Road Trip Phase 2 - Springfield,VA

The answers here are all over the place. So here's another...

9 hours is a long time in the car with three little ones under 10. But are they 10, 8 and 6? or are they 1, 3 and 8? Big difference. The reason your husband is upset is becuase he feels that he can't control and protect the 4 people most precious to him. He worries about a flat tire or overheated engine and you on the side of the road with 3 kids. My husband wouldn't have been crazy about it either when the kids were little. Now that my kids are almost 14 and almost 17 we will frequently go on a 7-8 hour trip to visit my niece without my husband. But teens are different - they can help in an emergency, they won't wander onto the highway and they can help protect the famil.

I understand your desire to go see your folks and have a vacation. Is your car in good shape? Do you have AAA? Do you know anyone along the way that you can stop and visit? Do you have a plan for half way along the drive to let your kids stretch their legs and get their wiggles out?

Why don't you instead approach it like this - "hon I really want to go see my folks and bring the kids there. They are all dying to see eachother and it will give me a little break and breather. I know you worry about us and the drive. What can we do to plan the drive in a way that will make you comfortable? Ask his advice. Pay the $50 annually for AAA. Lay out detailed plans so he can know where you'll be along the way. Call him frquently from the car (the kids can be the ones calling). See if there's a way your parents can drive some of the way to meet you - so when you're at hour 7 or 8 you can meet up with them and your mom can join you in your car and your old child can go int he car with grandpa (or soemthing like that). Be creative in finding ways to calm your husband's worries and allow him to have input. defer to his judgement.

Ultimatley, he see his job as providing for and protectin his family - so help him figure out how he can do that on your 10 hour (each way) drive.

Good luck mama!

What does he think is going to happen? Threatening divorce because of a vacation trip to see your family? There's nothing wrong with YOU, something is wrong with your husband. He's not being completely open with you, something else is going on, but you will only find that out by getting to the bottom of this. Time for that marriage counseling you have been looking for. Just pick someone, insist he go or go by yourself. What you write is full of red flags, who gets so angry about vacations? Either you are not being totally honest here or your marriage has some serious problems.

MM

You and your husband have more problems than a road trip. This is just the icing on the cake. Threatening divorce or separation due to a road trip is just a catalyst - it is NOT the whole reason...there is much more going on.

Can you afford this road trip? You state you are unemployed -
does your family have the funds for this trip?
Gas will cost how much?
How long to do you plan on being gone?
Have you asked your husband what HE wants to do?

Being unemployed causes a LOT of strain in a marriage. Especially if you don't have a savings or back up plan.

Driving 9 hours with kids can be stressful. Are you a skilled driver? Are you prepared for the "drama" that can ensue with 3 kids in a car in close quarters?

You really need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with your husband. Get to the bottom of it. Does he feel your family cannot afford this trip? Is he upset because he has no vacation time? is it possible that you guys can do a weekend getaway as a family so EVERYONE can go and not some long distance haul?

You need to communicate with each other and LISTEN to each other. Fighting? I am guessing you really aren't communicating - as you are too busy planning your next sentence to listen to the words being spoken. Stop fighting. Start TALKING.

Good luck!

I'm curious. You said your husband is Infantry. Does he have PTSD? That's the only thing I can think of that would make him so angry as to threaten to leave you over a road trip.

I think a 9-10 hour road trip sounds great! I drove from northern Ohio to southern Texas (a 24-25 hour road trip) by myself with a two year old! I think you'll be ok and just need to talk to him and explain why you want to go.

You both need to get into counseling in the meantime and see if you can't get him to loosen the reins a bit.

*hugs*

I don't see that a 9 hour road trip is any big deal unless you or one of the kids has a medical problem that would put them or you in danger.

To me, 9 hours on the road is a so what. You go to work and spend 9 hurs at work. So what is the big deal about appending 9 hors in the front left seat of a car? Push come to shove, stop at a restaurant half way through and have lunch.

Get some counseling with your husband so he can get out what really bothers him about you driving alone. Do you fall asleep at the wheel?

Good luck to you and yours.

Sounds like he is feeling very left out?

I use to drive 9 hr trips by myself.
I've also driven 12 hrs away with my son (but I stop over night at a hotel half way there - I can't take the long driving anymore).
I had a neighbor who was a really nice lady who retired from the post office at 72 and would drive 17 hrs non stop (except to get gas) to Florida.
I've had to use AAA while traveling.
My Mom drove us (my sister and I) across country on a 6 week trip during the bi-centennial year and we took a few driving trips to Florida (from Buffalo NY).
So what exactly is your husband concerned about?
It seems like excessively controlling behavior on his part.
His fears are his problem and giving in to him is not helping him and it's frustrating you.
Just make your plans, get a TripTic from AAA if you need one (they have a great online application these days), and hit the road!
It'll be great fun!

I would go and tell him that you will call every three hours if he is worried about your safety. My husband has learned that I am going wether he agrees or not. You need to have a break and if you bring books on tape for the kids to listen too (they are free at the library) then you can keep them occupied. I truly enjoy road trips without my husband. Is it a control thing? I enjoy visitng my famly without my husband-- I think we have enough to worry about with kids and when our husbands sometimes come then we have to take care of them also. Ask him why he is so against it?

Go-spend one night in a hotel-not a motel-but in a room with no door to the outside-but into a hallway, where the building is continuously locked and staffed during the night. He sounds controlling and obsessive. Can one of your parents fly to your area and ride with you? If he still hits the roof then-you know it is more than you traveling alone with the children.

I think it's wrong for him to keep you from your family. Push comes to shove they're the ones who will be there for you. 9 hour drive, not fun, but I'm assuming you have a cell phone to keep him updated on your progress and how the trip is going? Also, if there's a problem, AAA? If you feel comfortable driving with your children for that long, I don't understand why he does. I think counseling is definitely in order, but considering how "afraid" of his reactions you are, he probably wouldn't agree. I just don't see this going anywhere good if he continues to try to control your every move.

He sounds controlling and bossy. Have your mom or your dad fly out to you then ride along with you. Then you can come back the same way and they can fly home. If it's planned ahead of time they can get a really good deal.

If you're a bad driver then hubby may have valid concerns. If you don't drive a lot where you live then he might have a point too.

There are many variables we don't know. I think he doesn't want you to be around your family.

Tell him to make the plans because you're going on this date.

Well, I'm getting the serendipity and opportunity of using this time off to go.
You've birthed and can manage three kids, I'm pretty sure you can handle a 9 hour drive.

The bigger issue seems to be your husbands reaction to a trip that doesn't even involve him (if I'm reading this right).
It almost sounds like he's afraid, and you're afraid of asking him, or may e he doesn't trust you to do it? I don't know.

I do know this: it'll never happen if you can't discuss it adult to adult.

Good luck!

Hi, M.M.

It sounds like the issues are with your husband.
Had you thought about going to a support group for
co-dependency. Check out the Coda.org website and
attend some classes and learn about yourself more.
Your husband needs to be number 1 in the family.
Good luck.
D.

Could it be that he's just concerned for your safety? Nothing more?

Try to appeal to him in a calm manner saying it's not like the kids are
infants, your car is in good condition (right?), you're very capable,
you'll be safe, watchful when you stop at a rest stop to pee (better
to stop at a restaurant though) and it's only 9 hours that can be
driven in one fast day not a 2 day trip etc.

Maybe it's just a sense of helplessness on his part & not control.
Try to view it from that perspective if that really is the case & he's not a
control freak.
My SIL does this all the time to much farther places & it makes me
nervous. I know people are thinking "oh what a nervous Nelly I am". Well she did run into trouble one time so I was not far off the mark. Aha
so all of my worry was not so fruitless after all.

If you do end up going, plan, plan, plan. Try to map it out as much as
possible.