Rude Co-Workers

I don't think that you have to be particularly polite - they weren't. If they bring it up again, I would say something like "You know, I've noticed that people will say things to a pregnant person that they would never say to someone who isn't pregnant. For example, I would never suggest that you are going to get fat eating that (burger, candy bar, whatever that person eats all the time) but it's like people forget that the expectant mom isn't just an incubator, but an actual person with feelings. Isn't that weird?" And then I would walk away. Good luck. I'm sorry you have to work with such clods.

And, as an aside, please don't spend your pregnancy worried about losing the baby weight. Whatever you gain, you'll deal with after the baby is born. If you can enjoy the pregnancy, do.

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Unwanted advice is perceived as more upsetting, rude, thoughtless, unkind when we are afraid there's some truth in it. And you are in "panic mode,", not to mention dealing with pregnancy hormones, so those comments probably hit you especially hard.

You could deal with it by, as you suggest, politely telling them to mind their own business. You could also smile sweetly and say, "Thanks for that advice. I'm sure you mean well!" Then live your life.

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11 pounds is great..hang in there..my daughter's answer was i'm fat because i's pregnant what is your excuse...Don't pay any attention to them as long as you don't gain more the 20 pounds you are doing fine

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Combine the two best answers so far ... "My doctor says I'm right on track, but thanks for your advice; I'm sure you mean well." LOL

If your doc is happy, that's what counts :)

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I wouldn't worry about it, if it continues go to your boss. I've gained almost 60lbs and I am due April 12th, and I am not fat. The only things that hurt on me are my knees and back but those have hurt since 2005 from my car accident. As long as your doctor says you are healthy don't worry what others say. Good luck.

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I love Jane's answer. I have found that when people say snarky rude comments, and you call them out on it, they get all flustered and try to back track and say how they didn't mean it. Even when they are trying to cut you down, when you say "Wow, that was rude" they get all apologetic like they didn't mean it. But they think twice before saying anything again. They don't expect you to call them on it and think you will just feel bad. So don't give them what they want. And if they just honestly blurted it out without meaning to be rude, they really will be apologetic and think before they talk next time. And I read something I agree with on another one of these posts- if you looked really terrible and fat, they wouldn't say anything to your face. So you must look just fine.

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H.,
It's none of their business and frankly, can't believe anyone would do this. But if there was a similar question last week I guess co-workers are ruder than I can imagine. I would politely tell them it is none of their business, but you appreciate their concern. I would not disclose any discussions I've had with my doctor.
Congratulations, you're half way there!
S.

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At least you'll be able to lose the weight nursing. What is their excuse and weight loss plan? ;)

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This exact question was asked last weekend by Maria M. March 13th.. she received 37 replies you should read them, there was good advice and lots of support.

Be sure to read my response.. My husband gave a great observation..

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I gained 44lbs. I lost all the weight in about a year. All but the last 10 came off in the first 3 months. The last 10lbs took a year. My daughter is 7 now and those same 10lbs have seemed to creep back up somehow. lol :-) please do NOT worry about how much weight you are gaining. I know lots of ppl have said it, but if your dr is not concerned then there is NOTHING to worry about. People are so rude when you are pregnant. I remember several rude comments people said to me. I don't know why they think it's ok. I'm sorry you have to deal with that but unfortunately there will probably be more to come since you are only 20 weeks along.

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I would be inclined to say something ironic in a sweet, kind tone of voice, like "What a lovely compliment".
Since they didn't mean it as a compliment at all they will be confused, and think about it, then they will figure it out.

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Stop listening to your co-workers. Ask your doctor if you are on the right track with your weight.

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boy aren't they rude?

Just ignore them... tell them you go by what your DOCTOR says. That's it.

They are probably just trying to irk you on purpose... really not nice are they? So, since they are ill mannered and ill in attitude, why bother giving any credibility to their mentality?
I'm sure some of them are "fat" and have children? So they are hypocrites.

Never give credibility to those who are trying to hurt you... nor know you.

All the best,
Susan

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im sorry you have to deal with other stupid comments while pregnant. as if you arent emotional enough:)
Remember the important things: you are having a baby!!! it isnt about the weight-even if you did gain a lot, but you will loose it by working out/going the gym or whatever else.

as for how to deal with your coworkers- if they were friends and they were saying these hurtful things as a joke? i would explain how it upsets you.

if they are just coworkers i would ignore them, and if needed tell them exactly what you want "to just but out"

Good luck - i hope everything goes perfectly! i am sure you will look beautiful during & after pregnancy!

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OMG, I would tell them all to shut up! You are right on track with your weight. Also if anyone says anything again tell them that your doctors are happy with what you are doing! I am 24 weeks tomorrow and will weight in, but at 22 weeks I was up 16 pounds. No problems!
Sorry they are making you feel bad but I wouldn't give them one more thought! You are doing great! And usually the weight you gain is gone by the time you are 1 week post baby!

I like Jane's answer! Don't be afraid to tell them that those comments are rude. Or, just shoot back that your doc says you're right on track and his opinion is the only one that matters.

Chances are the coworkers are jealous of you - either you're normally tiny and they are hoping you stay fat so they feel better about themselves, or they are jealous that you are pregnant and they are not.

You WILL lose the weight post-baby if it's important to you. Gain a healthy amount. it is NOT healthy to diet and panic about your weight while you're pregnant. If you were of average weight pre-pregnancy, you will want to gain 25-35 pounds total throughout your pregnancy. You're well on your way to a healthy weight gain.

K.
http://www.discoverytoyslink.com/karenchao

Co-workers are like that. I had many of mine telling me I looked like I was having twins when I was pregnant with my son. I am a small person and only gained 20 lbs total my whole pregnancy and they treated me like I had the biggest belly. I think people think it's okay to tease pregnant women about their weight, however, they fail to realize our hormones are whacky at that time and that we take major offense to their comments. I would not take their comments to heart. I had my son and breast fed and I weighed less than before I got pregnant when I returned to work 3 months after having him. Now, I weigh 15 pounds less than before I had him and eat like I did when I was pregnant! I attribute this to chasing him around. You'll have your new baby AND 2 stepkids so I would not worry one little bit! You'll be just fine! Congrats on your baby and good luck!!

*i have not read the responses before me*
If this were me in this situation, I would (as nicely as I possibly could be, but enough meaning to get the point across) that this is my pregnancy and you are helping your growing baby develop and that you are happy with the weight that you have gained thus far. If they are not ok with it, then tell them to keep their comments to themselves. When someone gets pregnant it is a given that they will gain weight because you are growing a baby human inside of you, and that is a wonderful thing. No one should criticize you for gaining weight while pregnant unless it is an un-godly amount or it is going on really fast, but even then, no one but your doctor should be commenting on that. If you feel you need to disclose this information you may say that the doctor is not concerned with the slight weight gain and that he is actually happy with it. Please dont stress yourself out with this, because the baby can detect all of what you are feeling. And once you lose the baby, if you breastfeed, that helps with losing weight and you can always walk with the baby in the stroller or they have some fun workout videos that you can do with the baby so they are getting mommy interaction also! Just enjoy this amazing time in your life and dont take one second of it for granted because it will be over before you know it and then they will be talking back to you and running circles around ya. good luck, and oh, yea like you said, you like your sweets and potato chips, which is fine in moderation. nicely put. as long as you are not eating those as a meal you are fine. so keep doing what you are doing!

I would not worry about what they are saying. My first child I gained 25lbs the whole pregnancy. Everyone kept telling me I needed to put more weight on. She was born perfectly fine at 7lbs. My second child told I was putting too much weight on, 40lbs! She was born perfectly fine at 10lbs! Big babies run on my side of the family. What would have happened if I had listened to everyone and restricted my diet with my second daughter? No one not even the doctors expected her to be that big. As long as you are eating healthy most of the time that is what is important. Enjoy your pregnancy.

I wouldn't worry about it at all. I had 5 children, most of them I gained around 20 lbs with, my 4th one though I gained 60 lbs, I was upset and talked to my doctor...I had a lot of issues going on then and really wasn't eating a lot, did a food diary and she told me when the stress is dealt with you will lose the weight...once I had the baby, figured out how to deal with the rest of the problems that were going on I did lose the weight!

But you haven't gained anywhere near that and they need to butt out and mind their business! Just tell them that you will worry about the weight later, just want a healthy baby! And if you gain a few lbs, it'll be okay!!

Why be polite about it.. IF they all ganged up on you and said you are going to be fat, then take no prisoners and tell them IF you dare.. to mind their own business... On the other hand, did they touch a nerve in that you yourself say you like your sweets and potato chips? thing is...... sometimes people will say things like , oh don't let me eat too much.. or I am trying to not gain too much weight or I am going on this or that diet.. and then... when someone calls the person on it for eating too much junk , they get all defensive... so I say to you.... was the relationship with your co-workers VERY open to begin with that they would be straight with you and say or you're gonna get fat.. or did this just out of the blue happen ? something to consider...

I don't know why, but people always seem to think it's their business to tell pregnant women they're too big, etc... Just accept it as part of the side effects of pregancy and ignore them. Good luck!

Good morning H. M,

I am so sorry to hear that people are treating you so disrespectfully. Not that this will help BUT know that you are not alone. These people are mean spirited and horrible to be like this during your precious time. I went through the same at my workplace during my 1st pregnancy. I came in one morning and was told, "Wow, your hips have really spread overnight." I turned around and said good morning to her and that was funny as I was wearing pants that I hadn't been able to get into BEFORE I was pregnant. She told me the exact same thing. I was in tears for someone being so mean to me! I was by no means big as I only gained 20 lbs during my pregnancy and had a healthy boy of 7 lbs. And I'm now smaller and lighter than I was before I was pregnant! What evil AND JEALOUS people don't bother to understand is that how you feel affects how your baby feels. Their mean barbs not only affect you but the baby which is just wrong. Just turn everything around and put a sweet spin on it. Tell them, Oh, that's such a nice compliment, thanks!

Do everything you can to either turn the mean comments around and to maintain a positive attitude and healthy lifestyle for you and your baby. Know that these people are rude and mean and jealous for whatever reason. I don't recommend it, but it they become too offensive, contact HR. Keep track of the comments and actions from them. That is discrimination in a completely new form and if you are to be a team, they are not playing fair!

I sincerely hope things get better for you and your baby. Stay positive and stay strong! Enjoy every kick, butterfly movement and roll that precious bundle does inside of you! Right everything down because you'll miss those things once your bundle is in your arms!

Best of luck,
Tishie

hey girl, just do what i do, tell them if they dont like how u look then close their eyes or just dont look, u have every right to look the way u do, u said u are pregnant, well we all gain weight when we are that way,and some women do loose the weight after the baby comes, but others keep some on, but u know u can diet and work out if u feel bad about your body, but thats the thing its your body and if u dont see anything wrong then ta heck with other people, tell them to shut their eyes or turn their heads

Im surprised people are so surprised of others comments, I was always getting rude comments.Some people trying to make a joke out of it after they opened there big mouths.I loved my sweets also there was no stopping me>I ended up gaining 38 pounds. I gave birth to a 9.5 pound baby he is almost 7 months old and for the past few months I now hear the rude comments on the size of my son. People just dont think before they speak...not much you can do too stop it just listen to your Dr. and know you are know right on target.. Congratulations!

They sound really vain to me. I wouldn't worry...tell them your doctor said you are right on and you will do what she says. Everyone is different and everyone's body is different. Just know that your baby will be healthy and you will be too and you can worry about your body after the baby comes. That is why God invented excersize videos. lol Good luck and God Bless and Congratulations.

Do not listen to them!!!! You can politely thank them for their concern and let them know that you are taking care of yourself and your baby right now and will worry about the weight loss later. Believe me, you will have plenty of time to lose any weight that you gain - don't worry about it now and take care of yourself.

that is so rude!!!! 11 lbs is not a lot for 20 weeks. i gained 30 total, and at 7 months postpartum, with no exercise and continued breastfeeding, i have only 4 lbs left. just try to gain at the recommended rate of .5 lb/wk b/c your baby needs it. if you ask me, it's more important to have a healthy baby than worry about excess weight.

I wouldn't respond in kind if you're planning on returning to work after maternity leave. You'll lose the weight, they might not.

I gained 35 lbs with both of my pregnancies and lost all of it. Now, 4+ years after my second child was born, I'm still a size smaller than I was before my first pregnancy. (I credit breastfeeding for my weight loss.)

Eat as healthy as you can, give in to the cravings in moderation. I believe cravings are your body's way of asking for nutrients, yes even fat, that it might be deficient in. Your baby's brain development requires fat so don't think you're doing it any favor by cutting all fat out of your diet. Again, it's all about moderation. As long as your doctor is happy and you're happy with your doctor, don't worry about the peanut gallery.

Are these co-workers over weight by chance? I've noticed(not always) that alot of times over weight people don't want to see people skinny. When I lost weight, all I heard was your getting too skinny, and I wasn't even that thin yet. But, most of the comments were from over weight people.

On another note...are you still going to be working 64 hours a week?!

You might just respond with a laugh and tell them you'll be one fat happy Mama! These people are not doctors. Most women go through a phase where they are a little afraid of how big they will get while pregnant. I made a point of having pictures of me taken a few days before my son was born (at my widest) so I could always remember it. I knew being pregnant was a once in a lifetime thing for me. The important thing is to have as healthy a baby as you can. Breast feeding will help take the weight off you once baby arrives. Eat healthy (nutritious vitamin rich food as oppose to empty calories) and keep up with moderate exorcise as your condition and doctor allow and enjoy being pregnant. You and your baby will be fine!

IGNORE THEM! They are being buttheads and just tell them that you have a "legal" reason to gains a few pounds! Congratulations!

please don't listen to them, be healthy for your baby and follow your drs advice not these rude idiots.

I like Julie S's answer. Just don't mention your weight to them. If they insist on talking about it, just tell them your doctor hasn't said your weight is an issue, and just don't respond any more. It's none of their business.

Wow, how old are these women? Maybe they were pregnant many years ago when guidelines were different. According to webmd (http://www.webmd.com/baby/guide/healthy-weight-gain), a woman of "normal" weight pre-pregnancy should gain about 2-4 pounds in the first 12 weeks, then about 1 pound a week for the rest of the pregnancy for a total of 25-35 pounds. At 20 weeks, that is 10-14 pounds! So for your own piece of mind, and as your doctor said - you are fine! no need at all for worry. Now as for how to deal with them, if you like these people, or dont like confrontation, send them the link above and state that you prefer to take your guidance from medical professionals and maybe its just been too long since they read the latest guidelines? If you dont care too much for these women and they are just coworkers to you, you can either ignore them, use one of the polite "buzz-off" statements below, or you can play on some of their insecurities :) If any of them are even remotely overweight, next time one of them comments on what you are eating and your weight, just laugh and say "Well clearly *your* body is a temple!" Seriously, the health of your baby is so much more important than the opinions of a few rude insecure people (those who make it their business to pry into others lives tend to not have one of their own to be concerned with ). So hey, feel sorry for them and laugh it off. You wont get this time back again, dont waste it feeling bad about yourself, read up and enjoy the marvel happening inside you! I wish I had (I was too busy feeling sorry for myself with puking, then pain, then being fat... I regret not enjoying it... but I was young... :-)

what kind of women are these? Maybe you need to steer clear of these ladies. During pregnancy I commited myself to not worrying about weight. Do the same! I gained a lot of weight- had my baby and nursed and then I got on weight watchers! Then I got pregnant again, and did it all over again!

I hate it when people judge- and my co-workers do it even though they don't say anything. Even though some quirky remark would be satisfying, I also recommend avoiding it for your career and work relationship sake! Our office secretary was one of the most critical of my weight and you should have watched her jaw drop when I lost all of the weight- that was way more satisfying then telling her to shove it!

well I guess we will just have to wait and see would be a good a answer

I agree with many that Jane's comment is good, however, if you plan to return to work you you consider that. You might also consider why they're saying it. Are they older than you and are they seeing you like they see a daughter? Could they truly be worried about you? If that's the case (while their opinions are wrong and rude) you might consider responding in a different way than if they're just being caddy.

I've had two kids, gained weight with both. As many said, you shouldn't spend your time worring about the weight you gain. There's years to take care of that but only 9 months that your tiny daughter or son is going to get every bit of his/her nourishment from you. Make that 9-months count and listen to your doctor and not your co-workers. Afterall, I bet your OB's medical degree is more prestigious than theirs (oh, wait, they don't have one).

Take care of yourself!

Stop discussing your weight with your cow-orkers. If they bring it up again, thank them for their concern and change the subject.

If the persist, you can say, "It's not open for discussion." and either walk away or change the subject.

Oh dear...I'm so sorry to hear this! I gained a ton of weight while I was pregnant and you may not...good for you! But if you do, it's okay, you WILL lose it, but it is hard. I just sort of decided I didn't care and moved on. I hate to say this, and although I agree that these women were totally and completely rude, you may have to get used to it. For some reason when you get pregnant (and just wait until you have the kid!) people, strangers and family alike, think it's their business to tell you what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. There is just something about pregnancy and babies that brings this out in people. I say, find your best friend or your husband (although your best friend will probably be more understanding) that you can vent to, and try not to let these (and others) people get you down!

I am 32 weeks right now and at 20 weeks, I had probably already gained close to 20 lbs. You are going to gain 20-35 pounds anyway. If you only gained 11 so far and gain a pound a week from now on, you will only be 31 lbs which is within the appropriate range according to most OBs. You are doing great.

I had a couple of coworkers do the same thing and it hurt my feelings. It is my second kid and both times, I actually gained more weight the first half than I did the second half. At 32 weeks, I am still only at a 20 lb gain. Once the baby started popping out, all my weight that I had gained shifted to my tummy and those same coworkers who were being mean are now saying, wow, you do not look 32 weeks at all. Point is, people are rude. As long as the doctor is not concerned, then you should not be concerned either! I bet you look great!

I gained 40 lbs with my first and that was at 7 months as he was born at 7 1/2 and only 4lbs. 10 oz.!!! Went on to gain with all of our others but am not over weight now and yet I'm more than I was before I had children. I was less after my second child than before I got married. I think it's all in how you let yourself be. Taking care of babies, children and everything else burns calories some and then if you exercise that helps, I didn't, and so just ignore the remarks. Do these coworkers have children or are they the childless ones with all the answers? Maybe not but ignore them.

If your doctor says you are the right weight tell them to but out. When I had my child I gained alot of water weight and that was it. As soon as I had her it all went away within the next 2 weeks especially if you breast feed or pump. It just happens when you have your first baby since your body's not used to it. The next baby you have will just be belly and you will not retain as much water as your first child.

-A. Brewe
Proud Member of Internet CEO Moms working from home

You can look them in the eye and say oh how sweet of you then walk away they will get the message that they were out of line or you can just tell yourself not to sweat the little things until your anger goes away and besides with your first child you almost always lose all your weight wiyhin 2 to 3 months so dont worry!