77 answers

Scared Out of My MIND

I am 20wks pregnant with my first child and i'm petrified of having to go through the labor. I'm scared out of my mind. My sister-in-law just had a baby last december and she had to go through a C-section that almost killed her. I'm scared i might end up the same way. To be added onto this i've already had multiple complications with my pregnancy and my husband is in the Army and has spent more time gone then with me since we found out i was pregnant... I need some advice as to how to get through these next 4 months and my labor, and what do i do if he's away when the baby comes?

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What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

so, i had my little baby boy on Jan 3. a week late but it's ok. I found that the Epidural is the most wonderful thing that God helped man discover... I felt no pain what-so-ever until he crowned, then i thought i was going to die for all of 15 seconds. While i was pushing my mother had the nerve to make me laugh. She looked over as i was pushing and exclaimed "Oh My God, look at all that hair!" I couldnt help but laugh...

All in all, everything went great, THANKS

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It sounds like to me that you need to get a support group. Have you ever heard of a club called Mom's Club? Lok it up on line and it is nation wide so you should be able to find one close to you. It is a wonderful club that supports mothers that are stay at home mom's or that just need support. You sound like a strong person and I wish you that most luck.
L. H.

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I found what calmed my fears was being very informed. My husband and I read and took classes. When the time came I had a short, complication free labor (despite a very complication filled pregnancy). Remember that knowledge is power. I also would not let people tell me their "horrible" birth stories. I would just ask if it was a positive experience for them. IF it was not, I asked if they could wait to share until after my delivery.

That helped me:-)

I did not have a c- section but I do know what it is like to be scared I was alone when I had my first son I had complication in the beginning and was afraid what to expect. I had bleeding and was hositalized repeatedly and many other things went wrong . Then you know what I did, it was pretty crazy I had a beautiful red headed baby boy and then after all that I was out of my mind enough to do it all over again. The fear is so normal I think when I was pregnant the first time I was more afraid of being a parent than any other decision I had ever made but it truly has been fun! My children have made me stronger not only emotional but phisically as well!!! Have fun with what may lye ahead.

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First, share with your doctor that you are scared about the pregnancy and labor. He/she is the one who can tell you about the"mechanics" of the process.

Second, your sister-in-law was only one woman out of many who deliver babies. Most of them are easy, successful, and even painless(!).

Third, see if you can find a support group for natural birth. (In my time they called it Lamaze.) Your doctor might be able to refer you or it might be available in the Army support system.

And just to give you a positive story of birthing--I had two ten pound babies (separately of course), the first in four hours and the second in two hours without medication. I was 125 pounds before pregnancy and 155 before delivering.

In fact some birth stories can be funny. My daughter's was.

She was born on an eclipse. When my water broke it gushed and gushed. Pretty soon I could hear it dripping on the floor. And then it was pouring on the floor. I could hear the doctor and my husband walking on it. I was so embarrassed because I couldn't stop it and I was still gushing. Then the doctor was splashing on the floor. He asked the nurse to get a mop, "Stat".

So, then he looked at me and said that I'd probably be in labor all night. Hah! I delivered in the next hour!

It did not hurt but it was work. I did not scream, but I was sweating. I needed my husband. I was thankful that I took the Lamaze class and educated myself about the process of pregnancy and birth. I was totally and completely in control.

If you can work for the Arm training guys for deployments, you can take control and educate yourself for process of birth.

It is a fascinating and wonderful journey process you have begun. Enjoy

2 moms found this helpful

I had an extremely high risk pregnancy and at 23 weeks almost lost the baby, then again at 27, and 30 and 33 when my doctor finally said that next time, we can go ahead and deliver. She finally came at 35 weeks. Here's the point, after all 21 hours of labor and panic, it was okay. AND TOTALLY NOT THAT BAD. I had literally expected the worst because I had the worst pregnancy that I could have imagined. Stop listening to other people's horror stories, and remember that we are literally made to do this, and we CAN do this! It is not nearly as bad as people make you think, sure it hurts but you already knew that.

Refuse to hear the negative from people because you don't need it right now. In my opinion, I would rather give birth daily, than have to prepare someones husband, son, or father go to war. I promise you that what you are doing now for the Army is 10 times harder than child birth will be. Keep looking up, and I hope for you that your husband comes home soon, and safe.

2 moms found this helpful

D., I found a lot of support through a pre-natal yoga class. my advice is to find a group of women who are going through the same thing. it feels good to be able to share fears and concerns and see that they are common and find out how people are dealing with them. It would also be great to have the support group after the baby is born in case your husband is not with you. a birthing class is also a good way to meet people.

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It is absolutely normal to be worried about what labor will be like. Our society has done an excellent job brainwashing women into thinking that is a medical event, when it is far more sensible to think of it as a natural, physiological event. Your body has been designed to give birth! Much like other things in our modern lives, the sensational is over-emphasised, and the boring is de-emphasised. For every poor outcome, there are hundreds and hundreds of good outcomes, and that's very important to remember.

That being said, it is still very easy to become overwhelmed with the amount of stories and information that you hear. I suggest that you look into hiring a doula to attend your birth. If you are unfamiliar with doulas and what they do a good place to start is the Doulas of North America website: http://www.dona.org/ Essentially, a birth doula is a person who is trained to assist you through your labor. She will consult with you before the birth, which would be great for when you want to talk with someone about these concerns and fears, and she will stay with you through the entire birth process.

I found that knowing that I would have my doula with me (even though my husband and I went through birthing classes together and I knew he would be there too) really helped me relax and that helped both during my pregnancy and during my labor too.

No matter what type of labor you are considering, (natural, epidural, etc.) A doula will help. She doesn't care what type of labor you choose to have, she will support you throughout.

There are many good doulas in this area. I will give you a link to the doula I used, Shari Saldana. http://preciousbirthdoula.com/ She is happy to talk to moms-to-be about what having a doula can do for you.

Best of Luck to you!

2 moms found this helpful

First of all, congratulations! Try to take time each day to just enjoy being pregnant. Yes, you have complications and a lot to prepare for, but this part of your life is so short and you really need to slow down and take it all in.

The best thing you can do to ease your fears is to learn everything you can about what's happening to your baby and your body. There are so many helpful books and websites out there. I've had three kids and enjoy receiving my weekly updates about how baby is growing and developing from www.babycenter.com.

As far as labor goes, I would be very scared to go have a baby at a hospital these days. They basically make it seem like at terrible illness you have that they need to protect and cure you of. IT IS NOT!!! You can have a wonderful, safe, most amazing experience with your husband and a caring midwife at a birth center that will be the most powerful and bonding experience for you. Look into it!

Take a childbirth course or two. Borrow the movie "The Business of Being Born" from the library. Take a Bradley Method childbirth class or hypnobirthing. All these things will teach you what's going on and how to handle it safely and calmly.

You can have a wonderful pregnancy and delivery!!

2 moms found this helpful

Seriously, it's not that bad. :) I've had one baby, and hope to have another someday!

Read some books to empower yourself. I recommend anything by Ina May Gaskin. You're body was made for this, truly it was.

Pick a provider (OB/GYN or Midwife) who listens to you and supports your decisions. Don't pick anyone who seems pushy or tries to scare you into making decisions you aren't ready to make.

Also, (above all else!) hire yourself a doula. A doula is a support person who will be there during the birth to help you. You can go to dona.org or just start googling. A doula is helpful to be there whether or not your husband is present (we can always use an extra pair of helping hands) or whether or not you will be having a natural labor. She will be able to rub your back, give you sips of liquid or feed you snacks, or to suggest other positions that might be more comfortable for you. She can help your husband keep a level head so HE can be more supportive, if he's able to be at the birth. She will also meet with you several times before the birth and will help allay your fears. If you can't afford a doula, find a doula in training! They will often attend your birth for free. Email around to current doulas to ask if they do a sliding scale or if they know anyone who will attend a birth for a reduced fee. Also, go to http://www.operationspecialdelivery.com/.

Good luck! Breathe deep. You can do this. :)

Also: I need to add a PS. STOP watching "A Baby Story" or any similar shows on TLC (unless it is the one about the birth center in Florida). Those shows are filmed and edited to be dramatic, and should only be taken as a "How NOT to Have a Baby Story." Most of the moms have way too many interventions, way to little emotional and physical support, and so things turn out badly way too often just for the Drama.

2 moms found this helpful

I think you should consider hiring a doula. I had a doula from www.renchildbirth.com at my birth. I think she was more indispensable than my husband.

Also please seriously consider your medical care provider. It sounds like your visits so far have not reduced your fears, so it may be good to try seeing someone else. Perhaps a midwife. I think generally midwifes have more education about how to reduce C-sections than MDs . I had midwives from www.pacificmidwifery.com at my birth. They were very helpful for reducing my fears and the risk of a C-section. And I could still have the option of an epidural and be at a hospital with an Obstitritian, since that is what helped me feel more comfortable.

What environment will help you feel most comfortable about giving birth?

Also, consider reading The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth.

So I wish you the best in educating yourself and finding the right people to be with you when you give birth! You can find more strength within yourself to give birth than you ever imagined. Find the people to have with you who help you feel strong and good about facing the challenge. You can do it!

2 moms found this helpful

My best advice is to throw away "What to expect when you're expecting" it will only scare you and borrow a copy of "Spiritual Midwifery" by Ina May Ganskin from the library it is the most amazing and empowering book on childbirth. You need all the positive resources right now. Also start right now thinking about the most positive, supportive, you can do anything family member or friend who you trust and love who can support you through the rest of your pregnancy and who if need be you'd be comfortable supporting you through birthing as well. If possible look into hiring a duala to support both you and hopefully your husband through the birth process.

Remember this is an amazing and positive experience. I know how scary this can be though because I was suppose to be dead long before my 21st birthday, but at 25 I gave birth at Home, medication free to a 4 week late, 9 pound 7 ounce bouncing, smiling baby girl. The next day I was ready and wanted to do it all again because my birthing experience was so positive and wonderful. In the back of my mind all through my pregnancy I wondered if my body would survive, but it turned out my daughter saved my life. YOU CAN DO THIS!!! YOU ARE A STRONG BEAUTIFUL WOMAN!!!

On a side note thank you and your husband both for your service to and with our armed forces!!!!

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