26 answers

School Attacking Granddaughter?

I asked a question yesterday about my granddaughters hemp necklace. I went to the school, and it has only gotten worse. I was able to get the necklace back but now the school is accusing my granddaughter of smoking pot. I honestly do know she has a couple times in her life, but it was because her mother and stepdad did it and it was only when her back was extremly bad (Her spine has multiple problems, it was for pain I know) I do not condone this, and she has not done it since she has entered being in my custody. It has beeen atleast 2-3 years since she's smoked.
but anyways, they are accusing her of smoking and distributing. I have no idea where they could find grounds to do so! She has a very laid back attitude, and often dresses pretty "stoner" as her friends say and apparently her friends call her "forever stoned" because she does have a very very laid back appearance and whatnot.
I do not see this as grounds for them to try to drug test her! I did not let them, and my boyfriend said I could take them to court over this. I am not going to allow them to do anything with her untill They or myself finds some reason (drugs on her, a picture of her doing something) to think shes done something illegal. They have no way of knowing she did smoke a few years ago, and she hasnt recently.
Also with my question yesterday, with hemp it says nothing specific, only that there is no drug paraphenalia, which she has none of.
What would ya'll do in this situation?
**She does not smoke anymore, at all. I know this because she is either with me, or with her best friends whose parent(s) are always home becasue the father is a SAHD**
I am mad for them accusing her of smoking, when i know she isnt.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

So apparently my granddaughter is not a laid back "stoner" at all if you make her mad. I just got back to work and while we (The teacher who accused her, the principal, her, and myself) my granddaughter got mad and stood up and said 'If you want to test me F*cking do it! I have science right now and its pissing me off that your holding me for this bullsh*t!" I am surprised by her mouth but that is all. The test came clean, and I warned the school that if they try anything else I will be taking legal actions.
I went to her lunch to talk to her friends about the forever stoned thing, and her best friend said they nick named her that because in pictures they take she looks stoned when shes not wearing makeup (She admitidly does)
as for the hemp, I told her to continue wearing it.
I am glad slightly that this all happened, and I used to be extremly critical of her boyfriend (I have previous posts) and this kinda brought to light that I did the same thing to him.
Thank you all for your responses, Even though I read none of them untill I got home.
Also, her test came back negative.

Featured Answers

I may be crucified for this but I would use this as a lesson.

Dress like a slut get treated like a slut.
Dress like a stoner get treated like a stoner.
Dress like a lady get treated like a lady.

And I would absolutely take her in for a drug test. Proves her guilt or innocence right there.

10 moms found this helpful

I agree that if they don't have any evidence they shouldn't be labelling her, but truely the only way you may get past this is to let them test her and let the test prove they are wrong.


1 mom found this helpful

sorry, but i'm with you. a hemp necklace does not mean 'pot smoker', nor does a laid-back personality indicate a stoner. unless they have much better reason than this to believe she is using drugs on school property, they have no basis for this. i do NOT condone the attitude that 'if she has nothing to hide she should be drug-tested.' in this country innocence is presumed, and in the absence of evidence (which would involve more than a necklace or an attitude) guilt should not be inferred.
kids who march to the beat of a different drum are always marginalized and expected to conform. don't let them target her because of her clothes or jewelry.
i would fight this.

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

"apparently her friends call her "forever stoned" because she does have a very very laid back appearance and whatnot. "

Grandma, I hate to say it, but you are burying your head in the sand. I know you want to believe your grand daughter is not smoking pot, but I would bet the bank she is. I've been through this before. If her *friends* are saying this about her, it isn't because of how she dresses. You can buy a drug testing kit at the pharmacy. If you are sure she isn't smoking pot, buy one and surprise her with it. She should be anxious to prove her innocence to you. Kids can be VERY creative with doing things even right under our noses. I am sure she isn't "with you" 24/7. If she's like most teenagers, she's in her room with the door closed or going for a walk around the block.
Has she ever had incense in her room? Not trying to attack you, but you should go into this with your eyes wide open. Best wishes...

11 moms found this helpful

I may be crucified for this but I would use this as a lesson.

Dress like a slut get treated like a slut.
Dress like a stoner get treated like a stoner.
Dress like a lady get treated like a lady.

And I would absolutely take her in for a drug test. Proves her guilt or innocence right there.

10 moms found this helpful

Sorry but it sounds to me like your granddaughter has a pot problem. I'd take her to the doc and get her a legitimate license for it as a pain killer OR pay attention to what the school is saying.
Schools dont pick on kids unless they have a pretty good suspicion they are correct. If they think someone might have a gun in their backpack do you think it's okay to check for it? I do. If your granddaughter is NOT a dealer or a habitual smoker why would you be afraid to have her tested? If she is a habitual smoker and you love her, you would get her some help. It's not good for her developing brain cells to do this.

7 moms found this helpful

I'm sorry, but I agree that I think you're wearing blinders when it comes to your granddaughter. Don't you think a school has better things to do than harass a student about being involved with drugs? I know you love and trust your granddaughter, as you should, but be cautious. She is, I'm guessing, a teenager and is very good at hiding things and only letting you see what she wants you to see. She smoked pot because her back hurt? Please. I'm sorry, but that sounds like a lame excuse to me. If I'm being overly judgemental about your granddaughter, forgive me, but I can only go on what you wrote and from that I stand behind what I've said. Just my opinion. Good luck with everything and good for you for providing your granddaughter with such a caring and loving home.

6 moms found this helpful


I did not see your previous post, but you ask what other Mom's would do in this situation... I would not assume my grandaughter is guilty, but I would not assume her innocent either........ and I would say this if she was my own daughter. If she were my daughter I would have her tested for drugs myself.......and without warning. You think she is innocent, and she absolutely may be, but a teen is a teen... sometimes they lie to protect themselves. Even if they are good kids. Best to be safe so that you can address any issues now. There are in home drug test kits. If it were me, I'd buy one, and not warn my child I would be doing so. There are kits where you cut some hair and send it in for analysis.

One more thing. Using and "distributing" are two separate problems. Distributing could really get your girl in big trouble. Be sure before you get too defensive with the school.

6 moms found this helpful

I think someone is pulling the hemp over your eyes... you aren't with her 24/7 and she's probably smoking pot. Her "friends" refer to her as "forever stoned", she has smoked pot (with her parents??) in the past and she dresses like a stoner... as a school administrator, I would not give her the benefit of the doubt. In fact, I would assume that she was smoking pot until provided with evidence to the contrary.

She's either with you or with a SAHD, except for when she's in school which is for the bulk of her day.

If you are certain that she has not smoked pot, allow the drug test and prove them wrong. This is not a "fun process" for school administrators and we don't look for kids to nail, but if there is a reason to suspect your granddaughter, then they will pursue it. It's illegal and they won't take your word for it b/c they simply don't have to . You can fight it, but if you're certain then prove it.

5 moms found this helpful

She does go to school right? So during that time she's not in your care or the care of those other parents right? And are you there to see that the other parents are always there or that the kids NEVER leave the house or have friends over? Kids are sneaky. Especially kids who have used before. They can do things right under your nose and you don't know it! Trust me I've been there!!

I think if she's not using she should submit to a drug test. That will easily prove she's innocent. I would say if you throw a fit and don't submit to the drug test, then there probably is something going on. If you won't let the school drug test her, then you do it. It's pretty simple to do and that will end the accusations.

3 moms found this helpful

I don't think the school is accusing your granddaughter of being a stoner because of some experimentation she had done a couple of years ago. I think they woud be more concerned about current behavior.

The hemp necklace alone does not make your daughter a stoner. But her friends calling "forever stoned" would be a big read flag for me. What I remember from high school is that my stoner friends were still able to get a high even though adults were around -- they would just smoke up in the garage or back alley or some place else where they wouldn't be found for a couple of minutes. And let's face it, even though an adult may be present in the house when teens are around, that doesn't mean that they are actually supervising the teenagers. What it usually means is that the parent is home doing his or her thing and the teen is home as well, doing his or her thing also.

I know that you love your granddaughter and want to protect her but perhaps there is something here that you need to pay attention to. She's still very young and has her future ahead of her. If she is heading down a bad path, you want to catch it now and help her so that she can hopefully have a full and productive life that is free from addictions.

I know this is not the answer you want to hear but I think it's the answer that you need to hear.

3 moms found this helpful

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