Santa Clause - Minneapolis,MN

Tell her the truth but with a lot of love and definitely use sources to tell the "real story of Santa" as other posters have mentioned.

Our son started hinting at 8 and then told us a few months later that he knew the truth. I think he was pretty afraid of what the consequences might be...Would Christmas be canceled if he knew the truth?

We just explained to him that Santa is a way for us to remember to think of others and take a minute to know the joy of giving. Unfortunately we are sometimes to busy to remember that. And that because this is a hard message for little ones to understand, we created all the santa hoopla to tell the story. At 9 he has the best of both worlds: The crazy joy of toys and parties and the I'm-a-big-boy-who-gets to help-tell-the Santa-story for others like his little brother and cousins.

It has been such a treat to watch him peruse the toy catalogs and tell me things he think he'd like to get for others. Very sweet and not really sad at all.

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I wouldn't tell her. You are not telling a lie to hurt her...in fact it's just the opposite. I would tell her what my mom tells me to this day and I am a 31 year old woman =) That she believes and if I don't believe santa won't come. Have her watch on christmas eve on the internet where santa is at each hour...I can't think of the website...something like northpole.com and it shows what country he is in and when he is going to arrive in the US Good Luck!

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Hi S.- This very topic came up at the begining of this month but with an 11 year old. Here is the link to that thread. I think it may be helpful to get even more opinions
www.mamasource.com/request/7290642235811495937

I would not tell her. Good luck with whatever you decide...

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I feel for you, I just had a conversation with my almost 10 year old about Santa and was relived to here she still believed (but deep down I don't know if that is true). I asked her why she thought he was real and she told me that Santa gets her things I would never get her, and it is not really the cost since we don’t spend all that much but it is the items that she knows I am not a big fan of. So thinks I would NEVER get those items for her myself. I have always tried to make the Santa gift "special" and "magical", which some years has bitten me on the butt because he gets all of the credit :-). The one thing I always say is that Santa is more than a person, he is a feeling. His presence makes Christmas a little magical to kids and even us adults can use some magic. When she gets to the point when she realizes/finds out the truth then she will help us create that magic for her younger brother and cousins. Christmas isn't all about the gifts (although they are nice); it is about making your family feel special and spending time together. Good Luck this year!

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We're Jewish, so your question doesn't apply to my family, but I would think an 8-year-old is going to hear (or more likely, has already heard) from friends at school that there is no Santa. I would not recommend lying to her about it.

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What my mom told me and I have passed to my kids is. Santa is real in our hearts and as long as you believe he will still come. You stop believing in Santa and the magic he will stop coming to our house. I'm 39 and I believe in Santa - there are just millions of them throughout the world! We are a spiritual family who knows and celebrates Christmas as the birth of Christ. However, we have room for Santa and we all believe - no one ever utters that there is no santa for my older boys now know that it's really MOM AND DAD that deliver the AWESOME gifts but they still want them to come! My daughter is 8 as well and is very much on the fence on how much she is willing to argue with her friends on if Santa is real or not. But she wants to believe and we want her to believe in the magic.

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The truth is always the best way to go. Sit down with her and be honest.

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I don't think I could ever tell my child who is asking for the truth that "Santa only brings to those that believe in him".

Santa isn't real and I am so, so saddened by the responses that tell you to flat out lie to your daughter. A lie is a lie, no matter how delightful it sounds.

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I agree with the last poster. Look up st. nicholas online. He really was a real person who was very generous. That way you will be telling her the truth.

My sons are now 11 and nearly 13. About 3 years ago my sitter's son, who is the same age, told my sons there was no Santa Claus. I was very upset and the boys also had questions. I told my children that Santa is in your heart. I also asked if the sitter's children received Santa gifts because Santa doesn't come to your home if you don't believe. This year we bought a new "Santa Stop Here" sign for our 11 year old who has enjoyed putting up the sign each year. He readily put it up in the yard. When I ask both of them if they still believed in Santa. I received a "yes" from the 11 year old and the older son shook his head with a twinkle in his eye. (The older son enjoys buying gifts for the less fortunate.) Santa will continue to be a Christmas Tradition in our home at any age. I happen to know Mrs. Claus very well and when she is out and about she reminds folks that Santa welcomes assistance from time to time. :)

Having a trusting, open, honest relationship with your children is soooooo important. When they are teenagers, do you want them to know that in this family we always tell each other the truth? If you do, it starts now. She is asking you to be honest with her. She's smart. You can explain the whole thing--why you told her the story in the first place, why you held out as long as you did, etc. Then ask her (maybe a few days later) when she thinks you should tell her sister. You can still do stoockings and everything, but you will all know it is a pretend game.

There was a wonderful editorial "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus" which addresses the philosophical issue of a beloved but mythical character. You can google "yes, virginia" for the exact text.

Personally, I never encouraged my kids to believe in a "real" Santa Claus; it was/is important for them to know that these expressions of love (gifts) come from people around them who know them and love them and work hard to provide them with the things they need and some of the things they want.

S.,
Santa does exist! It is the spirit of giving. While the character is based on a real person, I told my daughter that I help Santa (she's 12). It is important to keep the spirit alive not the flesh and blood. I explained the history of Santa and told her that all the Santas you see at Christmas, are the spirit of giving.

R.

I would level with her with one condition before you do...nothing is said to her younger sister. I have 10 & 12 yr old boys. I recently asked my older boy if he believed on Santa...he said no. he has been cool with his younger bro, usually can't wait to burst bro's bubble!!!
I was told when I was five, my older bro. I am glad my boys were older than I was when they found out!!!!!!

I would not tell her. Instead of lying, just tell her "I believe in Santa..." or "Santa only brings to those that believe in him" (unless that might upset her, thinking she may not get anything if she is questioning him). I don't think you ever need to tell a child the truth about this, they figure it out on their own. Also, if you tell her, she will tell her little sister and the magic will be gone for both of them. It isn't lying, it is keeping her innocence a little longer. My son is almost 20 and we never told him, nor did he ever tell us he knew. I grew up in a family of 7 and our parents also never told us. At my mom's house, Santa still brings gifts for all of us. :) I would continue to be vague about your answer, or just ask her back if she thinks he is real. Good luck. Don't let her grow up too fast. :)
S.
mom of 3 and daycare provider for 20+ yrs

S.,

When my kids come to me point blank and want to know, I tell them the truth. My oldest figured it out when she was 6. My almost 7 year old and 4 1/2 year old still believe. I like it when they can experience the "magic" of Christmas, but I don't see a point in lying to my children and I would never promise something that was a lie, so I don't.

Good luck,
S.

If she is that smart then tell her the truth, Yes there is Santa Claus however he is St Nicholas. Just Santa Claus for short. St Nicholas is in the history books as a real person. Check it out- You will be telling her the truth.
Good Luck!!

My daughter is also 8. We went through this last Easter. So I finally sat down with her and we had a talk. It's so much easier than keep lying to her and her busting my lies and such. Santa will still come and bring a present but she knows he's not real.

Most kids know- or at least strongly suspect- the truth by 7-ish. Once they start school, that seed of doubt is planted.
If my son asked me point blank to be honest about it, I would. He hasn't yet, but he already decided last year that it wasn't possible for one man to deliver presents all over the world, and figured there must be LOTS of helpers to get the job done. I also told him about the real St. Nicholas.
Santa is just for fun and not worth lying about if she really wants the truth. You can still do presents from Santa (my parents still do) and maybe have her help be "Santa" to other people. Christmas should be about the giving, anyway.

My 9 year old girls still believe, but have asked a couple of times. I just say you need to believe in the magic of Santa. That way I'm not telling them there is no Santa, but I want them to hold on to the magic as long as they can.
My son is 11 and I have never come right out and told him- although he has known for a couple years.
I don't consider this a lie. I know there are kids at school that talk, so it won't last for much longer.
I have a friend whose daughter asked about Santa and she thought it was the right time to tell her- her daughter was devastated!! I think she was 7 or 8. She regrets telling her.
I think it depends on your own child- Good luck!

We never told our children Santa Clause was a real being. We saw no reason to lie to our children when if they lied to us they would be punished even if it was just for a fun fantasy. We explained when they were old enough who he was, what the legend was and that it was a fun thing that other children believed. We also told them that was nothing they should share with other children because that would hurt them and to let them believe. My kids have never cared. My daughter still likes him and loves to buy Santa ornaments because she likes the legends and loves legends in general.

So my advice is to maybe do some research and show her who santa was... what the legend has evolved into. I think that softens the blow completely. Make it a learning experience. I would also explain to her that she shouldn't share this with other children like I did mine. If you want to try and keep it up just keep in mind eventually the other children at school will all start talking about how he is bunk anyways as I'm sure you will remember. Might be why she is asking. I know I already figured out he wasn't real by the 2nd grade and other children talked about it. So eventually you'll have to tell her. It's just a personal decision when you want to. Just make sure you do it before she figures it out positively on her own so there are no hard feelings.

Good luck! Parenting is never easy.

I told my kids "when you stop believing in Santa you stop getting presents from him". They are 18 and 24 and still get a present from "Santa" just for the fun of it.

At 8, she knows, or she wouldn't be asking. She's looking to see what you are going to say, to see if you are going to be honest with her, if you can help her make sense out of the world. My seven year-old has known for a couple of years but is happy that Santa Claus is the spirit of giving and that we all give gifts to each other at Christmas time. We don't have to choose between honesty and "magic", my daughter has both in her life. But you want to build trust with your children and this is a great opportunity to do that. Eventually, when the kids at school tell her that she can't get pregnant standing up, and you say "that's not true", who do you want her to believe?

At our house Santa only fills your stocking. Mom and Dad and other family are the ones who buy the other presents.

Last year when my kids were 8 (daughter) and 5 (son) like yours are, my daughter asked me the same. And so it was then I decided to induct them into the "SSSS": the Super Secret Santa Society.

This secret organization brings joy and peace to others by giving and sharing. And they do it without being recognized for it--so the secret carries on. Last year and this year and for years to come, as part of the SSSS, they can be part of bringing this kind of joy by singing at a nursing home, buying toys for tots, making cookies for a neighbor, or whatever they dream up that is in keeping with the spirit of the season.

This year I think we'll be caroling and my daughter's Girl Scout Troop is going to collect toys and bring gifts to a nearby nursing home.

And the best part about the SSSS is that it's a secret. Shhhh! :-)

I like the idea of talking to her about St. Nick (the real saint) and his history of giving and how that evolved to this day and that this is how "Santa is in your heart" .... and therefore his gift of giving lives on and IS REAL.

Just PLEASE make sure she doesn't tell not only any siblings but any kids at school/church/etc..... there is so little magic and innocence in children's lives today.... certainly no need to ruin it for another. Good luck!

I agree with what several others have said. You can tell her about the real St. Nick and the legend that evolved from that. And talk about how Santa is the real as long as you believe. I don't know where it is right now, but I know a couple of years ago I bought a book that tells the legend of Santa. I don't remember the name of it but I'm pretty sure I got it at our Christian book store. Another book that I love is The Polar Express by Chris Van Allsburg. The book ends with the boy talking about how over the years everyone around him stopped hearing Santa's sleigh bells but for those who truly believe they will always hear the bells.

My son figured it out on his own when he was 5 or 6 and he was just matter of fact about it. Same with the tooth fairy. It hasn't been that big of a deal that he knows. Some kiddos are devastated when they find out. I think my girls have caught on too that Santa isn't real. I just don't push the issue. I told my son that many people believe that Santa is real so not to ruin the fun for them. I think I would judge telling her or not on her personality. She might be okay or she could be one who is devastated to find out. In that case it might be better to tell her sooner rather than later. We try to focus on Christ and family during Christmas which has detured from Santa. Good Luck! I am sure you will have a wonderful holiday regardless!