School Attendance

S., don't panic. This can be worked out by steps. I have 5 kids and I can tell you that not one of them has the same learning skills. You need to approach this from a planned agenda. First, tell him that you are on his side and no matter what comes, he is your 1st priority. Then make a list with his input of things that need to be checked, fixed, eliminated. Eyes? Allergies? Conflict with teachers' personalities? Bullies? Tutors? He can do the work, but you have to find the right learning enviroment for him, and he is old enough to have a say in how and what works for him. I know first hand that food allergies have a lot to do with the way a child behaves. Headaches, moodiness, anger, they can all affect the way a child feels and then they will internalize that something is wrong with them. Work your list with him and more than likely you will have a "light bulb" moment and be floored that you did not see it first. Don't rely on teachers or school personel, he is your child and you know first hand what he is capable of doing and when he knows you are on his side he will feel safe in telling you what he needs and feels. No matter how big or small it seems to you, this is a big deal to a teenager and they need a safe place to land and you are it. Don't make it a battle of wills, make it a life changing event for both of you. Don't shame him, belittle him, punish him, but calm him, reassure him that this can be fixed. Hope this helps. Good luck.

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Sent you a private message. Short and simple is that Federal and State law say YES!!!!!
They MUST accommodate every student!!!!

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Ive read through the responses to your posting and there are some very good ones.

Your son needs to realize that he doesn't have a choice in this matter (what made him think that he did?). Also, I would be careful about expecting the school to accomodate because then your son will enter the work force with that attitude as well (unless of course after having him tested, there is a learning disability). Youth today need to learn that a lot of the time, it doesn't matter whether they like the circumstances or not, there are just some things that they have to do...school is one of them. And that they will have to do some adjusting to the things they don't like about school and later in the work force. The work force is going to be even less likely than the school to accomodate to someone that "says" he can't do the job. Youth today seem to think that the world owes them something and that the world should accomodate all of their special requests (there are legit special requests and then there is just attitude).

You may have to take some drastic measures to teach your son this lesson, however, I think it will be worthwhile in the long run. As parents we need to prepare our children for their adulthood and public school is such an important tool to use in teaching those lessons about work as an adult. Now is the time to set some work ethics and apply them to school.

Just in case your wondering, I do have children....3 - ages 14, 16 and 21. At times they thought I was the strictest mom in the neighborhood, however, my oldest has came back and thanked me that I taught such a good work ethic and personal responsibility in life.

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Hi, Have you thought about homeschooling? He is at an age that you could give him his assignments and he does them while you are at work! I have three kids and we pulled ours from the public school 2 years ago because my middle child was having a lot of problems and they pretty much stemmed from the teachers and principal. He is not a child that gets into trouble he just requires longer time on certain things, because when he was 3 he was diagnosed with leukemia and went through treatment for 2 1/2 years. They wanted to label him with learning disabled, but yet didn't want to teach him, but on the other hand wanted to pile tons of work on him and just put a 70 on the work so he could just slid by. I wanted more for him, so we pulled him and his older brother(who has never had any problems) and started teaching both of them along with their younger sister who was four at the time and is now already 1st grade. My son that struggled and was so stressed out because he thought he was stupid is now so relaxed gets his work done without me hounding him and most importantly is truly LEARNING. We had to do a lot of back tracking when we started because of things they did not bother teaching him in public school. We are all a lot happier, but most importantly HE is a lot HAPPIER!! There are a lot of programs out there available for you just search on internet. Good luck and just keep telling him he is SMART and not to give in to what they make him feel like, because that is what it all boils down too! My son was made to feel stupid and that was so NOT the case, they didn't know how to TEACH! D. B

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Have you talked with him about why he thinks or says he is stupid? If the homework is too hard is there someone you know who could help him with it?maybe you could try a parent child support center.Have you thought about him doing homeschooling?if he is a visual type of learner maybe he would do good with a vo-tech program.Good luck!!

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See if your son can enroll in a Vo-Tech through the High School.

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The schools don't have to do anything unless you put it in writting. Then they have 30 days to get it done. Your son needs an advocate! I had the same problem only I caught it early. My Twins have a learning disability, now they have an advocate and they are doing great. If your in the same area as I am, I'll be happy to give you her name and number, just email me.
The teachers don't like to have to change their way of teaching, and that is what you are asking of them. The school likes to put it back on the parents, especially when it comes to paying for an evaluation. This is there job, make them do it. Children with disabilities are smart, they just need someone to teach them in the way that they can understand it.
My twins went from D's and F's to A's and B's.
Tell your son he isn't alone, that there are other children just like him, and who knows he could be the next Albert Einstein. Albert Einstein had Dyslexia! Let your son know that he is smart in every way possible. I've been in his shoes, and I know what it feels like, to feel your stupid, and because I did feel stupid I droped out of school in 10th grade at the age of 18. It was the biggest mistake I could have made.
You could also talk/write to the schools about a colored back ground for your son, I've heard that some children need something that makes the words stand out, easier for them to read, or whatever he needs. He will be taken aside to see what color he would need.
What grade is he in, and are you in the Mississippi area?
Please let me know if you are in Mississippi, I can help your son by sending you to this company for children like mine and yours.
Hope this helps and email me.

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Does your son go to Technical School? Whichever district you are in should have one. I know from attending Tech that it is a wonderful experience outside the walls of school. Also, it teaches hands on trade.

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Have you had your son tested for learning disorders? It sounds to me like he may be dyslexic. I know some school systems in Oklahoma will perform tests if a teacher or parent suspects a child has a learning disorder, or you can find an outside source to do the testing. If a child is found to have a learning disorder, then the school system has to reasonably accommodate the child. If the child is not tested for learning disorders, the the school does not have to provide special accommodations. You may also look into a tutoring program like Sylvan Learning Center.

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Have you considered homeschooling for next year? There are many programs out there where he can be very independent doing his work, so you could still work and just check on his progress. Some kids just don't do well in a regular school environment.

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S.,
You did not say whether or not this is a new problem. Let me share my personal experience. My son, who is now 36, felt much the same way about himself. He knew that he was working hard, but still having difficulty. He became the class clown. It is my belief that he charmed his way through high school. Long story short, at the age of 23, he finally admitted that he needed help. (I had suggested many times that he might need to be tested or see a doctor.) Each time, I allowed him to talk me out of it. When he agreed to get help, I didn't know where to turn. We sent him to a Psychciatrist. After spending a hour with him, the doctor was sure that my son was 75% ADD and 25% Obsessive Compulsive. Medication worked for him. He went back to college for his last semester and instead of being put on probation, he had a 3.4 grade point average. It made all the difference in the world. This is just my experience that I felt should be shared in case it might be helpful.
D. B

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I have been in the same situation with my son who at the time was a senior. He was not attending school - did not like it, the teachers, etc. I did not want him to drop out of school so the other option was internet school. Internet school ended up being great for my son. He was willing to do this and he could still see his friends. There was peace in our home. I know not everyone believes internet school is the best, though I truly believe for some kids it is! Not everyone likes or feels comfortable in public situations and this way your child still completes their education and that is the goal. If you are interested in internet school, your school will have the information available for you. Your child can even graduate with his class. If you want to talk more about this let me know, I work from home.

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Just a thought here but his job is to attend school. He doesn't have to pass. He doesn't have to like it but he does have to attend. I would enforce it because it is a Federal Law. If parents do not send their children to school the parent can be arrested. I have two sons, 21 and 9. My youngest wanted to be home schooled this year. I explained to him that his job was to attend school, he doesn't have to like it; just do it. If we give our children too many options in life they will refuse to fulfill adult responsibilities. This is our first opportunity to teach them responsibility. As a single mom you must stand up to this challenge.

A little about me: Single mom of two sons. My oldest has is a Federal Aviation Mechanic and attending college on full scholarship. My youngest is learning to maintain our family garden. I'm 40 and excited about gleaning what God has for me in life.

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This is such a difficult problem. The only way you are going to get help from the school is if you become the squeaky wheel. You must bug them until they refer you to someone like the school psychologist. Then you must have a very open, honest talk with your son. It is the law that he must attend school. You can get in trouble if he doesn't go. It is your job to make him go to school. To help him out, have him tell you every day what he is struggling with. Maybe he should be tested to see if he has a learning disability. Just let your son know that you will never stop trying to help him learn, and that you are never going to give in and let him quit. Quitting is the last resort of desperation. He is worth all the effort you have gone to in getting him to school every day, and he should realize that his life will be very bad if he doesn't try his best to graduate from high school.
Lastly, he is entitled to a good education. If the school is not helping him properly, they are legally liable for his failure. Just tell the school that you want to be sure he is getting a "free, appropriate, public education." They will HAVE to do something.
Have you prayed about this? Ask God to give you insight, to help you talk to someone who will know what to do. There may be a breakthrough right around the corner. You love your son, and you are trying to do the right thing for him. He just can't see the point of it, and needs you to show him the way. It's so hard for kids to ask for help sometimes. Hang in there, and don't give up!

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First off the school board is there to accomadate all students. Not just the good ones. If you are not getting the results you want from the school to the board of education that is governing the school district you live in. State your case and be sure to have documenting evidence. Tell them what you expect them to do for your son. If that includes after school tutoring then they need to provide what ever it takes to help this child receive the education he deserves and your tax dollars pay for. Be accurate and dont take no for an answere if they start that i cant help then ask for the name of the supervisor of them that can help and go up the food chain until there isnt any left and then hire a lawyer and sue the pants off them.

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Some school districts have "alternative school" for kids like your son. It may not be what you want for him, but at least he would be getting more than he would if he didn't attend at all.

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Hi S.,

Some children are just not the studious/academic type anyway. We can't all be; but he may have problems comprehending what he reads. When you mentioned being visually astute, bells went off in my head. It can make school and life in general very boring and frustrating.

It used to be back in the Sixties you could 'drop out' of school and enroll in 'vocational' learning institutions. This was wonderful for students who just had no interest whatsoever in history, english, etc. It was wasted time for them and wasted space in the school.

When asked what trade they were interested in (cars, airplanes, construction, etc.) they enrolled in those courses and became very successful in what they felt they were truly meant to do. Some even went into Military service and learned their trade there.

Today you are forced to finish school, like it or not, but ask your son what his genuine passion would be, and you can think about getting him recruited into something he can confidently (and I emphasize confidently) sink his teeth into later on.

I realize he is still too young to know exactly what 'career' suits him, but get the 'feelers' out and after HS you can see about it. I feel sorry for him. He may not be in sync with the class, probably self conscious as well.

Public and Private schools do not have the time for individual attention here, but certainly the guidance counselor/faculty should be more helpful than you say. They should have tons of LD methods, referrals to learning centers and tools to help and advise you, that did not exist yrs. ago. I've seen better advice given here than what you are getting at school. That's a shame!

As for the thoughtless mental deficient Dad, I'm sorry you didn't pursue the child support. You deserve that.

God bless and much good luck.
F. ___________

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Look up "INDIGO CHILDREN" on the internet. If he fits the description of an indigo child there is alot of assistance out there. These are children that do not fit the status quo and the old ways of doing things. They truly are smarter and intuitive and need support in who they are.

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S., by federal law they do have to accomodate your son. You must insist. If he has been diagnosed as a visual learner or anything else they must help him. this is hard to get set up at times especially at the high school level but you MUST fight for you son. they are ruinning his self esteem and he gets further and further behind and more and more depressed every day. good luck dear. let us know

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I had somewhat of the same problem with my oldest son. He never really verbalized that he felt stupid and couldn't pass, but rather channeled his frustration through a lot of acting out. When it came right down to it, he was having trouble in school because of his reading comprehension. He's always loved cars and mechanics. We starting getting him subscriptions to Car & Driver and other magazines that he was interested in. This greatly improved his reading comprehension because it was something that he really wanted to learn. He could just about quote those magazines cover to cover and could explain the articles that he had read. He was also in one school that had a class that was specifically geared toward teaching them how to study and retain information. I, too, was completely frustrated with the entire school system. You just have to stay on top of them and demand results. Our taxes pay them to educate our children. If I paid for a car that was a lemon, you'd bet I'd demand some results out of that. But also keep in mind that just about all of the school staff is stretched pretty thin.(My husband is a high school teacher) You have to keep looking for that one teacher that is there to teach and not just collect a paycheck. I wish you the best of luck and want you to know that you're not alone!
R.

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S.,
Families Helping Families and Project Prompt will help you with your son. They will assign someone to mentor your family and work with you on his IEP. It may be later in the school year this year but they can get him ready for what he needs next year too. Please give them a call . . your son is not "stupid" and this day in age, no one should NOT be afforded a quality education: Please call:

http://www.familieshelpingfamilies.net/about_us.htm

Best wishes.

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Does the father work? If so, he should be paying child support. You may need to turn him in if the court has demanded that he pay and is not....deadbeat dad. Is he even aware of the situation? Does your son realize that he is legally bound to attend school until he is 16, unless home schooled. At that point he can pass the GED. If he decides to do that, then insist he goes to work. See how long that lasts. Make him start paying rent or some household bill. It is hard to be both mother and father and work two jobs. It sounds like you are doing your best and that you truly love your children. Does the older sibling have any positive influence over the 15 year old, if so, maybe that sister could talk to him about how important it is to go to school or do it from home and not battle with you.
Also, most teachers I know would be willing to assist him after school and get him caught up one on one if you can't afford a tutor. I did when I taught and it really helped those needing a little extract time to grasp concepts, etc. It was helpful in finding learning problems too. That way the school was aware and it could be dealt with appropriately.
Good luck!

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You need to look into a school that can and will accommodate his learning necessities. Don't let your son lose his confidence or drive because of the short-comings of the public education system.

Look into other schools- charter and private. If you cannot afford to put your son into private school, some of them offer financial aid and hardship vouchers. Also, if your son has athletic abilities, you can try to get him an athletic scholarship to a private school.

Please, don't throw your hands up!!!!

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i know you probably work but tell him that if he cuts one more class you will quit your job and attend school with him everyday and every class. he may test you so take a couple days off and join school this will make him go on his own i know it was done to me and it was totally embarrassing....

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Have the dad to pay child support with that you can get him in a school or program to help assist your child with his learning. Don't let the dad skip through life without any ownership to your son.

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First, your son is entitled to a free, fair and appropriate education. Period. They are required by law to accommodate him so that he can learn. If he is having that much trouble call for an IEP meeting so that you can work out an Individualized Education Plan so that he can get the help he needs to succeed. If the public schools cannot accommodate him then they are required by law to send him to a school that can, but it doesn't sound like that extreme is needed in this case. If you request in writing that you want a child study done, they MUST evaluate him.

Second, get the child some counseling. It sounds like he's had a rough time of it and could use someone to help him sort things out. It's not a judgment on you as a parent, but without a dad in the picture, I assume that there have been some upheaval.

I hope that you get everything worked out with your son. I wish my parents had taken as much interest in getting me help instead of blaming me for something I didn't know how to fix on my own when I went through something similar at that age.

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This is a really hard situation for you to be in, however, there are no public school systems that are set up to address anything much outside of the kids showing up and teaching/controlling the crowd. This would definitely be something that might be addressed in a private school or in a group of homeschooled children. I know it is very hard to make ends meet, more so every day but maybe you could find another form of schooling to meet his needs. He may be able to homeschool with others. Also, there are many children that are smart but don't enjoy school for any number of reasons. Rather than him not going and if he excels more in a vocational or trade school, consider enrolling him in an automotive or hvac/electrician program. This will enable him to secure a full-time comfortable paying job in many areas when he is certified. Good luck!!

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