who teaches basic principles of educational testing and measurement. Explain your situation and the practice being used at your school. I assure you that you will have the expert testimony you desire and perhaps someone with whom the school can chat briefly to rectify this idiotic and troubling situation! Perhaps the school would later include your local professional for a quick in-service presentation on a professional day; it seems they need it! But you should also realize this is a sensitive issue b/c standards or credentials required for teachers at private schools are different and usually less than those of public schools, so selective words will be necessary and especially if this is not a seasoned teacher or one who has never even taken one tests and measurements course. But I assume you pay tuition, so go for it as a professional issue of inappropriate assessment technique this time! Good luck.

You sound frustrated, and I don't blame you. I'm sad to hear that your son's teacher and administration are not hearing you and providing you with some answers or suggestions. I agree, don't worry about the grades. Find some fun ways to spell and I would try keep the studying time limited. Pressure will do funny things to children...I've seen it during my experience as a teacher.

Two other thoughts 1. Maybe you could rename the bonus words to "challenge" or "extra" words. Bonus is a bonus and honestly, how terrible for the bonuses to be graded against you. The term bonus in our "work" field is never anything negative. 2. Any chance that your son might have some mild dyslexia? It would be great if your son's private school could get him evaluated.

How wonderful for your son that you are involved in his education and that you care. Good luck working with the school. Your son will do great, bonus or no bonus!

speaking with the principal and teacher in person will be more effective than a letter. Express that it is hurting your son emotionally and that you have 2 in middle school and know that this will not help him prepare for middle school. Does he write these "bonus" words down when they are learning them in class? If not, then they are coming from no where. I was a lousy speller for several years, but then one day I got it. He will too.

Bonus words should be just that - a bonus. Of they are not being provided to you sor study purposes, and they are bringing his grades down, what is the reason behind it? What are they trying to prove with this process? Not all children have the same capabilities, and although preparing for middle and high school is important, this IS school and flexibility is important. if I had a disability at work, there are laws requiring accommodations. I dont think that giving up is the answer, though. This is a good life lesson at the very least. Dont change what you are doing, and if his grades drop to a C because of the bonus words, oh well; at least its not an F, which could hurt him more down the road. As far as the school, the head-master is not the final word at the school. I dont know if they call it a Board there, but if are still having issues with the processes in the classroom, raise a stink with the head-masters bosses. I think it is important to support your staff (here the head-master with the teacher) but there are limits. I have been through that before and the fight can be worth it, as long as its justified.

If the teacher won't help, work your way to the top. Your child can't be the only one who is having problems with this...
You pay the tuition, you have the power in private school...
Make some waves.
YMMV
LBC

I agree with your first two responses. And I was surprised to read the "bonus" was not 'extra credit', but extra words to be counted in the original scoring. So, semantics are not at stake here...
Regarding the 2 hours of spelling time, is that each night? and 2-3 hours each night for other homework? For 5th grade? I'm glad your son is a hard worker, that he puts in that kind of time. I would let your pride and sense of accomplishment be for the effort he puts in and the grade just be a guide towards what might work better next time and what worked well this time.
[If putting in that much time is exhausting for both of you, then re-evaluate the methods to get the work done...] About the spelling; since you tried one solution (teacher cooperation on "bonus" words) and it didn't work, try other solutions... like pick out a word in his other homework section and just have him try to spell it impromptu. Use some strategies (like looking at the patterns of words, sounding it out, hearing the root words and spelling from the root, looking around him to see if words on the wall, the page, etc. can help with the spelling of this spontaneous word...). This way he'll get practice in spelling what he can't study. My husband doesn't spell well and he carries a speaking franklin electronic dictionary everywhere when he writes. If he can't spell part of the word right, the spell checker can't figure out what word he wants, so the years of spelling study were necessary. At the same time, that doesn't take care of which/witch "there/their/they're" he's supposed to use (the dictionary part helps with that). Yet, he writes public reports every day for his job. At first, his work tried to single him out as not competent to do the written work, and he took extra time to write compared to his coworkers. But he showed improvement every day and worked hard; like your son does, and since he used the same general vocabulary for his reports (using the same words over and over), he was writing like the rest of them within a few months. He's been working over 14 years in his job and has been promoted several times. To move ahead, he's had to learn to do different write-ups, so the spelling issue never goes away. And neither does the effort and determination. It's not the spelling grade, but the effective determination to get the grade that is what your son needs- and, is getting. GOOD JOB to you and him!
Make sure he's getting exercise, too. Life needs the balance- not the work-a-holics. My husband uses the "renaissance-man" model.

it sounds like it was a good move! now it's up to you to keep that positive energy going and keep this a good experience for him. i agree it's weird to handle the bonus words that way, but it doesn't have to be such a huge negative for you which you're passing on to him. it shouldn't be 'he gets an A or he's just a crappy speller and we give up.' spend an appropriate amount of time on his spelling homework- an hour should suffice- and then let him do his best, and be okay with it.
i'll bet you're approaching his teacher with this anger and this sense that 'we' are working hard and 'we' are losing points. that's not the way to enlist her aid. let go of your ownership of your son's work and put yourself back into the position of facilitator, advocate (and occasional cheerleader.....too much praise can also be detrimental.) there is no need to move your son over this. reduce this problem to its correct size in your mind, help him with his homework and then do move on to other valuable projects. i'm not minimizing the importance of spelling, but it sounds as if you're giving it more than its due.
helping kids with their homework is wonderful. but remember that ultimately their work is theirs, and if you are taking on the angst you are also stealing their thunder. let him get an A or C on his own merit, and let him know you're proud of him either way.
khairete
S.

I'd talk to the teacher to ask him/her for the reasoning behind this practice. Bonus words are supposed to help add to the student's test score, not hurt. Otherwise, they are merely more words on the test that were not included on the practice or study sheet. And, you are right, that's not fair. I'd first talk to the teacher to see if he/she can see that point. If that didnt' work, write a letter to the school principal and headmaster addressing the unfairness of this practice. If it continues and moving him to another classrooom or school is not an option, use this experience as an opportunity to teach him some of life's other lessons: there are times to protest, times to move or times to accept that life's not always fair. He should still do what's right, so that he's not the one paying the ultimate price for being the problem. For instance, to rebel against the teacher will only hurt him in the longrun, as his overall goal is to get an education in the school, not just make straight As. Sometimes he'll get a bad teacher (boss, neighbor, etc.) and he'll still have to achieve his overall objective. Sometimes, you can fight systems and try to get the overall authority figure to see that this person is hindering the mission, but as you know, there are times when the authority figure simply shrugs and lets the person continue to run wild. You could help his self esteem by getting a tutor to help him in English. Teach him that the teacher could be trying to get the class to learn the phonics rules and not just memorize a bunch of words, which could help him in the longrun, too.

Hi,
This sounds very frustrating, but I believe you should find a spprech language pathologist to work with your son. Make sure the SLP is certified in Ortom Gilingham- it's truly the best strategy for helping children learn the minute differences in our sound system. It's not worth your time or money to use anyone other than a qualified, Ortom Gilingham (OG) teacher. I can promise if you have your son work one on one with then you will see drastic & amazing results in a short period of time.
I knowFriends School & Jemicy both use the OG method for their entire class, but usually it's done in a speech therapy setting.
I know it may cost a little money to use a private SLP, but it will pay off dividends with your sons confidence & success, but again it may only take a few months to see drastic results.
I hope you'll consider finding someone qualified to help your son at the root of his problem. Unfortunately regularly educated teachers cannot solve the problem when there is a true language disorder.

Best wishes!

I see that you already responded, but wanted to give my 2 cents...
I don't see why missed 'Bonus' words get points taken off? Does the school not know the meaning of 'bonus'?

My son has spelling issues too. We try to teach him little catch phrases. likes stairs take you up in the 'air'. stare means you 'are' looking. things like that.

As for the awards, you could make up an award like 'hard worker' or 'best attitude' and arrange for the school to give it to him.
M.

Hi P.,

It has always been my understanding that "bonus" words are optional to the student. It is up to the student whether he attempts to spell them...which is why they are bonus words. He should only attempt them if he is comfortable with the words they studied in class. I guess what I am trying to say is, he is creating the problem for himself. Try asking your son if the teacher is giving the the option of whether they want to attempt the words. I can almost guarantee it is the student's choice.

A little about me: I am a grandmother of two very sweet little girls, ages 4 and 6.

Maybe you might have some fun playing around with mnemonic devices to help learn spelling faster. For example, find colorful magnetic letters to spell out the words. First he uses the magnets when he is learning the word and then by memory. He might remember the color of the letter to help him put together the word. You can even break it down farther by putting each syllable on a separate colorful card, and then push the cards together to make the word (you could reuse the cards for each word so you'd only need 2 or 3, maybe 4).

You can try to find smaller words in the bigger words (like "friend" has the word "end"), or find words backwards in the bigger words (like "word" has the word "row" in it backwards. Or he can even find words in words upside-down (like "down" has the word "mop" in it upside-down.

Point out anagrams and palindromes wherever you see them (I bet that a bunch of his spelling words have some great anagrams -- and there are anagram finders online for free to check out). Count letters in words and notice which words match in length, and physically group them together in a stack or in one place on a piece of paper, or color-code them. Notice "high-score" letters like Q and Z by building the words out of Scrabble letters -- some words are worth a lot!

Play some Boggle, do word-searches, or other word-finding games. There are a bunch of free word-search generators on-line. Instead of practicing for hours with you, he could just type in the words (finding the letters on a keyboard is extra practice, involving learning according to spacial relationships of the letters on a keyboard, just like you learn phone numbers by "touch" on the keypad sometimes), click the submit button, print his word-search, and have fun finding the words in his list.

So, just have fun taking the words apart and putting them back together -- each word is an interesting puzzle that can be memorized by its attributes that have nothing to do with its sound!

Look up spelling rules to help your son spell better but I agree to not stress over it. I think it is wrong that the "bonus words" destroy your son's grades in spelling. I just read something lately that people are innately good or bad spellers like they are innately good or bad at sports. Learn some spelling rules (google them) and if he spells well enough that google can pick it up...don't worry! Plenty of people are successful even if they don't spell well. Also, when he is practicing spelling words color code the parts of the word he is struggling with...that might help. Good luck!

N.

Sounds like it's time to take a deep breath and try a different tactic.

Spelling is very important. No one should rely on spell check as it does not catch everything, and how you present yourself on paper makes a big difference later in life.

Try taking some pressure off your son. Make the study time fun by creating puzzles or word finds. Set up a schedule where you study five words each night rather than trying to learn all of them at once. Have your son write the words three or five times each as part of the process.

Make the teacher your advocate rather than approaching her in anger. Tell her you are concerned about your son's spelling and ask for ideas on how to help him at home. Explain how frustrated he is. Don't make her feel that she is doing something wrong. Get on the same team so that your son benefits.

Find out how the bonus words really work. Can he choose to spell them? Are they words from previous weeks that he needs to remember? Obviously, if they are studying these words in class, your son knows what they are even if they are not on his spelling sheet. Can you ask him for the words so that you can study together?

And you might want to consider a different perspective. Most of us want our children to make straight As and learn easily. There is really nothing wrong with a B or a C. I have always had a different take. It's good to struggle a little and face a challenge. When your son has to stretch to reach his goals, you know that he is learning and developing. When grades and lessons always come easily, there is actually cause for concern.

Each year school is going to get a little harder. You don't want him to decide that when the going gets hard, the best thing to do is give up. What you want is for him t learn how to work smart.

The more creative you are in helping your son develop unique study strategies now, the better equipped he will be for middle and high school--and ultimately college and a career. Learning how to turn a challenge into an opportunity isn't just about school--it's a life skill that will set him apart!

I definately see your side of the story, your concern about his grades and understand fighting for your son. However, instead of trying to spell/concentrate the bonus words, maybe it is time to talk to the teacher/principal about getting individual help on phonics and sounding out how to spell unfamiliar words. Maybe for Christmas, a game of Scrabble would be a fun family way to learn how to spell new words.

Bonus should be just that...a bonus...or extra credit if you will. You are correct that the school and teacher are undermining his efforts. A negative about private schools is that they can make up their own rules and you have no recourse. I would keep up the spelling with him more for the learning, time spent together, and the help with future text messaging for him (I really see my spelling problem when I text) and that spellcheck is not always available. Good luck.

I would contact his teacher to clarify the word bonus. As a teacher I would assume they would help push his grade up only.

Based on your update, does the teacher know of his auditory issues? If they don't know that he can't always hear the difference based on sound then he is going to have a harder time with the spelling.

You mentioned that the teacher said they work on the bonus words in class - what exactly are they working on if your son also doesn't know the words? Are they doing it by learning to recognize how words are formed and then spelled?? Some other technique?

Sorry I dont have more suggestions but answering some of these questions may help you to have more productive talks with the teacher and principal.

And I agree with you, its not acceptable for the principal to point to grade history as a way of saying he is doing fine. The method of teaching doesn't sound right and "bonus" words should only help the grade not hurt as another poster mentioned.

Good luck!