S.M. asks from Tucson, AZ on March 14, 2008
School Bus Problems
I am feeling so frustrated. My 4 yo son has just been diagnosed with speech and language delay, and this week began special education classes from 11 am to 1 pm 4 days a week. He goes to a private preschool, and they have to put him on the bus to the special ed class, and get him off of the bus, to save us from having to leave work twice a day. The preschool's door is in a parking lot by about 30 yards, and the bus will not drive into the parking lot (school policy). The preschool staff will not walk him to the corner of the building where the bus will stop at the curb. The director says she cannot commit to getting to and from the bus, that if she is busy with something else she won't do it. And I can't have him coming back on the bus and walking through a busy parking lot if no one will commit to watching him.
If this were any other child, I would just pull him out of that preschool, but he has such a hard time with change. He has been at this preschool since August, and is just making friends. He has become really attached to his teachers, and they to him. He's had a difficult time being back and forth between classes as it is. And we have such a short time to get him help before kinder because special ed classes stop in May, and he'll go to kinder this fall.
Anyone have any suggestions? Am I asking for something unreasonable from the preschool?
So What Happened?™
So, it has been a long few days, and thanks to everyone for their advice. I agree it is craziness, but it seems no one who can do anything about it agrees with us. Everyone up to the school superintendant is aware and very sorry, but the bus pulls as close to the school as they safely can--I do not feel that they are being unreasonable.
The preschool, however, and its director, refuse to budge. I refuse to have him going alone through a busy parking lot. So, even though I am crazy angry with righteous indignance and I pay that stinkin school more than $1300 a month, I just can't bear to change him to a different place. If you guys knew him you would understand. His teachers in his class really care about him. He is just so much more fragile than most kids. Last month he talked about a frien in his class and I cried because it was the first time he ever really made a friend his own age. So, we have to last it out until May and I have rearranged my workday (I work at Cholla Pediatrics and they are fantastic, very family friendly) so I can take him and pick him up every day.
And for the preschool director, her job is obviously just a job, and she is missing the opportunity that the rest of us who work with kids have, to soak up the blessing of enriching a child's life. For her I have one word--karma.
Thanks everyone so much. It is so huge to have a community of supportive moms.
Featured Answers
S.F. answers from Phoenix on March 15, 2008
Hi, S.!
I was wondering if you have asked the bus driver personally about his/her ideas on how to help this situation. Is there an aide on the bus that could at least steer his in the right direction or buddy him with a friend as he leaves the bus?
I really think that you have every reason to ask for the schools help in this. ( you certainly can't be the only parent to ever have this concern) I am concerned there is no parking lot monitor that could help.
I hope they will find a way to help,
S.
S.F. answers from Eugene on March 15, 2008
No, you are not being unreasable!!! I have my own war battles, and many I lost. Schools seem to hold all the cards these days. My husband finally made the decision for me to quit and stay home, then eventually home school. It's been the best thing we ever did. If you do have to work, see if there is ANY other alternative, like a friend or relative picking him up instead of a bus. He is such a little guy, and he needs someone there for him!
T.C. answers from Phoenix on March 14, 2008
Is there perhaps another parent you trust that could do this for him? Even someone else at the school. You could even offer to pay someone to do it. That is awful. No 4yo needs to be walking in a busy parking area unsupervised.
T. C.
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More Answers
M.T. answers from Tucson on March 15, 2008
I have an Autistic grandson. He goes to a private school also. These schools receive Federal funds and are required to provide the necessary services to ensure the safety of the students. It does NOT matter that your child has a disability!! No child of that age should try to manage a parking lot unsupervised!!!!!!!!!! Call your local Social Services and find out who is responsible for Special Ed in your area. Good luck. M. T (mom, g-ma & great grandmother). My daughter knows every agency in So Calif but I don't know where you are.
1 mom found this helpful
J.D. answers from Phoenix on March 14, 2008
S.,
That is a real pickle and your son is not old enough to negotiate the dangers of a parking lot by himself. If I understand correctly, the school bus is providing the transportation. I think the preschool director is a jerk, but I would press the issue with the school district. If they are providing transportation then they need to ensure that the plan is SAFE. Do they really drop off other children his age to walk across a parking lot? Talk to someone on the school board or the superintendent if you have to, but this is just plain ridiculous. I would tell you to just move him, but my daughter has autism (she's almost 3) and I know how hard it is for some kids to cope with big changes. Good luck and don't be unwilling to make someone else uncomfortable and have to deal with this. The school should make safety the number one priority with transportation.
In our district there are aides that ride the bus with the children. It would be simple to just put one on the bus, if there isn't already, and just have that person walk the child to the preschool.
Please let us know what happens!
-Jen
C.C. answers from Flagstaff on March 15, 2008
It sounds like the director of this school needs to wake up and face reality! The customers should come first. On the other hand, she may not want the additional liability this would bring.
I know this is not a part of your question, but maybe you should consider waiting another year for kindergarten, especially since your son is not 5 yet. Studies show that many boys are "late bloomers" and need more time to develop before they are ready for school. This would give him time to improve his speech and be more prepared for school. The way they speak affects how easily they learn to read. As an added bonus, he could be one of the bigger kids, which will be important for him to be able to join sports teams when he is in junior high & high school. ;)
D.D. answers from Phoenix on March 18, 2008
Ok, you got my blood heated up! i have a son with special needs and i was a teacher for 10 years and when i read your post it really angered me. you are so NOT BEING UNREASONABLE. your son is at risk and they need to accommidate! if his teacher is doing "something" and can't meet your son then they need to find someone who can. Your child is in danger, that is so so so obvious! I would immediately set up a meeting with the principal. I am very interested in what preschool this is. it is pretty unusual for a private preschool to a) accept a child with language and speech delays and b) give services. Maybe i am misunderstanding the situtation. Please email me privately adn i can help you further. i have helped parents advocate for their children here in Az and Denver. my email is ____@____.com
talk soon and don't settle for "we can't guarenttee your son's safetey." that is just wrong!
J.S. answers from Albuquerque on March 17, 2008
My first thought is "Are you kidding me?" Why a preschool won't "commit" to watching a child because she is "busy" with something else is absolutely unthinkable to me. Your son is not a nuisance, he shouldn't be treated as such. I would think that any preschool would make arrangements for the well being of the children in their care, and I don't think you are being unreasonable.
Unfortunately, I don't have any suggestions other than asking if, since it is only until May, the preschool could arrange to have someone watch him to/from the bus. Or, is there another time he could go to the special classes? I wish you lots of luck - just remember that your ARE NOT being unreasonable to expect someone to watch out for the safety of your child while they are in their care.
J.J. answers from Phoenix on March 17, 2008
can you have one of the other moms agree to a car pool or at least to walk him to the curb if they are coming to pick up their kdis too
R.B. answers from Albuquerque on March 17, 2008
Hi S.,
I wonder if you would consider a high school student for this time frame. You could contact the school(s) closest to the pick up/ drop off location..perhaps a counselor. HS'ers have shorter hours than other grades and if you make it an attractive enough amount (certainly less than 2 trips from work!!) I think (hope) you'll find a solution. I look foward to reading about a positive outcome. I'm a grandma of 5, mom of 3. I don't have all the answers, but am helping to raise 1 and I would try this.good luck, Ro
H.A. answers from Phoenix on March 15, 2008
I am sorry but this preschool sounds totally heartless! I am a preschool teacher and if this were my student I would line up my kids in my class and say "It's time to go pick up Jonny!" we would make it part of our routine because we love Jonny and we want to make him feel special and cared about. I think you should try and remind the director of his/her purpose...maybe that will melt his/her heart a little. Don't they have any aides that can meet him at the bus? Won't he/she feel just a little bad if something happens to him? Can you pay a little extra for them to help you out? Yikes! I'm sorry you have to stay there....but good luck!
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