21 answers

Scared About Babies Being 15 Months Apart

I have a 10 month old son, in 5 months I will be having a little girl. I am scared!!!! On top of all of this my husband is away with the military. Right now I am living with my parents, I have been here 5 weeks but I am starting to feel like I want my own place. My parents help but it is not the same as my husband helping me. I get along with my parents but again I just want to be in my own space. It is nice to be able to put my son to sleep and then run errands at night. There are lots of pros to this situation.

I want to hear from other moms with children that are close in age and tell me what they would consider the best situation....Can I do this all by myself ALL the time and still be sane if I were to move back to Arkansas?

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

Hi My first daughter was 2 months early 10/18/01 and only weighted 2lbs 3 oz. My second daughter was 0210/03. She weighted 7lbs 14 oz. My first daughter was about 14 lbs my the time sister was born. I have enjoyed them both. When they are close it's almost like having twins. We would have to get a birthday present for both of them.

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Hi
I felt like I had to write you. When my son was 6 months old I got pregnant! Using birth control the whole deal. I was terrified, sad, all the emotions! I had people tell me it was easier with them closer together but that only calmed some of my fears. Would either child get enough attention, would I be able to do it? The answer is YES you can! The first few months are hectic but they are with all newborns. My kids are 2 1/2 and 17 months and I'd do it all over again. They are the best of friends. Constantly giving each other hugs and my son is already protective of his sister. We never went through the "regression" with my first, I think because he was so young he never resented her. I love it! They are interested in the same things at the same time, so it's so nice.
I'm not going to lie that the beginning is easy but honestly when is life easy with a new born? You will love both babies the smae.
Can you do it alone???? I've been a military wife and I'd say you can if you take advantage of the loving caring women who will help you because they are also alone. Let your Commander know of the situation and I'm sure he will make sure the other wives help you out. DO not be to stubborn to accept help! DO NOT worry about how clean your house is. Just worry about loving those babies. You'll be amazed at how strong you are and the strong bond you and your kids will have. Make sure you do get some time to yourself by letting others help.
I've already written more than enough but if you ever need anything that I can help with over email PLEASE let me know.
With love & support
K.

1 mom found this helpful

I have so much to say! I have 3 children and 2 of those are 15 months apart. It's a lot of work, but so worth it! They are 21 and 22 right now and are SO close! But as I look back I wish I would have done one thing, and that was to ask for more help or accept more help! Take it while you can get it! My husband was gone most of the time and I was so busy doing the daily stuff, hitting the rotine of living that I can't remember the small stuff! It's sad! You need time to make those special moment and remember them when you have two so close. The older one will love to help with the baby by bring diapers to you and throwing the old ones away. I envey you starting this journey. So stay with your parents and enjoy while you can. These are really the great times when they are young, lots of work but these are really the fun times. Spend your time teaching loving and remembering! Take the help while you can. When your husband gets home you will still need the help! N.

1 mom found this helpful

It depends what your resources are back in Arkansas. I have two boys, 3 & 2. They are about 16+ months apart. Some days are better than others, but I wouldn't change it for anything. It's like a built in friend & they have great fun together. I have a great support system (besides my spouse) though with my local MOMS Club (www.momsclub.org) chapter. I have met tons of other stay-at-home moms with kids the same ages. We get together a lot & really help each other out when our spouses are gone. Would you have a support system with other military wives too?

1 mom found this helpful

Hello My name is M., and I am also a military wife. My husband is in the navy which he is also deployed right now as well. Our sons name is carson and is 13months old. I can not say how it is to be expecting anothe one or how it will feel tyo have 2 under the age of 2. I can say how it is to live wiht just me and my son. I do have fmaily close by, but it can be tough to be just us. I would just say go with your gut. How long is your husband gone? Is it your family here or his your staying with? Do they give you your space? Go with your gut and what your feel is best for your children. Depending on where you live we could get together sometime. I wish I ahd better advise for you. M.

1 mom found this helpful

This is a tough situation. I have 2 boys who are 16 months apart. My oldest son will be 6 next month and my youngest will be 5 next July. While they were babies I had a lot of help from my husband as well as my daughter who is 10 years older than my oldest son. However, our situation changed and my daughter no longer lives with us, so I had to learn to cope without her help. My husband helps whenever he's home, but I'm a stay at home mom, which makes me their primary caregiver. I've learned to adapt and am doing fine. What I'm trying to say is that the decision has to be yours, but I think that we learn to adapt to whatever situation we're put in. I also know that it's difficult to raise your children while sharing a house with another family because you try to instill your values and beliefs on your children, but there's sometimes interference. I've been there and wasn't happy in those conditions. Anyway, best of luck to you. Hope this helped.

1 mom found this helpful

If it was me and you got along with your parents I would stay as long as you can. Having two that close is going to be very hard and expensive. Having the help would be so nice. You can have your independence when they get a little older.

1 mom found this helpful

Well from one military wife to another. I understand where you are coming from. Congrats on the upcoming birth. My husband has now done 3 deployments and they don't get any easier. It doesn't matter where you live as long as you have a great support either from family or family support from the military. As long as you have one of these you'll find your inner strength and realize that you can do it. My son is now three and my husband was depoyed his second time when he was just 2 months old. I wouldn't have been able to do it without my family. They helped keep me strong. So hold your head high and look forward to all your new beginnings.

1 mom found this helpful

L.,

My girls are a week shy of 15 months apart. They are now 3y and 21m, it is awesome! They play together, keep each other entertained, and you can tell that they will always be close. I had my oldest in daycare until my youngest was 2 months old and it really help since I was healing from a c-section, and gave me extra time to bond. It sounds like you will have some extra hands around which is great. Make sure you don't try to do it all - that's my greatest weekness. I promise it's not as hard as people think it is. And it's a lot of fun.

Enjoy!
~A.

1 mom found this helpful

L.~
You are a military wife and that makes you a different breed of women. You have an independance and strength that a lot of others don't have. My #2 is 4wks old, and his brother is 20 mo older than him. My husband is an Army Recruiter, so he has long days and is not much help...but he is home. It's been challenging, but we make it work. Lucky for us, when he got his orders, they stationed us at our home of record (which never happens!), so we have family around when I need a break (actually, it's naps I usually need!) If you really feel like you need your own place, I say go get one. You don't have to go back to Arkansas, though, especially if you are feeling concerned/overwhelmed about taking care of the kids on your own. Go get an little apartment in town not too far from your folks, then if you have a rough day help is right around the corner, but you still have your independance and privacy. I wish you the best of luck, and pray for your husbands safty.

E.

1 mom found this helpful

Don't worry. YOU WILL BE JUST AS COMPETENT WITH THE SECOND CHILD AS THE FIRST! Trust God because things all have a way of working themselves out. I know myself when I'm with my parents (I actually lived with my grandmother and a baby for a year) you can feel stressed out thinking of all of the things you could be doing for them, for yourself. Let people help you, don't try to overdo. You are VERY fortunate to have such supportive parents.

Relax and try to tell yourself - God is merciful and loves mankind and he will NOT abandon you - especially with two babies. You didn't say how long your husband will be deployed out. In fact, we lived in Jacksonville, Arkansas where my son was born (in 1983 - 1985) (my ex & I were in the military - I know how stressful that can be) Do you guys have a place of your own or do YOU need to find one? If you need to find a place, it's probably a bad idea to do this until your husband gets back. I did a move from California to Arkansas in the military - THEY WOULD NOT SEND MY HUSBAND BACK TO HELP!! It was too much - VERY stressful - and I didn't even have children at the time. Probably the worry about your husband is taking its toll as well on your nerves. God protect him wherever he is.

God bless you and your two precious ones. "Look at the birds of the fields, they neither sew nor spin, yet God takes care of these. How much more are you worth than the birds." God says "do not be anxious for anything!" Let him take care of your worries and anxieties. Pray and "cast your cares" as best as you can, bit by bit. Read the 23rd Psalm, find things to do that calm you down.

1 mom found this helpful

I think that it is wonderful that you have support. Our society has really grown apart from grandparents. They are such an important influence on your children, not to mention help for you. If you move, you will probably be putting your children in daycare to allow you time to work/have sanity. Would you rather a stranger help raise your kids than your family? I sure wouldn't, not that my family is perfect all of the time. However, I KNOW that they will always have good intenions and keep my children safe. If you choose to stay home with them, you may find yourself very lonely. If you have good resourses, playpalces, moms groups there, you will be fine. I guess you need to think about what you want to teach your children. For me, it was the strong sense of family. I am sorry that your partner isn't there, that is very hard.

My Girls are now 8 and 9 years of age, however I can clearly remember the fear of having two babies under two in my care! They are 14 1/2 months apart and the first year was very difficult! (It didn't help that my 2nd was very large! She out weighed her sister at 4 months!)

I would weigh your options carefully now, Would you have a support system if you were to move? Are your parents the type of people to let you adjust in your own way? How long until your husband comes back? I would highly recommend that you make sure you have another set of adult hands available to you at all times! And remember it's only the first year that is really hard to work with! Due mostly to the fact that your son will be testing out his new legs of freedom while your packing an extra 20lbs that's trying to wiggle free... It can be difficult to keep them in the same place at the same time. (I had success after my youngest started walking with mock drill marching, their attention never wavered!) In the safety of home you can relax a bit. Your son wont have the independent NO's start until your daughter is well past the am I really here? Unlike parents with the recommended two year separation between kids! I found that life was quieter with their age difference. So that might help you out a bit.

As for the majority of life with your kids being so close in age, you can look forward to an amazing display of social skills and friendship between them! They will always have someone their age to play and interact with. My girls are the best of friends, and because of their experience with each other they had no trouble at all adjusting to life with other children when they started school!

Hi My first daughter was 2 months early 10/18/01 and only weighted 2lbs 3 oz. My second daughter was 0210/03. She weighted 7lbs 14 oz. My first daughter was about 14 lbs my the time sister was born. I have enjoyed them both. When they are close it's almost like having twins. We would have to get a birthday present for both of them.

First of all, don't make any hasty decisions. You may want to find some "middle ground" to find a way to make staying with your parents work, you are right to realize that having 2 ages 2 and under is going to be a challenge, expecially with your husband away. Think of all the pluses to staying with your parents (financially, and with the responsibilities of the kids) and see if they outweigh the "cons". Definitely talk with your parents too, start by expressing your great appreciation for having you and your children - then explain that you want to set some boundaries on your space and raising the kids. If counseling is available for you (which I am sure you can find some through the military) that might help mediate if things get rough. Are you working out of the house, or stay at home mom - and what about your parents.. are they still working on retired? Who is the main care-giver for your children.. that is something to be considered. Whatever you do, be sure your parents know you appreciate what they are doing for you.

This is a start...

take good care of yourself and your children so you can all be healthy - and congratulations on the new arrival in March.

JG

My two boys are five years apart and my husband is gone all day and works 9am to midnight 3 days a week. I feel like a single mom. It would be a luxury to escape to the store by myself even once a month. Unless you have a good support network already built in Arkansas, I would stay put. Now that my oldest is seven we can at least play challenging games together to pass some of the long hours. I thought I would go crazy until he got into pre-school. Yes, having your own space is wonderful, but if you have willing hands to help, and you trust and enjoy your folks, that is a far greater a plus for your sanity. Having two babies is a lot of work. Doing it alone can be very isolating and exhausting. Perhaps now that you have identified the con to the situation, you can brainstrorm some creative solutions to carving out your own space with in their home. Talk to them and see what they come up with. You might be pleasantly suprised!

Good Morning L.,
Wow, I can certainly understand your situation, it's very hard not to have your own space and to be away from you husband. I had my first 3 children, each 22 months apart and was single within 2 months of my third child. So I had 3 little girls, with the oldest still 3 years old and I was alone. If your parents are willling to help and are kind to you and the baby, soon babies, you will need some help. There is nothing wrong with needing help, we all do sometimes. Make sure to exchange with your parents as much as you can, help with cleaning, cooking or anything you know they might need. Express your appreciation, as I do not believe parents, by sheer vitue of being "the parent" must help their adult children. Talk about what they need and what you need in order for the situation to be workable. Remember, yours is a temporary situation, you will have your own space and you husband again. Focus on the joyful fact that a new little girl is coming into your life and into your little boys life. They need you create the happy home they live in. We're moms, we can do that just about anywhere! Best Wishes, B.

When my first daughter was only 3 months old I learned I was again pregnant with my second daughter. My husband, at that time, would help with nightly feedings but that was all. I had to go back to work two weeks after my second was born, manage the house, bills, etc. (and the same with my first). It was hard at times but well worth it!! They are very close,now 26 and 25.

If the house isn't to cramped w/your parents, I say try to stay until your second is born. Let them help you. BUT try to take time for your self besides running errands. Go visit friends, go to a movie, take a bubble bath. Just do something to pamper your self and to give you some space on your own.

Good luck to you and let me know how things go. I was a "military brat" for 30 years so dad was gone to sea alot. I know it's not easy to have a loved one away for long periods of time but I feel it makes us stronger and better for it.

Hi. I have kids who are 14 months apart and boy do I wish I would have had more help, especially when they were younger. If you decide to do everything on your own, I'd definitly stay with family for the first 3 months or so until you can find the balance of your kids. With them being close together in age, it's going to be difficult on everyone, especially you! I'd accept the help. I'm a single mom now and I live 2500 miles away from my family. There are days when I think about moving back just because of the stress and strain of it all and my kids are now 3 and 4. It's exciting, but stressful. I'd take the extra help for a while longer though. Good luck in whatever you decide!

Beka

you're planning to move far away from your parents? how much support do you have in arkansas?

My children are 12 months apart. and I must be truthful...it is a lot of work and having the help is really nice and kept me sain.. I of course had my husband and I uderstand where you are comming from.

I'm not really sure what it would have been like without him... I assume very difficult but as a mommy you do figure out what works.

On a positive note! my two kids are two and three and are best friends even being a boy and girl... they love to play together FINALLY! :) and really love eachother. things are so fun now and I can't imagine what my oldest would be like with the youngest.. probably spoiled!! :)
it will be hard and you'll have to figure out what works for your family but you will look back on it when your youngest turns two or three and smile.. :)

it is like having twins.. kind of.. but their needs are different. If you are going at it alone I reccommend a JOVY double stroller...

How long until your husband returns? how many friends and family do you have where you'll live alone?

My kids are 19 months apart, and to be honest, it was hard at first for a while. You adjust, and quick. You have to. You will get a routine down, and things will fall into place. I (as someone else stated) would get an apt close to your parents, you already know what a help they can be. I thank god everyday for my mom. I think I would be in a mental hospital otherwise! :) My husband is a railroader, and he is gone 36 hours at a time, and not much help when he's home (he tries), so most of the time I am on my own. Maybe stay with your parents until the little baby is 2 months or so, until you get your routine, (Let me tell you it's hard to get showers! lol)and then get a little place of your own where you can feel confident in having two little ones :) Good luck, I'm sure you will be just fine! :) I have a 4 1/2 year old daughter, 3 year old son, and I'm 7 wks pregnant with my 3rd. It can be done!

My two oldest are 14 months apart.. it can be fun and challenging. I have found as they get older and grow closer together its can be hard to tell who "really did it" lol.. as for on your own, im sure you can do it you just have to believe you can.
I was in the military and so was my exhusband at the time that both of my oldest were born.
Good luck, Haveing your own space is always worth it i think

K.

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